RE: food and control
Marcia Coakley
This is (another) Marcia from MA
The comments about food and control have sounded very familiar to me...and I
agree with everything suggested about ease of access to a good assortment of
healthy but appealing food. (See below)
This is long...I have thought a lot about all of this, recently.
But the most important journey I have had is...that it is all the SAME
conversation about the control. I am learning about letting go...in every
area of my relationship with my son (11, just out of school this last
November). The journey about encouraging him to take responsibility for his
own choices...about food and EVERYTHING else...is part and parcel with his
journey of de-schooling. I have had to let go of my fear (which makes me
"need" to control things) about his future, and trust both/each of us, in
the present. I often need to stop and redirect myself...but at least I am
catching myself more quickly, now!
He is slowly beginning to initiate more calmly and easily...letting go of
his anxiety and stuckness about being "told what to do" in school and
elsewhere. I sometimes give him my opinion/remind him of a notion we feel
strongly about in our family, if I think that he may have missed something
about the bigger picture...but I let him know that, ultimately, it is up to
him. And there are ongoing conversations with his Dad and me (often at
night, in bed, sort of debriefing). I am blessed to have a husband who is
not only on board...but working at home - although he is in school full time
at the moment, on top of his office schedule...a little nuts around here -
he is as involved with hands-on unschool family learning as possible.
We occasionally revisit the idea that he is now in charge of what and
when...and he is relishing being able to read and play as much as he likes.
Some days I do suggest changes in the flow...to encourage there being a mix
of physical activity and mental stimulus, varied visual opportunity and
hands on stuff to "stir the pot" and not be stuck, inadvertently. I invite
him to do things with me: make pottery/play with clay - my work, cook,
garden, ride bikes, walk, play games - chess, Scrabble, Equate,
Boggle....sometimes he joins me and other times, not. This helps him feel
the difference in his body and mind as we explore things together. I am
learning about sharing and teaching without controlling...a challenge for
me! And I throw in a bit of Brain Gym activities to keep integrating the
hemispheres.
He now knows how this way (unschooling) is different from school
particularly because..."they" used to make all the decisions (this could be
said to be easier) but that the cost of this is having to do what "they "
think is a good idea when "they" tell you to....they have the responsibility
for all of the decisions. Being unschoolers REQUIRES (and therefore can be
seen as harder!) a new level of being responsible for one's own
decisions/choices. These are the most important lessons! This impacts
everything in life...how well we do at having friends, learning skills,
being successful at it ALL! Yes, we as parents help facilitate...but the
initiation and follow through comes from the child! And the only way this
can happen is if we grownups get out of the way and trust our children to
"do it".
De-schooling is very similar to de-junk fooding, and letting go of
controlling electronics (for example). There is a period of trusting the
child to make the RIGHT mistakes and learn about themselves and the world
along the way. They also learn to TRUST us to: 1) do what we say we are
going to do; 2) really let them make their own choices...REALLY! This
removes the need to be sneaky and greedy about things that may have been
available under huge strictures previously. It takes time to get used to
this shift! This is not to say that we have no opinions or that we say
nothing...we absolutely want our "family culture" to guide all of us...and
if we "walk our talk"...lead by example, as another said earlier...then
there is value in the journey. I believe we all know that the journey IS
the important part...not the destination!
Our food issues are a bit less extreme because I have always had them eat
some of everything our whole family is having, even if things are not as
spicy/flavored as before children! And I offered them the alternative to
have whole grain cereal (we have a family policy that they must have at
least two kinds together!) if they still wanted more to eat after having had
some of the meals they found less desirable. I have always baked most our
bread (yay, bread machines!) and often make other baked goods...all with
whole wheat pastry flour, other whole grains (write to me about the BEST and
easiest way to make yummy brown rice, and my favorite homemade pancake mix)
and so on.
But mostly we have always talked about the wholesomeness of whole foods (and
unwholesomeness of food additives - synthetic colors, flavorings and
preservatives)...how things are made/grown/and have involved the children in
gardening, butchering, baking and cooking. They go through phases of
interest and enthusiasm. We are very healthy as a family (my husband's
being a chiropractor and giving us all regular care helps a great deal, I am
sure!), but we have stressed our belief that we stay healthy because "you
are what you eat!" I share ideas such as lemonade being quite pretty with
just a tiny dash of beet juice...(no, you cannot taste it!)...and eventually
getting them to enjoy beets along with me. The pink lemonade sells better
at their lemonade stands! My kids have been seen reading candy wrappers and
refusing goodies at events because of the garish colors, etc! I stress
lots of fruit and protein sources. I usually have a banana (or other quick)
bread made, an extra in the freezer, and everyone loves this with cream
cheese on it! Frozen banana chunks in the freezer make great smoothies
(with other fruit or a hit of chocolate syrup), too...leftover smoothies
make for easy, more interesting frozen pops, too.
There are also really good alternatives to most "junk food"
nowadays...Newman's cookies, and Barbara's Puffs, Annie's Cheese Popcorn etc
etc. Belonging to a whole foods coop is also a great place to meet like
minded eaters AND homeschoolers!
I have grown immensely since we made the shift to
homeschool/unschooling...and it has naturally expanded the current direction
of our family...all in about seven months (with help from many friends).
Amazing to me, and so "right" for us.
Marcia
(Dennis, Will 11, Amanda almost 9...will join her brother staying home from
now on!)
---
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Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.693 / Virus Database: 454 - Release Date: 05/31/2004
The comments about food and control have sounded very familiar to me...and I
agree with everything suggested about ease of access to a good assortment of
healthy but appealing food. (See below)
This is long...I have thought a lot about all of this, recently.
But the most important journey I have had is...that it is all the SAME
conversation about the control. I am learning about letting go...in every
area of my relationship with my son (11, just out of school this last
November). The journey about encouraging him to take responsibility for his
own choices...about food and EVERYTHING else...is part and parcel with his
journey of de-schooling. I have had to let go of my fear (which makes me
"need" to control things) about his future, and trust both/each of us, in
the present. I often need to stop and redirect myself...but at least I am
catching myself more quickly, now!
He is slowly beginning to initiate more calmly and easily...letting go of
his anxiety and stuckness about being "told what to do" in school and
elsewhere. I sometimes give him my opinion/remind him of a notion we feel
strongly about in our family, if I think that he may have missed something
about the bigger picture...but I let him know that, ultimately, it is up to
him. And there are ongoing conversations with his Dad and me (often at
night, in bed, sort of debriefing). I am blessed to have a husband who is
not only on board...but working at home - although he is in school full time
at the moment, on top of his office schedule...a little nuts around here -
he is as involved with hands-on unschool family learning as possible.
We occasionally revisit the idea that he is now in charge of what and
when...and he is relishing being able to read and play as much as he likes.
Some days I do suggest changes in the flow...to encourage there being a mix
of physical activity and mental stimulus, varied visual opportunity and
hands on stuff to "stir the pot" and not be stuck, inadvertently. I invite
him to do things with me: make pottery/play with clay - my work, cook,
garden, ride bikes, walk, play games - chess, Scrabble, Equate,
Boggle....sometimes he joins me and other times, not. This helps him feel
the difference in his body and mind as we explore things together. I am
learning about sharing and teaching without controlling...a challenge for
me! And I throw in a bit of Brain Gym activities to keep integrating the
hemispheres.
He now knows how this way (unschooling) is different from school
particularly because..."they" used to make all the decisions (this could be
said to be easier) but that the cost of this is having to do what "they "
think is a good idea when "they" tell you to....they have the responsibility
for all of the decisions. Being unschoolers REQUIRES (and therefore can be
seen as harder!) a new level of being responsible for one's own
decisions/choices. These are the most important lessons! This impacts
everything in life...how well we do at having friends, learning skills,
being successful at it ALL! Yes, we as parents help facilitate...but the
initiation and follow through comes from the child! And the only way this
can happen is if we grownups get out of the way and trust our children to
"do it".
De-schooling is very similar to de-junk fooding, and letting go of
controlling electronics (for example). There is a period of trusting the
child to make the RIGHT mistakes and learn about themselves and the world
along the way. They also learn to TRUST us to: 1) do what we say we are
going to do; 2) really let them make their own choices...REALLY! This
removes the need to be sneaky and greedy about things that may have been
available under huge strictures previously. It takes time to get used to
this shift! This is not to say that we have no opinions or that we say
nothing...we absolutely want our "family culture" to guide all of us...and
if we "walk our talk"...lead by example, as another said earlier...then
there is value in the journey. I believe we all know that the journey IS
the important part...not the destination!
Our food issues are a bit less extreme because I have always had them eat
some of everything our whole family is having, even if things are not as
spicy/flavored as before children! And I offered them the alternative to
have whole grain cereal (we have a family policy that they must have at
least two kinds together!) if they still wanted more to eat after having had
some of the meals they found less desirable. I have always baked most our
bread (yay, bread machines!) and often make other baked goods...all with
whole wheat pastry flour, other whole grains (write to me about the BEST and
easiest way to make yummy brown rice, and my favorite homemade pancake mix)
and so on.
But mostly we have always talked about the wholesomeness of whole foods (and
unwholesomeness of food additives - synthetic colors, flavorings and
preservatives)...how things are made/grown/and have involved the children in
gardening, butchering, baking and cooking. They go through phases of
interest and enthusiasm. We are very healthy as a family (my husband's
being a chiropractor and giving us all regular care helps a great deal, I am
sure!), but we have stressed our belief that we stay healthy because "you
are what you eat!" I share ideas such as lemonade being quite pretty with
just a tiny dash of beet juice...(no, you cannot taste it!)...and eventually
getting them to enjoy beets along with me. The pink lemonade sells better
at their lemonade stands! My kids have been seen reading candy wrappers and
refusing goodies at events because of the garish colors, etc! I stress
lots of fruit and protein sources. I usually have a banana (or other quick)
bread made, an extra in the freezer, and everyone loves this with cream
cheese on it! Frozen banana chunks in the freezer make great smoothies
(with other fruit or a hit of chocolate syrup), too...leftover smoothies
make for easy, more interesting frozen pops, too.
There are also really good alternatives to most "junk food"
nowadays...Newman's cookies, and Barbara's Puffs, Annie's Cheese Popcorn etc
etc. Belonging to a whole foods coop is also a great place to meet like
minded eaters AND homeschoolers!
I have grown immensely since we made the shift to
homeschool/unschooling...and it has naturally expanded the current direction
of our family...all in about seven months (with help from many friends).
Amazing to me, and so "right" for us.
Marcia
(Dennis, Will 11, Amanda almost 9...will join her brother staying home from
now on!)
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.693 / Virus Database: 454 - Release Date: 05/31/2004