Any large unschooling families? I need to vent!
anissalmuslimah
Hello all,
I am wondering if there are any large, unschooling families out
there? By "large" I am talking a family of 5 or more school aged
children + parent(s) makes 6 or 7 members or more in the household.
We are considered a large family by most people's standards -
myself, my husband, and our five children ages 12,11,9,8,6 - and we
are an unschooling family. I'm beginning to think that we may need
to incorporate some kind of academic structure, though, as the
children are really starting to polish off my nerves. They are
really good kids, generally speaking, but the pre-teen thing is
kicking in (moods, attitudes, etc) and the bickering, complaining
about almost anything that isn't their way or what THEY want to do
no matter if it is actually a necessity (such as coming along with
me to the market to help me out with buying the $800.00+ worth of
food and groceries that THEY will be eating and consuming too!!!!).
I'm just sick of the ungrateful attitudes, especially because I try
so hard to allow them to learn in freedom. I do this by staying up
half the night many nights researching opportunities for them to
experience things that are related to whatever it is they are
interested in at the moment, I work 12 hour shifts at night (I'm a
nurse) EVERY WEEKEND in order to #1 supplement our household income
so that finances generally aren't an issue when they decide they
want a new experience, a day trip, or try a new hobby or something,
and #2 be home Mon-Fri with them so that I am not working during the
week and too tired to do whatever it is they are interested in
doing....nursing is a very physically demanding job I'm sure you can
imagine and I am dead tired and sore at the end of my shifts...When
I ask them to do something out of necessity, the attitudes are
rotten and they seem to be getting out of control with the computer
games...I mean, they have started to act outside of themselves -
almost obsessive i feel. Not to mention, I feel if we have more
structure, I'd be able to get a bit more accomplished for myself
without having to stay up each night til the wee hours!
I've babbled enough. I'm not sure if I even got to the point of what
the real problem may be? LOL...sorry for unloading. Any advice will
be appreciated. Thanks for reading.
Anissa
I am wondering if there are any large, unschooling families out
there? By "large" I am talking a family of 5 or more school aged
children + parent(s) makes 6 or 7 members or more in the household.
We are considered a large family by most people's standards -
myself, my husband, and our five children ages 12,11,9,8,6 - and we
are an unschooling family. I'm beginning to think that we may need
to incorporate some kind of academic structure, though, as the
children are really starting to polish off my nerves. They are
really good kids, generally speaking, but the pre-teen thing is
kicking in (moods, attitudes, etc) and the bickering, complaining
about almost anything that isn't their way or what THEY want to do
no matter if it is actually a necessity (such as coming along with
me to the market to help me out with buying the $800.00+ worth of
food and groceries that THEY will be eating and consuming too!!!!).
I'm just sick of the ungrateful attitudes, especially because I try
so hard to allow them to learn in freedom. I do this by staying up
half the night many nights researching opportunities for them to
experience things that are related to whatever it is they are
interested in at the moment, I work 12 hour shifts at night (I'm a
nurse) EVERY WEEKEND in order to #1 supplement our household income
so that finances generally aren't an issue when they decide they
want a new experience, a day trip, or try a new hobby or something,
and #2 be home Mon-Fri with them so that I am not working during the
week and too tired to do whatever it is they are interested in
doing....nursing is a very physically demanding job I'm sure you can
imagine and I am dead tired and sore at the end of my shifts...When
I ask them to do something out of necessity, the attitudes are
rotten and they seem to be getting out of control with the computer
games...I mean, they have started to act outside of themselves -
almost obsessive i feel. Not to mention, I feel if we have more
structure, I'd be able to get a bit more accomplished for myself
without having to stay up each night til the wee hours!
I've babbled enough. I'm not sure if I even got to the point of what
the real problem may be? LOL...sorry for unloading. Any advice will
be appreciated. Thanks for reading.
Anissa
Joanne
Hi Anissa,
I don't think having a large family has anything to do with your
problem.
It sounds like you're mentally and emotionally drained and I
understand what that feels like.
I think the first thing you should do is talk to your kids about
what's been going on. You can't be a role model and a joyful parent
when you're stressed and on your last nerve. Talk to your kids about
how you're feeling and see what you can all come up with. I've had
really good results with this in my home.
Second, try to not get to the point of no return. Be proactive, not
reactive. I do my best (it's not always easy lately but I make a big
effort), to take care of myself on a daily basis so that it doesn't
ever get to be to much. For example, I get super stressed when the
house is cluttered. It makes it very hard for me to function when
there's stuff everywhere. If I keep up with it a little at a time
throughout the day so that it never gets really bad, it's better for
me (which in turn is better for my kids because I don't snap at
them) than letting it pile up because then I get cranky. I know this
about myself and I do what I can to avoid it. What are your triggers?
When we were getting ready to adopt our kids (we adopted all three-
they're siblings), our caseworker had a sign in her office that
said "Behavior is the language of a childs emotion". I think of that
whenever my kids behavior is not what it usually is and I try to
figure out what emotion they're trying to express. It sounds like
you need to spend more time with your kids (maybe one on one) and
see what's going on with them.
I hope some of this helps!
~ Joanne ~
Add your voice ~ Unschooling Voices
http://tinyurl.com/26pt6x
I don't think having a large family has anything to do with your
problem.
It sounds like you're mentally and emotionally drained and I
understand what that feels like.
I think the first thing you should do is talk to your kids about
what's been going on. You can't be a role model and a joyful parent
when you're stressed and on your last nerve. Talk to your kids about
how you're feeling and see what you can all come up with. I've had
really good results with this in my home.
Second, try to not get to the point of no return. Be proactive, not
reactive. I do my best (it's not always easy lately but I make a big
effort), to take care of myself on a daily basis so that it doesn't
ever get to be to much. For example, I get super stressed when the
house is cluttered. It makes it very hard for me to function when
there's stuff everywhere. If I keep up with it a little at a time
throughout the day so that it never gets really bad, it's better for
me (which in turn is better for my kids because I don't snap at
them) than letting it pile up because then I get cranky. I know this
about myself and I do what I can to avoid it. What are your triggers?
When we were getting ready to adopt our kids (we adopted all three-
they're siblings), our caseworker had a sign in her office that
said "Behavior is the language of a childs emotion". I think of that
whenever my kids behavior is not what it usually is and I try to
figure out what emotion they're trying to express. It sounds like
you need to spend more time with your kids (maybe one on one) and
see what's going on with them.
I hope some of this helps!
~ Joanne ~
Add your voice ~ Unschooling Voices
http://tinyurl.com/26pt6x
Melissa Bowles
I am the youngest of 8, so I understand "large". None of us were
homeschooled... But there are differences in a larger family to a smaller
one and that is you have to flat out "deal". Cant tell you how many times
my mom tells one of us to "just deal with it". This is the life you got,
deal!! LOL
My mom was/is very liberal and tough. She was the ruler in the house, Which
I don't agree with but I wonder at times if it was necessity.... Who
knows.... Anyway.... We were taught to be grateful and shown others lives,
we talked a lot about history and how that pertained to our family and I was
always aware that we had an average house and could have a few cars and
lights and food etc etc... Stories of grandparents and their lives, having
to leave home because no one could feed them. Etc etc...
I wonder if you need to dedicate some time on history and what others didn't
have and what your kids do have?
Dedicate time on where those groceries, all 800 bucks worth comes from?
You are doing a great job- just refine it!!?!?
homeschooled... But there are differences in a larger family to a smaller
one and that is you have to flat out "deal". Cant tell you how many times
my mom tells one of us to "just deal with it". This is the life you got,
deal!! LOL
My mom was/is very liberal and tough. She was the ruler in the house, Which
I don't agree with but I wonder at times if it was necessity.... Who
knows.... Anyway.... We were taught to be grateful and shown others lives,
we talked a lot about history and how that pertained to our family and I was
always aware that we had an average house and could have a few cars and
lights and food etc etc... Stories of grandparents and their lives, having
to leave home because no one could feed them. Etc etc...
I wonder if you need to dedicate some time on history and what others didn't
have and what your kids do have?
Dedicate time on where those groceries, all 800 bucks worth comes from?
You are doing a great job- just refine it!!?!?
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: ummabdullah@...
We are considered a large family by most people's standards -
myself, my husband, and our five children ages 12,11,9,8,6 - and we
are an unschooling family. I'm beginning to think that we may need
to incorporate some kind of academic structure, though, as the
children are really starting to polish off my nerves. They are
really good kids, generally speaking, but the pre-teen thing is
kicking in (moods, attitudes, etc) and the bickering, complaining
about almost anything that isn't their way or what THEY want to do
no matter if it is actually a necessity (such as coming along with
me to the market to help me out with buying the $800.00+ worth of
food and groceries that THEY will be eating and consuming too!!!!).
I'm just sick of the ungrateful attitudes, especially because I try
so hard to allow them to learn in freedom. I do this by staying up
half the night many nights researching opportunities for them to
experience things that are related to whatever it is they are
interested in at the moment, I work 12 hour shifts at night (I'm a
nurse) EVERY WEEKEND in order to #1 supplement our household income
so that finances generally aren't an issue when they decide they
want a new experience, a day trip, or try a new hobby or something,
and #2 be home Mon-Fri with them so that I am not working during the
week and too tired to do whatever it is they are interested in
doing....nursing is a very physically demanding job I'm sure you can
imagine and I am dead tired and sore at the end of my shifts...When
I ask them to do something out of necessity, the attitudes are
rotten and they seem to be getting out of control with the computer
games...I mean, they have started to act outside of themselves -
almost obsessive i feel. Not to mention, I feel if we have more
structure, I'd be able to get a bit more accomplished for myself
without having to stay up each night til the wee hours!
-=-=-=--=
This has absolutely nothing to do with large families. It has to do
with attitude.
Please go back and read what you wrote as if you'd never seen it
before. Please tell me *WHO* exactly has the "rotten attitude," is
"ungrateful, "bickers," and "complains."
*WHO* isn't getting her way?
Where's the mirror? You have five of them. Five mirrors.
Change *your* attitude to one of abundance and joy, and they will too.
If you're unsure how to, be specific. We can help.
Oh---and exactly *how* do you think "academic structure" would help
this situation?
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free
from AOL at AOL.com.
From: ummabdullah@...
We are considered a large family by most people's standards -
myself, my husband, and our five children ages 12,11,9,8,6 - and we
are an unschooling family. I'm beginning to think that we may need
to incorporate some kind of academic structure, though, as the
children are really starting to polish off my nerves. They are
really good kids, generally speaking, but the pre-teen thing is
kicking in (moods, attitudes, etc) and the bickering, complaining
about almost anything that isn't their way or what THEY want to do
no matter if it is actually a necessity (such as coming along with
me to the market to help me out with buying the $800.00+ worth of
food and groceries that THEY will be eating and consuming too!!!!).
I'm just sick of the ungrateful attitudes, especially because I try
so hard to allow them to learn in freedom. I do this by staying up
half the night many nights researching opportunities for them to
experience things that are related to whatever it is they are
interested in at the moment, I work 12 hour shifts at night (I'm a
nurse) EVERY WEEKEND in order to #1 supplement our household income
so that finances generally aren't an issue when they decide they
want a new experience, a day trip, or try a new hobby or something,
and #2 be home Mon-Fri with them so that I am not working during the
week and too tired to do whatever it is they are interested in
doing....nursing is a very physically demanding job I'm sure you can
imagine and I am dead tired and sore at the end of my shifts...When
I ask them to do something out of necessity, the attitudes are
rotten and they seem to be getting out of control with the computer
games...I mean, they have started to act outside of themselves -
almost obsessive i feel. Not to mention, I feel if we have more
structure, I'd be able to get a bit more accomplished for myself
without having to stay up each night til the wee hours!
-=-=-=--=
This has absolutely nothing to do with large families. It has to do
with attitude.
Please go back and read what you wrote as if you'd never seen it
before. Please tell me *WHO* exactly has the "rotten attitude," is
"ungrateful, "bickers," and "complains."
*WHO* isn't getting her way?
Where's the mirror? You have five of them. Five mirrors.
Change *your* attitude to one of abundance and joy, and they will too.
If you're unsure how to, be specific. We can help.
Oh---and exactly *how* do you think "academic structure" would help
this situation?
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free
from AOL at AOL.com.
Melissa
Well, I *think* we'd be considered a large family, two adults, seven permanent kids,
fosterlings in and out.
I'd like to ask a few questions, like, how do you think 'academic' structure would help the
kids? Or are you hoping it will help you? Do you need textbooks to accomplish structure
throughout the day, or would working on a self-routine accomplish more of that?
It seems to me that moms of big families (myself included) try to follow the same lifestyle
that we'd have with only one or two children. it's not possible! We have to create our own
life, our own family, and it won't look the same. Housework won't look the same, meals
won't look the same, time with the kids won't look the same. I'd say you ARE at the end of
the rope, and it's fair to say "I can't do it all myself, I need your help". But only say that
after you've looked at EVERYTHING you are doing, and really really pick and choose the
most important. Why do you have to stay up half the night to find important things for the
kids? Can they look themselves? Can you limit yourself to fifteen minutes per child,
googling their particular interests, jot it down and tell them you found such-n-so on the
web and you were wondering if they'd like to follow up? Back when we had less computers,
the computer we did have had bookmark folders for each child, so i could easily save a
bookmark in each folder as I came across stuff.
You can't do the impossible, fit more hours into the day. With a big family, everyone isn't
going to be able to do every little thing outside of the home that sounds interesting, at
least not without some creative phone management. If they have a class, ask the other
moms if they would mind carpooling. If one wants a field trip and the others don't want to
go, see if the kids can play at someone's house for a few hours. Build some social capital
with neighbors, acquaintances at your regular gatherings so that you have people you can
depend on.
I'd ask if I was killing myself maintaining household standards that no one else really cares
about (my hardest self-burden) I clean one room a day, and it takes me maybe half an
hour to wipe everything down with chlorox cleanup and dry it off. For tough stains I use a
magic sponge.
I'd ask myself why they need to go shopping? We sit down once a month and make a meal
schedule (totally flexible, but helps us plan) The kids have their input then, and if they
choose to stay home (okay, not the littles, but Josh and Emily and Rachel can stay home in
pairs) instead of dealing with the incredible tedium of shopping. Mostly they like to go
shopping because we can just talk without everyone's interests getting in the way.
Sometimes Josh would rather stay home to work on soldering while the littles are gone, or
Emily and Rachel want to finish a level on WarioWare without Sam and Dan interfering. It's
helpful to them.
if my kids are bickering about something, i ask them for solutions. They don't like dinner,
fine, they are welcome to find something else, make something else, ASK for help with
finding something else. We're set up to succeed, with healthy alternatives already put
together in the fridge. We always plan leftovers of favorites.
I'd also ask if I was projecting MY feelings into the group. If you see shopping as a burden,
your children will definitely pick-up on that and see it as a burden to be endured, some
attitude will definitely show if they are being FORCED to do something that is a burden. I
can choose not to see it as a burden, personally I see it as a blessing to be able to
purchase and prepare food for my family that is inexpensive and nourishing. I thank God
that we have the money to buy food (because we haven't always) and that I have choices to
buy what I can. Now, laundry i'm not always joyful about, but I do try, because of some
posts on here that have reminded me that I am blessed to have my children there to wear
the clothes. Pumping raw sewage tonight was a trial, but I was Pollyanna enough to find
some blessings out of it, the basement is totally sterilized and cleaner than it has been
in...oh, probably since we moved in. Maybe earlier. We've never had a plumbing issue in
three years of living here, and our new neighbors had one before they even moved in. We
were blessed in that the guy had called backup and just by chance forced the last two feet
of snake down the drain and hit the block. He was able to cancel the call and saved us
$500 in additional fees.
anyway, it's even later now, 2:30 and I need a shower. Blech, I smell like bleach but it's still
not enough. The kids got to learn a terrible lot about plumbing and toilet paper tonight,
so i walk away hopeful that they will be a little more conservative in their usage.
Nine people are very hard on plumbing.
Melissa
--- In [email protected], "anissalmuslimah" <ummabdullah@...>
wrote:
fosterlings in and out.
I'd like to ask a few questions, like, how do you think 'academic' structure would help the
kids? Or are you hoping it will help you? Do you need textbooks to accomplish structure
throughout the day, or would working on a self-routine accomplish more of that?
It seems to me that moms of big families (myself included) try to follow the same lifestyle
that we'd have with only one or two children. it's not possible! We have to create our own
life, our own family, and it won't look the same. Housework won't look the same, meals
won't look the same, time with the kids won't look the same. I'd say you ARE at the end of
the rope, and it's fair to say "I can't do it all myself, I need your help". But only say that
after you've looked at EVERYTHING you are doing, and really really pick and choose the
most important. Why do you have to stay up half the night to find important things for the
kids? Can they look themselves? Can you limit yourself to fifteen minutes per child,
googling their particular interests, jot it down and tell them you found such-n-so on the
web and you were wondering if they'd like to follow up? Back when we had less computers,
the computer we did have had bookmark folders for each child, so i could easily save a
bookmark in each folder as I came across stuff.
You can't do the impossible, fit more hours into the day. With a big family, everyone isn't
going to be able to do every little thing outside of the home that sounds interesting, at
least not without some creative phone management. If they have a class, ask the other
moms if they would mind carpooling. If one wants a field trip and the others don't want to
go, see if the kids can play at someone's house for a few hours. Build some social capital
with neighbors, acquaintances at your regular gatherings so that you have people you can
depend on.
I'd ask if I was killing myself maintaining household standards that no one else really cares
about (my hardest self-burden) I clean one room a day, and it takes me maybe half an
hour to wipe everything down with chlorox cleanup and dry it off. For tough stains I use a
magic sponge.
I'd ask myself why they need to go shopping? We sit down once a month and make a meal
schedule (totally flexible, but helps us plan) The kids have their input then, and if they
choose to stay home (okay, not the littles, but Josh and Emily and Rachel can stay home in
pairs) instead of dealing with the incredible tedium of shopping. Mostly they like to go
shopping because we can just talk without everyone's interests getting in the way.
Sometimes Josh would rather stay home to work on soldering while the littles are gone, or
Emily and Rachel want to finish a level on WarioWare without Sam and Dan interfering. It's
helpful to them.
if my kids are bickering about something, i ask them for solutions. They don't like dinner,
fine, they are welcome to find something else, make something else, ASK for help with
finding something else. We're set up to succeed, with healthy alternatives already put
together in the fridge. We always plan leftovers of favorites.
I'd also ask if I was projecting MY feelings into the group. If you see shopping as a burden,
your children will definitely pick-up on that and see it as a burden to be endured, some
attitude will definitely show if they are being FORCED to do something that is a burden. I
can choose not to see it as a burden, personally I see it as a blessing to be able to
purchase and prepare food for my family that is inexpensive and nourishing. I thank God
that we have the money to buy food (because we haven't always) and that I have choices to
buy what I can. Now, laundry i'm not always joyful about, but I do try, because of some
posts on here that have reminded me that I am blessed to have my children there to wear
the clothes. Pumping raw sewage tonight was a trial, but I was Pollyanna enough to find
some blessings out of it, the basement is totally sterilized and cleaner than it has been
in...oh, probably since we moved in. Maybe earlier. We've never had a plumbing issue in
three years of living here, and our new neighbors had one before they even moved in. We
were blessed in that the guy had called backup and just by chance forced the last two feet
of snake down the drain and hit the block. He was able to cancel the call and saved us
$500 in additional fees.
anyway, it's even later now, 2:30 and I need a shower. Blech, I smell like bleach but it's still
not enough. The kids got to learn a terrible lot about plumbing and toilet paper tonight,
so i walk away hopeful that they will be a little more conservative in their usage.
Nine people are very hard on plumbing.
Melissa
--- In [email protected], "anissalmuslimah" <ummabdullah@...>
wrote:
>
> Hello all,
>
> I am wondering if there are any large, unschooling families out
> there? By "large" I am talking a family of 5 or more school aged
> children + parent(s) makes 6 or 7 members or more in the household.
>
> We are considered a large family by most people's standards -
> myself, my husband, and our five children ages 12,11,9,8,6 - and we
> are an unschooling family. I'm beginning to think that we may need
> to incorporate some kind of academic structure, though, as the
> children are really starting to polish off my nerves. They are
> really good kids, generally speaking, but the pre-teen thing is
> kicking in (moods, attitudes, etc) and the bickering, complaining
> about almost anything that isn't their way or what THEY want to do
> no matter if it is actually a necessity (such as coming along with
> me to the market to help me out with buying the $800.00+ worth of
> food and groceries that THEY will be eating and consuming too!!!!).
> I'm just sick of the ungrateful attitudes, especially because I try
> so hard to allow them to learn in freedom. I do this by staying up
> half the night many nights researching opportunities for them to
> experience things that are related to whatever it is they are
> interested in at the moment, I work 12 hour shifts at night (I'm a
> nurse) EVERY WEEKEND in order to #1 supplement our household income
> so that finances generally aren't an issue when they decide they
> want a new experience, a day trip, or try a new hobby or something,
> and #2 be home Mon-Fri with them so that I am not working during the
> week and too tired to do whatever it is they are interested in
> doing....nursing is a very physically demanding job I'm sure you can
> imagine and I am dead tired and sore at the end of my shifts...When
> I ask them to do something out of necessity, the attitudes are
> rotten and they seem to be getting out of control with the computer
> games...I mean, they have started to act outside of themselves -
> almost obsessive i feel. Not to mention, I feel if we have more
> structure, I'd be able to get a bit more accomplished for myself
> without having to stay up each night til the wee hours!
>
> I've babbled enough. I'm not sure if I even got to the point of what
> the real problem may be? LOL...sorry for unloading. Any advice will
> be appreciated. Thanks for reading.
>
> Anissa
>
Kathleen Gehrke
--- In [email protected], "anissalmuslimah"
<ummabdullah@...> wrote:
We have seven children at home and it is huge! That is nine with
parents. For me the biggest issue becomes me getting tired.
I have a 17 yo daughter who works at five in the morning and teen
boys still up at 1 am playing WOW.
What has worked for us is one thing my shifting attitudes and being
grateful for all the things they are doing. Me showing interest and
setting some of my agenda things down a moment. I say that as I look
around my totally messy house.. LOL...
We have had talks about how to negotiate everyone working out what
they want, including me. I think that is helping us all learn some
really valuable life skills.
Sometimes I just own up that I need some help. Most days there is a
time that I ask if everyone can help me straighten up. They are
pretty darn willing. I am also pretty darn willing when they ask me
for help. But sometimes I own up on that too. Last night I had a
child who wanted to learn how to bake a cake from scratch at ten
thirty. I was toast. I said I am afraid if I help you right now I
will be crabby because I am really tired, but I will be happy to
help you in the morning if you want to wait. He was more than happy
to have me assist in the morning.
Sometimes with grocery shopping I ask the kids to help. I always
have them make suggestions for the list and then offer to take
whoever with me to do shopping.
The bickering also becomes an issue for me. It really does help me
stretch me skills in helping them negotiate. If I notice I have a
kid out of sorts I try to keep that kid closer to me. See if they
want to do something with me till they can work it out in there own
bodies.
I think as a large unschooling family we do have more demands, but
it helps me to be honest about my own feelings and needs to not hit
burn out. Our kids getting exactly what they want every minute is
not what unschooling is about. It is about learning from life and
exploring our own interests. Help them do that, do it for
yourself.Remember to have FUN! And when you need to crash and rest
its okay.
BE Gentle with yourself
Kathleen
<ummabdullah@...> wrote:
>Hi there!
> I am wondering if there are any large, unschooling families out
> there? By "large" I am talking a family of 5 or more school aged
> children + parent(s) makes 6 or 7 members or more in the household.
We have seven children at home and it is huge! That is nine with
parents. For me the biggest issue becomes me getting tired.
I have a 17 yo daughter who works at five in the morning and teen
boys still up at 1 am playing WOW.
What has worked for us is one thing my shifting attitudes and being
grateful for all the things they are doing. Me showing interest and
setting some of my agenda things down a moment. I say that as I look
around my totally messy house.. LOL...
We have had talks about how to negotiate everyone working out what
they want, including me. I think that is helping us all learn some
really valuable life skills.
Sometimes I just own up that I need some help. Most days there is a
time that I ask if everyone can help me straighten up. They are
pretty darn willing. I am also pretty darn willing when they ask me
for help. But sometimes I own up on that too. Last night I had a
child who wanted to learn how to bake a cake from scratch at ten
thirty. I was toast. I said I am afraid if I help you right now I
will be crabby because I am really tired, but I will be happy to
help you in the morning if you want to wait. He was more than happy
to have me assist in the morning.
Sometimes with grocery shopping I ask the kids to help. I always
have them make suggestions for the list and then offer to take
whoever with me to do shopping.
The bickering also becomes an issue for me. It really does help me
stretch me skills in helping them negotiate. If I notice I have a
kid out of sorts I try to keep that kid closer to me. See if they
want to do something with me till they can work it out in there own
bodies.
I think as a large unschooling family we do have more demands, but
it helps me to be honest about my own feelings and needs to not hit
burn out. Our kids getting exactly what they want every minute is
not what unschooling is about. It is about learning from life and
exploring our own interests. Help them do that, do it for
yourself.Remember to have FUN! And when you need to crash and rest
its okay.
BE Gentle with yourself
Kathleen
Sylvia Toyama
We were taught to be grateful and shown others lives,we talked a lot about history and how that pertained to our family and I was always aware that we had an average house and could have a few cars and lights and food etc etc... Stories of grandparents and their lives, having to leave home because no one could feed them. Etc etc...
I wonder if you need to dedicate some time on history and what others didn't
have and what your kids do have?
****
Telling your kids that because other people throughout history, or even somewhere else today, have/had less than you give them really isn't an effective way to inspire true gratitude. More likely resentment that they're expected to be grateful. Probably some guit for feeling like their expression of unmet needs disappoints Mom and Dad, who consider them ungrateful.
I have to say first that gratitude is another of those things our kids mirror back at us. If we're not grateful for what being a parent brings to our life, not expressing our joy at having such wonderful souls accept our invitation to be part of our life, then we can't expect them to feel any gratitude.
Beyond that -- who are we as parents to expect gratitude? Did our kids ask to be born? No. We asked for them to be born. They're here at our invitation, so it's only right and natural for us to treat them as the precious gifts they are.
When we invite children into our life, we don't get to choose who they'll be, or what their needs will be. There are no guarantees it will be easy for us to meet their needs. But we've invited them, and if any situation is calling someone to be the bigger person, we're the ones to be bigger.
Sylvia
Gary (dh)
Will (22) Andy (10-1/2) and Dan (6)
A friend may be someone who sings your song to you when youve forgotten it yourself, but unschooling Mamas are the friends who'll tell you the words you've been humming past.
http://ourhapahome.blogspot.com
---------------------------------
Ahhh...imagining that irresistible "new car" smell?
Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I wonder if you need to dedicate some time on history and what others didn't
have and what your kids do have?
****
Telling your kids that because other people throughout history, or even somewhere else today, have/had less than you give them really isn't an effective way to inspire true gratitude. More likely resentment that they're expected to be grateful. Probably some guit for feeling like their expression of unmet needs disappoints Mom and Dad, who consider them ungrateful.
I have to say first that gratitude is another of those things our kids mirror back at us. If we're not grateful for what being a parent brings to our life, not expressing our joy at having such wonderful souls accept our invitation to be part of our life, then we can't expect them to feel any gratitude.
Beyond that -- who are we as parents to expect gratitude? Did our kids ask to be born? No. We asked for them to be born. They're here at our invitation, so it's only right and natural for us to treat them as the precious gifts they are.
When we invite children into our life, we don't get to choose who they'll be, or what their needs will be. There are no guarantees it will be easy for us to meet their needs. But we've invited them, and if any situation is calling someone to be the bigger person, we're the ones to be bigger.
Sylvia
Gary (dh)
Will (22) Andy (10-1/2) and Dan (6)
A friend may be someone who sings your song to you when youve forgotten it yourself, but unschooling Mamas are the friends who'll tell you the words you've been humming past.
http://ourhapahome.blogspot.com
---------------------------------
Ahhh...imagining that irresistible "new car" smell?
Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
~When we invite children into our life, we don't get to choose who
they'll be, or what their needs will be. There are no guarantees it
will be easy for us to meet their needs. But we've invited them, and
if any situation is calling someone to be the bigger person, we're the
ones to be bigger.~
I thought that was worth repeating! Awesome.:)
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
they'll be, or what their needs will be. There are no guarantees it
will be easy for us to meet their needs. But we've invited them, and
if any situation is calling someone to be the bigger person, we're the
ones to be bigger.~
I thought that was worth repeating! Awesome.:)
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Friend2many*Momto3
Hi Anissa,
I'm not part a large unschooling family, but I wanted to reply because I think it takes courage to unschool--period. Especially because it's not just a schooling or not schooling decision--it's a whole paradigm shift. Raising a family in this tradition takes a large commitment to this paradigm--no matter the size. But the larger the family the more needs there are to be met. I feel overwhelmed with my 3 at times, even though I've worked with children most of my life. If I added 2 more to our bunch I'm sure I would feel overwhelmed x2 (at times! ;) )!
Having those feelings is totally normal. It doesn't have to sound pretty. You're venting those feelings to us, and called it as such when you titled this email and even apologized for unloading (which, imo, you didn't need to!). I totally get that. And I think there's totally a place for venting. I don't know if it's here...I'm new to this list, too. But I know, from one parent to another, that kind, gentle support feels best when you are at your wits end. We are striving to give that (and all we can give) to our children. It feels so wonderful to get that back from other people, esp. from other parents on the same path! :)
In my experience, venting, at your wits end,is often an indication that you've hit an opportunity for growth--and the breakthrough is bound to be amazing--with the right support!
My advice to you would be to take some time for yourself wherever you can. Ease up on trying to make everything perfect. If funds are low for the extra classes, but you feel your batteries are recharged than that's a better place to be. The kids can always come up with creative ways to raise the necessary funds. It might be more fun and therefore infinitely more rewarding for you to be a part of that effort with them then to be sacrificing so much more of yourself working those 12 hr nursing shifts back-to-back every weekend. When we are unhappy we want to project that onto others and expect (unfairly) for them to make us happy. I'm sure your children want you to be happy. And to feel that your life is worthwhile. That the decisions you're making are the right ones, for your family; for you and them together. I'm sure they also expect that you are going to take care of yourself, because their natural wisdom is take care of themselves. In my experience kids truly understand that and are powerfully empathetic (not selfish in the negative way so often portrayed by behaviorists and society in general). When you do take care of yourself, you are modeling that for your children naturally and beautifully. :) They need positive emotional supports and role models infinitely more than any type of academic structure.
I think we also fall into a trap when we expect our children to give us gratitude for things we think they should have or that they even want. Oftentimes we are wrong on those assumptions. They might rather be part of a decision making process that brings everyone together--even if means working together--than told to be thankful because you (or someone else) did something for them they didn't get to decide if they wanted or needed in the first place. Kids have amazing insight and are loving and eager to be helpful and participatory towards a common goal when given a chance to be involved.
Strip your life down to its bare bones in your analysis. Decide what you really need to be happy and let the rest go--if you can. Dialogue with your family about your insights and see what insights they might have to share. This is breaking down walls instead of building them up. We all need support in this process, and our families are often the best source of support (so often left untapped!) if we open ourselves up to them in ways that may be new to us.
Best of luck and lots of ((((LOVE)))) to you and your wonderful, large, unschooling family. I hope you're able to give to yourself more and let the kids decide what they can do to help meet their goals or interests, while you do some deschooling of your own! Deschool/Unschool yourself! (((HUGS)))
~Paige McKinney
Mom to 3 boys...unschooling me!
Hunter (9), Skyler (6) and Jasper (3)
I'm not part a large unschooling family, but I wanted to reply because I think it takes courage to unschool--period. Especially because it's not just a schooling or not schooling decision--it's a whole paradigm shift. Raising a family in this tradition takes a large commitment to this paradigm--no matter the size. But the larger the family the more needs there are to be met. I feel overwhelmed with my 3 at times, even though I've worked with children most of my life. If I added 2 more to our bunch I'm sure I would feel overwhelmed x2 (at times! ;) )!
Having those feelings is totally normal. It doesn't have to sound pretty. You're venting those feelings to us, and called it as such when you titled this email and even apologized for unloading (which, imo, you didn't need to!). I totally get that. And I think there's totally a place for venting. I don't know if it's here...I'm new to this list, too. But I know, from one parent to another, that kind, gentle support feels best when you are at your wits end. We are striving to give that (and all we can give) to our children. It feels so wonderful to get that back from other people, esp. from other parents on the same path! :)
In my experience, venting, at your wits end,is often an indication that you've hit an opportunity for growth--and the breakthrough is bound to be amazing--with the right support!
My advice to you would be to take some time for yourself wherever you can. Ease up on trying to make everything perfect. If funds are low for the extra classes, but you feel your batteries are recharged than that's a better place to be. The kids can always come up with creative ways to raise the necessary funds. It might be more fun and therefore infinitely more rewarding for you to be a part of that effort with them then to be sacrificing so much more of yourself working those 12 hr nursing shifts back-to-back every weekend. When we are unhappy we want to project that onto others and expect (unfairly) for them to make us happy. I'm sure your children want you to be happy. And to feel that your life is worthwhile. That the decisions you're making are the right ones, for your family; for you and them together. I'm sure they also expect that you are going to take care of yourself, because their natural wisdom is take care of themselves. In my experience kids truly understand that and are powerfully empathetic (not selfish in the negative way so often portrayed by behaviorists and society in general). When you do take care of yourself, you are modeling that for your children naturally and beautifully. :) They need positive emotional supports and role models infinitely more than any type of academic structure.
I think we also fall into a trap when we expect our children to give us gratitude for things we think they should have or that they even want. Oftentimes we are wrong on those assumptions. They might rather be part of a decision making process that brings everyone together--even if means working together--than told to be thankful because you (or someone else) did something for them they didn't get to decide if they wanted or needed in the first place. Kids have amazing insight and are loving and eager to be helpful and participatory towards a common goal when given a chance to be involved.
Strip your life down to its bare bones in your analysis. Decide what you really need to be happy and let the rest go--if you can. Dialogue with your family about your insights and see what insights they might have to share. This is breaking down walls instead of building them up. We all need support in this process, and our families are often the best source of support (so often left untapped!) if we open ourselves up to them in ways that may be new to us.
Best of luck and lots of ((((LOVE)))) to you and your wonderful, large, unschooling family. I hope you're able to give to yourself more and let the kids decide what they can do to help meet their goals or interests, while you do some deschooling of your own! Deschool/Unschool yourself! (((HUGS)))
~Paige McKinney
Mom to 3 boys...unschooling me!
Hunter (9), Skyler (6) and Jasper (3)
----- Original Message -----
From: anissalmuslimah
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, April 25, 2007 3:57 PM
Subject: [SPAM] [unschoolingbasics] Any large unschooling families? I need to vent!
Hello all,
I am wondering if there are any large, unschooling families out
there? By "large" I am talking a family of 5 or more school aged
children + parent(s) makes 6 or 7 members or more in the household.
We are considered a large family by most people's standards -
myself, my husband, and our five children ages 12,11,9,8,6 - and we
are an unschooling family. I'm beginning to think that we may need
to incorporate some kind of academic structure, though, as the
children are really starting to polish off my nerves. They are
really good kids, generally speaking, but the pre-teen thing is
kicking in (moods, attitudes, etc) and the bickering, complaining
about almost anything that isn't their way or what THEY want to do
no matter if it is actually a necessity (such as coming along with
me to the market to help me out with buying the $800.00+ worth of
food and groceries that THEY will be eating and consuming too!!!!).
I'm just sick of the ungrateful attitudes, especially because I try
so hard to allow them to learn in freedom. I do this by staying up
half the night many nights researching opportunities for them to
experience things that are related to whatever it is they are
interested in at the moment, I work 12 hour shifts at night (I'm a
nurse) EVERY WEEKEND in order to #1 supplement our household income
so that finances generally aren't an issue when they decide they
want a new experience, a day trip, or try a new hobby or something,
and #2 be home Mon-Fri with them so that I am not working during the
week and too tired to do whatever it is they are interested in
doing....nursing is a very physically demanding job I'm sure you can
imagine and I am dead tired and sore at the end of my shifts...When
I ask them to do something out of necessity, the attitudes are
rotten and they seem to be getting out of control with the computer
games...I mean, they have started to act outside of themselves -
almost obsessive i feel. Not to mention, I feel if we have more
structure, I'd be able to get a bit more accomplished for myself
without having to stay up each night til the wee hours!
I've babbled enough. I'm not sure if I even got to the point of what
the real problem may be? LOL...sorry for unloading. Any advice will
be appreciated. Thanks for reading.
Anissa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Erica Iwamura
I love this!!!
On 4/26/07, Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote:
>
> ~When we invite children into our life, we don't get to choose who
> they'll be, or what their needs will be. There are no guarantees it
> will be easy for us to meet their needs. But we've invited them, and
> if any situation is calling someone to be the bigger person, we're the
> ones to be bigger.~
>
> I thought that was worth repeating! Awesome.:)
>
> Ren
> learninginfreedom.com
>
>
>
--
"Play is the highest form of research." - Albert Einstein
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Melissa Bowles
Quote: Telling your kids that because other people throughout history, or
even somewhere else today, have/had less than you give them really isn't an
effective way to inspire true gratitude. More likely resentment that they're
expected to be grateful. Probably some guit for feeling like their
expression of unmet needs disappoints Mom and Dad, who consider them
ungrateful.
*********
It wasn't "other people throughout history" it was our family.
And when a "history lesson" hits home you tend to look at the differences in
your life to theirs. My Grandparents were all born in the late 1800s, I am
only 31. It is HUGE lesson and HUGE generation gap. Growing up in the 80s
where everyone had everything and then some, the "me" generation. It was
eye-opening to hear what my own grandparents didn't have... Or what their
daily life was, that food and shelter was an issue. Things I didn't have to
think about and started to think about.
My parents never told me to be grateful. It was just the family story that
made us that way.
We were not expected to be grateful.
We are, we were. How can you not?
We werent considered ungrateful by our parents...
Never felt guilty for asking for things. Never made to feel guilty.
It wasn't forced down our throat, it was unique, different than other
parents/grandparents that I/we knew.
Again, it wasn't like we were made to feel guilt or ungrateful or whatever.
I doubt my mom set out to find an" effective way to inspire true gratitude".
-Melissa
even somewhere else today, have/had less than you give them really isn't an
effective way to inspire true gratitude. More likely resentment that they're
expected to be grateful. Probably some guit for feeling like their
expression of unmet needs disappoints Mom and Dad, who consider them
ungrateful.
*********
It wasn't "other people throughout history" it was our family.
And when a "history lesson" hits home you tend to look at the differences in
your life to theirs. My Grandparents were all born in the late 1800s, I am
only 31. It is HUGE lesson and HUGE generation gap. Growing up in the 80s
where everyone had everything and then some, the "me" generation. It was
eye-opening to hear what my own grandparents didn't have... Or what their
daily life was, that food and shelter was an issue. Things I didn't have to
think about and started to think about.
My parents never told me to be grateful. It was just the family story that
made us that way.
We were not expected to be grateful.
We are, we were. How can you not?
We werent considered ungrateful by our parents...
Never felt guilty for asking for things. Never made to feel guilty.
It wasn't forced down our throat, it was unique, different than other
parents/grandparents that I/we knew.
Again, it wasn't like we were made to feel guilt or ungrateful or whatever.
I doubt my mom set out to find an" effective way to inspire true gratitude".
-Melissa
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: honeybee@...
It wasn't "other people throughout history" it was our family.
And when a "history lesson" hits home you tend to look at the
differences in
your life to theirs. My Grandparents were all born in the late 1800s, I
am
only 31. It is HUGE lesson and HUGE generation gap. Growing up in
the 80s
where everyone had everything and then some, the "me" generation. It was
eye-opening to hear what my own grandparents didn't have... Or what
their
daily life was, that food and shelter was an issue. Things I didn't
have to
think about and started to think about.
My parents never told me to be grateful. It was just the family story
that
made us that way.
We were not expected to be grateful.
We are, we were. How can you not?
We werent considered ungrateful by our parents...
Never felt guilty for asking for things. Never made to feel guilty.
It wasn't forced down our throat, it was unique, different than other
parents/grandparents that I/we knew.
Again, it wasn't like we were made to feel guilt or ungrateful or
whatever.
I doubt my mom set out to find an" effective way to inspire true
gratitude".
-=-=-=-=-
When I was growing up, it was poor children in China or India, and
later Ethiopia---as if that food on my plate could help some soul over
there.
What do they tell children *now*? Somalia?
The "family story" was what made you grateful?
And yet part of what your mom also told you was "to 'deal' with it." So
*you* may not have perceived it as being made to feel ungrateful, and
maybe it wasn't---but it sure sounds like it! I mean: that's how I
would have taken it the way you described it!
smaller
one and that is you have to flat out "deal". Cant tell you how many
times
my mom tells one of us to "just deal with it". This is the life you got,
deal!! LOL
My mom was/is very liberal and tough. She was the ruler in the house,
Which
I don't agree with but I wonder at times if it was necessity.... Who
knows.... Anyway.... We were taught to be grateful and shown others
lives,
we talked a lot about history and how that pertained to our family and
I was
always aware that we had an average house and could have a few cars and
lights and food etc etc... Stories of grandparents and their lives,
having
to leave home because no one could feed them. Etc etc...
I wonder if you need to dedicate some time on history and what others
didn't
have and what your kids do have?
Dedicate time on where those groceries, all 800 bucks worth comes from?
You are doing a great job- just refine it!!?!?<<<<<<<<<<
We talk a lot about abundance here---and the lack of. We've experienced
both, but certainly not to the extreme of most of the world! We try to
be grateful for what we have---not because others have less, but to
acknowledge what we *do* have---even when it's less than we (sometimes)
wish it were.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free
from AOL at AOL.com.
From: honeybee@...
It wasn't "other people throughout history" it was our family.
And when a "history lesson" hits home you tend to look at the
differences in
your life to theirs. My Grandparents were all born in the late 1800s, I
am
only 31. It is HUGE lesson and HUGE generation gap. Growing up in
the 80s
where everyone had everything and then some, the "me" generation. It was
eye-opening to hear what my own grandparents didn't have... Or what
their
daily life was, that food and shelter was an issue. Things I didn't
have to
think about and started to think about.
My parents never told me to be grateful. It was just the family story
that
made us that way.
We were not expected to be grateful.
We are, we were. How can you not?
We werent considered ungrateful by our parents...
Never felt guilty for asking for things. Never made to feel guilty.
It wasn't forced down our throat, it was unique, different than other
parents/grandparents that I/we knew.
Again, it wasn't like we were made to feel guilt or ungrateful or
whatever.
I doubt my mom set out to find an" effective way to inspire true
gratitude".
-=-=-=-=-
When I was growing up, it was poor children in China or India, and
later Ethiopia---as if that food on my plate could help some soul over
there.
What do they tell children *now*? Somalia?
The "family story" was what made you grateful?
And yet part of what your mom also told you was "to 'deal' with it." So
*you* may not have perceived it as being made to feel ungrateful, and
maybe it wasn't---but it sure sounds like it! I mean: that's how I
would have taken it the way you described it!
>>>>>>>I am the youngest of 8, so I understand "large". None of us werehomeschooled... But there are differences in a larger family to a
smaller
one and that is you have to flat out "deal". Cant tell you how many
times
my mom tells one of us to "just deal with it". This is the life you got,
deal!! LOL
My mom was/is very liberal and tough. She was the ruler in the house,
Which
I don't agree with but I wonder at times if it was necessity.... Who
knows.... Anyway.... We were taught to be grateful and shown others
lives,
we talked a lot about history and how that pertained to our family and
I was
always aware that we had an average house and could have a few cars and
lights and food etc etc... Stories of grandparents and their lives,
having
to leave home because no one could feed them. Etc etc...
I wonder if you need to dedicate some time on history and what others
didn't
have and what your kids do have?
Dedicate time on where those groceries, all 800 bucks worth comes from?
You are doing a great job- just refine it!!?!?<<<<<<<<<<
We talk a lot about abundance here---and the lack of. We've experienced
both, but certainly not to the extreme of most of the world! We try to
be grateful for what we have---not because others have less, but to
acknowledge what we *do* have---even when it's less than we (sometimes)
wish it were.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free
from AOL at AOL.com.
Meredith
--- In [email protected], Melissa Bowles
<honeybee@...> wrote:
personally. That doesn't make talking about family history with the
hope of inspiring gratitude a good idea. By all means, tell family
stories if they are interesting to your children, but I've sat
through some family stories that were so dull I remember the pattern
of the wallpaper better than the story (tiny little blue flowers in
a sort of viney pattern...). The stories I remember are the funny
ones. My mom and her sister Jane telling a family story together are
some of the funniest I've ever heard - but you gotta be there. Its
all in the delivery.
imposed by someone else. If your parents didn't do that - fabulous.
My parents told dull stories hoping my brother and I would be
grateful for our hard working immigrant ancestors, indentured
servants and starving mill workers. I resented that, and ended up
resenting my ancestors.
But tell any one of the fire stories, and I'll be on the floor. And
amazed that my mom, who experienced four different tenement fires in
less than twenty years, still chose to live in a house with a
woodstove.
---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
<honeybee@...> wrote:
>> My parents never told me to be grateful. It was just the familystory that
> made us that way.You're parents told their story in a way that was meaningful to you,
personally. That doesn't make talking about family history with the
hope of inspiring gratitude a good idea. By all means, tell family
stories if they are interesting to your children, but I've sat
through some family stories that were so dull I remember the pattern
of the wallpaper better than the story (tiny little blue flowers in
a sort of viney pattern...). The stories I remember are the funny
ones. My mom and her sister Jane telling a family story together are
some of the funniest I've ever heard - but you gotta be there. Its
all in the delivery.
> We were not expected to be grateful.So many ways. The biggest is by having an expectation of gratitude
> We are, we were. How can you not?
imposed by someone else. If your parents didn't do that - fabulous.
My parents told dull stories hoping my brother and I would be
grateful for our hard working immigrant ancestors, indentured
servants and starving mill workers. I resented that, and ended up
resenting my ancestors.
But tell any one of the fire stories, and I'll be on the floor. And
amazed that my mom, who experienced four different tenement fires in
less than twenty years, still chose to live in a house with a
woodstove.
---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
Sylvia Toyama
It wasn't "other people throughout history" it was our family. And when a "history lesson" hits home you tend to look at the differences in your life to theirs. My Grandparents were all born in the late 1800s, I am only 31. It is HUGE lesson and HUGE generation gap.
****
I agree that knowing one's family history is a huge lesson in how life changes. I'm big on history, and can tell most of the family stories from both my own and dh's extended family. One of his grandmothers was a picture bride in Hawaii in 1911. One of my grandmothers lived in a dugout shortly after her family arrived in Oklahoma. Heck, dh & I are old enough (51 & 44) to share very different stories -- b&w TV's, party-line phones, getting indoor plumbing in my grandma's house when I was 6yo (I remember the outhouse) -- with our kids.
But it's not about how much more we have, it's just really cool stories about how people used to live -- and likely will again my kids' lifetimes when oil runs out (but that's a whole 'nother story).
When you shared the 'tell family stories' example, it was in answer to a Mom who wanted to know how to make her kids more grateful. So, you were recommending it as a way to 'teach gratitude' -- at least that's how it read to me. Then again, I did grow up with the whole ungrateful crap, so maybe it's just my own bias showing thru.
*****
Growing up in the 80s where everyone had everything and then some, the "me" generation. It was eye-opening to hear what my own grandparents didn't have... Or what their daily life was, that food and shelter was an issue. Things I didn't have to think about and started to think about.
*****
And you thought about it because you had those things, and because as you've said, no one was demanding that you be more grateful. This Mom was lamenting that her children were ungrateful.
Sylvia
My parents never told me to be grateful. It was just the family story that
made us that way.
---------------------------------
Ahhh...imagining that irresistible "new car" smell?
Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
****
I agree that knowing one's family history is a huge lesson in how life changes. I'm big on history, and can tell most of the family stories from both my own and dh's extended family. One of his grandmothers was a picture bride in Hawaii in 1911. One of my grandmothers lived in a dugout shortly after her family arrived in Oklahoma. Heck, dh & I are old enough (51 & 44) to share very different stories -- b&w TV's, party-line phones, getting indoor plumbing in my grandma's house when I was 6yo (I remember the outhouse) -- with our kids.
But it's not about how much more we have, it's just really cool stories about how people used to live -- and likely will again my kids' lifetimes when oil runs out (but that's a whole 'nother story).
When you shared the 'tell family stories' example, it was in answer to a Mom who wanted to know how to make her kids more grateful. So, you were recommending it as a way to 'teach gratitude' -- at least that's how it read to me. Then again, I did grow up with the whole ungrateful crap, so maybe it's just my own bias showing thru.
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Growing up in the 80s where everyone had everything and then some, the "me" generation. It was eye-opening to hear what my own grandparents didn't have... Or what their daily life was, that food and shelter was an issue. Things I didn't have to think about and started to think about.
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And you thought about it because you had those things, and because as you've said, no one was demanding that you be more grateful. This Mom was lamenting that her children were ungrateful.
Sylvia
My parents never told me to be grateful. It was just the family story that
made us that way.
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