Betsy Hill

**I think most mainstream parents would have less problems with
unschooling ... presented as "we supervise and interact with our
younger kids a lot, and we try to refuse as little as possible, and
when we do set limits, we try to do that as humanely as possible,
explaining as much a possible, ...considering the needs and
limitations of everyone in the family. **


How about "I make it my intention to say "Yes" as much as possible?"

I'm really not sure how the idea gets going that anyone on this list
literally says "I never say "No"." I haven't seen anyone say that (at
least in recent memory). Your arguments are very thoughtful, but I
think you are attacking a straw man. I don't want to get in your face
and argue with you, but I do want to argue with the idea that kids
must have rules to prevent dire consequences.

Regarding television, my son has had the opportunity all his life to
see television without me trying to control the amount or content. I
don't see any signs that it has damaged his developing brain, and he
is now 13 years old. That makes it pretty easy for me not to have the
same concerns about television that you do.


**For example, consider Maura's pointing out the impracticality of
rounding upthe neighbors' kids to go to a paint ball park. **

I'm better at finding solutions within my own family because I have
access to more information about the situation. Of course we can't
find the perfect solution for Maura, considering our imperfect
knowledge or and our distance from the situation. But we can generate
a lot of ideas and encourage her to adapt them to suit her family.
Generating great solutions isn't instantaneous, and sometimes has to
circle around and be repeated or tweaked or reconsidered.

Betsy


PS I wish I had more time to talk about "rules vs. principles"
because although I don't say "I don't say "NO"", I do say "I don't lay
down RULES" or "I don't have fixed limits".