caradove

Hello everyone,

My son turned nine in March, and we are investigating if he has celiac
or some other GI thing going on. He is below the forth percentile on
the weight charts, he weighs the same as my 5.5yo dd. Increasingly
fatigued, incredibly irritable,always cold, pains in his legs and now
arms, losing his appetite at times and cant see a specialist till Oct.
My mother thinks it is nothing physical, that it is all emotional and
the weight thing is cause he "doesn't eat right".She thinks
undiagnosed depression.

He has rapidly become aggressive, sometimes violent towards his
siblings, 11yo ds, 5.5yo and 4 yo dd's. I am at a loss now and DH is
at the end of his rope and about ready to explode! He also has some
yet unidentified health issue, very high BP and signs of kidney
disease, at 33yo thats not good.So he is exhausted and dealing with a lot.

So Ds is kicking shoving yelling at sibs and dh and I, everytime my
daughter plays piano, sings, that kind of stuff he screams "Shut up!!"
and if they wont he hits.
We went to Symphony concert and fireworks last night, he kept covering
his ears at the symphony and kicking the chairs in front till I took
him out and when I had to go in for a min to tell my Mum, who is just
visiting from Ireland, where to meet us for the fireworks he covered
his head with his tshirt and just kept twisting himself up in a ball.
Before the fireworks he kept jumping on high railings and then curled
up on the crowded pavement with his shirt over his head, even though
we said we were worried someone might step on him by accident, 1o,ooo
people out that night.

I am reading Naomi Aldorts book, also read Raising Your Spirited
Child, and many others. I don't know how to get out of this endless
problem we seem to have now. Our whole lives are affected, we really
cant go anywhere and my other children are getting hurt. I walked
upstairs tonight right behind the kids to see my 5yo getting shoved
all the way across the bathroom by ds. My 4yo says he hates her and it
really must look that way to her.

Any ideas how to help? I have tried taking him places on his own,
talking to find out how he is feeling, I am just so tired of breaking
up fights with him in the middle!

Cara

Meredith

I'm in a bit of a rush at the moment, sorry, but I noted you mentioned
hearing issues in three different place in you post. If he's having
ear issues, that could be causing low-grade nausea, too - I have that
related to vertigo, and its not enough for me to always notice that
I'm nauseated, but enough that I don't want to eat and am generally
cranky while the effects last. So I'd definately check ear stuff which
could be contributing to all these symptoms. Check homeopathic sources
for information, too - even if you're not interested in that as a
treatment route, I've had good luck with finding groupings of symptoms
that I wouldn't have considered related at all.

---Meredith (Mo 5.5, Ray 13)

Deb

--- In [email protected], "Meredith" <meredith@...>
wrote:
>
> I'm in a bit of a rush at the moment, sorry, but I noted you
>mentioned
> hearing issues in three different place in you post. If he's having
> ear issues, that could be causing low-grade nausea, too

And, digestive issues (such as dairy problems) can in some people lead
to ear infections - a low grade ear infection might not cause the big
blatant symptoms like fever and extreme pain but it could lead to
irritability, sensitivity to sound and positioning (certain positions
would exacerbate or alleviate the discomfort), and so on due to fluid
build up.

--Deb

dana_burdick

--- In [email protected], "Deb" <debra.rossing@...>
wrote:
>
> --- In [email protected], "Meredith" <meredith@>
> wrote:
> >
> > I'm in a bit of a rush at the moment, sorry, but I noted you
> >mentioned
> > hearing issues in three different place in you post. If he's
having
> > ear issues, that could be causing low-grade nausea, too
>
> And, digestive issues (such as dairy problems) can in some people
lead
> to ear infections - a low grade ear infection might not cause the
big
> blatant symptoms like fever and extreme pain but it could lead to
> irritability, sensitivity to sound and positioning (certain
positions
> would exacerbate or alleviate the discomfort), and so on due to
fluid
> build up.
>

Food sensitivities, gut issues and/or nutritional deficiencies can
lead to chronic noise sensitivity and can affect the brain's ability
to process sound. I wouldn't out of hand rule out an ear infection,
but if this condition has been prevalent for months or years, it
obviously would not be due to an acute illness.

-Dana

diana jenner

On 7/6/07, caradove <caradove@...> wrote:
>
> My son turned nine in March, and we are investigating if he has celiac
> or some other GI thing going on. He is below the forth percentile on
> the weight charts, he weighs the same as my 5.5yo dd. Increasingly
> fatigued, incredibly irritable,always cold, pains in his legs and now
> arms, losing his appetite at times and cant see a specialist till Oct.
>







-=-Sick kids are tough to deal with! I don't want to imagine how helpless
it must feel to have *something* going on in your body and you just don't
know how to deal with it and neither does your mommy. Frustrating for him,
to say the least.

> My mother thinks it is nothing physical, that it is all emotional and
> the weight thing is cause he "doesn't eat right".She thinks
> undiagnosed depression.
>





-=-FAR better to listen to your body than to gramma. I know that undiagnosed
(even the diagnosed, too) physical schtuff can lead easily to depression.
DUH! He is in a pretty depressing situation. Accept him where he is, fix the
physical issues, give him some new coping tools and he'll be fine. And
remember to breathe.

> He has rapidly become aggressive, sometimes violent towards his
> siblings, 11yo ds, 5.5yo and 4 yo dd's. I am at a loss now and DH is
> at the end of his rope and about ready to explode! He also has some
> yet unidentified health issue, very high BP and signs of kidney
> disease, at 33yo thats not good.So he is exhausted and dealing with a lot.
>







-=-I'd say this is the perfect place to *unload some straw* from your lives,
so that when you deal with your son, who obviously needs you right now, he's
not your *last straw* every time. Find a way to get some of the other
pressures off your plate, so that you have abundant patience for him,
abundant calm for him, abundant love and acceptance for him. Breathe,
breathe, breathe. Having Abundance is a win/win situation all the way around
- the whole family benefits, especially if Dad's BP is lower!

> So Ds is kicking shoving yelling at sibs and dh and I, everytime my
> daughter plays piano, sings, that kind of stuff he screams "Shut up!!"
> and if they wont he hits.
> We went to Symphony concert and fireworks last night, he kept covering
> his ears at the symphony and kicking the chairs in front till I took
> him out and when I had to go in for a min to tell my Mum, who is just
> visiting from Ireland, where to meet us for the fireworks he covered
> his head with his tshirt and just kept twisting himself up in a ball.
> Before the fireworks he kept jumping on high railings and then curled
> up on the crowded pavement with his shirt over his head, even though
> we said we were worried someone might step on him by accident, 1o,ooo
> people out that night.
>














-=-This screams overstimulation to me. Poor guy! Especially if it's an ear
thing (the dairy often affects the Eustachian tubes, clogging them -- we use
ear candles) or a headache. The simple answer is don't have him in those
places. Your kid is more important than whatever event it is that freaks him
out, sometimes that even means once in a lifetime events -- HE is once in a
lifetime right now. Take him outside so his siblings can play the piano and
sing. Put him in a quiet corner of the house. If you're there and he's
curled up, redirect pedestrian traffic away from him, speak to him
soothingly and calmly. He's coping the best way he can. Help him find new
coping mechanisms, brainstorm collectively for ideas that are win/win,
communicate honestly which situations work and which don't and why, support
him in avoiding that which makes him *crazy* and act out, give him
opportunities to Shine and notice where he is already shining and uniquely
himself. Together you and DH have 60 years life experience - he's got 9; add
them together and there's some great fodder for thoughts, but 9 years only
-- tough to navigate alone.

> I am reading Naomi Aldorts book, also read Raising Your Spirited
> Child, and many others. I don't know how to get out of this endless
> problem we seem to have now. Our whole lives are affected, we really
> cant go anywhere and my other children are getting hurt. I walked
> upstairs tonight right behind the kids to see my 5yo getting shoved
> all the way across the bathroom by ds. My 4yo says he hates her and it
> really must look that way to her.
>









-=-They really shouldn't be alone with him right now, then. Not in a
punitive way, in a Safety way. They need to know that you'll keep *them*
safe, too. It's a message to him that you're protecting *HIM* from doing
things he may regret (not to mention those kids deserve a Safe Home! <--tell
him!).

> Any ideas how to help? I have tried taking him places on his own,
> talking to find out how he is feeling, I am just so tired of breaking
> up fights with him in the middle!
>
>
>


-=-He gets a clean slate every day. Heck, every moment. Treat every conflict
like it's the very first one and you're energized and ready to coach some
problem solving. The *first straw* :)
If taking him places and talking to him doesn't work, find something else
that does. Fly a kite together (while sister sings), take a long drive, dig
in the garden and have a mud/water fight, go fishin... Connect. That's the
most important thing. Remind him (and you!) that you're on the same team.
Breathe some more.

--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com


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