Cameron Parham

Last fall a teenager (I shall have to fudge some ID facts if I get more specific) saw me in my medical practice for depression/suicidal thoughts. School was starting in days and he couldn't bear the thought of it. His "well-educated" parents insisted he go. The high school here is well known to be a brutal environment in many ways. I suggested that his emotional health was at stake, maybe even his life, and they could worry about his 'education' when he got his joy in life back. They said, no, he's got to get through this, to keep his life on track. Of course there were other issues than school, but it was a very big problem. Ss far as I know, he went one more year. I have just found out he is dead at 17, unspecified cause. His senior year, I think, was coming up. I may be wrong...but I believe that based on my conversations with him, school and lack of being heard may have driven him to take his
life. I don't know why I wanted to tell this, as I hate to spread sadness, but I wanted to tell someone how sad it made me. And put this in any discussion of public schools. Cameron


----- Original Message ----
From: Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, August 17, 2007 8:35:15 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Public School

~~I might say that in the case of a very young child. But this was an
older child(7th grade)and he was made well aware of the what would
happen. I don't think it was a punishment so much as a lesson in
taking responsibility for one's actions. ~~

So if my dh makes me "well aware" of what can happen, then he has the
right to force me to do something I don't want to do? Children are the
only members of society that are made to put up with such behavior.
It's wrong.

How can a person take responsibility for their own actions when
someone else is forcing them to do something? That isn't personal
responsibility at all! How can a child feel safe in coming to a parent
with stress or unhappiness if the parent made it very clear there
would be no help in solving the problem?

I would not lay that heavy burden on my child. I want them to know I
support THEIR decisions and will be there for them no matter what. I
don't want them to be afraid to discuss issues with me due to
judgement about the choice.

I wouldn't try to talk my child out of going to school either. I would
lay out all the information, help them research all ends of it and
trust their choice.

My oldest child is looking to move out of the house this fall. He's
never held a job long-term (worked for his Dad a few months and
volunteered with a friend for a while), he doesn't have his drivers
permit yet. I could be a negative force in his decision. I don't think
that will do anything but put a wedge between us. He knows we support
him 100% and will do everything in our power to help him figure this out.

He's already decided to purchase a bike and not drive for now. I
really had the idea that he would be home for a few more years...it's
not easy to let go. I also know that he may change his mind, we will
support that 100% too. He knows we are on his side. He knows we trust
his choices and won't berate him for those choices regardless of the
outcome. I think that is vital to trust and in unschooling, trust is
everything.

Ren
learninginfreedom. com




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]