[email protected]

OK, before I even get a chance to absorb and think on the Laura issue, I now
have a different one. Less awful, but...my DH and I are arguing a bit over
how to deal with this.

Grace, my 15 year old, took and drank 3 beers from my fridge last night.

So far, I reminded her that asking to taste one is one thing, but all 3
wasn't ok with me, plus they were not hers (and she has no way to "repay" me
really, at least literally). I also reminded her that I would like for her to let
me know first if she wanted to taste a beer (as she did last week, a
Chocolate Stout, I allowed her a small glass and that was ok) or whatever, and that
we needed to respect each other's items.

I am already comfortable with allowing small amounts of drinking, so please
don't tell me about her age and all of that. I have looked up my local laws
and all of that, so I am ok with that. I need help on how to cope with this
type of "stealing" and how to help us all come to understandings over this.

Let me also say that she has been SUPER restricted (as in, a soda was
allowed on Tuesdays and Thursdays after she did her chores - this was at her Dad's
and she was there for a year, which was pre-unschooling here, and has only
been here full time since the second week of June) and while she wants to go to
conventional high school in the fall, I am still doing all I can to
decompress her and to allow her time to deschool, which as ya'll know, I am hoping can
happen to the point of dropping in out of conventional high school.

Thanks all...I know I'm full of drama these days...

Karen



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

wisdomalways5

--- In [email protected], Kidgie@... wrote:
>
> OK, before I even get a chance to absorb and think on the Laura
issue, I now
> have a different one. Less awful, but...my DH and I are arguing a
bit over
> how to deal with this.
>
> Grace, my 15 year old, took and drank 3 beers from my fridge last
night.
>
> So far, I reminded her that asking to taste one is one thing, but
all 3
> wasn't ok with me, plus they were not hers (and she has no way
to "repay" me
> really, at least literally). I also reminded her that I would like
for her to let
> me know first if she wanted to taste a beer (as she did last week,
a
> Chocolate Stout, I allowed her a small glass and that was ok) or
whatever, and that
> we needed to respect each other's items.
>
> I am already comfortable with allowing small amounts of drinking,
so please
> don't tell me about her age and all of that. I have looked up my
local laws
> and all of that, so I am ok with that. I need help on how to cope
with this
> type of "stealing" and how to help us all come to understandings
over this.
>
> Let me also say that she has been SUPER restricted (as in, a soda
was
> allowed on Tuesdays and Thursdays after she did her chores - this
was at her Dad's
> and she was there for a year, which was pre-unschooling here, and
has only
> been here full time since the second week of June) and while she
wants to go to
> conventional high school in the fall, I am still doing all I can
to
> decompress her and to allow her time to deschool, which as ya'll
know, I am hoping can
> happen to the point of dropping in out of conventional high
school.
>
> Thanks all...I know I'm full of drama these days...
>
> Karen
>

My response would be that if you have checked with local laws and
her age then she might need time to experiment with the alcohol. I
would say do not sneak but ask and I will say yes. Also she might
need time "apart" from you to experiment with how much she is
comfortable drinking. She may want to look mature to you
and "know"how much she can handle but without going overboard how
will she know where her limit is? Maybe she would feel comfortable
taking the alcohol to her room where she is not "on show" so to
speak. She could then feel the effects without being out in front of
everyone

Have to go hold a kick I hold that might help
JulieH

[email protected]

In a message dated 8/3/07 8:58:45 PM, wisdom1133@... writes:


> Have to go hold a kick I hold that might help
> JulieH
>

I'm sensing you were needed here by a younger person, Julie ;)

Thank you. Pretty much how I feel, but I am still trying to get comfortable
with my teens drinking. I drank like a wild fish when I was her age, and much,
much more. (my parents knew some, not all, I was semi trusting of them and
they semi of me). She has chosen to tell me of some of her expiriences and I feel
grateful and lucky to have the start of a more comfortable relationship with
her. I do feel that, especially as a result of her uptight former year AND my
previous more structured/lacking trust style (NOTHING like her fathers...I've
ALWAYS been closer to unschooling, I just never knew it or trusted it), that
she may be testing boundaries, as was mentioned with the other member and her
daughter's friend. My DH is TOTALLY against it, for a few reasons. He wants,
and this is reasonable, to know that if he purchases some special beer (and even
the not so special ones, lol) like he is oft to do, lol, (Road Dog, Skinny
Dip, Great White and more, lol we both are lovers of microbrews) that one, they
will be there when he returns from work or wherever, and two, that there won't
be a slue or even one drunk teenager. He is also not adjusting to unschooling
all that well btw, but that is yet another post - can you sense the new
changes in the family, lol?!

James, too, is expirimenting with alcohol, but i THINK we have reached a
decent understanding. I feel ok so far at least..pretty much.

I'm trying all, I'm new, and this area is really new to me. I feel totally
confident with so many other subjects, but this concerns me - both their
adjustment and mine, is what concerns me.

Still thinking this out, talking this out with ya'll...thank you...

K.


**************************************
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

wisdomalways5

--- In [email protected], Kidgie@... wrote:
>
>
> In a message dated 8/3/07 8:58:45 PM, wisdom1133@... writes:
>
>
> > Have to go hold a kick I hold that might help
> > JulieH
> >
>


Wow did I really write that and without looking it looks like- yes my
daughter needed me to hold her- funny to see how messed up your
spelling can get.

JulieH

wisdomalways5

--- In [email protected], Kidgie@... wrote:
>
>
> In a message dated 8/3/07 8:58:45 PM, wisdom1133@... writes:
>
>
, lol we both are lovers of microbrews) that one, they
> will be there when he returns from work or wherever, and two, that
there won't
> be a slue or even one drunk teenager.

So buy alcohol that is "hers"- well maybe yours and you can share
with her. Or ask husband what would make him comfortable

it is hard for men to wrap their heads around unschooling they need
to see it happening over time. Hang in there

JulieH