new and needing a bit of direction
thehomeopathicway
Hi, My kids and I are really new to unschooling and I wanted to
share some of the observations I have made regarding our journey so
far. I would also like to ask if anyone else has seen anything
similar with their own families.
Dd 9 came out of ps in Jan. to homeschool with a charter school. Ds
15 was a freshman at high school. We discovered unschooling a few
months ago and both kids got really excited about it. To make a long
story short, ds wanted to finish the year at school but when 3 of his
classmates committed suicide, he changed his mind and left school
about a month ago. Dd also left her homeschool program at that
time.
First, I am quite surprised at how productive they have been
already. I fully expected them to lay on the couch for days and
weeks at a time, but that has not happened. They are doing all kinds
of things and want to do more. They have so many ideas of things
they want to do, I am hoping I can keep up with them! I am really
encouraging them to just take the summer and swim and see movies and
play games. They seem a little bored and sad when we aren't doing
something more than that though.
Second, I never realized how compensated they had become in order to
survive in school. Now that they are home, and don't need their
school persona, I am seeing vulnerabilities that I didn't know were
there. I can see the layers slowly start to come off and it's
fascinating. I am getting a much better idea of what school was
like for them now that they aren't in it. I am really aware of how
important it is for me to make sure home is really a safe place all
the time. Not that it isn't, but I now don't think that the kind of
banter and teasing we used to do with each other is ok anymore.
Third, they have both come to me in the last week and asked for more
limits. Ds flat out told me he is not comfortable with no limits.
He said it makes him nervous and anxious like I am no longer there
for him. They have both made themselves sick by eating too much and
have both gained weight. Food was one of those things that was an
issue for me growing up and still is as an adult, so it follows that
I made it an issue for them. When we go to the market now, I buy
anything they ask for. We don't buy junk food because none of us
like it, but that doesn't mean we don't buy cookies and ice cream
etc. Both kids told me they are not ready to control their own
eating. I told them I would not tell them what to do but if they
asked me my opinion, I would give it to them. My dd was on her knees
with her head in the toilet about to throw up and begging me to help
her get control. In the past, I would set limits on food like only
have 2 cookies or 1 helping is enough but not consistently.
I want them to learn how to be OK with their choices and how to make
choices that are healthy for their bodies, but I'm not sure how to do
that at this point. Any thoughts are much appreciated.
Finally, I am so grateful to have found unschooling and I have
already learned so much from all of the wisdom on this list.
in peace,
Dianna
thehomeopathicway.blogspot.com
share some of the observations I have made regarding our journey so
far. I would also like to ask if anyone else has seen anything
similar with their own families.
Dd 9 came out of ps in Jan. to homeschool with a charter school. Ds
15 was a freshman at high school. We discovered unschooling a few
months ago and both kids got really excited about it. To make a long
story short, ds wanted to finish the year at school but when 3 of his
classmates committed suicide, he changed his mind and left school
about a month ago. Dd also left her homeschool program at that
time.
First, I am quite surprised at how productive they have been
already. I fully expected them to lay on the couch for days and
weeks at a time, but that has not happened. They are doing all kinds
of things and want to do more. They have so many ideas of things
they want to do, I am hoping I can keep up with them! I am really
encouraging them to just take the summer and swim and see movies and
play games. They seem a little bored and sad when we aren't doing
something more than that though.
Second, I never realized how compensated they had become in order to
survive in school. Now that they are home, and don't need their
school persona, I am seeing vulnerabilities that I didn't know were
there. I can see the layers slowly start to come off and it's
fascinating. I am getting a much better idea of what school was
like for them now that they aren't in it. I am really aware of how
important it is for me to make sure home is really a safe place all
the time. Not that it isn't, but I now don't think that the kind of
banter and teasing we used to do with each other is ok anymore.
Third, they have both come to me in the last week and asked for more
limits. Ds flat out told me he is not comfortable with no limits.
He said it makes him nervous and anxious like I am no longer there
for him. They have both made themselves sick by eating too much and
have both gained weight. Food was one of those things that was an
issue for me growing up and still is as an adult, so it follows that
I made it an issue for them. When we go to the market now, I buy
anything they ask for. We don't buy junk food because none of us
like it, but that doesn't mean we don't buy cookies and ice cream
etc. Both kids told me they are not ready to control their own
eating. I told them I would not tell them what to do but if they
asked me my opinion, I would give it to them. My dd was on her knees
with her head in the toilet about to throw up and begging me to help
her get control. In the past, I would set limits on food like only
have 2 cookies or 1 helping is enough but not consistently.
I want them to learn how to be OK with their choices and how to make
choices that are healthy for their bodies, but I'm not sure how to do
that at this point. Any thoughts are much appreciated.
Finally, I am so grateful to have found unschooling and I have
already learned so much from all of the wisdom on this list.
in peace,
Dianna
thehomeopathicway.blogspot.com
Ren Allen
~~In my mind's eye I could picture those
awful words floating above me like a banner and then they just cracked
and dissipated into little tiny specks until they were totally gone.~~
That's really beautiful.
Thank you for sharing those steps into mindful parenting. It's truly
amazing what happens when we start questioning things at a deeper
level and placing relationships as priority.
I love the dialogue in the head...its' a great tool!:) I use it a lot
to this day. My kids don't have to know I'm grappling with my past
"training". It gets easier and easier to let go of those knee-jerk
reactions. I really enjoyed your post!
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
awful words floating above me like a banner and then they just cracked
and dissipated into little tiny specks until they were totally gone.~~
That's really beautiful.
Thank you for sharing those steps into mindful parenting. It's truly
amazing what happens when we start questioning things at a deeper
level and placing relationships as priority.
I love the dialogue in the head...its' a great tool!:) I use it a lot
to this day. My kids don't have to know I'm grappling with my past
"training". It gets easier and easier to let go of those knee-jerk
reactions. I really enjoyed your post!
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Julie Dutt
A couple of things I notice from your post. Your children have just
come out of a situation where they were told what to do at all times.
It they seem bored, it's because they don't know how, literally, to
come up with something to do by themselves. They might need a little
more direction for awhile until they get used to making choices on
their own about what to do with there time.
Your son may need some help coping with the death of three friends,
counseling, talking with you, etc.
As for limits, if you suddenly gave them no limits when you made the
decision to unschool, they obviously can't handle that either if they
are eating themselves sick. Slowly, allow them more freedom than
they've had and they will make the right choices.
I hope what i've said makes sense and of course, it's only my opinion
but hopefully, it will help some.
julie
come out of a situation where they were told what to do at all times.
It they seem bored, it's because they don't know how, literally, to
come up with something to do by themselves. They might need a little
more direction for awhile until they get used to making choices on
their own about what to do with there time.
Your son may need some help coping with the death of three friends,
counseling, talking with you, etc.
As for limits, if you suddenly gave them no limits when you made the
decision to unschool, they obviously can't handle that either if they
are eating themselves sick. Slowly, allow them more freedom than
they've had and they will make the right choices.
I hope what i've said makes sense and of course, it's only my opinion
but hopefully, it will help some.
julie
On Jun 13, 2007, at 2:42 AM, thehomeopathicway wrote:
> Hi, My kids and I are really new to unschooling and I wanted to
> share some of the observations I have made regarding our journey so
> far. I would also like to ask if anyone else has seen anything
> similar with their own families.
>
> Dd 9 came out of ps in Jan. to homeschool with a charter school. Ds
> 15 was a freshman at high school. We discovered unschooling a few
> months ago and both kids got really excited about it. To make a long
> story short, ds wanted to finish the year at school but when 3 of his
> classmates committed suicide, he changed his mind and left school
> about a month ago. Dd also left her homeschool program at that
> time.
>
> First, I am quite surprised at how productive they have been
> already. I fully expected them to lay on the couch for days and
> weeks at a time, but that has not happened. They are doing all kinds
> of things and want to do more. They have so many ideas of things
> they want to do, I am hoping I can keep up with them! I am really
> encouraging them to just take the summer and swim and see movies and
> play games. They seem a little bored and sad when we aren't doing
> something more than that though.
>
> Second, I never realized how compensated they had become in order to
> survive in school. Now that they are home, and don't need their
> school persona, I am seeing vulnerabilities that I didn't know were
> there. I can see the layers slowly start to come off and it's
> fascinating. I am getting a much better idea of what school was
> like for them now that they aren't in it. I am really aware of how
> important it is for me to make sure home is really a safe place all
> the time. Not that it isn't, but I now don't think that the kind of
> banter and teasing we used to do with each other is ok anymore.
>
> Third, they have both come to me in the last week and asked for more
> limits. Ds flat out told me he is not comfortable with no limits.
> He said it makes him nervous and anxious like I am no longer there
> for him. They have both made themselves sick by eating too much and
> have both gained weight. Food was one of those things that was an
> issue for me growing up and still is as an adult, so it follows that
> I made it an issue for them. When we go to the market now, I buy
> anything they ask for. We don't buy junk food because none of us
> like it, but that doesn't mean we don't buy cookies and ice cream
> etc. Both kids told me they are not ready to control their own
> eating. I told them I would not tell them what to do but if they
> asked me my opinion, I would give it to them. My dd was on her knees
> with her head in the toilet about to throw up and begging me to help
> her get control. In the past, I would set limits on food like only
> have 2 cookies or 1 helping is enough but not consistently.
> I want them to learn how to be OK with their choices and how to make
> choices that are healthy for their bodies, but I'm not sure how to do
> that at this point. Any thoughts are much appreciated.
>
> Finally, I am so grateful to have found unschooling and I have
> already learned so much from all of the wisdom on this list.
>
> in peace,
> Dianna
> thehomeopathicway.blogspot.com
Julie
http://bittybraille.com
http://julieannhandmadegoods.com
http://julieann.etsy.com
http://julieann-handmade-goods.blogspot.com
http://indiediner.blogspot.com
http://findingwonder.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
thehomeopathicway
This was about a different post I believe. "new and needing a bit of
direction" was the one I posted. Perhaps it didn't go through
properly?
Should I post again?
thanks,
Dianna
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@...> wrote:
direction" was the one I posted. Perhaps it didn't go through
properly?
Should I post again?
thanks,
Dianna
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@...> wrote:
>cracked
> ~~In my mind's eye I could picture those
> awful words floating above me like a banner and then they just
> and dissipated into little tiny specks until they were totallygone.~~
>lot
>
> That's really beautiful.
> Thank you for sharing those steps into mindful parenting. It's truly
> amazing what happens when we start questioning things at a deeper
> level and placing relationships as priority.
>
> I love the dialogue in the head...its' a great tool!:) I use it a
> to this day. My kids don't have to know I'm grappling with my past
> "training". It gets easier and easier to let go of those knee-jerk
> reactions. I really enjoyed your post!
>
> Ren
> learninginfreedom.com
>
Dianna Glick
Thank you Julie. It does make sense. I don't know why I thought it would just suddenly be OK. I keep reading these posts about mom's who are saying 'yes' more and how great it's working out. I didn't think how overwhelming it would be to go from complete structure to freedom. I actually am going slower now and it is working a bit better. I have a lot to learn in this uncharted territory!
Also, my son was not really friends with the kids who committed suicide but the atmosphere was pretty heavy at the school. We have and still continue to talk about everything that has happened.
Thank you so much for your help,,,
Dianna
Julie Dutt <jdutt@...> wrote:
A couple of things I notice from your post. Your children have just
come out of a situation where they were told what to do at all times.
It they seem bored, it's because they don't know how, literally, to
come up with something to do by themselves. They might need a little
more direction for awhile until they get used to making choices on
their own about what to do with there time.
Your son may need some help coping with the death of three friends,
counseling, talking with you, etc.
As for limits, if you suddenly gave them no limits when you made the
decision to unschool, they obviously can't handle that either if they
are eating themselves sick. Slowly, allow them more freedom than
they've had and they will make the right choices.
I hope what i've said makes sense and of course, it's only my opinion
but hopefully, it will help some.
julie
Also, my son was not really friends with the kids who committed suicide but the atmosphere was pretty heavy at the school. We have and still continue to talk about everything that has happened.
Thank you so much for your help,,,
Dianna
Julie Dutt <jdutt@...> wrote:
A couple of things I notice from your post. Your children have just
come out of a situation where they were told what to do at all times.
It they seem bored, it's because they don't know how, literally, to
come up with something to do by themselves. They might need a little
more direction for awhile until they get used to making choices on
their own about what to do with there time.
Your son may need some help coping with the death of three friends,
counseling, talking with you, etc.
As for limits, if you suddenly gave them no limits when you made the
decision to unschool, they obviously can't handle that either if they
are eating themselves sick. Slowly, allow them more freedom than
they've had and they will make the right choices.
I hope what i've said makes sense and of course, it's only my opinion
but hopefully, it will help some.
julie
On Jun 13, 2007, at 2:42 AM, thehomeopathicway wrote:
> Hi, My kids and I are really new to unschooling and I wanted to
> share some of the observations I have made regarding our journey so
> far. I would also like to ask if anyone else has seen anything
> similar with their own families.
>
> Dd 9 came out of ps in Jan. to homeschool with a charter school. Ds
> 15 was a freshman at high school. We discovered unschooling a few
> months ago and both kids got really excited about it. To make a long
> story short, ds wanted to finish the year at school but when 3 of his
> classmates committed suicide, he changed his mind and left school
> about a month ago. Dd also left her homeschool program at that
> time.
>
> First, I am quite surprised at how productive they have been
> already. I fully expected them to lay on the couch for days and
> weeks at a time, but that has not happened. They are doing all kinds
> of things and want to do more. They have so many ideas of things
> they want to do, I am hoping I can keep up with them! I am really
> encouraging them to just take the summer and swim and see movies and
> play games. They seem a little bored and sad when we aren't doing
> something more than that though.
>
> Second, I never realized how compensated they had become in order to
> survive in school. Now that they are home, and don't need their
> school persona, I am seeing vulnerabilities that I didn't know were
> there. I can see the layers slowly start to come off and it's
> fascinating. I am getting a much better idea of what school was
> like for them now that they aren't in it. I am really aware of how
> important it is for me to make sure home is really a safe place all
> the time. Not that it isn't, but I now don't think that the kind of
> banter and teasing we used to do with each other is ok anymore.
>
> Third, they have both come to me in the last week and asked for more
> limits. Ds flat out told me he is not comfortable with no limits.
> He said it makes him nervous and anxious like I am no longer there
> for him. They have both made themselves sick by eating too much and
> have both gained weight. Food was one of those things that was an
> issue for me growing up and still is as an adult, so it follows that
> I made it an issue for them. When we go to the market now, I buy
> anything they ask for. We don't buy junk food because none of us
> like it, but that doesn't mean we don't buy cookies and ice cream
> etc. Both kids told me they are not ready to control their own
> eating. I told them I would not tell them what to do but if they
> asked me my opinion, I would give it to them. My dd was on her knees
> with her head in the toilet about to throw up and begging me to help
> her get control. In the past, I would set limits on food like only
> have 2 cookies or 1 helping is enough but not consistently.
> I want them to learn how to be OK with their choices and how to make
> choices that are healthy for their bodies, but I'm not sure how to do
> that at this point. Any thoughts are much appreciated.
>
> Finally, I am so grateful to have found unschooling and I have
> already learned so much from all of the wisdom on this list.
>
> in peace,
> Dianna
> thehomeopathicway.blogspot.com
Julie
http://bittybraille.com
http://julieannhandmadegoods.com
http://julieann.etsy.com
http://julieann-handmade-goods.blogspot.com
http://indiediner.blogspot.com
http://findingwonder.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Julie Dutt
You're welcome. Julie :)
On Jun 14, 2007, at 2:23 AM, Dianna Glick wrote:
> Thank you Julie. It does make sense.
Julie
Both kids told me they are not ready to control their own
realize that you start by giving up some control not all at once the
kids and probably dad will have a heart attack. lol. But you start a
little at a time and then add more freedom. Since they are asking
for limits what they may be asking is how to make choices so it may
be a good time to sit down and discuss how much food a body should
basically have and to listen to their bodies and listen for when
they are done. Pretty normal to eat and eat when you suddenly have
no one telling you when to stop.
I book that has been helping me is called "unconditional
parenting".
> > eating. I told them I would not tell them what to do but if theyknees
> > asked me my opinion, I would give it to them. My dd was on her
> > with her head in the toilet about to throw up and begging me tohelp
> > her get control. In the past, I would set limits on food likeonly
> > have 2 cookies or 1 helping is enough but not consistently.make
> > I want them to learn how to be OK with their choices and how to
> > choices that are healthy for their bodies, but I'm not sure howto do
> > that at this point.I too am new to unschooling and unconditional parenting and I had to
realize that you start by giving up some control not all at once the
kids and probably dad will have a heart attack. lol. But you start a
little at a time and then add more freedom. Since they are asking
for limits what they may be asking is how to make choices so it may
be a good time to sit down and discuss how much food a body should
basically have and to listen to their bodies and listen for when
they are done. Pretty normal to eat and eat when you suddenly have
no one telling you when to stop.
I book that has been helping me is called "unconditional
parenting".