Paul D. Fernhout

Here is a note I just sent to the AlwaysUnschooled list. It was more
intended for this list originally, but seems to fit there too; I'm also
posting it here to say thanks for the help on perspective here in recent
discussions and also for the link to that list more focused on unschooling
younger kids.

==

The other day, and not for the first time, our almost four year old kept
saying they wanted to break the windows in our home, and even proceeded to
hit them a few times with some objects. Explaining why I did not want the
windows broken did not help much, including explaining how more money and
time for repairing windows would mean less money and time for toys and
playing. Similarly, explaining how dangerous broken glass can be also didn't
make much of an difference.

Thinking on this list and recent comments on perspective, I came up with
another approach. I took an empty Kimchi jar with thick glass out of the
recycling bin and placed it in a shallow box, which I carried outside our
home, and with both of us wearing safety glasses and my kid wearing gloves,
I provided my kid a real hammer to whack the jar (I also covered the box
with a transparent plastic bag to help hold back any small flying glass).
They wanted to just smash it on the ground, but I insisted on the box,
explaining how I did not want to walk on broken glass embedded in the ground
later. They could not break the jar on one or two weak attempts, so after
being asked to, I used the hammer it and shattered it. Then our kid pounded
it some more to break up what remained somewhat, and then they wanted to do
it again on another jar.

I pointed out how many small and sharp glass pieces such a small jar or two
had made and how many big and dangerous pieces breaking a big window would
produce, and our kid agreed. I also let them touch one that wasn't very
sharp and showed how the others were sharper. Then, explaining I did not
want the garbage people to get cut by broken glass, I sealed up the box with
tape and asked our kid write broken glass on it (a scribble) and I also
wrote that in English. :-)

Anyway, just though I'd share that experience; I think there is some truth
in that I might not have thought of that approach except from trying to
shift my perspective -- even as I still think "freedom" remains a slippery
concept to pin down, as it sometimes means different things to different
people. :-)

--Paul Fernhout

Ren Allen

~~
Anyway, just though I'd share that experience; I think there is some
truth in that I might not have thought of that approach except from
trying to shift my perspective -~~


I think that was a REALLY cool example of meeting the underlying need
and trusting their learning!! I really enjoyed reading about their
glass breaking exploration and rather than a "no", you found a safe
way to honor everyone's need at the moment.

I think your example completely sums up the difference between mindful
parenting and more mainstream approaches. It's not about ignoring your
own needs either (wanting safety and windows is pretty
understandable!) yet trusting that this is a thing they truly need to
explore for their own reasons.

Thanks for sharing that. It was really uplifting.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Kelly

Wow! I love this! I agree with Ren, what an uplifting post -
thanks :)

As an aside, from the perspective of traditional Chinese medicine
(TCM), breaking glass is a really beneficial activity. Everything
about it - the action of throwing or smashing, the sound of the glass
breaking, allowing the "chaos" to flow, and taking responsibility for
the actions by cleaning up the broken glass so that no one is harmed
by it - these are all extremely beneficial for the liver meridian,
which is the organ that governs/relates to anger. (Breaking green
glass is particularly recommended, as green is the color related to
liver.) My TCM doctor and Qi gong teacher regularly "prescribes"
breaking glass to his students and patients. (Throwing eggs is also
good for the liver.) So good for you for helping facilitate your
child's need! Kids are so beautifully self-regulating! Really, we
should all aspire to be so clear :)

Thanks so much for sharing this inspiring piece of your life.

Kelly

--- In [email protected], "Paul D. Fernhout"
<pdfernhout@...> wrote:
>
> Here is a note I just sent to the AlwaysUnschooled list. It was more
> intended for this list originally, but seems to fit there too; I'm
also
> posting it here to say thanks for the help on perspective here in
recent
> discussions and also for the link to that list more focused on
unschooling
> younger kids.
>
> ==
>
> The other day, and not for the first time, our almost four year old
kept
> saying they wanted to break the windows in our home, and even
proceeded to
> hit them a few times with some objects. Explaining why I did not
want the
> windows broken did not help much, including explaining how more
money and
> time for repairing windows would mean less money and time for toys
and
> playing. Similarly, explaining how dangerous broken glass can be
also didn't
> make much of an difference.
>
> Thinking on this list and recent comments on perspective, I came up
with
> another approach. I took an empty Kimchi jar with thick glass out
of the
> recycling bin and placed it in a shallow box, which I carried
outside our
> home, and with both of us wearing safety glasses and my kid wearing
gloves,
> I provided my kid a real hammer to whack the jar (I also covered
the box
> with a transparent plastic bag to help hold back any small flying
glass).
> They wanted to just smash it on the ground, but I insisted on the
box,
> explaining how I did not want to walk on broken glass embedded in
the ground
> later. They could not break the jar on one or two weak attempts, so
after
> being asked to, I used the hammer it and shattered it. Then our kid
pounded
> it some more to break up what remained somewhat, and then they
wanted to do
> it again on another jar.
>
> I pointed out how many small and sharp glass pieces such a small
jar or two
> had made and how many big and dangerous pieces breaking a big
window would
> produce, and our kid agreed. I also let them touch one that wasn't
very
> sharp and showed how the others were sharper. Then, explaining I
did not
> want the garbage people to get cut by broken glass, I sealed up the
box with
> tape and asked our kid write broken glass on it (a scribble) and I
also
> wrote that in English. :-)
>
> Anyway, just though I'd share that experience; I think there is
some truth
> in that I might not have thought of that approach except from
trying to
> shift my perspective -- even as I still think "freedom" remains a
slippery
> concept to pin down, as it sometimes means different things to
different
> people. :-)
>
> --Paul Fernhout
>

Lisa Heyman

<<As an aside, from the perspective of traditional Chinese medicine
(TCM), breaking glass is a really beneficial activity.>>



How funny. There have been times in my life that I've intentionally smashed
glass. It was a very satisfying primal expression of my own frustrations
and after doing so I felt much release of my own tension.



Lisa Heyman



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Brian & Alexandra Polikowsky

This was great Paul. Great for other new parents to see that there is more than saying no or letting them do everything they want.
It takes MORE parenting and thnking outside the box to be an unschooler. It is not about saying or not saying no.
Alex


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]