Vanessa

OK. My son just made a new friend (they are both 7) ...... I am just beside myself ....

Over the course of a 20 minute lunch the boy proceeded to state the following:

#1 Girl's can't be fire eaters (We happen to have a friend who is one) because it would just
be embarrassing - it is just for boys, so our friend must be really, really weird.

#2 Boys can't wear make-up or nail polish because that is "disgusting" & "gross".

and

#3 "Ewwww ..... that is sick! It is so gross that you eat like that!", to my five year old
daughter who used one of her fingers to push some mac & cheese onto her fork.

My plan is to talk to my son about our values vs. this kid's & try to avoid their playing
together ..............(Very close by neighbor & homeschooler as well .... one of four close by
Christian families who I have successfully avoided for about 2.5 years because I wanted to
limit the above kinds of interactions.........)

My question: What have you experienced unschoolers done in these situations?

:)
Ness

Melissa

Just wanted to respond with personal reactions. We've faced all the same issues (okay,
maybe not the fire eater one, but we've heard an even more cliche version "Girls can't be
doctors, because then they'd have to look at boys' penises" I'm always a part of
conversation that is in front of me, so I feel comfortable in replying, "I've known some
really great female doctors, there are all kinds of people in the world" Sometimes a person
will respond with "Well that's just weird!" And I respond with "I'm sorry you feel that way. I
hope you can meet Dr H sometime, she's really cool."

Boys can't wear nailpolish "Did you know that in some cultures, males and not females
wear makeup? For instance, in Chinese Opera, guys can take hours to put on their
makeup?"

To a young child using their fingers "It really is not polite to point out someone's manners
in public. Did you know that most children are still developing their coordination at age
five, and something like putting food on a fork is more difficult for them?"

I know exactly what you are going through, most of my son's friends are like that when
they start coming over. Usually with patience and time and lots of modeling, they fit right
in. Most kids respond with something "I didn't know that". For those who are hostile to it, I
feel free in saying "You know, in our house we try to be kind. Would you find a nicer way
to say X,Y,Z?" I usually feel sorry for them, because you know that they are just reflecting
what they are learning at home.

Melissa
--- In [email protected], "Vanessa" <nessa_at_home@...> wrote:
>
> OK. My son just made a new friend (they are both 7) ...... I am just beside myself ....
>
> Over the course of a 20 minute lunch the boy proceeded to state the following:
>
> #1 Girl's can't be fire eaters (We happen to have a friend who is one) because it would
just
> be embarrassing - it is just for boys, so our friend must be really, really weird.
>
> #2 Boys can't wear make-up or nail polish because that is "disgusting" & "gross".
>
> and
>
> #3 "Ewwww ..... that is sick! It is so gross that you eat like that!", to my five year old
> daughter who used one of her fingers to push some mac & cheese onto her fork.
>
> My plan is to talk to my son about our values vs. this kid's & try to avoid their playing
> together ..............(Very close by neighbor & homeschooler as well .... one of four close
by
> Christian families who I have successfully avoided for about 2.5 years because I wanted
to
> limit the above kinds of interactions.........)
>
> My question: What have you experienced unschoolers done in these situations?
>
> :)
> Ness
>

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: nessa_at_home@...


#1 Girl's can't be fire eaters (We happen to have a friend who is one)
because
it would just be embarrassing - it is just for boys, so our friend must
be really, really
weird.

-=-=-=-

Of COURSE they can! Yeah---she IS a little weird, I mean: who would
really *want* to eat fire? But she's so cool. Se=he does other weird
things too, like.......

-==-=-=-

#2 Boys can't wear make-up or nail polish because that is "disgusting"
&
"gross".

--=-=-=-

Of COURSE they can! (From Sandra I've used this often) John Wayne wore
make-up, was never in the army, and was really named Marion. <bwg> MANY
men wear make-up and polish for MANY reasons.

In OUR house, we try to to be so blatantly ignorant if we can help it.
<g> (Depends on the kid as to how I play that. Some laugh---some
wouldn't.)

-==-=-=-=-

#3 "Ewwww ..... that is sick! It is so gross that you eat like that!",
to my
five year old daughter who used one of her fingers to push some mac &
cheese onto her fork.

-=-=-=-=-

Soneone posted something very nice---about ages and stages and such.
But we might spin it out a bit:

Have you *never* eaten like a dog? Like a cat? Like a horse? Like an
elephant? And then DO it. Rooting with the face in the plate (my
husband's specialty! <G>), pickily, ripping apart, with a long
"nose"---etc. PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD! Zoo house! <G>

I would also be sure to point out how incredibly *rude* it is to point
out how someone eats.


~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org


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