Leslie Kowalski

Hi there,

I joined the list a few weeks ago (Hi Katharine!) and I've been
soaking it all in (as well as Rue Kream's book - wow, it's great!).

I'm Leslie, and I have 2 daughters - Tess (7) and Paige (4), and a dh
(Tim). We live in Central NJ. We became interested in HSing when
Tess was a toddler, but I found it very, very hard to make the jump
to it. I was terrified (of all the typical stuff new HSers are
scared of), but intrigued. I was especially worried about other's
opinions of me (which I still struggle with, but years of extended
breastfeeding, family bed, attachment parenting, and now HSing has
helped me to get over that for the most part!).

Tess started school at an early 5 years old (Kindergarten) at our
local public school (one of the "best" school systems in NJ, and we
moved to the town for it - LOL) and all was well for awhile (except
for that pesky feeling that what I really wanted to do was HS!).
About 2 months in, she melted down, and became hysterical every day.
We were so stressed out, that we really could not see clearly, and I
am so sad to say that we kept her going to school - thinking that she
would "turn the corner" (and being told that by the teacher and
principal over and over). Anyway, we finally came to our senses and
took her out of school over the winter break. Within a few months of
that we could see that the "nervous habits" (and big anxieties) that
she had always had (since about 3 years old) were actually tics (or
anxieties from feeling them). They became worse and worse, and we
realized that she has Tourette's Syndrome (TS). It's interesting
that we couldn't see it earlier given our backgrounds (both my
husband and I have PhD's in biochemistry, with emphasis on
neuroscience, and I have tics in my family (including a distant
cousin with TS), as well as having tics myself (which I didn't
realize were tics until we realize Tess had TS)). It's a good
example of how it is sometimes hard to see your own life clearly.

For HSing, I've been doing a mixture of structured (mostly Waldorf
stuff) and unstructured learning. All the time, though, I've been
reading about unschooling, which calls to my heart, but not being
totally able to make what I often called a "leap of faith" (which I
think less and less now). Knowing Katharine (who's been very patient
with me!), reading a bunch of great unschooling books, and joining
this group have all helped me to move along in this journey. I've
realized that Tess has does not have a full sense of control of her
body and feelings (through her tics, major anxieties, etc). Because
of this, I've seen her as always seeking control, which I have
reacted to pretty negatively. Over time, I lost a lot of my
attachment parenting skills, and become more micromanaging, nit-
picky, etc. I think I was trying to make her what she had been
before the TS started. Paige has started to show a lot of anxieties,
and some tic-like behavior, over the past few months (similar timing
to Tess). This has sent me for a loop, and set my parenting back
another notch (I would say the same for my dh). We are starting to
come out of it now. What we didn't realize until very recently is
how much we've turned to seeking control (which is all that was
modeled for us by both of our parents), rather than on joy. We are
becoming more unschool-ish as time goes on, and I'm trying to focus
on joy more and more.

I'm sure I'll have lots of questions as time goes on (I do have one
that I will post separately). Looking forward to learning more and
more! I'm also hoping to go to the conference in September!

Leslie