Anne Jacobsen

Hello,
I am new on this listserv. I have 2 kids, a son (8,
almost 9), and a daughter (6). We are on our third
year of homeschooling...working our way to complete
unschooling.

I am struggling with my fears (and embarrassment to
some degree). My son is not reading...so that isn't
really a problem in the unschooling world. The
problem is being surrounded by people with children
who read (most of them spontaneously and early),
people who don't question the way we educate because
their kids are doing "fine" in public or private
school, and having ignorant in-laws who think that I
am
damaging my kids. Ok, so I really shouldn't care what
they think, I've chosen a different path
altogether...but I have a hard time with the
criticisms and even harder time defending unschooling
(all the reading and knowledge I have does not seem to
placate people who just don't get it or just don't
want to get it). I think that it is WAY more
important for my son to be happy emotionally the way
he is at home, than to be miserable and doing
so-called "learning" at school!
That being said, I have fears about my son too. Just
because all other unschoolers seem to come out
reading, does that mean mine will for sure? His
problems seem like classic dyslexia (I used to be a
teacher...which might be the source of all my
anxiety?). Is there anything that I need to do about
that or just wait? It also seems harder and harder to
protect my child from the outside. He feels so shamed
(self induced I believe)about his lack of reading
skills. He won't even attend camp this summer because
he is afraid he will be teased or asked to read a
schedule or something.

My embarrassment comes from the looks I get from
people who think I am doing a total disservice to my
kids. I can't prove that they are wrong and maybe
deep down I wonder if they are right. The only thing
that keeps me going is that I love this lifestyle and
that my kids are happier emotionally than when they
were in school. I think my in-laws think that I am
selfish for that.

Oh well, I've said enough. I would love to hear how
you all have dealt with fears, in-laws and late
readers! Forging new ground means you don't have a
whole lot of models around to emulate. I have read
just about every unschooling book there is and have 2
subscriptions to unschooling magazines. Oh and I have
read a lot online too about late readers and fears
(Sandra Dodd's page about reading being one).
Thanks a lot,
Anne


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Nicole Willoughby

My son is not reading...so that isn't
really a problem in the unschooling world. The
problem is being surrounded by people with children
who read (most of them spontaneously and early)>>>>>>>

First! stop right now , mentaly list all the things he is good at , all the things you love about him and go give him a big hug.

Ok ...he isnt reading anything at all? not one word? .......

or does he choose not to preform for others when it comes to reading?

My 7 almost 8 year old was in ps untill a month ago. Untill October of this year she was reading almost nothing..still laborously sounding out 3 letter words over and over . By the end of November she had started reading through some chapter books ....she still strugles through them but is reading.

Its very rare that she will read out loud to anyone and I never make her . She plays on horseland and her actions in the game coincide with the written directions, she made jello no bake cheescake today only asking me to remove the doughhook from the mixer for her , and tells me things about the library books she got this week . All this and more shows me her reading is progresing just fine :)

Ill tell you something a ps school teacher told me . I can teach them 3 months worth of phonics which they will absorb or not, some kids just arent phonetical readers. Then I turn them loose , give them tons of opportunities to read , and I have to trust that when they are ready they will read.

Inlaws, well meaning friends, uncertainty, etc.............

I struggle with this a lot! All I can say on this is there are so many types of parenting, schooling etc out there. There are people who spank , use structured curriculum , etc who may be outspoken about the merits but secretly wonder if they are being to harsh. I dont think anyone out there goes without doubts on wether what they are doing is the "right way".
Trust your instincts. It sounds to me like you work hard to give your children to very happy life :)

nicole > who is eagerly awaiting to hear what others have to say about this .




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sharon currie

Hi Anne,

We have similar problems, your son with reading and my son with Maths! Diffrent subject but still same fear!

Only advice I can give with regards to reading is, if he doesn't want to read, then YOU read to him as often as he allows you to, meaning he must be enjoy it! No forcing as it can be rather painful being forced to still thru something you both don't like. My son being read to and still do. Us reading to him, I believe, is instrumental to his high capabililty of being able to read anything today. He started reading to himself when he was 4. Today he's 6 going 7, and he could very easily read anything he picks up but this doesn't meant he can understand what he's reading! And even though he can read, he still prefers being read to, everynight at bedtime! And sometimes we go thru 3,4 or even 5 or 6 short stories but there are days when we know he's tired because he could barely keep his eyes open, halfway thru the first story LOL! We read anything he picks up from the library, from big train encyclopedia to baby storybooks. And it's because he 'knows' he'll gain access to
any story, thru us reading to him, he'll just about pick up anything he like the look of, on the cover and bring it home with us. So it's very normal of me lugging this hug shopping bag of thick books of which we'll probably end up only reading the first 2 pages! LOL!


" As Nicole wrote: -
I struggle with this a lot! All I can say on this is there are so many types of parenting, schooling etc out there. There are people who spank , use structured curriculum , etc who may be outspoken about the merits but secretly wonder if they are being to harsh. I dont think anyone out there goes without doubts on wether what they are doing is the "right way".
Trust your instincts. It sounds to me like you work hard to give your children to very happy life :) "

I couldn't agree more! For me, reading alot, via books or internet, blogs, support frums, adopting what's relevant and feels right and reject what's not, helps me form my beliefs as to what's best for our son.

Best Regards
SharonC


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mugglebornmom

Hi! I pulled my two boys, ages 6 and 14 from the public school system
last Feb. My 6 year old is struggling with reading. My 14 yo read
before kindergarten, but I had alot more time with him than I did my
youngest. Since I have pulled them, my 6 yo is progressing pretty
good. We don't give grades or timelines. I am pretty much unschooling
them at this point but that might change over time. Right now it
suits us and they are doing great. They are so much happier and
willing to learn. The 6 yo comes to me and asks for math and science
lessons. His reading is improving alot since we've been home because
there is no pressure to "keep up" with the class. I wouldn't worry so
much about what others think. Opinions are like buttholes, everyone
has one. What is important is how your kids feel. They will learn
everything they NEED to.



--- In [email protected], Anne Jacobsen
<apepelko@...> wrote:
>
> Hello,
> I am new on this listserv. I have 2 kids, a son (8,
> almost 9), and a daughter (6). We are on our third
> year of homeschooling...working our way to complete
> unschooling.
>
> I am struggling with my fears (and embarrassment to
> some degree). My son is not reading...so that isn't
> really a problem in the unschooling world. The
> problem is being surrounded by people with children
> who read (most of them spontaneously and early),
> people who don't question the way we educate because
> their kids are doing "fine" in public or private
> school, and having ignorant in-laws who think that I
> am
> damaging my kids. Ok, so I really shouldn't care what
> they think, I've chosen a different path
> altogether...but I have a hard time with the
> criticisms and even harder time defending unschooling
> (all the reading and knowledge I have does not seem to
> placate people who just don't get it or just don't
> want to get it). I think that it is WAY more
> important for my son to be happy emotionally the way
> he is at home, than to be miserable and doing
> so-called "learning" at school!
> That being said, I have fears about my son too. Just
> because all other unschoolers seem to come out
> reading, does that mean mine will for sure? His
> problems seem like classic dyslexia (I used to be a
> teacher...which might be the source of all my
> anxiety?). Is there anything that I need to do about
> that or just wait? It also seems harder and harder to
> protect my child from the outside. He feels so shamed
> (self induced I believe)about his lack of reading
> skills. He won't even attend camp this summer because
> he is afraid he will be teased or asked to read a
> schedule or something.
>
> My embarrassment comes from the looks I get from
> people who think I am doing a total disservice to my
> kids. I can't prove that they are wrong and maybe
> deep down I wonder if they are right. The only thing
> that keeps me going is that I love this lifestyle and
> that my kids are happier emotionally than when they
> were in school. I think my in-laws think that I am
> selfish for that.
>
> Oh well, I've said enough. I would love to hear how
> you all have dealt with fears, in-laws and late
> readers! Forging new ground means you don't have a
> whole lot of models around to emulate. I have read
> just about every unschooling book there is and have 2
> subscriptions to unschooling magazines. Oh and I have
> read a lot online too about late readers and fears
> (Sandra Dodd's page about reading being one).
> Thanks a lot,
> Anne
>
>
> __________________________________________________
> Do You Yahoo!?
> Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
> http://mail.yahoo.com
>

caradove

--- In [email protected], Anne Jacobsen <apepelko@...>
wrote:

> That being said, I have fears about my son too. Just
> because all other unschoolers seem to come out
> reading, does that mean mine will for sure? His
> problems seem like classic dyslexia (I used to be a
> teacher...which might be the source of all my
> anxiety?). Is there anything that I need to do about
> that or just wait? It also seems harder and harder to
> protect my child from the outside. He feels so shamed
> (self induced I believe)about his lack of reading
> skills. He won't even attend camp this summer because
> he is afraid he will be teased or asked to read a
> schedule or something.

Hello Anne,
If our children were in school chances are they would be diagnosed
with something to explain "late reading".But they are not, so have
faith, it will happen when he is ready.
My oldest boy, when 7yo described words mixing on the page, we
started to get large print books and even the text in a hardcover was
sufficiently larger than in a paperback to make a good difference for him.

My second son didn't read until 8yo, he just turned nine. When he was
younger, 6.5 or seven I would occasionally try to "Teach" him to read.
He would hide in his t-shirt, roll on the floor squealing or
crying,bang himself on the head and eventually crawl out of the room
leaving me frazzled and close to tears. He most likely would have had
a diagnosis of ADD or something.
He used to say he wouldn't read until he could read Lord Of The Rings!
I would tell people that and I think they thought I was mad to think
that might happen on its own. He announced four mnths before his
eighth birthday that he thinks he will read by his next birthday.And
he did!His first book was "God Bless The Gargoyles" by Dav Pilkey,then
a few Beverley Cleary Books and then a large volume, Arthur, High King
Of Britain, followed by Gawain andthe Loathly Lady,Sir Percival and
any other Arthur stuff he could find. Then The Hobbit and the Lord Of
The Rings, The Fellowship of the Rings.For him, mission accomplished
and all within nine months of beginning to read. He has now read the
first five Harry Potter books and carries a book around most of the
time. He also plays lots of computer games playstation, tree climbing,
and other stuff.He just turned nine.
Our homeschool consultant, an unschooler told me her son didnt read
till 11 or 12. Then he started to read National Geographic cover to
cover and scientific mags too.
If he doesnt want top go to camp dont push it. If you can mention to
the facilitator that he doesnt read that might work, or choose a camp
that is not likely to involve reading.
And a good thing to let people know is that after a very short time
you cant tell the difference between a child who read at four or a
child who read at ten yo.
It is worth the wait! What is the point in a boy who is taught to read
at five in school because he "has to" but totally loses the love of
reading which so often happens when learning is pushed.

Cara