tantrums
[email protected]
Another newbie piping in. It sounds to me like you are doing a great job.
Although you must be frustrated, it reads as if you are doing all the "right"
things to help your son work through his frustrations and issues.
Two things. The first is that we use Rescue Remedy here as well and I don't
feel like it's a magical solution to stop tantrums in their tracks. I feel
like helping your body or your child's body along using herbs can be a good
thing. Sometimes I feel so tight and tense and stressed out I want to scream.
Occasionally, herbs help to bring me out of that feeling. They might help your
son as well and maybe you'll find them helpful on your path to finding the
source of the problem. So, just suggesting that you don't rule it out. We also
use a California Baby "Overtired and Cranky" spray which contains essential
oils and you just spritz around your child's head and back of neck - my son
loves it and sometimes just the funny feeling of the nice smelling spray is enough
to distract him from his tantrum. He never gets more mad because of the
spray.
The second thing is that I read a Mothering magazine article about kids and
hmmm... sorry I'm going to not be totally sure what I'm talking about because I
can't find the mag, but I thought it was about tantrums. Emotional release
was a big thing. It talked about parents doing everything they can to stop the
crying right away but that it wasn't good for the kids because they needed to
scream and cry to release whatever that "stuff" is once in awhile and just
get it out. That certainly doesn't answer your post about ways to get to the
source of his tantrums, but at least it sounds to me from reading that article
that you are doing a great job being there for him during the tantrum and not
trying to stop it or suppress his feelings. Hang in there.
Beth
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Although you must be frustrated, it reads as if you are doing all the "right"
things to help your son work through his frustrations and issues.
Two things. The first is that we use Rescue Remedy here as well and I don't
feel like it's a magical solution to stop tantrums in their tracks. I feel
like helping your body or your child's body along using herbs can be a good
thing. Sometimes I feel so tight and tense and stressed out I want to scream.
Occasionally, herbs help to bring me out of that feeling. They might help your
son as well and maybe you'll find them helpful on your path to finding the
source of the problem. So, just suggesting that you don't rule it out. We also
use a California Baby "Overtired and Cranky" spray which contains essential
oils and you just spritz around your child's head and back of neck - my son
loves it and sometimes just the funny feeling of the nice smelling spray is enough
to distract him from his tantrum. He never gets more mad because of the
spray.
The second thing is that I read a Mothering magazine article about kids and
hmmm... sorry I'm going to not be totally sure what I'm talking about because I
can't find the mag, but I thought it was about tantrums. Emotional release
was a big thing. It talked about parents doing everything they can to stop the
crying right away but that it wasn't good for the kids because they needed to
scream and cry to release whatever that "stuff" is once in awhile and just
get it out. That certainly doesn't answer your post about ways to get to the
source of his tantrums, but at least it sounds to me from reading that article
that you are doing a great job being there for him during the tantrum and not
trying to stop it or suppress his feelings. Hang in there.
Beth
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sylvia Toyama
The second thing is that I read a Mothering magazine article about kids and hmmm... sorry I'm going to not be totally sure what I'm talking about because I can't find the mag, but I thought it was about tantrums.
*****
There was an article titled Help for Tantrums in the Nov/Dec 2002 issue of Mothering Mag. More recently, in the Jan/Feb 2004 issue there was one titled Hold Your Crying Baby, written more about high-crying infants.
You can probably find the articles online at www.mothering.com the article may be in their archives.
Syl
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*****
There was an article titled Help for Tantrums in the Nov/Dec 2002 issue of Mothering Mag. More recently, in the Jan/Feb 2004 issue there was one titled Hold Your Crying Baby, written more about high-crying infants.
You can probably find the articles online at www.mothering.com the article may be in their archives.
Syl
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Sylvia Toyama
In fact, here's a link to the article in Mothering's archives
http://www.mothering.com/15-0-0/html/15-2-0/tantrums.shtml
I recall it being a good article. I think I'll read it again -- Dan's thrown a few tantrums just in the last couple of weeks. I fear he may be building towards that stormy 4yo I've heard about!
Syl
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
http://www.mothering.com/15-0-0/html/15-2-0/tantrums.shtml
I recall it being a good article. I think I'll read it again -- Dan's thrown a few tantrums just in the last couple of weeks. I fear he may be building towards that stormy 4yo I've heard about!
Syl
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Robyn Coburn
<<<I recall it being a good article. I think I'll read it again -- Dan's
thrown a few tantrums just in the last couple of weeks. I fear he may be
building towards that stormy 4yo I've heard about!>>>
One of the ideas that has worked for me, I think it is part of the NVC
toolbox, is to stop using the word "tantrum", since it contains implied
judgments and is too easy to dismiss. Instead describe what is actually
happening. EG: Jayn is crying and stamping her feet, or rolling on the floor
screaming. It helps me not see the actions as endless, or give it more power
in my mind. Conversely it helps me not say "it's *just* a tantrum" and I
then don't just ride it out without helping Jayn find what she needs.
The next step is to express the best guess at what Jayn is feeling - angry,
frustrated, lonely, hungry, tired, distressed, afraid - whatever.
Robyn L. Coburn
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thrown a few tantrums just in the last couple of weeks. I fear he may be
building towards that stormy 4yo I've heard about!>>>
One of the ideas that has worked for me, I think it is part of the NVC
toolbox, is to stop using the word "tantrum", since it contains implied
judgments and is too easy to dismiss. Instead describe what is actually
happening. EG: Jayn is crying and stamping her feet, or rolling on the floor
screaming. It helps me not see the actions as endless, or give it more power
in my mind. Conversely it helps me not say "it's *just* a tantrum" and I
then don't just ride it out without helping Jayn find what she needs.
The next step is to express the best guess at what Jayn is feeling - angry,
frustrated, lonely, hungry, tired, distressed, afraid - whatever.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.732 / Virus Database: 486 - Release Date: 7/29/2004
Joan Labbe & Salvatore Genovese
Thanks, Beth. I appreciate your thoughts and support... Joan
************************
"You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't
help."
-Calvin
-----Original Message-----
From: Bethryco@... [mailto:Bethryco@...]
Sent: Monday, August 02, 2004 7:38 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] tantrums
Another newbie piping in. It sounds to me like you are doing a great job.
Although you must be frustrated, it reads as if you are doing all the
"right"
things to help your son work through his frustrations and issues.
************************
"You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't
help."
-Calvin
-----Original Message-----
From: Bethryco@... [mailto:Bethryco@...]
Sent: Monday, August 02, 2004 7:38 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] tantrums
Another newbie piping in. It sounds to me like you are doing a great job.
Although you must be frustrated, it reads as if you are doing all the
"right"
things to help your son work through his frustrations and issues.