hbmccarty

Hi All-

I have joined the group recently, so will start with a quick intro. I am
Heather, we live in NY state, we have two children, a son 14, and a
daughter, 10. They have have been unschooled for a long time, but in the
last couple of years we have been moving deeper into it. I work at home,
and have interest in discussing unschooling in relation to that.

My immediate concern is my son's speech disflucencies. He has had a
relatively mild stutter for a long time - he had been going to speech
therapy at our local college for a couple years and he seems to have
benefited from that. He was willing to do this as he does want to be
able to speak clearly - he wants to be able to participate verbally.

Recently he went to my mom's for a week, which he has done every summer
since he turned 9- he really looks forward to this. When he returned
this time, we noticed that his disfluency was very extreme - more
extreme than ever before. He has severe difficulty getting some words
out- sometimes many - even his own name. He gives up trying to say that
word and even trying to speak at all. Needless to say, he is very
frustrated.

He also has recently started his first job and a new class in sound
tech, and has been very very busy. Though he did have a few days off
just now and this hasn't really helped. I talked to him about what might
have triggered this, he said it started after a large party my mom had-
about 50 people - he played his bass at this party and I imagine was
getting a bit of attention - though it didn't seem to him that it was
extremely traumatic.

He is feeling very worried about not being able to talk at his class,
and at work.

Does anybody have any experience with anything like this? I will try to
contact a therapist and do some research- but time and time again it is
unschoolers who have the most helpful input in any situation so I am
posting here first.

thanks so much!

Heather M

[email protected]

In a message dated 7/11/2007 12:41:44 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,
hbmccarty@... writes:

Does anybody have any experience with anything like this? I will try to
contact a therapist and do some research- but time and time again it is
unschoolers who have the most helpful input in any situation so I am
posting here first.




___

I'm a speech therapist and we are an unschooling family. I have two
children 14 and 17. If you would like to contact me off list, I'd be happy to talk
with you about some specific ideas and perhaps resources for you.


Gail



************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Alison Broadbent

Hi Heather,

This may not be what you're looking for but I'll share what has
helped us. It was pure serendipity. I met someone in the airport
who told me about a woman who helped them w/ their colicky baby. She
does Quantum Energetics and flower remedies (very esoteric ones). We
worked over the phone. Our DS was having strong facial tics all of a
sudden. She made up a bottle of remedies and I sprayed him (they
smell divine). And that was it. they stopped immediately. She
works intuitively and I think is quite amazing. The flower remedies
she makes up are for the whole family so we all take them. Her
website is http://www.jennyqe.com/

Maybe it might help.
Alison

Lisa

Heather gave me permission to repost this to the group. We've been
friends for many years and she had emailed me privately about this
earlier in the week. It wasn't until after i sent her my response
that i saw her posting on UB. I thought perhaps my personal reply to
her would be of interest to others on this list as well as wanting to
hear what others might have to say on the subject.

***** My reply....
Older dd's enunciation was difficult to understand when she was
younger (in fact younger dd was the same way). But it was never a
major issue because she was
always with me and so I was there to interpret. (Younger dd on the
other hand
was harder to understand and best friend sometimes interpreted even
for me. It would frustrate younger dd that I would ask her to repeat
or slow down what she said so I could understand her. I had to make
sure I was looking directly head on in order to capture what she
said.) I had noticed that when older dd spoke to my mom on the phone
she slowed down and spoke more clearly. It reflected how dependant
we are on visual cues when communicating because in their absence
(the telephone) it did require her to compensate. Also - my personal
theory was that had she been in daycare, preschool or kindergarten
the development of her enunciation would have been different. She
wasn't required to focus attention on it and so it developed at her
own pace.
Older dd still has difficulty with word spaghetti and hospital.
Double constanants being more difficult language developmentally. I
never took her to 'professional' speech person even though my mother
and brother brought it up as something I should consider. And
younger dd still has a slight lisp that I can detect but no one has
ever commented and I will not.

Older dd has no speech 'disfluency" at this time in her life. What a
fancy word for one who can't get the words out as quickly as their
mind is thinking. (That is what the pediatrician said about her
speaking style when she was 5 and dh insisted we consult
a 'professional.'...she justs thinks faster than she can talk). That
was the extent of our investigations and we did it discretely so that
she was unaware the doc was listening with intent.

We didn't notice anything at all with your ds when we were with you
last month.

So apparently the speech therapy did *not* help if there is no real
change in a new situation, perhaps it's not the speech but the new
situation that causes an amount of anxiety. Does this tend to pass
once he is comfortable in a new environment?

Without knowing more...my first instincts would be to not focus on
removing the stuttering per se but to help him to be comfortable with
himself when he finds he is not clearly able to communicate. To
reinforce his success in overcoming his 'disfluency' (now that it's
been labeled) once he is acclimated to a new environment. I'd focus
on giving him tools to build his confidence, reminder him that it
does eventually pass once a situation is no longer new. Or that it
doesn't always exist at all in every situation. Is it certain people
or situations that tend to bring up the stutter? Is it speaking in
front of a group? Or just when he's excited about something?
These would be questions I might ask him *if he wants to discuss
it*...or is this something you are concerned about and he is not.
Has he expressed this as limiting or are you? Can you simply be an
empathetic listener when he expresses frustration and then remind him
that he is a wonderful communicator once he is comfortable in a
situation and that you have full confidence that this will work its
way out once Ithaca is no longer new (assuming it is).

I think ultimately labels do more harm than good in this type of
situation.
And having attention drawn to his communication style as being a
problem by adults around him may have only created and then
reinforced his own insecurity.

Point out that he communicates beautifully and that you have complete
confidence in him may do more for this resolving itself with time,
maturity and experience than any 'therapist' could ever.

Otoh, it may never resolve itself in which case your job is to a.
truly accept him as the beautiful person he is regardless of his
proficiency in this skill and b. help maintain (or in this case
rebuild) his confidence that he is perfect just the way he is...he
has so many wonderful gifts that this is only a small part of who he
is overall and doesn't or doesn't have to (a choice) define or limit
him in anyway.

Hope this is helpful.
Lisa.

-----Original Message-----
From: hbmccarty [mailto:hbmccarty@...]
Sent: Wednesday, July 11, 2007 8:03 AM
To: Lisa Heyman
Subject: speech disfluency

Hi Lisa-

I am searching archives for stuttering on RUL and came across an old
post of yours on the subject- ds is having really intense bout of
stuttering that is really limiting him. He has been in speech therapy
the last 2-3 years(mainly due to dh being concerned, though he did
agree to go as he felt it was helping), which seems to have helped in
the past, but now he is not as is it summer and he does it at Ithaca
College.

How have things gone with dd's speech disfluency- has it just
resolved itself over time?

Heather

hbmccarty

thanks Lisa- this is helpful

>
So apparently the speech therapy did *not* help if there is no real
change in a new situation, perhaps it's not the speech but the new
situation that causes an amount of anxiety. Does this tend to pass
>once he is comfortable in a new environment?


I am not sure since this has really not happened like this- so dramatic
a change in a short period of time. though he does seem to be less
worried now than a few days ago, and his speech seems to come a little
bit easier. He is willing to go into situations, and is not avoiding speech.

I did speak to the supervising professor at the college where he has
attended speech therapy and he said that since my son hadn't been
experiencing the same type of disfluency/speech blockages in the past
that he is now, they hadn't been focusing on recovery strategies as much
as general clearness of speech and confidence, and that he thought that
he could use some more specific strategies to deal with this situation.
I like him and the general theory and attitude of this clinic. They are
very respectful of kids, and also deal with anxiety and thoughts
underlying the speech issues, as well as strategies and control.

When we sought therapy for him the second time a few years ago(age 11?),
his speech was difficult to understand- unclear and low in volume-
attempting to cover up the stutter. He had been in speech therapy in our
former school district for a couple of years, but that seemed to be of
poor quality and there were 2-3 years in between that he had no speech
therapy.The reason we did seek therapy to begin with was due to my
husband's concern. I agreed because I was starting to feel like I was
being neglectful as the conventional wisdom on this says you must seek
therapy at a young age. My husband agreed with this, and I reluctantly
agreed to take him, as I couldn't really back up my point of view- which
was to just wait and see and not focus on it and let him build
confidence in general. We were not allowing our son at that time to make
decisions as much as he does now. Now I discuss with him whether he
will go back each session, and he says that although he doesn't enjoy
going, it has been of benefit and he decides to go back. It is too late
to go back to it not being a thing, or to remove the label. In the past
couple of years his speech has really not been an issue, and he has
become really great at communicating with all kinds of people and going
into new situations and being comfortable. Maybe due to speech therapy,
or maybe it would have happened anyway.

Now I am wondering if even taking him at all was a mistake. I have just
realized that I have been looking at this as more of a
medical issue, rather than a what might be described as a learning
issue, or not as an issue at all. When I hear of someone seeking help
for a child who is reading or writing, later than usual or doesn't sit
still, and therefore having a label placed on that child and calling it
a medical problem, I don't think of it as being similar to what we did
with our son and his speech. Now I see it. I think when you are the
parent of a child who is has some "problem" like this, it can become
difficult to trust yourself and to feel that you must "DO SOMETHING" and
quickly, before it is too late- due to opinions of others around you and
wanting to be a "good" parent. Especially when the other person is also
a parent of your child! I often take the strategy of doing nothing until
my husband gets pretty uncomfortable with doing nothing and forces the
issue.

>Has he expressed this as limiting or are you? Can you simply be an
empathetic listener when he expresses frustration and then remind him
that he is a wonderful communicator once he is comfortable in a
situation and that you have full confidence that this will work its
>way out once Ithaca is no longer new (assuming it is).


He did bring it up - one night after he attended a session of the radio
broadcast/sound tech course he is taking- it was the first night they
met at the radio station. He was unable to say his name when he went in,
and unable to take his turn speaking on the radio with the other kids.
He expressed frustration at not being able to say what he wanted to say-
and thought maybe he shouldn't go back. We haven't talked much more
about it, but he is scheduled to go back tomorrow night.

I did remind him that he is very capable of clear understandable speech,
and that he can get back there again. I also told him that therapy
sessions are available if he feels like he needs them. We are waiting
and seeing right now. I feel a little confused about the value of the
therapy, and how to see it.

I am not someone who seeks help with health or other problems outside of
myself very often- mostly due to skepticism and partly
due to finances. My husband is much quicker to say- let's take them to
the doctor, or whoever, when something seems to be wrong. I usually
trust that things will resolve themselves and trust my own judgment in
the situation, not an expert's. Most of the time we see a doctor, I
wonder why we went and leave the prescription in my wallet, and go home
and do what I thought was right anyway. However, my husband does not
always trust my judgment. Sometimes I get a little weary and give in.
And not really having any information on this particular issue besides
the conventional, I doubt myself. There are plenty of examples of
children learning to read or write or sit still in time with no
intervention. Less so with speech- and the warnings to seek therapy
early are pretty universal.

Heather

Melissa

Dear Heather,
I just wanted to put in my experiences with therapies, I don't know how helpful it will be
but the snip that I quoted below reminded me of my Sam. He has dysarthria, mostly his
speech was affected, and at the age of two and a half, we did seek out therapy because he
was so angry all the time, because we couldn't understand. Not for lack of trying, but we
honestly did not know how to help him and honestly could not understand where he was
going with stuff. He knew and used some sign language, but he wanted to talk and he
wanted us to understand. If we did not understand immediately, people were likely to be
hurt. So we went to a good therapist (in that she was very respectful and child-oriented,
she actually worked with us with our other kids too) and once she figured out where the
problem was, he made really rapid progress. After about twelve months, he was finished.

Except that once ST stopped, he started to regress a bit. But it was okay at that point
because emotionally he was able to deal with us not understanding, and able to try
alternative language options. Today he still has some motor problems, bites himself a lot
talking and eating, but he's okay with it, and better yet, we all understand how to help him
in a natural, loving environment that he's okay with. If he gets to a point where he's
frustrated again, we'd address the possibility of therapy again, and use it as needed. But
for now we can do our own stuff (lots of sensory diet, stimulating the mouth, slowing
down and concentrating once or twice a day helps the rest of the day, etc)

Early therapy does help most kids, but it's not the end-all, be-all that people imagine. In
fact, we've been vilified because our autistic daughter isn't in all kinds of therapy, forty
hours a week. The funny thing is that she's still developing, and she's much happier than
she was before unschooling, untherapy, unEVERYthing. :-) I think unschooling as been the
best for all of our kids because it accepts their differences and we can live our life fulfilling
needs without guilt or worry or shame. I think that 'intervention' is a loaded word, because
life intervenes. Kids learn to read because words intervene, writing happens because kids
need to write...and speech happens because kids have to talk. If they need tools, then we
find the tools. For us, it happened to be a speech therapist. Then it wasn't. It might be
again, but there's no guarantees. I think what you've described for your son has been
wonderful, and I'm sorry that he's worried about his radio class. I hope he can find some
peace there,
Melissa

--- In [email protected], hbmccarty <hbmccarty@...> wrote:
. There are plenty of examples of
> children learning to read or write or sit still in time with no
> intervention. Less so with speech- and the warnings to seek therapy
> early are pretty universal.
>
> Heather
>