sylvia057

Hello. Recently I've noticed a disturbing trend with my DD who just turned 3. There has
been a major uptick in challenging behaviors. Hysterical crying and claiming pain in her
abdomen and foot. Now I want to take everything she says seriously and I can't believe that
she is capable of lying at this age but the pain does not seem to stem from any physical
source. She is adament that we not give her any pain reliver and any mention of a trip to a
doctor sends her into another bout of hysterical crying. Nothing seems to settle her down,
not nursing, not a bath,ice pack or heat, massage or fresh air. Her tone is very demanding
too. Get me this bring me that. She seems mad at us. It might be sibling related (I have a 1
yr old son too) My parents think it's because we don't impose limits on her. Could they be
right? I want our house to be peaceful and I need her to be a part of our family and not
demand that the family life revolve around her. DH is loosing faith in our parenting approach
and is ready to revert back to what he had as a kid. Help!

Sylvia

tracy

Hi Sylvia~

>> My parents think it's because we don't impose limits on her.
Could they be
> right?

NO...they are not "right" IMO. I have a child that is very sensitive
to everything he feels in his body and tells me about every single
ache and pain...thats just who he is. If this is an isolated thing
with your DD I would wonder what the underlying need is? I would just
validate and not try to "fix" the problem. Tell her about some odd
pain you had that bothered you for no apparent reason, then just went
away. If you feel sure there is no "medical" problem, listen, love
and keep things low key. Try not to put all your energy into trying
to figure out "whats wrong", put all your energy into validating and
being with your daughter. Hope all is well~ Tracy






--- In [email protected], "sylvia057" <sylvia057@...>
wrote:
>
> Hello. Recently I've noticed a disturbing trend with my DD who
just turned 3. There has
> been a major uptick in challenging behaviors. Hysterical crying
and claiming pain in her
> abdomen and foot. Now I want to take everything she says seriously
and I can't believe that
> she is capable of lying at this age but the pain does not seem to
stem from any physical
> source. She is adament that we not give her any pain reliver and
any mention of a trip to a
> doctor sends her into another bout of hysterical crying. Nothing
seems to settle her down,
> not nursing, not a bath,ice pack or heat, massage or fresh air.
Her tone is very demanding
> too. Get me this bring me that. She seems mad at us. It might be
sibling related (I have a 1
> yr old son too) My parents think it's because we don't impose
limits on her. Could they be
> right? I want our house to be peaceful and I need her to be a part
of our family and not
> demand that the family life revolve around her. DH is loosing
faith in our parenting approach
> and is ready to revert back to what he had as a kid. Help!
>
> Sylvia
>

Julie

--- In [email protected], "sylvia057"
<sylvia057@...> wrote:
>
> Hello. Recently I've noticed a disturbing trend with my DD who
just turned 3. There has
> been a major uptick in challenging behaviors. Hysterical crying
and claiming pain in her
> abdomen and foot. Now I want to take everything she says
seriously and I can't believe that
> she is capable of lying at this age but the pain does not seem to
stem from any physical
> source. She is adament that we not give her any pain reliver and
any mention of a trip to a
> doctor sends her into another bout of hysterical crying. Nothing
seems to settle her down,
> not nursing, not a bath,ice pack or heat, massage or fresh air.
Her tone is very demanding
> too. Get me this bring me that. She seems mad at us. It might be
sibling related (I have a 1
> yr old son too) My parents think it's because we don't impose
limits on her. Could they be
> right? I want our house to be peaceful and I need her to be a
part of our family and not
> demand that the family life revolve around her. DH is loosing
faith in our parenting approach
> and is ready to revert back to what he had as a kid. Help!
>
> Sylvia


Hi I wanted to chime in here. I have a daughter who is also very
intune with her body. When her dad was deployed to Iraq I noticed
that when she was having a bad day she was full of hurts (tiny
little ones) and when she was having a good day the hurts all went
away. I think maybe she is expressing the emotions by her body.
Think about when we are sad how does that feel in the body? Just by
lots of cheap bandaids and hand them out.

She sounds JUST like my daughter and i have heard the same things
that I let her get away with everything. I respond with she is a
person too and kids can have a bad time and situation too.

When I hear the demanding voice it is usually because she is trying
to get what she wants NOW and I use that Mom voice too. So is she
repeating what she is hearing. Do you use a SLIGHTLY different tone
with her when you really want something done now and she is modeling
that back. I just say "yes I would love to get you this or that"

Meet her where she is and just love her to death, talk about what is
bugging her and really listen. If her foot hurts ask her what she
needs and if she doesnot know then make it game to figure out what
will help her foot and by doing that with heal her heart as well

hope that helps

stacyzme

I just say "yes I would love to get you this or that"
>
> Meet her where she is and just love her to death, talk about what
is
> bugging her and really listen. If her foot hurts ask her what she
> needs and if she doesnot know then make it game to figure out what
> will help her foot and by doing that with heal her heart as well
>
> hope that helps
>


We just had a similiar situation to the original post. My 4 year
old son needed ice for his leg, and "pain" almost all day. I was
thinking of taking him to the doctor when I realized that we had
just read over a book on anatomy that he loves (mainly because it
explains where poop comes from) and he was enthralled by the books
description of bones, xrays, and breaks. He was making broken bones
make sense in his mind and body by having the problem with his leg.
I am sad to say that it took me hours before I realized it, even
though he chose to express his pain in the exact same spot and the
exact same bone that the book showed with a break. So I just got
him ice and helped him rest his leg until he decided it had healed.
He needed me to take him seriously and the old me would have told
him it wasn't anything and tried to reason him out of his "pain".
But trying to get in tune to his way of thinking is important to
knowing who he is and what he is trying to do even though he
communicates it differently than I would.