diana
Lorrie
I cannot imagine a 14 year old, told no for the first time with great
understanding, would do such a thing. Oh, but wait, we're NOT talking about
a child who has been honored and respected for her first 14 years. NOT a
child who has an open, loving, non-judgmental relationship with her parents.
This seems to me to be the actions of a girl who is just plain fed up with
arbitrary limits imposed upon her by her parents, from whom she's separated herself long ago.
Wow, so you knew this family I am assuming. Since you seem to know that she was not honored or respected and her parent were not open or loving, and were judgmental.
Who is doing the judging now? And once again the girl was 13 when it all started, not 14. Any parent that would let their 13 year old carry on with an 18 year old boy, is not a caring, loving parent. In my opinion they are just finding the easy way out and allowing their kids to do what they please as long as they stay out of the way.
Sex as a forbidden fruit. Ick! Is she having sex only to piss off her
parents or because she really wants to express her love in a physical way?
Yes, I am sure that she was having sex to piss off her parents, not to hold onto teh 18 year old. Expressing love at 13 or 14 with sex is not how I would want my child to express it. Anyone that thinks this is normal has a problem.
Again, though, remember we're NOT talking about a child who was mindfully
parented, let alone unschooled. Unschooling creates a totally different
relationship.
How does unschooling suddenly create a totally different relationship? Some kids will do whatever they want to as long as they can get away with it. It doesn't matter how they have been "schooled."
Of the unschooling kids I've talked Sex with (again, a big number), most
have had the regular mechanical questions, some safety concerns, and the
very best conversation I ever had was with an 18 year old who was/is
committed to being a sweet, considerate, pleasuring lover of his girlfriend,
whom he is madly in love with. I've yet to meet a one who is participating
in sexual behaviours out of a lack of self-worth or lack of available
love/connections at home.
Why are you talking about sex with other parents children? I find that a bit odd. I wouldn't appreciate it if I found out that another parent was talking to my kids about sex, and especially would find it very odd if my child was telling another adult how he/she pleasures his/her lover.
Restricting your child's actions based on your own fears is Manipulative and
Controlling. It's not respectful nor honoring of the human being before
you. Smash a marshmallow with your thumb. How much of it actually stays
there?( okay, why????)
No, restricting a child from doing anything that will end up harming them is not being manipulative or controlling, it is called good parenting.
I have yet to meet even one unschooled kid who behaves/feels this way, and
I've met many. Have you?
It's really cool when an unschooled teen comes to me for advice (on Sex,
Drugs, Parents, you name it) I know they're not asking me because they can't ask their moms, they're asking because they want *my* opinion to add to their repertoire, as another trusted adult. Not THE trusted adult.
If these kids are unschoolers, and have such wonderful open relationships with their parents, why are they coming to you?Forgive me if I missed some where that you are a teen counselor.
My kids were given alot of freedom, including freedom to make mistakes.
Luckily, mine never desired to try drugs, or do anything that would end up
harming them. That is not always the case in every home. If they did, I> certainly would have stepped in and not stood there and watched them hurt themselves. That is NOT being controlling, it is being a parent that loves
their children!
So, you're saying that if I see Hayden jump precariously close to the edge
of the trampoline, I should remove him and order him to stay off of it? It
worked out just fine for us that he bumped his shin (his great story of how
he *broke his leg* at age 4), he was welcomed and comforted by his watching
mama, he then took another "deep breath of courage" and got back on the
tramp. And has been happily jumping ever since.
Jumping on a trampoline.......taking drugs....two totally different things here. How can you even compare them??
When folks are paranoid about drugs and sex with their kids, I always worry
they're gonna lie to the kids and erode an imperative Trust between parents
and spawn. Cocaine kills! Til the first time the kid tries it and doesn't die. Then what? They (the parents) must have lied about everything else! Sex kills! il the first time the kid does it and doesn't die. Honest, judgment free
conversations are the best birth control I've ever known.
I am not paranoid, just realistic. Maybe drugs won't kill a kid, maybe they will. We are not talking about russian roulette here with a child's life.
And no sex, probably won't kill your teen, but seriously how can a 13 year old mentally handle a sexual relationship?? Could you at 13?
There are lots of things I don't want to be in this world - Liar tops that list. Hypocrite being a close second.
I am guessing that I am a hypocrite to most unschooler son this board since I believe in being a loving, caring parent and want the best for my kids. Even if that means. G-d forbid, not allowing them to harm themselves.
.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Sick sense of humor? Visit Yahoo! TV's
Comedy with an Edge to see what's on, when.
http://tv.yahoo.com/collections/222
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
understanding, would do such a thing. Oh, but wait, we're NOT talking about
a child who has been honored and respected for her first 14 years. NOT a
child who has an open, loving, non-judgmental relationship with her parents.
This seems to me to be the actions of a girl who is just plain fed up with
arbitrary limits imposed upon her by her parents, from whom she's separated herself long ago.
Wow, so you knew this family I am assuming. Since you seem to know that she was not honored or respected and her parent were not open or loving, and were judgmental.
Who is doing the judging now? And once again the girl was 13 when it all started, not 14. Any parent that would let their 13 year old carry on with an 18 year old boy, is not a caring, loving parent. In my opinion they are just finding the easy way out and allowing their kids to do what they please as long as they stay out of the way.
Sex as a forbidden fruit. Ick! Is she having sex only to piss off her
parents or because she really wants to express her love in a physical way?
Yes, I am sure that she was having sex to piss off her parents, not to hold onto teh 18 year old. Expressing love at 13 or 14 with sex is not how I would want my child to express it. Anyone that thinks this is normal has a problem.
Again, though, remember we're NOT talking about a child who was mindfully
parented, let alone unschooled. Unschooling creates a totally different
relationship.
How does unschooling suddenly create a totally different relationship? Some kids will do whatever they want to as long as they can get away with it. It doesn't matter how they have been "schooled."
Of the unschooling kids I've talked Sex with (again, a big number), most
have had the regular mechanical questions, some safety concerns, and the
very best conversation I ever had was with an 18 year old who was/is
committed to being a sweet, considerate, pleasuring lover of his girlfriend,
whom he is madly in love with. I've yet to meet a one who is participating
in sexual behaviours out of a lack of self-worth or lack of available
love/connections at home.
Why are you talking about sex with other parents children? I find that a bit odd. I wouldn't appreciate it if I found out that another parent was talking to my kids about sex, and especially would find it very odd if my child was telling another adult how he/she pleasures his/her lover.
Restricting your child's actions based on your own fears is Manipulative and
Controlling. It's not respectful nor honoring of the human being before
you. Smash a marshmallow with your thumb. How much of it actually stays
there?( okay, why????)
No, restricting a child from doing anything that will end up harming them is not being manipulative or controlling, it is called good parenting.
I have yet to meet even one unschooled kid who behaves/feels this way, and
I've met many. Have you?
It's really cool when an unschooled teen comes to me for advice (on Sex,
Drugs, Parents, you name it) I know they're not asking me because they can't ask their moms, they're asking because they want *my* opinion to add to their repertoire, as another trusted adult. Not THE trusted adult.
If these kids are unschoolers, and have such wonderful open relationships with their parents, why are they coming to you?Forgive me if I missed some where that you are a teen counselor.
My kids were given alot of freedom, including freedom to make mistakes.
Luckily, mine never desired to try drugs, or do anything that would end up
harming them. That is not always the case in every home. If they did, I> certainly would have stepped in and not stood there and watched them hurt themselves. That is NOT being controlling, it is being a parent that loves
their children!
So, you're saying that if I see Hayden jump precariously close to the edge
of the trampoline, I should remove him and order him to stay off of it? It
worked out just fine for us that he bumped his shin (his great story of how
he *broke his leg* at age 4), he was welcomed and comforted by his watching
mama, he then took another "deep breath of courage" and got back on the
tramp. And has been happily jumping ever since.
Jumping on a trampoline.......taking drugs....two totally different things here. How can you even compare them??
When folks are paranoid about drugs and sex with their kids, I always worry
they're gonna lie to the kids and erode an imperative Trust between parents
and spawn. Cocaine kills! Til the first time the kid tries it and doesn't die. Then what? They (the parents) must have lied about everything else! Sex kills! il the first time the kid does it and doesn't die. Honest, judgment free
conversations are the best birth control I've ever known.
I am not paranoid, just realistic. Maybe drugs won't kill a kid, maybe they will. We are not talking about russian roulette here with a child's life.
And no sex, probably won't kill your teen, but seriously how can a 13 year old mentally handle a sexual relationship?? Could you at 13?
There are lots of things I don't want to be in this world - Liar tops that list. Hypocrite being a close second.
I am guessing that I am a hypocrite to most unschooler son this board since I believe in being a loving, caring parent and want the best for my kids. Even if that means. G-d forbid, not allowing them to harm themselves.
.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Sick sense of humor? Visit Yahoo! TV's
Comedy with an Edge to see what's on, when.
http://tv.yahoo.com/collections/222
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meredith
--- In [email protected], Lorrie
<iamhisservant4ever@...> wrote:
unschooling can create a different kind of relationship between
parents and kids, especially teens.
Unschooling parents of teens will tell you differently - are telling
you differently. We really do have a different kind of relationship,
a whole different way of interacting with our teenage family
members.
How do we get there? Trust and openness and listening to them and
supporting them and taking their needs and wants and wishes
seriously. It really works. You don't even need to start out
unschooling at grade K, it works for families who start with teens -
it takes some healing and deschooling, but that openness and
listening and supporting is something that even someone who has
already been a parent for more than a dozen years can learn to do.
because nothing is forbidden to him. That makes an enormous
difference. He doesn't have to hide anything. He doesn't have to
validate his wants and wishes or hide them - because we are
supporting his wants and wishes.
If I told my stepson he wasn't allowed to play with fire, would that
stop him? I doubt it. He'd sneak off and do it anyway. So I'm
finding ways for him to do it safely. He practices with his
(currently unlit) fire-staff daily so that he can get good enough to
do it lit without burning himself. He has the *luxury* of doing that
because he knows we'll let him set the thing on fire when he's
ready. We'll even buy the fuel. In the meantime, we've made sure he
has opportunities to swing fire-poi, which require much less skill,
under the eye of a friend who is a professional street-performer and
knows how to be safe.
different sort of environment, of working through their (our) own
personal bs regardless of how uncomfortable that may be.
Unschooling changes people and relationships. It doesn't happen at
all without trust, though. If you don't trust that this kind of
relationship is *possible* - not inevitable, not guaranteed, but
*possible* - and that its possible for *you* and your family, then
no, it won't matter a bean how long anyone has been schooled or with
what curriculum or lack thereof.
---Meredith (Mo 5.5, Ray 13)
<iamhisservant4ever@...> wrote:
>> How does unschooling suddenly create a totally differentThis is the crux of the matter, isn't it? You don't believe
>relationship?
unschooling can create a different kind of relationship between
parents and kids, especially teens.
Unschooling parents of teens will tell you differently - are telling
you differently. We really do have a different kind of relationship,
a whole different way of interacting with our teenage family
members.
How do we get there? Trust and openness and listening to them and
supporting them and taking their needs and wants and wishes
seriously. It really works. You don't even need to start out
unschooling at grade K, it works for families who start with teens -
it takes some healing and deschooling, but that openness and
listening and supporting is something that even someone who has
already been a parent for more than a dozen years can learn to do.
> Some kids will do whatever they want to as long as they can getIn my home, there is *nothing* for my stepson to "get away with"
>away with it.
because nothing is forbidden to him. That makes an enormous
difference. He doesn't have to hide anything. He doesn't have to
validate his wants and wishes or hide them - because we are
supporting his wants and wishes.
If I told my stepson he wasn't allowed to play with fire, would that
stop him? I doubt it. He'd sneak off and do it anyway. So I'm
finding ways for him to do it safely. He practices with his
(currently unlit) fire-staff daily so that he can get good enough to
do it lit without burning himself. He has the *luxury* of doing that
because he knows we'll let him set the thing on fire when he's
ready. We'll even buy the fuel. In the meantime, we've made sure he
has opportunities to swing fire-poi, which require much less skill,
under the eye of a friend who is a professional street-performer and
knows how to be safe.
> It doesn't matter how they have been "schooled."You're right, what matters is the parent's commitment to creating a
different sort of environment, of working through their (our) own
personal bs regardless of how uncomfortable that may be.
Unschooling changes people and relationships. It doesn't happen at
all without trust, though. If you don't trust that this kind of
relationship is *possible* - not inevitable, not guaranteed, but
*possible* - and that its possible for *you* and your family, then
no, it won't matter a bean how long anyone has been schooled or with
what curriculum or lack thereof.
---Meredith (Mo 5.5, Ray 13)
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: Lorrie <iamhisservant4ever@...>
Who is doing the judging now? And once again the girl was 13 when it
all
started, not 14. Any parent that would let their 13 year old carry on
with an 18
year old boy, is not a caring, loving parent.
-=-=-=-=
So, 14 is the magic number?
-=-=-=-
In my opinion they are just finding the easy way out and allowing
their kids to do what they please as long
as they stay out of the way.
-=-=-=-
To me, forbidding any contact is a MUCH easier way to deal with the
"problem."
It's kind of like buying a curriculum and assuming that the child will
learn being left to do the exercises. He's really just going through
the motions. He's not learning what you think he's learning. BUT he's
doing what you tell him, so it's "working."
-=-=-=-=-
Yes, I am sure that she was having sex to piss off her parents, not to
hold onto
teh 18 year old. Expressing love at 13 or 14 with sex is not how I
would want my
child to express it. Anyone that thinks this is normal has a problem.
-=-=-=-=-
As usual, the issue becomes *why* someone chooses to do what he
does,not necessarily *what* he does.
-=-=-=-=-
How does unschooling suddenly create a totally different relationship?
-=-=-=-
AH! THE question!
Although a few moms have come in and said (recently even) that their
relationships with their children *do* change overnight, most happen
gradually as we let go of control and she our children as trying to be
able and capable and wanting to be the best people they can be. They
have few tools to makebig decesions, so if we let them make smaller
decisions that don't endanger themselves, they'll be able to think
through bigger, more important decisions.
The unschooling relationship is based on mutual trust and respect
rather than on control and obedience.
-=-=-=-=-
Some kids will do whatever they want to as long as they can get away
with it. It
doesn't matter how they have been "schooled."
-=-=-=-=-
No unschooling kids that I know. None. Not a one. They value their
parents' input and make well-thought out decisions. Even if they aren't
the ones the parents would make, the parents respect that they made
that choice and are there for them if it doesn't work out the way they
expected.
-=-=-=-=-
Why are you talking about sex with other parents children?
-=-==-=-=-
Because they teens trust her enough to ask difficult questions.
They aren't afraid of adults because they've been treated as equals. So
when they have questions that their parents cannot answer---or when
they find someone who has more knowledge than they do and who is
willing to talk with them, they'll ask. That's an excellent quality to
have!
-=-=-=-=-
I find that a bit odd. I wouldn't appreciate it if I found out that
another parent was talking to
my kids about sex, and especially would find it very odd if my child
was telling
another adult how he/she pleasures his/her lover.
-=-=-=-=-
I appreciated it very much. Diana gives sessions on sex for adults and
teens. She's a wealth of knowledge.
How much do *you* talk to your child about sex? If *you* aren't going
to talk about it, where is she to go? Her friends? Her boyfriend? Like
most teens???
-=-=-=-=-=-
No, restricting a child from doing anything that will end up harming
them is not
being manipulative or controlling, it is called good parenting.
-=-=-=-=-=-
You're assuming the sex will be harmful. When your daughter has a good
experience with someone she loves and is not harmed, you will have
lied. How is she to believe that the next time you tell her something
is harmful that you are telling the truth?
-=-=-=-=-
If these kids are unschoolers, and have such wonderful open
relationships with
their parents, why are they coming to you?Forgive me if I missed some
where that
you are a teen counselor.
-=-=-=-=-
First off, you did miss something (Diana is a trained facilitator of a
comprehensive sex-ed program called OWL (Our Whole Lives) for teens
(see www.uua.org/OWL).
But even if she weren't, another opinion from a caring adult is a GOOD
thing!
-=-=-=-=-
My kids were given alot of freedom, including freedom to make mistakes.
Luckily, mine never desired to try drugs, or do anything that would
end up
harming them. That is not always the case in every home. If they did,
I>
certainly would have stepped in and not stood there and watched them
hurt
themselves. That is NOT being controlling, it is being a parent that
loves
their children!
-=-=-=-=-
But they are not *necessarily* HURT! Experimenting is what teenagers
DO.
If mine are going to experiment, I want them to do it knowing that I am
here to help them. They can come to me with questions. More
importantly, they can come to me if they DO get in an
uncomfortable/dangerous situation. I'm here to rescue them, not shame
or ridicule them! Or worse, forbid them from trying anything new.
-=-=-=-=-
Jumping on a trampoline.......taking drugs....two totally different
things here.
How can you even compare them??
-=-=-
She wasn't *comparing*---she was showing the progression. He knows
she's there for him always and forever. No matter what. And he learned
that from smaller choices that she supported---again and again.
-=-=-=-=-
I am not paranoid, just realistic.
-=-=-=-=-
No. *We* are realistic. We know that teens will try new things. For
many reasons. We're here to supprt and help them through them---even if
we wouldn't make the same choice.
-=-=-=-=-
Maybe drugs won't kill a kid, maybe they will.
-=-=-=-
Most won't. Saying that they will doesn't make it true. Being
honest---totally honest---about the pros and cons of all things---even
if you wouldn't make that choice is what will gain a child's trust and
respect.
-=-=-=-=-=-
We are not talking about russian roulette here with a child's life.
And no sex, probably won't kill your teen, but seriously how can a 13
year old
mentally handle a sexual relationship?? Could you at 13?
-=-=-=-=-
I know 27 years olds who can't mentally handle sexual
relationships---even 50 year olds. Who gets to make the decision for
them?
-=-=-=-=-
I am guessing that I am a hypocrite to most unschooler son this board
since I
believe in being a loving, caring parent and want the best for my kids.
Even if
that means. G-d forbid, not allowing them to harm themselves.
-=-=-=-=-
If you were actually keeping them from harming themselves, that's
different. You're throwing a lot of fear into something that is
natural. Sex *can* be harmful---especially when a girl doesn't feel she
can say *no* or when she feels she cannot get out of the situation
because she can't call home and asy, "Mom, help me!"
~Kelly
________________________________________________________________________
AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free
from AOL at AOL.com.
From: Lorrie <iamhisservant4ever@...>
Who is doing the judging now? And once again the girl was 13 when it
all
started, not 14. Any parent that would let their 13 year old carry on
with an 18
year old boy, is not a caring, loving parent.
-=-=-=-=
So, 14 is the magic number?
-=-=-=-
In my opinion they are just finding the easy way out and allowing
their kids to do what they please as long
as they stay out of the way.
-=-=-=-
To me, forbidding any contact is a MUCH easier way to deal with the
"problem."
It's kind of like buying a curriculum and assuming that the child will
learn being left to do the exercises. He's really just going through
the motions. He's not learning what you think he's learning. BUT he's
doing what you tell him, so it's "working."
-=-=-=-=-
Yes, I am sure that she was having sex to piss off her parents, not to
hold onto
teh 18 year old. Expressing love at 13 or 14 with sex is not how I
would want my
child to express it. Anyone that thinks this is normal has a problem.
-=-=-=-=-
As usual, the issue becomes *why* someone chooses to do what he
does,not necessarily *what* he does.
-=-=-=-=-
How does unschooling suddenly create a totally different relationship?
-=-=-=-
AH! THE question!
Although a few moms have come in and said (recently even) that their
relationships with their children *do* change overnight, most happen
gradually as we let go of control and she our children as trying to be
able and capable and wanting to be the best people they can be. They
have few tools to makebig decesions, so if we let them make smaller
decisions that don't endanger themselves, they'll be able to think
through bigger, more important decisions.
The unschooling relationship is based on mutual trust and respect
rather than on control and obedience.
-=-=-=-=-
Some kids will do whatever they want to as long as they can get away
with it. It
doesn't matter how they have been "schooled."
-=-=-=-=-
No unschooling kids that I know. None. Not a one. They value their
parents' input and make well-thought out decisions. Even if they aren't
the ones the parents would make, the parents respect that they made
that choice and are there for them if it doesn't work out the way they
expected.
-=-=-=-=-
Why are you talking about sex with other parents children?
-=-==-=-=-
Because they teens trust her enough to ask difficult questions.
They aren't afraid of adults because they've been treated as equals. So
when they have questions that their parents cannot answer---or when
they find someone who has more knowledge than they do and who is
willing to talk with them, they'll ask. That's an excellent quality to
have!
-=-=-=-=-
I find that a bit odd. I wouldn't appreciate it if I found out that
another parent was talking to
my kids about sex, and especially would find it very odd if my child
was telling
another adult how he/she pleasures his/her lover.
-=-=-=-=-
I appreciated it very much. Diana gives sessions on sex for adults and
teens. She's a wealth of knowledge.
How much do *you* talk to your child about sex? If *you* aren't going
to talk about it, where is she to go? Her friends? Her boyfriend? Like
most teens???
-=-=-=-=-=-
No, restricting a child from doing anything that will end up harming
them is not
being manipulative or controlling, it is called good parenting.
-=-=-=-=-=-
You're assuming the sex will be harmful. When your daughter has a good
experience with someone she loves and is not harmed, you will have
lied. How is she to believe that the next time you tell her something
is harmful that you are telling the truth?
-=-=-=-=-
If these kids are unschoolers, and have such wonderful open
relationships with
their parents, why are they coming to you?Forgive me if I missed some
where that
you are a teen counselor.
-=-=-=-=-
First off, you did miss something (Diana is a trained facilitator of a
comprehensive sex-ed program called OWL (Our Whole Lives) for teens
(see www.uua.org/OWL).
But even if she weren't, another opinion from a caring adult is a GOOD
thing!
-=-=-=-=-
My kids were given alot of freedom, including freedom to make mistakes.
Luckily, mine never desired to try drugs, or do anything that would
end up
harming them. That is not always the case in every home. If they did,
I>
certainly would have stepped in and not stood there and watched them
hurt
themselves. That is NOT being controlling, it is being a parent that
loves
their children!
-=-=-=-=-
But they are not *necessarily* HURT! Experimenting is what teenagers
DO.
If mine are going to experiment, I want them to do it knowing that I am
here to help them. They can come to me with questions. More
importantly, they can come to me if they DO get in an
uncomfortable/dangerous situation. I'm here to rescue them, not shame
or ridicule them! Or worse, forbid them from trying anything new.
-=-=-=-=-
Jumping on a trampoline.......taking drugs....two totally different
things here.
How can you even compare them??
-=-=-
She wasn't *comparing*---she was showing the progression. He knows
she's there for him always and forever. No matter what. And he learned
that from smaller choices that she supported---again and again.
-=-=-=-=-
I am not paranoid, just realistic.
-=-=-=-=-
No. *We* are realistic. We know that teens will try new things. For
many reasons. We're here to supprt and help them through them---even if
we wouldn't make the same choice.
-=-=-=-=-
Maybe drugs won't kill a kid, maybe they will.
-=-=-=-
Most won't. Saying that they will doesn't make it true. Being
honest---totally honest---about the pros and cons of all things---even
if you wouldn't make that choice is what will gain a child's trust and
respect.
-=-=-=-=-=-
We are not talking about russian roulette here with a child's life.
And no sex, probably won't kill your teen, but seriously how can a 13
year old
mentally handle a sexual relationship?? Could you at 13?
-=-=-=-=-
I know 27 years olds who can't mentally handle sexual
relationships---even 50 year olds. Who gets to make the decision for
them?
-=-=-=-=-
I am guessing that I am a hypocrite to most unschooler son this board
since I
believe in being a loving, caring parent and want the best for my kids.
Even if
that means. G-d forbid, not allowing them to harm themselves.
-=-=-=-=-
If you were actually keeping them from harming themselves, that's
different. You're throwing a lot of fear into something that is
natural. Sex *can* be harmful---especially when a girl doesn't feel she
can say *no* or when she feels she cannot get out of the situation
because she can't call home and asy, "Mom, help me!"
~Kelly
________________________________________________________________________
AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free
from AOL at AOL.com.
Erica Iwamura
I appreciated it very much. Diana gives sessions on sex for adults and
teens. She's a wealth of knowledge
I would appreciate it someone who loves my child and cares about them give
them advice on anything. There is so much more to the world than "moms or
dads" opinion or take on things. Haveing chats on various subjects with
people you trust is a good thing.
BTW... I would LOVE to attend one of the sessions sometime. I bet it would
be fun and informative!
Erica
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
teens. She's a wealth of knowledge
I would appreciate it someone who loves my child and cares about them give
them advice on anything. There is so much more to the world than "moms or
dads" opinion or take on things. Haveing chats on various subjects with
people you trust is a good thing.
BTW... I would LOVE to attend one of the sessions sometime. I bet it would
be fun and informative!
Erica
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
diana jenner
Hayden, 8.7, just awoke. In talking about my day, I mentioned I've been
pretty active on this list today and would he like to hear a story?
sureThere was this girl who was 13 and she wanted to date an 18 year
old.
SO?! Well, she wasn't unschooled... Oh, her parents said NO? Yep, they sure
did. Guess what she did... she dated him anyway Yep, she sure did. And she
got caught and her boyfriend was told he could never see her again. Guess
what he did... See her anyway? Nope, he shot both her parents. WHAT!?!?!?
That's stupid! So, I say, if you ever feel the need to kill me because I've
told you NO, will you talk to me about it first? (in a fit of giggles) Oh
mom, I won't ever need to kill you! Well, just in case, I want to be sure
you can talk to me even about feeling that way. Oh, and if you feel the
need to climb out your window to do something will you tell me? (still
giggling) WHY would I climb out the window when I can just go out the
door?Well, sometimes it's exciting to *sneak out* which is fine, I'll
even
pretend not to notice, I just wanna know where you are. sure mom (he had
that "aww man, my mom's NUTS" look on his face)
I'm grateful this came up. What a great talk with my kid. What a great laugh
he had -- perfect way to start his day :::bg:::
pretty active on this list today and would he like to hear a story?
sureThere was this girl who was 13 and she wanted to date an 18 year
old.
SO?! Well, she wasn't unschooled... Oh, her parents said NO? Yep, they sure
did. Guess what she did... she dated him anyway Yep, she sure did. And she
got caught and her boyfriend was told he could never see her again. Guess
what he did... See her anyway? Nope, he shot both her parents. WHAT!?!?!?
That's stupid! So, I say, if you ever feel the need to kill me because I've
told you NO, will you talk to me about it first? (in a fit of giggles) Oh
mom, I won't ever need to kill you! Well, just in case, I want to be sure
you can talk to me even about feeling that way. Oh, and if you feel the
need to climb out your window to do something will you tell me? (still
giggling) WHY would I climb out the window when I can just go out the
door?Well, sometimes it's exciting to *sneak out* which is fine, I'll
even
pretend not to notice, I just wanna know where you are. sure mom (he had
that "aww man, my mom's NUTS" look on his face)
I'm grateful this came up. What a great talk with my kid. What a great laugh
he had -- perfect way to start his day :::bg:::
On 6/8/07, Erica Iwamura <hakujin777@...> wrote:
>
> I appreciated it very much. Diana gives sessions on sex for adults and
> teens. She's a wealth of knowledge
>
> I would appreciate it someone who loves my child and cares about them give
> them advice on anything. There is so much more to the world than "moms or
> dads" opinion or take on things. Having chats on various subjects with
> people you trust is a good thing.
>
> BTW... I would LOVE to attend one of the sessions sometime. I bet it would
> be fun and informative!
>
Come out to NC for the L&L Conference :) I'll be doing two sessions: one for
those who Live the unschooled life and those who Give the unschooled life
(not ageism, I swear! a distinction solely for comfort of those attending
::g::)
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Diana wrote:
Though I can talk about many things with my dd, *she* draws the line about anything to do with sexuality, personal hygiene and anything else personal which might embarrass her. I've struggled with how to talk with her and how to give her information or my ideas and feelings, since she is adamant about her privacy in those areas. I realized that she doesn't like to be subjected to scrutiny while she tosses ideas around in her head and heart and will put up a wall to stop it from happening. I wanted to respect her, but still wanted to be sure she was informed.
So, we hit on something together. I asked if I could write letters to her. She said sure. I still worry on occasion that I've written something that's upset her and she won't tell me, but for the most part, I can tell by her subsequent actions (picking up a book I've recommended, though privately; from things she says) that she *has* read my notes. We both feel better - I've given her my opinions, feelings or information and she is taking it in without feeling overly scrutinized.
I try to make sure she has resources she might need, to use in her own way, in her own time. I can't make her be ready when I'm ready to discuss issues. If I honor her need to do it this way, perhaps she'll talk more with me when she feels ready. She might choose not to. Maybe she will talk to Diana; to have another adult who would listen and be there for her would be a gift.
Robin B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I'm grateful this came up. What a great talk with my kid. What a great laughThis is a good point. Just about anything up for dissection on these lists is good for discussion with our kids!
> he had -- perfect way to start his day :::bg:::
Though I can talk about many things with my dd, *she* draws the line about anything to do with sexuality, personal hygiene and anything else personal which might embarrass her. I've struggled with how to talk with her and how to give her information or my ideas and feelings, since she is adamant about her privacy in those areas. I realized that she doesn't like to be subjected to scrutiny while she tosses ideas around in her head and heart and will put up a wall to stop it from happening. I wanted to respect her, but still wanted to be sure she was informed.
So, we hit on something together. I asked if I could write letters to her. She said sure. I still worry on occasion that I've written something that's upset her and she won't tell me, but for the most part, I can tell by her subsequent actions (picking up a book I've recommended, though privately; from things she says) that she *has* read my notes. We both feel better - I've given her my opinions, feelings or information and she is taking it in without feeling overly scrutinized.
I try to make sure she has resources she might need, to use in her own way, in her own time. I can't make her be ready when I'm ready to discuss issues. If I honor her need to do it this way, perhaps she'll talk more with me when she feels ready. She might choose not to. Maybe she will talk to Diana; to have another adult who would listen and be there for her would be a gift.
Robin B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Erica Iwamura
Come out to NC for the L&L Conference :) I'll be doing two sessions: one
for
those who Live the unschooled life and those who Give the unschooled life
(not ageism, I swear! a distinction solely for comfort of those attending
::g::)
Oh, I wish I were able to! We're visiting my grandparents at that time. My
grandma has alzheimers and I haven't seen here since she has been in a
nursing home (last November - we live 2500 miles away) and I really need and
want to see her. She has always been such a positive influence in my life.
We plan on being at Life is Good in 2008 to celebrate your birthday! ((bwg))
Hayden's reaction is cracking me up... "WHY would I climb out the window
when I can just go out the
door?" Sounds like something Brandon would say to me while giving me a
really puzzled look!
Erica
for
those who Live the unschooled life and those who Give the unschooled life
(not ageism, I swear! a distinction solely for comfort of those attending
::g::)
Oh, I wish I were able to! We're visiting my grandparents at that time. My
grandma has alzheimers and I haven't seen here since she has been in a
nursing home (last November - we live 2500 miles away) and I really need and
want to see her. She has always been such a positive influence in my life.
We plan on being at Life is Good in 2008 to celebrate your birthday! ((bwg))
Hayden's reaction is cracking me up... "WHY would I climb out the window
when I can just go out the
door?" Sounds like something Brandon would say to me while giving me a
really puzzled look!
Erica
On 6/8/07, diana jenner <hahamommy@...> wrote:
>
> Hayden, 8.7, just awoke. In talking about my day, I mentioned I've been
> pretty active on this list today and would he like to hear a story?
> sureThere was this girl who was 13 and she wanted to date an 18 year
> old.
> SO?! Well, she wasn't unschooled... Oh, her parents said NO? Yep, they
> sure
> did. Guess what she did... she dated him anyway Yep, she sure did. And she
> got caught and her boyfriend was told he could never see her again. Guess
> what he did... See her anyway? Nope, he shot both her parents. WHAT!?!?!?
> That's stupid! So, I say, if you ever feel the need to kill me because
> I've
> told you NO, will you talk to me about it first? (in a fit of giggles) Oh
> mom, I won't ever need to kill you! Well, just in case, I want to be sure
> you can talk to me even about feeling that way. Oh, and if you feel the
> need to climb out your window to do something will you tell me? (still
> giggling) WHY would I climb out the window when I can just go out the
> door?Well, sometimes it's exciting to *sneak out* which is fine, I'll
> even
> pretend not to notice, I just wanna know where you are. sure mom (he had
> that "aww man, my mom's NUTS" look on his face)
>
> I'm grateful this came up. What a great talk with my kid. What a great
> laugh
> he had -- perfect way to start his day :::bg:::
>
> On 6/8/07, Erica Iwamura <hakujin777@... <hakujin777%40gmail.com>>
> wrote:
> >
> > I appreciated it very much. Diana gives sessions on sex for adults and
> > teens. She's a wealth of knowledge
> >
> > I would appreciate it someone who loves my child and cares about them
> give
> > them advice on anything. There is so much more to the world than "moms
> or
> > dads" opinion or take on things. Having chats on various subjects with
> > people you trust is a good thing.
> >
> > BTW... I would LOVE to attend one of the sessions sometime. I bet it
> would
> > be fun and informative!
> >
>
> Come out to NC for the L&L Conference :) I'll be doing two sessions: one
> for
> those who Live the unschooled life and those who Give the unschooled life
> (not ageism, I swear! a distinction solely for comfort of those attending
> ::g::)
> --
> ~diana :)
> xoxoxoxo
> hannahbearski.blogspot.com
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
--
They say I'm Crazy but I Have a Good Time - Joe Walsh
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
~~So, we hit on something together. I asked if I could write letters
to her. She said sure. ~~
Emails are the BEST.:)
My oldest emailed me a short and sweet note the other day, discussing
(OMG!) of all things, sex. While I'm not surprised by the openness, it
still intrigues me, because I wasn't raised the same way at all.
Unschooling rocks! And unschooled teens are the BOMB.:) Love 'em.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
to her. She said sure. ~~
Emails are the BEST.:)
My oldest emailed me a short and sweet note the other day, discussing
(OMG!) of all things, sex. While I'm not surprised by the openness, it
still intrigues me, because I wasn't raised the same way at all.
Unschooling rocks! And unschooled teens are the BOMB.:) Love 'em.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Ren Allen
~~Hayden, 8.7, just awoke. In talking about my day, I mentioned I've
been pretty active on this list today and would he like to hear a story?~~
Haha! We've had some pretty good discussions about issues that surface
at the list. My kids sometimes roll their eyes and say "WHY would THAT
be a big deal?"
Especially lately, with Trevor's gf having stayed up here and me
relating how MY parents would never have let that happen. They looked
at me weird and said "WHY?" as though its the most natural thing on
earth to have your significant other sleep over at your house.:) Well
it is natural actually....BUT.......
There are things they don't understand, and I'm glad it seems
unnatural to them. Things like sharing your money and driving trips
and other avenues of power that adults have, that seem to get kept
from kids. My children just don't understand why parents wouldn't
share all of that access.:)
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
been pretty active on this list today and would he like to hear a story?~~
Haha! We've had some pretty good discussions about issues that surface
at the list. My kids sometimes roll their eyes and say "WHY would THAT
be a big deal?"
Especially lately, with Trevor's gf having stayed up here and me
relating how MY parents would never have let that happen. They looked
at me weird and said "WHY?" as though its the most natural thing on
earth to have your significant other sleep over at your house.:) Well
it is natural actually....BUT.......
There are things they don't understand, and I'm glad it seems
unnatural to them. Things like sharing your money and driving trips
and other avenues of power that adults have, that seem to get kept
from kids. My children just don't understand why parents wouldn't
share all of that access.:)
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Kathleen Gehrke
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@...>
When she was thinking about sex, she told me and got on birth control.
That was a year ago. Today on the fridge is a huge note that she has an
appointment at family planning. She is still a private person, I really
respect that. I am totally not a private person and would discuss any
subject with anyone.
I love that because of our unschooling life she feels safe to share and
discuss her thoughts and feelings about sex and decisions she is making
along with decisions and lack of support she sees some of her friends
getting.
I am soo grateful for unschooling;]
BTW my third son turned sixteen yesterday. Some friends of mine stopped
by and said something about sweet sixteen and never been kissed. Jess
in his usual subtle way raises an eyebrown and says of course I
have,,,,,pause.... your mom counts right? My friends were rolling.
Jess was quite pleased with himself;]
Kathleen
<starsuncloud@...>
>My daughter is a very private person, but her first time she told me.
> Emails are the BEST.:)
> My oldest emailed me a short and sweet note the other day, discussing
> (OMG!) of all things, sex. While I'm not surprised by the openness, it
> still intrigues me, because I wasn't raised the same way at all.
When she was thinking about sex, she told me and got on birth control.
That was a year ago. Today on the fridge is a huge note that she has an
appointment at family planning. She is still a private person, I really
respect that. I am totally not a private person and would discuss any
subject with anyone.
I love that because of our unschooling life she feels safe to share and
discuss her thoughts and feelings about sex and decisions she is making
along with decisions and lack of support she sees some of her friends
getting.
I am soo grateful for unschooling;]
BTW my third son turned sixteen yesterday. Some friends of mine stopped
by and said something about sweet sixteen and never been kissed. Jess
in his usual subtle way raises an eyebrown and says of course I
have,,,,,pause.... your mom counts right? My friends were rolling.
Jess was quite pleased with himself;]
Kathleen
Nicole Willoughby
Emails are the BEST.:)
My oldest emailed me a short and sweet note the other day, discussing
(OMG!) of all things, sex. While I'm not surprised by the openness, it
still intrigues me, because I wasn't raised the same way at all>>>>>>>>>>>
I wish e-mail had been around when I was a kid. My mom turned red at the mere mention of periods, sex etc. Her mom died when she was 5 and she was raised with dad and 2 older brothers who basicly had the attitude of get near our sister and die so she had to figure it all out on her own .
Thankfully my dad was the complete opposite of my mom on so many things and talked with me as openly and honestly as possible ( he also had this habbit of cleaning his guns when my boyfriends were over lol ) but I really would have benefited from discussions with a mature woman.
---------------------------------
No need to miss a message. Get email on-the-go
with Yahoo! Mail for Mobile. Get started.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My oldest emailed me a short and sweet note the other day, discussing
(OMG!) of all things, sex. While I'm not surprised by the openness, it
still intrigues me, because I wasn't raised the same way at all>>>>>>>>>>>
I wish e-mail had been around when I was a kid. My mom turned red at the mere mention of periods, sex etc. Her mom died when she was 5 and she was raised with dad and 2 older brothers who basicly had the attitude of get near our sister and die so she had to figure it all out on her own .
Thankfully my dad was the complete opposite of my mom on so many things and talked with me as openly and honestly as possible ( he also had this habbit of cleaning his guns when my boyfriends were over lol ) but I really would have benefited from discussions with a mature woman.
---------------------------------
No need to miss a message. Get email on-the-go
with Yahoo! Mail for Mobile. Get started.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/8/2007 10:17:21 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time,
gehrkes@... writes:
BTW my third son turned sixteen yesterday. Some friends of mine stopped
by and said something about sweet sixteen and never been kissed. Jess
in his usual subtle way raises an eyebrown and says of course I
have,,,,,pause.... your mom counts right? My friends were rolling.
Jess was quite pleased with himself;]
I just have to say that made me literally, "LOL!" GREAT comment. He sounds
like a fun young man.
Karen
************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
gehrkes@... writes:
BTW my third son turned sixteen yesterday. Some friends of mine stopped
by and said something about sweet sixteen and never been kissed. Jess
in his usual subtle way raises an eyebrown and says of course I
have,,,,,pause.... your mom counts right? My friends were rolling.
Jess was quite pleased with himself;]
I just have to say that made me literally, "LOL!" GREAT comment. He sounds
like a fun young man.
Karen
************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]