CPS- how have you handled them?
Rachel Oglesby
Hello all,
David and I began our unschooling journey in December 2005- He was
taken out of 4th grade because of various reasons- not doing work,
anger issues, concentration issues (adhd), etc. It was not a good
parting. This past december his anger took a new level when he hit
me when I slapped him for cussing at me. The police were called- cps
investigated and found no abuse in the household. David started
intensive therapy and during the conversations with the therapist he
said something about his dad that opened another cps investigation
back in Janurary. Yesterday they started the investigation. I told
them about unschooling and now they are investigating that. They
want some sort of documentation about unschooling.
So if you have had to deal with unschooling and cps investigations,
how have you showed documentation? My state requires portfolio or
testing every year, I have gotten portfolios and comunicated with
the woman (a certified teacher) who examines it by mail and e-mail.
I tell her in a letter what all we have done in the year citing the
different areas (math, science, history, english, pe, etc) and what
respective thing we have done. This year David is going to take the
standardized test with the school- becuase we are looking at getting
him back in school- the therapost has reccommened it- he says one of
david's problems is "too much mommy". He's 13 now. Therapist also
says his socialization skills are way down.
Thanks in adviance for any help.
Rachel
David and I began our unschooling journey in December 2005- He was
taken out of 4th grade because of various reasons- not doing work,
anger issues, concentration issues (adhd), etc. It was not a good
parting. This past december his anger took a new level when he hit
me when I slapped him for cussing at me. The police were called- cps
investigated and found no abuse in the household. David started
intensive therapy and during the conversations with the therapist he
said something about his dad that opened another cps investigation
back in Janurary. Yesterday they started the investigation. I told
them about unschooling and now they are investigating that. They
want some sort of documentation about unschooling.
So if you have had to deal with unschooling and cps investigations,
how have you showed documentation? My state requires portfolio or
testing every year, I have gotten portfolios and comunicated with
the woman (a certified teacher) who examines it by mail and e-mail.
I tell her in a letter what all we have done in the year citing the
different areas (math, science, history, english, pe, etc) and what
respective thing we have done. This year David is going to take the
standardized test with the school- becuase we are looking at getting
him back in school- the therapost has reccommened it- he says one of
david's problems is "too much mommy". He's 13 now. Therapist also
says his socialization skills are way down.
Thanks in adviance for any help.
Rachel
Joyce Fetteroll
On Mar 23, 2007, at 2:27 PM, Rachel Oglesby wrote:
with him?? It doesn't sound like escalation. It sounds like you've
taught him will how to respond to anyone he doesn't agree with.
At 13 this will only get worse. Kids are biologically wired to begin
pulling away and trying independence during the teen years. He needs
less control and more support and help. To help him, to help you, to
help avoid future problems with CPS, you need better ways of relating
with him.
You can read:
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com
http://sandradodd.com
Parent/Teen Breakthrough
as starters.
You can ask for advice on how to respond to him here. You can join
the NoMoreSpanking list
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NoMoreSpanking/
or send a blank email to:
[email protected]
which is about better ways to respond and *be* with our kids not just
how not to spank. It's what to do instead of hitting, yelling and
trying to control. It's about relating to kids and being their
partner rather than their controller.
You'll need more state specific advice, though. What state are you
in? Perhaps someone can point you in the direction of a state list.
Here's some more peaceful parenting resources that people here have
suggested:
UNCONDITIONAL PARENTING
Alfie Kohn has an 'unconditional parenting' message board:
http://unconditionalparentingboard.com/eve.
CONSENSUAL LIVING
- OH! Pam Genant's consensual living e-list!
- Is this one? I belong to that group and the description looks
applicable.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consensual-living/
Here's the description:
Description
Consensual living is a process, a philosophy, a mindset by which we
seek to live in harmony with our families and community. It involves
finding mutually agreed upon solutions, where the needs of both
parties are not only considered but addressed. Everyone�s wants and
needs are equally valid, regardless of age. Conflicting wants or
needs are discussed and mutually agreeable solutions are created or
negotiated which meet the underlying needs of all parties.
Beginners to this concept are welcome to join this list, living
consensually is an ongoing process of discovery. We ask that you be
open to or on the path toward living consensually. We hope to explore
the issues by asking questions, and sharing our experiences.
Parenting is a sensitive issue for many people but we are all here to
practice this process, and can do so if the environment remains one
of respect, compassion, exploration and understanding.
ENJOY PARENTING
- You might like enjoyparenting.com
- My hands-down all time fave is Scott Noelle's site.
http://www.enjoyparenting.com/
His Daily Groove emails are the *best*.
MOTHERING.COM
[This one looks more wide-ranging in parenting styles though
definitely away from punishment. But a wide range can be good. When I
first started reading about unschooling, I read about it through
AOL's homeschooling message boards where all styles of homeschooling
had folders, from the most rigid curriculum users to the most
radical unschoolers ;-) And I could see the pros and cons and
arguments for each side. -- Joyce]
- What about mothering.com I know that they have quite a few schooling
parents there.
- How about mothering.com? If I think of any more, I'll let you know.
ATTACHMENT PARENTING
For in person get togethers though I think the intent is to be about
parenting, a lot of the focus seems to be on babies though I could be
wrong. -- Joyce
- Also there is the Attachment Parenting International
http://www.attachmentparenting.org
- Attachment Parenting International has a website. As well I'm on a
small yahoo group called Saskatoon APNFL (attachment parenting/
natural family living). Most of us live in Saskatchewan (Canada) but
I'm sure the moderator would welcome other members.
- What about Attachment Parenting International? I have connections
with the people who run the agency and once they even gave my son a
peaceful parenting t-shirt. Since getting into RU, I don't read as
much about attachment parenting but I do know that they have info
specifically for families who children are school age. I cannot say
how in alignment what API promotes is with RU. I do know that that
is organization that seeks to have children brought up in a manner
that is loving, respectful and most of all, peaceful.
- I sub to SAH-AP and that was the radical ap set there.
http://www.kjsl.com/sah-ap/
I've been nomail for a while, but it used to be the hardcore list.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> This past december his anger took a new level when he hitWhy *wouldn't* he hit if that's the method you use when you disagree
> me when I slapped him for cussing at me.
with him?? It doesn't sound like escalation. It sounds like you've
taught him will how to respond to anyone he doesn't agree with.
At 13 this will only get worse. Kids are biologically wired to begin
pulling away and trying independence during the teen years. He needs
less control and more support and help. To help him, to help you, to
help avoid future problems with CPS, you need better ways of relating
with him.
You can read:
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com
http://sandradodd.com
Parent/Teen Breakthrough
as starters.
You can ask for advice on how to respond to him here. You can join
the NoMoreSpanking list
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NoMoreSpanking/
or send a blank email to:
[email protected]
which is about better ways to respond and *be* with our kids not just
how not to spank. It's what to do instead of hitting, yelling and
trying to control. It's about relating to kids and being their
partner rather than their controller.
> My state requires portfolio orShow the CPS people the laws and show your compliance.
> testing every year, I have gotten portfolios and comunicated with
> the woman (a certified teacher) who examines it by mail and e-mail.
You'll need more state specific advice, though. What state are you
in? Perhaps someone can point you in the direction of a state list.
Here's some more peaceful parenting resources that people here have
suggested:
UNCONDITIONAL PARENTING
Alfie Kohn has an 'unconditional parenting' message board:
http://unconditionalparentingboard.com/eve.
CONSENSUAL LIVING
- OH! Pam Genant's consensual living e-list!
- Is this one? I belong to that group and the description looks
applicable.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consensual-living/
Here's the description:
Description
Consensual living is a process, a philosophy, a mindset by which we
seek to live in harmony with our families and community. It involves
finding mutually agreed upon solutions, where the needs of both
parties are not only considered but addressed. Everyone�s wants and
needs are equally valid, regardless of age. Conflicting wants or
needs are discussed and mutually agreeable solutions are created or
negotiated which meet the underlying needs of all parties.
Beginners to this concept are welcome to join this list, living
consensually is an ongoing process of discovery. We ask that you be
open to or on the path toward living consensually. We hope to explore
the issues by asking questions, and sharing our experiences.
Parenting is a sensitive issue for many people but we are all here to
practice this process, and can do so if the environment remains one
of respect, compassion, exploration and understanding.
ENJOY PARENTING
- You might like enjoyparenting.com
- My hands-down all time fave is Scott Noelle's site.
http://www.enjoyparenting.com/
His Daily Groove emails are the *best*.
MOTHERING.COM
[This one looks more wide-ranging in parenting styles though
definitely away from punishment. But a wide range can be good. When I
first started reading about unschooling, I read about it through
AOL's homeschooling message boards where all styles of homeschooling
had folders, from the most rigid curriculum users to the most
radical unschoolers ;-) And I could see the pros and cons and
arguments for each side. -- Joyce]
- What about mothering.com I know that they have quite a few schooling
parents there.
- How about mothering.com? If I think of any more, I'll let you know.
ATTACHMENT PARENTING
For in person get togethers though I think the intent is to be about
parenting, a lot of the focus seems to be on babies though I could be
wrong. -- Joyce
- Also there is the Attachment Parenting International
http://www.attachmentparenting.org
- Attachment Parenting International has a website. As well I'm on a
small yahoo group called Saskatoon APNFL (attachment parenting/
natural family living). Most of us live in Saskatchewan (Canada) but
I'm sure the moderator would welcome other members.
- What about Attachment Parenting International? I have connections
with the people who run the agency and once they even gave my son a
peaceful parenting t-shirt. Since getting into RU, I don't read as
much about attachment parenting but I do know that they have info
specifically for families who children are school age. I cannot say
how in alignment what API promotes is with RU. I do know that that
is organization that seeks to have children brought up in a manner
that is loving, respectful and most of all, peaceful.
- I sub to SAH-AP and that was the radical ap set there.
http://www.kjsl.com/sah-ap/
I've been nomail for a while, but it used to be the hardcore list.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
elodyb
Rachel,
I'm so sorry for what you are going thorugh. It looks like Joyce
gave you lot and lots of resources. I haven't been through what you are
talking about (and I hope never to), but I did have some thoughts upon
reading your post-
is what you need to provide the school each year. That is all I would
offer them. Schooling is certainly more the schools responsibility than
CPS's so if the school is happy with the documentation, it should
satisfy CPS too.
opinion. Of course I don't know your situation, and maybe you agree
with what yours is saying, BUT, are you sure they are not just giving
you a mainstream thinking answer? How many homeschoolers have heard
these same arguments - "too much mommy", low "socilaization skills",
from others? Also, you indicated that your son had some
emotional/behavorial issues, that were there when he was in school. I
would seriously think about that. Is it his emotional/behavorial issues
that may be causing this supposed lack of socilaization skills? And not
your homeschooling?
Please don't take this wrong, I'm just trying to offer suggestions.
Elody
I'm so sorry for what you are going thorugh. It looks like Joyce
gave you lot and lots of resources. I haven't been through what you are
talking about (and I hope never to), but I did have some thoughts upon
reading your post-
>I would think the only documentation you would need to provide CPS
> So if you have had to deal with unschooling and cps investigations,
> how have you showed documentation? My state requires portfolio or
> testing every year, I have gotten portfolios and comunicated with
> the woman (a certified teacher) who examines it by mail and e-mail.
is what you need to provide the school each year. That is all I would
offer them. Schooling is certainly more the schools responsibility than
CPS's so if the school is happy with the documentation, it should
satisfy CPS too.
> This year David is going to take thePersonally I think I would seek out another therapist, for another
> standardized test with the school- becuase we are looking at getting
> him back in school- the therapost has reccommened it- he says one of
> david's problems is "too much mommy". He's 13 now. Therapist also
> says his socialization skills are way down.
opinion. Of course I don't know your situation, and maybe you agree
with what yours is saying, BUT, are you sure they are not just giving
you a mainstream thinking answer? How many homeschoolers have heard
these same arguments - "too much mommy", low "socilaization skills",
from others? Also, you indicated that your son had some
emotional/behavorial issues, that were there when he was in school. I
would seriously think about that. Is it his emotional/behavorial issues
that may be causing this supposed lack of socilaization skills? And not
your homeschooling?
Please don't take this wrong, I'm just trying to offer suggestions.
Elody
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/23/2007 9:09:34 PM Eastern Standard Time,
jachiebell@... writes:
This past december his anger took a new level when he hit
me when I slapped him for cussing at me.
I would change this to: "our" anger. *Our* anger hit a new level.
If you've been hitting this person (your son) for 13 years and this is the
first time he has hit back, I'd say his frustration hit a new level. You being
hit by a 13 year old is enough to call the police but when you hit him (slap,
if you prefer) he can't even hit back? Why didn't he call the police after
you hit him?
The police were called- cps investigated and found no abuse in the household.
I am reading about abuse. You are writing about abuse.
My first thought is that I'd forget about *handling* CPS and focus on this
child of yours before its too late. Go hug him now and tell him that you love
him and *love him*. Then you can work on trying to build a relationship and
working together towards a life of joy. Look at things through his eyes and ask
yourself how you'd be responding to being treated like he's been treated --
at school? At home? Think of something outrageously sweet and thoughtful you'd
do for a friend that had been through similar troubles and then do it for
your son. Do it today. Treat today like it is your last day together. Enjoy
each other and see all the good in each other. Can you take a vacation together?
Something brought you to this list (just in time!) and I'd treat it as the
blessing it is and start reading the archives and following the links. This
list inspires change through personal growth and awareness rather than teaching
how to change others or how to breed conformists that don't cuss. I'd rather
hear cussing than hear about another frustrated thirteen year old shooting his
classmates and teachers. Cussing is better than slapping, too.
Lastly, ignore recommendations from therapists that make no sense. It sounds
like your son has a lot of healing to do since his negative parting with the
school so if anyone recommends throwing him back into that fire, I'd seek a
second opinion. Anyone that suggests there's such a thing as too much Mommy
should be studying gorillas rather than advising parents and families. Who does
your son have for support? If a child cannot feel (and be) supported by his
mother, from whom should he seek it? Teachers? Fellow students? Drugs? The
therapist? Therapy can be like a buffet, take what works and leave the rest. No
therapist can love your son or be a better parent to him than you. Be that
parent starting right now. Be his friend. Treat him like you want to be
treated. Let go of your own anger and model the behavior you want to see. Our
children ultimately become us. Teach him, show him kindness and joy and you'll see
more of it from him. Our world needs more kindness and less hitting. Help us
get there!
Best wishes to your family,
Robin in Cape Cod, MA
************************************** AOL now offers free email to everyone.
Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jachiebell@... writes:
This past december his anger took a new level when he hit
me when I slapped him for cussing at me.
I would change this to: "our" anger. *Our* anger hit a new level.
If you've been hitting this person (your son) for 13 years and this is the
first time he has hit back, I'd say his frustration hit a new level. You being
hit by a 13 year old is enough to call the police but when you hit him (slap,
if you prefer) he can't even hit back? Why didn't he call the police after
you hit him?
The police were called- cps investigated and found no abuse in the household.
I am reading about abuse. You are writing about abuse.
My first thought is that I'd forget about *handling* CPS and focus on this
child of yours before its too late. Go hug him now and tell him that you love
him and *love him*. Then you can work on trying to build a relationship and
working together towards a life of joy. Look at things through his eyes and ask
yourself how you'd be responding to being treated like he's been treated --
at school? At home? Think of something outrageously sweet and thoughtful you'd
do for a friend that had been through similar troubles and then do it for
your son. Do it today. Treat today like it is your last day together. Enjoy
each other and see all the good in each other. Can you take a vacation together?
Something brought you to this list (just in time!) and I'd treat it as the
blessing it is and start reading the archives and following the links. This
list inspires change through personal growth and awareness rather than teaching
how to change others or how to breed conformists that don't cuss. I'd rather
hear cussing than hear about another frustrated thirteen year old shooting his
classmates and teachers. Cussing is better than slapping, too.
Lastly, ignore recommendations from therapists that make no sense. It sounds
like your son has a lot of healing to do since his negative parting with the
school so if anyone recommends throwing him back into that fire, I'd seek a
second opinion. Anyone that suggests there's such a thing as too much Mommy
should be studying gorillas rather than advising parents and families. Who does
your son have for support? If a child cannot feel (and be) supported by his
mother, from whom should he seek it? Teachers? Fellow students? Drugs? The
therapist? Therapy can be like a buffet, take what works and leave the rest. No
therapist can love your son or be a better parent to him than you. Be that
parent starting right now. Be his friend. Treat him like you want to be
treated. Let go of your own anger and model the behavior you want to see. Our
children ultimately become us. Teach him, show him kindness and joy and you'll see
more of it from him. Our world needs more kindness and less hitting. Help us
get there!
Best wishes to your family,
Robin in Cape Cod, MA
************************************** AOL now offers free email to everyone.
Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Rachel Oglesby
Thank you all for your suggestions and comments. I have alot to mull
over. I am rethinking my thoughts of returning him to school. And will
ask this question in my local group. But I believe you are on the
right track Elody about what I will show them.
Be well,
Rachel
over. I am rethinking my thoughts of returning him to school. And will
ask this question in my local group. But I believe you are on the
right track Elody about what I will show them.
Be well,
Rachel
Nancy
--- In [email protected], "Rachel Oglesby"
<jachiebell@...> wrote:
can't see the forest through the trees.
How can you teach a child NOT to hit when YOU HIT THEM? Violence
ALWAYS begets violence.
Maybe a more nuturing approach might be a good beginning to a
better relationship...
<jachiebell@...> wrote:
>cps
> Hello all,
>
> David and I began our unschooling journey in December 2005- He was
> taken out of 4th grade because of various reasons- not doing work,
> anger issues, concentration issues (adhd), etc. It was not a good
> parting. This past december his anger took a new level when he hit
> me when I slapped him for cussing at me. The police were called-
> investigated and found no abuse in the household. David startedhe
> intensive therapy and during the conversations with the therapist
> said something about his dad that opened another cps investigationgetting
> back in Janurary. Yesterday they started the investigation. I told
> them about unschooling and now they are investigating that. They
> want some sort of documentation about unschooling.
>
> So if you have had to deal with unschooling and cps investigations,
> how have you showed documentation? My state requires portfolio or
> testing every year, I have gotten portfolios and comunicated with
> the woman (a certified teacher) who examines it by mail and e-mail.
> I tell her in a letter what all we have done in the year citing the
> different areas (math, science, history, english, pe, etc) and what
> respective thing we have done. This year David is going to take the
> standardized test with the school- becuase we are looking at
> him back in school- the therapost has reccommened it- he says oneof
> david's problems is "too much mommy". He's 13 now. Therapist alsoIt's not my place to judge, but I can't help but be angry that one
> says his socialization skills are way down.
>
> Thanks in adviance for any help.
> Rachel
>
can't see the forest through the trees.
How can you teach a child NOT to hit when YOU HIT THEM? Violence
ALWAYS begets violence.
Maybe a more nuturing approach might be a good beginning to a
better relationship...
Laila Maouli
Hai Rachel,
I'm Laila and I am Dutch and live in the Netherlands. My son is 8 and has
the same problems.
And I want to tell you how I see things. Maybe it helps you.
I don't believe in adhd. It's made up. I don't know how religeous you are.
But I believe there is more than the eye can see.
My son'sees' peoples energy.And he fights the evil energy. Because he was
suppressed at school he got angry and had concentration issues.
His teacher had very black energy and he brought her to the light.after that
she was a lot nicer and he felt like he finished school. So we quit(this is
the short version;)). My kids are now 1,5 month at home and I have to say.
Bacouse he couldn't get angry at school anymore he got angry at me. As you
might know the only thing you can really change in this world is your self.
So I changed my behaviour to him. I let him do what ever he wanted and let
him stay up as late as he wanted. This acted out in tv,x-box,psp,gameboy and
pc all day and night. ( Idecided not to worry) and I also told him that when
I asked him something he could refuse . wich he does very aggressefly(?) :-)
I also told him I'd try not to yell at him and asked him not to be grumpy at
my. And to be hounest since I let go of him acting 'normal' hes acting more
'normal'. And today I've decided that I'll let go of the foodthing too. He
can eat whenever and whatever he wants.
A hard thing for me is that my family don't understand homeschooling let
alone unschooling. It makes me doubt my descions. But I've learnt to listen
to my heart . And that is actually what I wanted to tell you listen to your
heart and figure out what works for you and your family. Don't let the
police, the neighbours, your family or a therapist tell you what to do. Give
your son the time to adjust to home and let him be himself. Don't push him
just let him be. I found out my son had a lot of old anger just by talking
about it. Don't see him as a child that didn't work at all. When I started
talking to him and respecting him like person/human being he starte to
relax. And I'm not saying that everything is perfect now. (far from that)
but we are getting closer everyday and I learn everyday from my kids.
Lots of love laila
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Nancy
Sent: Monday, March 26, 2007 17:36
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: CPS- how have you handled them?
--- In unschoolingbasics@ <mailto:unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.com>
yahoogroups.com, "Rachel Oglesby"
<jachiebell@...> wrote:
can't see the forest through the trees.
How can you teach a child NOT to hit when YOU HIT THEM? Violence
ALWAYS begets violence.
Maybe a more nuturing approach might be a good beginning to a
better relationship...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm Laila and I am Dutch and live in the Netherlands. My son is 8 and has
the same problems.
And I want to tell you how I see things. Maybe it helps you.
I don't believe in adhd. It's made up. I don't know how religeous you are.
But I believe there is more than the eye can see.
My son'sees' peoples energy.And he fights the evil energy. Because he was
suppressed at school he got angry and had concentration issues.
His teacher had very black energy and he brought her to the light.after that
she was a lot nicer and he felt like he finished school. So we quit(this is
the short version;)). My kids are now 1,5 month at home and I have to say.
Bacouse he couldn't get angry at school anymore he got angry at me. As you
might know the only thing you can really change in this world is your self.
So I changed my behaviour to him. I let him do what ever he wanted and let
him stay up as late as he wanted. This acted out in tv,x-box,psp,gameboy and
pc all day and night. ( Idecided not to worry) and I also told him that when
I asked him something he could refuse . wich he does very aggressefly(?) :-)
I also told him I'd try not to yell at him and asked him not to be grumpy at
my. And to be hounest since I let go of him acting 'normal' hes acting more
'normal'. And today I've decided that I'll let go of the foodthing too. He
can eat whenever and whatever he wants.
A hard thing for me is that my family don't understand homeschooling let
alone unschooling. It makes me doubt my descions. But I've learnt to listen
to my heart . And that is actually what I wanted to tell you listen to your
heart and figure out what works for you and your family. Don't let the
police, the neighbours, your family or a therapist tell you what to do. Give
your son the time to adjust to home and let him be himself. Don't push him
just let him be. I found out my son had a lot of old anger just by talking
about it. Don't see him as a child that didn't work at all. When I started
talking to him and respecting him like person/human being he starte to
relax. And I'm not saying that everything is perfect now. (far from that)
but we are getting closer everyday and I learn everyday from my kids.
Lots of love laila
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Nancy
Sent: Monday, March 26, 2007 17:36
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: CPS- how have you handled them?
--- In unschoolingbasics@ <mailto:unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.com>
yahoogroups.com, "Rachel Oglesby"
<jachiebell@...> wrote:
>cps
> Hello all,
>
> David and I began our unschooling journey in December 2005- He was
> taken out of 4th grade because of various reasons- not doing work,
> anger issues, concentration issues (adhd), etc. It was not a good
> parting. This past december his anger took a new level when he hit
> me when I slapped him for cussing at me. The police were called-
> investigated and found no abuse in the household. David startedhe
> intensive therapy and during the conversations with the therapist
> said something about his dad that opened another cps investigationgetting
> back in Janurary. Yesterday they started the investigation. I told
> them about unschooling and now they are investigating that. They
> want some sort of documentation about unschooling.
>
> So if you have had to deal with unschooling and cps investigations,
> how have you showed documentation? My state requires portfolio or
> testing every year, I have gotten portfolios and comunicated with
> the woman (a certified teacher) who examines it by mail and e-mail.
> I tell her in a letter what all we have done in the year citing the
> different areas (math, science, history, english, pe, etc) and what
> respective thing we have done. This year David is going to take the
> standardized test with the school- becuase we are looking at
> him back in school- the therapost has reccommened it- he says oneof
> david's problems is "too much mommy". He's 13 now. Therapist alsoIt's not my place to judge, but I can't help but be angry that one
> says his socialization skills are way down.
>
> Thanks in adviance for any help.
> Rachel
>
can't see the forest through the trees.
How can you teach a child NOT to hit when YOU HIT THEM? Violence
ALWAYS begets violence.
Maybe a more nuturing approach might be a good beginning to a
better relationship...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
On Mar 23, 2007, at 11:27 AM, Rachel Oglesby wrote:
me and I hit back, would you think I had anger issues and needed
therapy? What you need is family therapy and if you persist in
viewing him as the problem then your relationship is doomed and he
could well spend his life acting out his anger by directing it at
others or at himself.
Please read this book as soon as possible: "Parent-Teen Breakthrough:
The Relationship Approach." It is by Mira Kirschenbaum and is
available used on Amazon for one cent plus shipping. Here is a link:
<http://tinyurl.com/2veznc>
No excuses - go order this book and read it immediately. It really
and truly could save your relationship with your son.
Also, don't try to justify unschooling to cps workers. Why on earth
would you think that they could possibly "get it?" Very very very
very unlikely and you'll end up being accused of neglect. Quite
honestly, I don't understand how you can unschool if the level of
anger in your relationship is to the point that you're hitting each
other and calling the police.
Tell them, instead, that you use an eclectic fully-integrated
curriculum which is highly individualized to fully utilize your
child's learning style. For more educationeze ways of describing it,
you can use this course of study that I have for the private
independent study program I run here in California:
<http://sandradodd.com/acme2>
-pam
> This past december his anger took a new level when he hitIf you did something that got me cussing at you, and then you slapped
> me when I slapped him for cussing at me.
me and I hit back, would you think I had anger issues and needed
therapy? What you need is family therapy and if you persist in
viewing him as the problem then your relationship is doomed and he
could well spend his life acting out his anger by directing it at
others or at himself.
Please read this book as soon as possible: "Parent-Teen Breakthrough:
The Relationship Approach." It is by Mira Kirschenbaum and is
available used on Amazon for one cent plus shipping. Here is a link:
<http://tinyurl.com/2veznc>
No excuses - go order this book and read it immediately. It really
and truly could save your relationship with your son.
Also, don't try to justify unschooling to cps workers. Why on earth
would you think that they could possibly "get it?" Very very very
very unlikely and you'll end up being accused of neglect. Quite
honestly, I don't understand how you can unschool if the level of
anger in your relationship is to the point that you're hitting each
other and calling the police.
Tell them, instead, that you use an eclectic fully-integrated
curriculum which is highly individualized to fully utilize your
child's learning style. For more educationeze ways of describing it,
you can use this course of study that I have for the private
independent study program I run here in California:
<http://sandradodd.com/acme2>
-pam
> The police were called -[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> cps
> investigated and found no abuse in the household. David started
> intensive therapy and during the conversations with the therapist he
> said something about his dad that opened another cps investigation
> back in Janurary. Yesterday they started the investigation. I told
> them about unschooling and now they are investigating that. They
> want some sort of documentation about unschooling.
Ren Allen
~~How can you teach a child NOT to hit when YOU HIT THEM?~~
Good point.
My coworkers and I witnessed a toddler "tantrum" the other day at our
store. The wee child was really melting down and started to hit out at
her Mum (as her Mum is carrying her gently away to deal with the
emotions).
One of our co-workers said "uh-UH...if that was my son I'd beat his
butt". Two of us turned around in disbelief and said "Oh, THAT'S
really brilliant...hit him teach him that hitting is not ok??"
She didn't say much after that.
Later, when the Mum of angry toddler came back (with a calm, happy
child in tow) I applauded her for being calm and sweet while deaing
with her childs intense emotions. She looked so relieved and later
thanked me for being supportive. Apparently she doesn't get much
support for not spanking...it was such a breathe of fresh air to see
kindness towards an angry child in public.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Good point.
My coworkers and I witnessed a toddler "tantrum" the other day at our
store. The wee child was really melting down and started to hit out at
her Mum (as her Mum is carrying her gently away to deal with the
emotions).
One of our co-workers said "uh-UH...if that was my son I'd beat his
butt". Two of us turned around in disbelief and said "Oh, THAT'S
really brilliant...hit him teach him that hitting is not ok??"
She didn't say much after that.
Later, when the Mum of angry toddler came back (with a calm, happy
child in tow) I applauded her for being calm and sweet while deaing
with her childs intense emotions. She looked so relieved and later
thanked me for being supportive. Apparently she doesn't get much
support for not spanking...it was such a breathe of fresh air to see
kindness towards an angry child in public.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Rachel Oglesby
Hello- earlier this year I contacted several unschooling forums with
assistance in dealing with CPS and unschooling. I would like to let
you all know the happy conclusion.
When the cps worked contacted me about the educational neglect she
gave me the impression it was about unschooling. Come to find out it
had nothing per say with unschooling but that my NOI was not on file
with the county board. I resolved that and the cps investigation has
been completed with no neglect found. I recieved the letter last week.
Thank you all for your contacts and support.
Be well,
Rachel
assistance in dealing with CPS and unschooling. I would like to let
you all know the happy conclusion.
When the cps worked contacted me about the educational neglect she
gave me the impression it was about unschooling. Come to find out it
had nothing per say with unschooling but that my NOI was not on file
with the county board. I resolved that and the cps investigation has
been completed with no neglect found. I recieved the letter last week.
Thank you all for your contacts and support.
Be well,
Rachel