frozenandcold

<<<<<<Hi,
I'm hoping someone can recommend some good books to teach me what to
do
about my dd 11 and ds 9 being so cruel to each other in their daily
conflicts. I'm just learning this new parenting style, having been
raised in a strict traditional parenting style, and have raised my own
almost the same way,up until about a month ago. DH is very much the
traditional authoritarian parent still, so I also have that hurdle to
overcome. Since I started not disciplining them, they are just calling
names more, even hitting each other, and once, dd BIT ds finger! I
keep
falling into my old patterns, and sometimes yell at them. DS is very
sensitive, so he ends up crying and angry. I want to buy Siblings
Without Rivalry, but would like more suggestions if you all have them.
Thanks in advance for the help.
Linda
>>>>>

Oh Linda, I could use some help in that area too. I am a seasoned
unschooler but going from the reward/punishment style parenting to a
more partnership type of parenting is an entire different story.
Because I knew I didn't want to be the same kind of parent that my
parents were to me I quickly got away from the traditional style
parenting but I now realize that I didn't wait until I had better
tools to replace those old tools with. What happened is we ended up
going to a somewhat passive type of parenting and things have gotten
really bad. My kids fight about 60% of the day and it's really MEAN
and hurtful kind of stuff.

It's hard to know where to back up at this point so I could use some
advice in that area too!!

Heidi

Staci

>Heidi wrote:

>I quickly got away from the traditional style parenting but I now realize
that I didn't wait until I had better tools to replace those old tools with.
What happened is we ended up going to a somewhat passive type of parenting.



I have felt the same recently and I am so happy to say there are more calm
moments than challenging ones now. It has been (continues to be) a journey
~ mostly about myself. The biggest challenge has been reprogramming myself
to stay in the moment and being aware of when it would be best to be
physically present or the potential of needing to be, as well as just being
with them more. I'm also getting better at finding the core issues of
situations. It is so common to assume kids are doing things for attention.
That insinuates attention is not something that kids need and seems to
justify being disconnected and detached. It is one of my pet peeves when
people assume kids are trying to be malicious for the sole joy of it. And
yet I understand not knowing how to guide them (and myself) when also
parented in the same manner. It has been difficult at times to ignore that
voice that reminds me of all the adult responsibilities I need to tend to.
It has taken me of out my comfort zones but I then remind myself what is
truly important to me. I'm steadily outgrowing my tendency to take care of
things before people (including myself). And the wonderful thing is that
the rewards come right now. I remind myself that I am consciously choosing
to evolve and that change is only as hard as I make it.



>Linda wrote:

>I'm hoping someone can recommend some good books to teach me what to do
about my dd 11 and ds 9 being so cruel to each other in their daily
conflicts.



Some books & websites that have helped me are:



Siblings Without Rivalry

Buddha never raised kids & Jesus didn't drive carpool (AWESOME BOOK)
http://www.parentingwithsoul.com/

The Indigo Children http://www.indigochild.com/readthis.html

Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
http://www.newhorizons.org/strategies/emotional/front_emotional.htm#rr

Einstein Never Used Flashcards: How Our Children Really Learn--and Why They
Need to Play More and Memorize Less

The Unprocessed Child: Living Without School

http://www.alfiekohn.org/articles_subject.htm



Hope that helps some! Enjoy the day J

Staci

(Sadie 10, Sebastian 5, Shelbie 4)







From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of frozenandcold
Sent: Monday, March 26, 2007 1:16 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] re:fighting siblings



<<<<<<Hi,
I'm hoping someone can recommend some good books to teach me what to
do
about my dd 11 and ds 9 being so cruel to each other in their daily
conflicts. I'm just learning this new parenting style, having been
raised in a strict traditional parenting style, and have raised my own
almost the same way,up until about a month ago. DH is very much the
traditional authoritarian parent still, so I also have that hurdle to
overcome. Since I started not disciplining them, they are just calling
names more, even hitting each other, and once, dd BIT ds finger! I
keep
falling into my old patterns, and sometimes yell at them. DS is very
sensitive, so he ends up crying and angry. I want to buy Siblings
Without Rivalry, but would like more suggestions if you all have them.
Thanks in advance for the help.
Linda
>>>>>

Oh Linda, I could use some help in that area too. I am a seasoned
unschooler but going from the reward/punishment style parenting to a
more partnership type of parenting is an entire different story.
Because I knew I didn't want to be the same kind of parent that my
parents were to me and things have gotten
really bad. My kids fight about 60% of the day and it's really MEAN
and hurtful kind of stuff.

It's hard to know where to back up at this point so I could use some
advice in that area too!!

Heidi





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