embarrased about dolls
Paula Fontaine-Lerew
Hello everyone- I've had a situation come up in our home recently
and I wonder if you have any ideas on how I could handle this.
My son recently had his 7th birthday party. He was given a couple
of Barbie dolls and a Barbie car as gifts . He specifically had
these items on his 'gift list' and the giver knows my son enjoys
playing with the Barbies. While the gifts were being unwrapped a
couple of children at the party happened to make remarks such
as "who would buy Barbies for a BOY" ?? Then others chimed in with
similar remarks . Some giggling followed and my son became
embarrased. I tried not to be too upset by it- but I felt bad that
my son was embarrased, especially at his birthday party. This has
never been an issue in our home before and we've never discussed
toys in terms of gender specificity. Also, my son really loved the
Barbie gifts but he quickly covered them and put them aside because
of these remarks. The rest of the party went on happily and
uneventfully. When we got home my husband and I gave our birthday
boy more gifts, several of which were more Barbies and clothes for
Barbies. My son loved them and proceeded to spend the rest of the
evening playing with them. The next morning we were getting ready
to go someplace with friends. My son asked to bring a Barbie along.
I replied yes. Then a few moments later he remembered we would be
traveling in the same car with our friends...he suddenly said "oh,
maybe I won't bring a Barbie then" ... I asked why to which he
replied 'nevermind' and he looked embarrased . I knew immediately
that he had (sadly) been deeply affected by the comments made at his
party. Later that day I tried to talk with him a bit more about the
subject, to be supportive of him and respectful of his emotions ,
and explain that he can play with whatever toys he enjoys playing
with. I felt however, that I couldn't seem to find quite the right
words to help him through this. I want him to enjoy whatever toys
he likes. He loves fashion and the Barbies for him are all about
the fashion and choosing outfits for them. Anyway, a couple of
weeks has passed since the birthday incident. He has played with the
dolls and there had not been any further discussion on the issue.
Then yesterday he was having some friends over to the house for a
playdate and he remembered he had left his Barbies and Barbie cars
out on the floor of his room. He asked me if he could lock the
Barbie stuff in a closet. I asked why and again he turned pink and
averted his gaze and I know he was embarrased. He did not want his
friends to know he was playing with the Barbies (these are not the
friends who even made the comments at his party). I tried to be
supportive of his wishes and helped him pack his Barbies into a box
and we put them in a closet. But I have to say I was feeling very
sad (and somewhat frustrated), and at a loss for what to say (if
anything) to help him with his emotions about this. He got such joy
out of dressing the dolls and designing just the right outfit for
them with the matching bag and shoes etc., Now he still plays with
them, but he feels he must hide them from his friends for fear of
being made fun of. Last year he was into Legos and Hotwheels - this
year it happens to be Barbies and fashion design. I think he would
be a most talented fashion designer and I don't want him to avoid
exploring this avenue for fear of ridicule. What does a parent say
to a child in this situation ? Any input would be much appreciated!
Thank you!!
and I wonder if you have any ideas on how I could handle this.
My son recently had his 7th birthday party. He was given a couple
of Barbie dolls and a Barbie car as gifts . He specifically had
these items on his 'gift list' and the giver knows my son enjoys
playing with the Barbies. While the gifts were being unwrapped a
couple of children at the party happened to make remarks such
as "who would buy Barbies for a BOY" ?? Then others chimed in with
similar remarks . Some giggling followed and my son became
embarrased. I tried not to be too upset by it- but I felt bad that
my son was embarrased, especially at his birthday party. This has
never been an issue in our home before and we've never discussed
toys in terms of gender specificity. Also, my son really loved the
Barbie gifts but he quickly covered them and put them aside because
of these remarks. The rest of the party went on happily and
uneventfully. When we got home my husband and I gave our birthday
boy more gifts, several of which were more Barbies and clothes for
Barbies. My son loved them and proceeded to spend the rest of the
evening playing with them. The next morning we were getting ready
to go someplace with friends. My son asked to bring a Barbie along.
I replied yes. Then a few moments later he remembered we would be
traveling in the same car with our friends...he suddenly said "oh,
maybe I won't bring a Barbie then" ... I asked why to which he
replied 'nevermind' and he looked embarrased . I knew immediately
that he had (sadly) been deeply affected by the comments made at his
party. Later that day I tried to talk with him a bit more about the
subject, to be supportive of him and respectful of his emotions ,
and explain that he can play with whatever toys he enjoys playing
with. I felt however, that I couldn't seem to find quite the right
words to help him through this. I want him to enjoy whatever toys
he likes. He loves fashion and the Barbies for him are all about
the fashion and choosing outfits for them. Anyway, a couple of
weeks has passed since the birthday incident. He has played with the
dolls and there had not been any further discussion on the issue.
Then yesterday he was having some friends over to the house for a
playdate and he remembered he had left his Barbies and Barbie cars
out on the floor of his room. He asked me if he could lock the
Barbie stuff in a closet. I asked why and again he turned pink and
averted his gaze and I know he was embarrased. He did not want his
friends to know he was playing with the Barbies (these are not the
friends who even made the comments at his party). I tried to be
supportive of his wishes and helped him pack his Barbies into a box
and we put them in a closet. But I have to say I was feeling very
sad (and somewhat frustrated), and at a loss for what to say (if
anything) to help him with his emotions about this. He got such joy
out of dressing the dolls and designing just the right outfit for
them with the matching bag and shoes etc., Now he still plays with
them, but he feels he must hide them from his friends for fear of
being made fun of. Last year he was into Legos and Hotwheels - this
year it happens to be Barbies and fashion design. I think he would
be a most talented fashion designer and I don't want him to avoid
exploring this avenue for fear of ridicule. What does a parent say
to a child in this situation ? Any input would be much appreciated!
Thank you!!
Sasha Sandenskog
Hi
My son, who is 5, recently grew out of loving to dress up as a princess and
playing with dolls - he experienced the same silly comments from a couple of
friends, but I just laughed at them, and said "why can't a boy play with
dolls?" or "why can't he like pink?" to which neither boy could reply, and
it was actually them who turned out to be embarrassed. It is easier doing
this with two individuals rather than a big group of kids (and possibly
parents), but I definately think that kids need support in this area, and I
think you should just encourage your son to bring along his Barbies, and
just be prepared to stick up for him. Plus also, which is more important -
your son's interests and hobbies he enjoys, or friends who are happy to
tease him for toys he likes and ultimately open him up to bad peer pressure?
My son would love to play with Barbies with your son!!!
Hope all goes well!
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Paula Fontaine-Lerew
Sent: Saturday, March 10, 2007 3:33 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] embarrased about dolls
Hello everyone- I've had a situation come up in our home recently
and I wonder if you have any ideas on how I could handle this.
My son recently had his 7th birthday party. He was given a couple
of Barbie dolls and a Barbie car as gifts . He specifically had
these items on his 'gift list' and the giver knows my son enjoys
playing with the Barbies. While the gifts were being unwrapped a
couple of children at the party happened to make remarks such
as "who would buy Barbies for a BOY" ?? Then others chimed in with
similar remarks . Some giggling followed and my son became
embarrased. I tried not to be too upset by it- but I felt bad that
my son was embarrased, especially at his birthday party. This has
never been an issue in our home before and we've never discussed
toys in terms of gender specificity. Also, my son really loved the
Barbie gifts but he quickly covered them and put them aside because
of these remarks. The rest of the party went on happily and
uneventfully. When we got home my husband and I gave our birthday
boy more gifts, several of which were more Barbies and clothes for
Barbies. My son loved them and proceeded to spend the rest of the
evening playing with them. The next morning we were getting ready
to go someplace with friends. My son asked to bring a Barbie along.
I replied yes. Then a few moments later he remembered we would be
traveling in the same car with our friends...he suddenly said "oh,
maybe I won't bring a Barbie then" ... I asked why to which he
replied 'nevermind' and he looked embarrased . I knew immediately
that he had (sadly) been deeply affected by the comments made at his
party. Later that day I tried to talk with him a bit more about the
subject, to be supportive of him and respectful of his emotions ,
and explain that he can play with whatever toys he enjoys playing
with. I felt however, that I couldn't seem to find quite the right
words to help him through this. I want him to enjoy whatever toys
he likes. He loves fashion and the Barbies for him are all about
the fashion and choosing outfits for them. Anyway, a couple of
weeks has passed since the birthday incident. He has played with the
dolls and there had not been any further discussion on the issue.
Then yesterday he was having some friends over to the house for a
playdate and he remembered he had left his Barbies and Barbie cars
out on the floor of his room. He asked me if he could lock the
Barbie stuff in a closet. I asked why and again he turned pink and
averted his gaze and I know he was embarrased. He did not want his
friends to know he was playing with the Barbies (these are not the
friends who even made the comments at his party). I tried to be
supportive of his wishes and helped him pack his Barbies into a box
and we put them in a closet. But I have to say I was feeling very
sad (and somewhat frustrated), and at a loss for what to say (if
anything) to help him with his emotions about this. He got such joy
out of dressing the dolls and designing just the right outfit for
them with the matching bag and shoes etc., Now he still plays with
them, but he feels he must hide them from his friends for fear of
being made fun of. Last year he was into Legos and Hotwheels - this
year it happens to be Barbies and fashion design. I think he would
be a most talented fashion designer and I don't want him to avoid
exploring this avenue for fear of ridicule. What does a parent say
to a child in this situation ? Any input would be much appreciated!
Thank you!!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My son, who is 5, recently grew out of loving to dress up as a princess and
playing with dolls - he experienced the same silly comments from a couple of
friends, but I just laughed at them, and said "why can't a boy play with
dolls?" or "why can't he like pink?" to which neither boy could reply, and
it was actually them who turned out to be embarrassed. It is easier doing
this with two individuals rather than a big group of kids (and possibly
parents), but I definately think that kids need support in this area, and I
think you should just encourage your son to bring along his Barbies, and
just be prepared to stick up for him. Plus also, which is more important -
your son's interests and hobbies he enjoys, or friends who are happy to
tease him for toys he likes and ultimately open him up to bad peer pressure?
My son would love to play with Barbies with your son!!!
Hope all goes well!
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Paula Fontaine-Lerew
Sent: Saturday, March 10, 2007 3:33 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] embarrased about dolls
Hello everyone- I've had a situation come up in our home recently
and I wonder if you have any ideas on how I could handle this.
My son recently had his 7th birthday party. He was given a couple
of Barbie dolls and a Barbie car as gifts . He specifically had
these items on his 'gift list' and the giver knows my son enjoys
playing with the Barbies. While the gifts were being unwrapped a
couple of children at the party happened to make remarks such
as "who would buy Barbies for a BOY" ?? Then others chimed in with
similar remarks . Some giggling followed and my son became
embarrased. I tried not to be too upset by it- but I felt bad that
my son was embarrased, especially at his birthday party. This has
never been an issue in our home before and we've never discussed
toys in terms of gender specificity. Also, my son really loved the
Barbie gifts but he quickly covered them and put them aside because
of these remarks. The rest of the party went on happily and
uneventfully. When we got home my husband and I gave our birthday
boy more gifts, several of which were more Barbies and clothes for
Barbies. My son loved them and proceeded to spend the rest of the
evening playing with them. The next morning we were getting ready
to go someplace with friends. My son asked to bring a Barbie along.
I replied yes. Then a few moments later he remembered we would be
traveling in the same car with our friends...he suddenly said "oh,
maybe I won't bring a Barbie then" ... I asked why to which he
replied 'nevermind' and he looked embarrased . I knew immediately
that he had (sadly) been deeply affected by the comments made at his
party. Later that day I tried to talk with him a bit more about the
subject, to be supportive of him and respectful of his emotions ,
and explain that he can play with whatever toys he enjoys playing
with. I felt however, that I couldn't seem to find quite the right
words to help him through this. I want him to enjoy whatever toys
he likes. He loves fashion and the Barbies for him are all about
the fashion and choosing outfits for them. Anyway, a couple of
weeks has passed since the birthday incident. He has played with the
dolls and there had not been any further discussion on the issue.
Then yesterday he was having some friends over to the house for a
playdate and he remembered he had left his Barbies and Barbie cars
out on the floor of his room. He asked me if he could lock the
Barbie stuff in a closet. I asked why and again he turned pink and
averted his gaze and I know he was embarrased. He did not want his
friends to know he was playing with the Barbies (these are not the
friends who even made the comments at his party). I tried to be
supportive of his wishes and helped him pack his Barbies into a box
and we put them in a closet. But I have to say I was feeling very
sad (and somewhat frustrated), and at a loss for what to say (if
anything) to help him with his emotions about this. He got such joy
out of dressing the dolls and designing just the right outfit for
them with the matching bag and shoes etc., Now he still plays with
them, but he feels he must hide them from his friends for fear of
being made fun of. Last year he was into Legos and Hotwheels - this
year it happens to be Barbies and fashion design. I think he would
be a most talented fashion designer and I don't want him to avoid
exploring this avenue for fear of ridicule. What does a parent say
to a child in this situation ? Any input would be much appreciated!
Thank you!!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Mar 10, 2007, at 6:32 PM, Paula Fontaine-Lerew wrote:
asking why is asking him to explain his reaction for your approval.
I think maybe you're focusing too much on your son's reaction and
trying to fix it.
Try talking about them rather than him. Not in a mean way because it
might raise feelings of defensiveness in your son if he feels you're
badmouthing them. Maybe something like "It's too bad not everyone
feels comfortable playing with Barbies. It cuts them off from a lot
of fun play."
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I asked why to which heDon't ask why. Really. Just say "Okay." From your son's point of view
> replied 'nevermind' and he looked embarrased
asking why is asking him to explain his reaction for your approval.
I think maybe you're focusing too much on your son's reaction and
trying to fix it.
Try talking about them rather than him. Not in a mean way because it
might raise feelings of defensiveness in your son if he feels you're
badmouthing them. Maybe something like "It's too bad not everyone
feels comfortable playing with Barbies. It cuts them off from a lot
of fun play."
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
>>Try talking about them rather than him. Not in a mean way because itThank you for your input- I absolutely agree- I think this was precisely my stumbling point..not wanting to say something negative about his friends that might then make him feel defensive and cause even more conflicted emotions. I was also feeling at a loss for words to explain why some people think boys 'shouldn't ' play with dolls.... my son could not understand why his friends would even make such a remark since this had never been discussed in our home.
>>might raise feelings of defensiveness in your son if he feels you're
>>badmouthing them
>>>Don't ask why. Really. Just say "Okay."I get what you are saying, and of course I already knew what his reason was when I asked the question (which is why I did go on to ask 'why?') I felt it was important to keep the lines of communication open since the issue was clearly distressing him. I thought that since he was clearly affected by what another child had said (and because it wasn't a topic we'd ever had need to discuss prior to this occasion) perhaps we needed further dialogue on the subject. My son is a child who feels very deeply and passionately about everything in his world. He is very emotionally sensitive and at the time of the "taking Barbies on our outing' discussion my instincts told me that to just say 'ok' would be to pass up an opportunity for him to ask me about something that was bothering him. . Are you suggesting I might have just said 'ok' and then not said any more on the subject (unless asked by my son)? In that scenario, would it better just to wait for him to come to me with question
s rather than to be confrontational and make him feel the need to explain his actions? I recognize that I do tend to confront all issues in my own world head on because I am uncomfortable having unresolved issues and I find it works best for me to get uncomfortable issues 'out in the open' . I also understand and accept that not everyone deals with their own issues in this way however..... just wondering if I should trust that my seven year old son will
be able work through this on his own or if I need to somehow facilitate dialogue between us....(?)
Thanks again for your input
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
>>>friends who are happy totease him for toys he likes and ultimately open him up to bad peer pressure?
I know what you mean. I know this topic (or a similar topic) may surface again
and as a parent I'd like to be better prepared. We model 'live and let live' behavior in our home in that we don't ridicule or make judgements about others' way of doing things. My son doesn't particularly understand why he is being ridiculed at all, much less the reasons for this particular type of comment!
The child who instigated the remarks does go to public school and has been a victim of ridicule himself......
-------------- Original message --------------
From: "Sasha Sandenskog" <sasha@...>
Hi
My son, who is 5, recently grew out of loving to dress up as a princess and
playing with dolls - he experienced the same silly comments from a couple of
friends, but I just laughed at them, and said "why can't a boy play with
dolls?" or "why can't he like pink?" to which neither boy could reply, and
it was actually them who turned out to be embarrassed. It is easier doing
this with two individuals rather than a big group of kids (and possibly
parents), but I definately think that kids need support in this area, and I
think you should just encourage your son to bring along his Barbies, and
just be prepared to stick up for him. Plus also, which is more important -
your son's interests and hobbies he enjoys, or friends who are happy to
tease him for toys he likes and ultimately open him up to bad peer pressure?
My son would love to play with Barbies with your son!!!
Hope all goes well!
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Paula Fontaine-Lerew
Sent: Saturday, March 10, 2007 3:33 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] embarrased about dolls
Hello everyone- I've had a situation come up in our home recently
and I wonder if you have any ideas on how I could handle this.
My son recently had his 7th birthday party. He was given a couple
of Barbie dolls and a Barbie car as gifts . He specifically had
these items on his 'gift list' and the giver knows my son enjoys
playing with the Barbies. While the gifts were being unwrapped a
couple of children at the party happened to make remarks such
as "who would buy Barbies for a BOY" ?? Then others chimed in with
similar remarks . Some giggling followed and my son became
embarrased. I tried not to be too upset by it- but I felt bad that
my son was embarrased, especially at his birthday party. This has
never been an issue in our home before and we've never discussed
toys in terms of gender specificity. Also, my son really loved the
Barbie gifts but he quickly covered them and put them aside because
of these remarks. The rest of the party went on happily and
uneventfully. When we got home my husband and I gave our birthday
boy more gifts, several of which were more Barbies and clothes for
Barbies. My son loved them and proceeded to spend the rest of the
evening playing with them. The next morning we were getting ready
to go someplace with friends. My son asked to bring a Barbie along.
I replied yes. Then a few moments later he remembered we would be
traveling in the same car with our friends...he suddenly said "oh,
maybe I won't bring a Barbie then" ... I asked why to which he
replied 'nevermind' and he looked embarrased . I knew immediately
that he had (sadly) been deeply affected by the comments made at his
party. Later that day I tried to talk with him a bit more about the
subject, to be supportive of him and respectful of his emotions ,
and explain that he can play with whatever toys he enjoys playing
with. I felt however, that I couldn't seem to find quite the right
words to help him through this. I want him to enjoy whatever toys
he likes. He loves fashion and the Barbies for him are all about
the fashion and choosing outfits for them. Anyway, a couple of
weeks has passed since the birthday incident. He has played with the
dolls and there had not been any further discussion on the issue.
Then yesterday he was having some friends over to the house for a
playdate and he remembered he had left his Barbies and Barbie cars
out on the floor of his room. He asked me if he could lock the
Barbie stuff in a closet. I asked why and again he turned pink and
averted his gaze and I know he was embarrased. He did not want his
friends to know he was playing with the Barbies (these are not the
friends who even made the comments at his party). I tried to be
supportive of his wishes and helped him pack his Barbies into a box
and we put them in a closet. But I have to say I was feeling very
sad (and somewhat frustrated), and at a loss for what to say (if
anything) to help him with his emotions about this. He got such joy
out of dressing the dolls and designing just the right outfit for
them with the matching bag and shoes etc., Now he still plays with
them, but he feels he must hide them from his friends for fear of
being made fun of. Last year he was into Legos and Hotwheels - this
year it happens to be Barbies and fashion design. I think he would
be a most talented fashion designer and I don't want him to avoid
exploring this avenue for fear of ridicule. What does a parent say
to a child in this situation ? Any input would be much appreciated!
Thank you!!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Christy Mahoney
I think that Joyce's suggestions were awesome. In my experience,
when people ask me "why?" I get kind of locked up and feel pressure
to explain myself. I think that you can definitely leave him room
to ask or explain by taking a bit more indirect route with your
words. Like Joyce said, saying something like "it's too bad that
some people don't feel comfortable playing with Barbies", or I might
say something like, "I used to love playing Barbies with my brother
and sister" (which is true). That would certainly give him an
opportunity to talk if he wanted to.
Not everyone feels comfortable with the direct approach to talking
about feelings.
-Christy M.
<He is very emotionally sensitive and at the time of the "taking
Barbies on our outing' discussion my instincts told me that to just
say 'ok' would be to pass up an opportunity for him to ask me about
something that was bothering him. . Are you suggesting I might
have just said 'ok' and then not said any more on the subject
(unless asked by my son)? In that scenario, would it better just to
wait for him to come to me with question
issues in my own world head on because I am uncomfortable having
unresolved issues and I find it works best for me to get
uncomfortable issues 'out in the open' . I also understand and
accept that not everyone deals with their own issues in this way
however..... just wondering if I should trust that my seven year
old son will
when people ask me "why?" I get kind of locked up and feel pressure
to explain myself. I think that you can definitely leave him room
to ask or explain by taking a bit more indirect route with your
words. Like Joyce said, saying something like "it's too bad that
some people don't feel comfortable playing with Barbies", or I might
say something like, "I used to love playing Barbies with my brother
and sister" (which is true). That would certainly give him an
opportunity to talk if he wanted to.
Not everyone feels comfortable with the direct approach to talking
about feelings.
-Christy M.
<He is very emotionally sensitive and at the time of the "taking
Barbies on our outing' discussion my instincts told me that to just
say 'ok' would be to pass up an opportunity for him to ask me about
something that was bothering him. . Are you suggesting I might
have just said 'ok' and then not said any more on the subject
(unless asked by my son)? In that scenario, would it better just to
wait for him to come to me with question
> s rather than to be confrontational and make him feel the need toexplain his actions? I recognize that I do tend to confront all
issues in my own world head on because I am uncomfortable having
unresolved issues and I find it works best for me to get
uncomfortable issues 'out in the open' . I also understand and
accept that not everyone deals with their own issues in this way
however..... just wondering if I should trust that my seven year
old son will
> be able work through this on his own or if I need to somehowfacilitate dialogue between us....(?)>
Tonya Matthews
Well, firstly, it's wonderful that your son didn't allow all that talk
to extinguish his joy. He still plays/love Barbies. That's good!
Secondly, this issue came up with friends of ours, kinda sorta. When
my oldest was still in school, he was talking to very dear friends of
ours regarding liking certain things that other kids don't accept. (My
son LOVES Harry Potter and, at the time, *loved* carrying his wand in
his pants, even at school... not once the other students got wind of
it though ~sigh~) He was talking about the whole wand thing with a
friend who was around 11 and a girl. She was talking about how she
loved to play with dolls but wouldn't do it around certain friends
either.
What I'm getting at is this: They deduced, on their own, that only
one's 'true friends' accept you for who you are, Barbies, wands or
babydolls. This may be a harsh reality but so true.
This is true in real life. This is how the world works, as sad as that
may be. Not that we *need* to 'teach' our children this lesson but
just that it *is*. And, sadly, your boy learned this lesson at his
birthday party :-(
It was a wonderful conversation, in my opinion, that my son and our
friends could talk about how, with real, true friends, anything is
possible. (even talking about how they ALL wet the bed)
Maybe it makes us cherish the relationships that are worth it and dear
to us all the more.
My .02,
Warm regards,
Tonya
Proud mama to
Christian 11 1/2
Rory 7 1/2
Alannah 3 1/2
--- In [email protected], "Paula Fontaine-Lerew"
<TheLerews@...> wrote:
to extinguish his joy. He still plays/love Barbies. That's good!
Secondly, this issue came up with friends of ours, kinda sorta. When
my oldest was still in school, he was talking to very dear friends of
ours regarding liking certain things that other kids don't accept. (My
son LOVES Harry Potter and, at the time, *loved* carrying his wand in
his pants, even at school... not once the other students got wind of
it though ~sigh~) He was talking about the whole wand thing with a
friend who was around 11 and a girl. She was talking about how she
loved to play with dolls but wouldn't do it around certain friends
either.
What I'm getting at is this: They deduced, on their own, that only
one's 'true friends' accept you for who you are, Barbies, wands or
babydolls. This may be a harsh reality but so true.
This is true in real life. This is how the world works, as sad as that
may be. Not that we *need* to 'teach' our children this lesson but
just that it *is*. And, sadly, your boy learned this lesson at his
birthday party :-(
It was a wonderful conversation, in my opinion, that my son and our
friends could talk about how, with real, true friends, anything is
possible. (even talking about how they ALL wet the bed)
Maybe it makes us cherish the relationships that are worth it and dear
to us all the more.
My .02,
Warm regards,
Tonya
Proud mama to
Christian 11 1/2
Rory 7 1/2
Alannah 3 1/2
--- In [email protected], "Paula Fontaine-Lerew"
<TheLerews@...> wrote:
> He asked me if he could lock the
> Barbie stuff in a closet. I asked why and again he turned pink and
> averted his gaze and I know he was embarrased. He did not want his
> friends to know he was playing with the Barbies (these are not the
> friends who even made the comments at his party). I tried to be
> supportive of his wishes and helped him pack his Barbies into a box
> and we put them in a closet. But I have to say I was feeling very
> sad (and somewhat frustrated), and at a loss for what to say (if
> anything) to help him with his emotions about this. He got such joy
> out of dressing the dolls and designing just the right outfit for
> them with the matching bag and shoes etc., Now he still plays with
> them, but he feels he must hide them from his friends for fear of
> being made fun of. >
Joyce Fetteroll
On Mar 11, 2007, at 9:57 AM, TheLerews@... wrote:
comfortable playing with Barbies," up at a later time, perhaps when
you're in the car going somewhere. Sometimes it's easier to have a
conversation when you're not looking at each other.
There's a good page at Sandra Dodd's site about that:
http://sandradodd.com/truck
Of course it depends on your son. But "Why" isn't a good conversation
starter for a lot of people. It puts them on the defensive. Try a
statement. And a personal experience like Christy suggested and how
*you* felt about it. Oil the path for him to share but don't pressure
him to share back. He could still be trying to work out how he feels.
You can bring it up again later in a couple of weeks if you think of
another example. Did you ever want to do "boy things" as a child and
felt embarrassed? And if you see similar situations on TV or in a
book or in real life where someone feels uncomfortable about boy/girl
things. Again, don't ask him how he feels. Just talk about what the
characters must be feeling.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Are you suggesting I might have just said 'ok' and then not saidMaybe separate the two? Bring the "It's too bad not everyone feels
> any more on the subject (unless asked by my son)?
comfortable playing with Barbies," up at a later time, perhaps when
you're in the car going somewhere. Sometimes it's easier to have a
conversation when you're not looking at each other.
There's a good page at Sandra Dodd's site about that:
http://sandradodd.com/truck
Of course it depends on your son. But "Why" isn't a good conversation
starter for a lot of people. It puts them on the defensive. Try a
statement. And a personal experience like Christy suggested and how
*you* felt about it. Oil the path for him to share but don't pressure
him to share back. He could still be trying to work out how he feels.
You can bring it up again later in a couple of weeks if you think of
another example. Did you ever want to do "boy things" as a child and
felt embarrassed? And if you see similar situations on TV or in a
book or in real life where someone feels uncomfortable about boy/girl
things. Again, don't ask him how he feels. Just talk about what the
characters must be feeling.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Mar 11, 2007, at 11:07 AM, TheLerews@... wrote:
and let live"? And why. I think it's too easy to assume that others
that don't think the same are just wrong or defective. But everyone
has valid reasons for what they do. People ridicule others because
they feel unsure of themselves. They may want to play with Barbies
themselves but have been told it's wrong so when they see someone
else doing it it makes them uncomfortable and they want that
discomfort to stop. Or just seeing someone act "different" or outside
the behavior they've been told makes people acceptable makes them
uncomfortable.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> We model 'live and let live' behavior in our home in that we don'tHow about talking about how others don't feel comfortable with "live
> ridicule or make judgements about others' way of doing things.
and let live"? And why. I think it's too easy to assume that others
that don't think the same are just wrong or defective. But everyone
has valid reasons for what they do. People ridicule others because
they feel unsure of themselves. They may want to play with Barbies
themselves but have been told it's wrong so when they see someone
else doing it it makes them uncomfortable and they want that
discomfort to stop. Or just seeing someone act "different" or outside
the behavior they've been told makes people acceptable makes them
uncomfortable.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
lrbuchanan04
--- In [email protected], "Paula Fontaine-Lerew"
<TheLerews@...> wrote:
I also have a son now 11 who loved barbies, someone mistakenly gave
his older brother a barbie at a party once (sibling confusion). But
I rememebr the laughter and hurt feelings well.
I have a few thoughts though, your son has not given up his toys
this is good! I would ask a friend's mom if at a play date one
child might bring a barbie (of course the child has to also be a
closet barbie fan) maybe even set up play time with some girls.
Once he can connect with other kids playing barbie he might not feel
so embarrased.
Good luck,
Leslie
<TheLerews@...> wrote:
>with
> Hello everyone- I've had a situation come up in our home recently
> and I wonder if you have any ideas on how I could handle this.
> My son recently had his 7th birthday party. He was given a couple
> of Barbie dolls and a Barbie car as gifts . He specifically had
> these items on his 'gift list' and the giver knows my son enjoys
> playing with the Barbies. While the gifts were being unwrapped a
> couple of children at the party happened to make remarks such
> as "who would buy Barbies for a BOY" ?? Then others chimed in
> similar remarks . Some giggling followed and my son becamethat
> embarrased. I tried not to be too upset by it- but I felt bad
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Hi,
>>>
I also have a son now 11 who loved barbies, someone mistakenly gave
his older brother a barbie at a party once (sibling confusion). But
I rememebr the laughter and hurt feelings well.
I have a few thoughts though, your son has not given up his toys
this is good! I would ask a friend's mom if at a play date one
child might bring a barbie (of course the child has to also be a
closet barbie fan) maybe even set up play time with some girls.
Once he can connect with other kids playing barbie he might not feel
so embarrased.
Good luck,
Leslie
[email protected]
Hi,
I was the first girl to join the soccer games after school. We were 11/12 years old that time, and soon most of the girls were participating on a regular basis, as well. Don't remember whether there were any "bad" comments at the beginning, but then, I was such a weird kid anyway, that folks weren't *that* surprised. :) So that one went smoothly!
A girl of about the same age, left a soccer team because the boys there would *not* accept her. It was maybe a year ago, and she *still* is mentioning it...
So, one gotta be lucky and meet the right (open-minded?) people, I guess.
Watch out for them. ;)
Anastasia,
with dd6 and dd4
--
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I was the first girl to join the soccer games after school. We were 11/12 years old that time, and soon most of the girls were participating on a regular basis, as well. Don't remember whether there were any "bad" comments at the beginning, but then, I was such a weird kid anyway, that folks weren't *that* surprised. :) So that one went smoothly!
A girl of about the same age, left a soccer team because the boys there would *not* accept her. It was maybe a year ago, and she *still* is mentioning it...
So, one gotta be lucky and meet the right (open-minded?) people, I guess.
Watch out for them. ;)
Anastasia,
with dd6 and dd4
--
"Feel free" - 5 GB Mailbox, 50 FreeSMS/Monat ...
Jetzt GMX ProMail testen: www.gmx.net/de/go/mailfooter/promail-out