Ummmmmmm..........Question
Christian
Evening all,
Ok so I am still new to all of this. To sum up the situation we are
a military family and my husband and I were raised in the deep
south. We live near my family at the moment and my parents have
always had a hand per say in helping with the kids when we are over
there. In the past I've never had a problem with it.........ok I'm
jumping the gun sorry. My dh is gone a lot, in fact he is on the
other side of the country andhas been since the end of Dec. We
pulled our son (who just turned 6 in Jan) out of public school back
during the holidays. So this whole home/unschooling thing has
transpired since dh has been gone. Now he comes back in 10 days. I
have been keeping him abreast of all the changes in the family
dynamics. See I realized that we were very demanding and controlling
of our kids (our dd is 3) and I was feeling like a tyrant always
screaming at the kids. Not to mention everyone in the family always
seemed completely stressed out and miserable! So things have done a
complete 180 here at home and I love the difference in our family. I
truly believe that to unschool is the best decision for our family.
Ok now on to my questions/problems........see when dh is gone we are
over at my parents house maybe 2-4 days a week. After I explained
how my family talks to each other, how it's all about respect (both
ways), and how I don't want us to raise our voices at the kids all
was going well. Then today the kids stayed over at my parents house
for the day and when I picked them up my son said something that
really bothered me...."Mimi told me that there are snakes and spiders
behind her flower bushes that will eat me!!!" He was truly worried
and rightly so. I asked my step-mom why she said this and was told
because he wouldn't stay from behind them and kept asking why should
I? She got frustrated that he was questioning her so she told him
this story. I explained to ds that he can not go back there bc Mimi
doesn't want him trampling through her garden. "Oh" he said and then
apologized to Mimi for doing it. Yes I did explain to him that
Mimi's story was jut that lol So how do I handle this without
upsetting my parents??? I have learned to stand up to my Dad about
the whole "non traditional" learning we do but I don't want my kids
to be confused by what is going on "discipline" wise. Any
suggestions?????
Also since dh IS coming home in less than 2 weeks how do him and I
handle (what I know i going to be) a major culture shock for him??
He is very much a "do what I say bc I said so" type of person. He
gets frustrated when the kids would ask "to many questions" and I
used to as well. I've learned that it's a good thing and I encourage
both kids to ask questions all the time. I always tell the kids "If
you are told something or if something doesn't make sense to you then
please ask questions baby." Anyone have to deal with this before?
DH is totally on board with all of this bc he has noticed a
difference in the kids over the phone, for the better, so he
says "you're on to something and I like the were it's going :)" I
jut don't want to make the homecoming adjustment anymore difficult
than it already will be.
Sorry everyone I realize this was a lot longer than I thought it
would be :p
Thanks, in advance, for all of your help,
Christian
Ok so I am still new to all of this. To sum up the situation we are
a military family and my husband and I were raised in the deep
south. We live near my family at the moment and my parents have
always had a hand per say in helping with the kids when we are over
there. In the past I've never had a problem with it.........ok I'm
jumping the gun sorry. My dh is gone a lot, in fact he is on the
other side of the country andhas been since the end of Dec. We
pulled our son (who just turned 6 in Jan) out of public school back
during the holidays. So this whole home/unschooling thing has
transpired since dh has been gone. Now he comes back in 10 days. I
have been keeping him abreast of all the changes in the family
dynamics. See I realized that we were very demanding and controlling
of our kids (our dd is 3) and I was feeling like a tyrant always
screaming at the kids. Not to mention everyone in the family always
seemed completely stressed out and miserable! So things have done a
complete 180 here at home and I love the difference in our family. I
truly believe that to unschool is the best decision for our family.
Ok now on to my questions/problems........see when dh is gone we are
over at my parents house maybe 2-4 days a week. After I explained
how my family talks to each other, how it's all about respect (both
ways), and how I don't want us to raise our voices at the kids all
was going well. Then today the kids stayed over at my parents house
for the day and when I picked them up my son said something that
really bothered me...."Mimi told me that there are snakes and spiders
behind her flower bushes that will eat me!!!" He was truly worried
and rightly so. I asked my step-mom why she said this and was told
because he wouldn't stay from behind them and kept asking why should
I? She got frustrated that he was questioning her so she told him
this story. I explained to ds that he can not go back there bc Mimi
doesn't want him trampling through her garden. "Oh" he said and then
apologized to Mimi for doing it. Yes I did explain to him that
Mimi's story was jut that lol So how do I handle this without
upsetting my parents??? I have learned to stand up to my Dad about
the whole "non traditional" learning we do but I don't want my kids
to be confused by what is going on "discipline" wise. Any
suggestions?????
Also since dh IS coming home in less than 2 weeks how do him and I
handle (what I know i going to be) a major culture shock for him??
He is very much a "do what I say bc I said so" type of person. He
gets frustrated when the kids would ask "to many questions" and I
used to as well. I've learned that it's a good thing and I encourage
both kids to ask questions all the time. I always tell the kids "If
you are told something or if something doesn't make sense to you then
please ask questions baby." Anyone have to deal with this before?
DH is totally on board with all of this bc he has noticed a
difference in the kids over the phone, for the better, so he
says "you're on to something and I like the were it's going :)" I
jut don't want to make the homecoming adjustment anymore difficult
than it already will be.
Sorry everyone I realize this was a lot longer than I thought it
would be :p
Thanks, in advance, for all of your help,
Christian
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: christianadele@...
."Mimi told me that there are snakes and spiders
behind her flower bushes that will eat me!!!" He was truly worried
and rightly so. I asked my step-mom why she said this and was told
because he wouldn't stay from behind them and kept asking why should
I? She got frustrated that he was questioning her so she told him
this story. I explained to ds that he can not go back there bc Mimi
doesn't want him trampling through her garden. "Oh" he said and then
apologized to Mimi for doing it. Yes I did explain to him that
Mimi's story was jut that lol So how do I handle this without
upsetting my parents??? I have learned to stand up to my Dad about
the whole "non traditional" learning we do but I don't want my kids
to be confused by what is going on "discipline" wise. Any
suggestions?????
-=-=--=
YEAH! Tell her NOT to LIE to your children!
-=-=-=-=-=-
Also since dh IS coming home in less than 2 weeks how do him and I
handle (what I know i going to be) a major culture shock for him??
He is very much a "do what I say bc I said so" type of person. He
gets frustrated when the kids would ask "to many questions" and I
used to as well. I've learned that it's a good thing and I encourage
both kids to ask questions all the time. I always tell the kids "If
you are told something or if something doesn't make sense to you then
please ask questions baby." Anyone have to deal with this before?
DH is totally on board with all of this bc he has noticed a
difference in the kids over the phone, for the better, so he
says "you're on to something and I like the were it's going :)" I
jut don't want to make the homecoming adjustment anymore difficult
than it already will be.
-=-==-=-
Well, it sounds as if he's on board philosophically. He just needs to
figure out how to do it practically (which is the harder thing!).
Maybe ask him to take a deep breath before he says anything. Think
*just* a second (during that breath) whether he would speak like that
to you or his best friend or his CO. If not, then it's not the way to
speak to his kids either.
Know that it IS possible! <g> Ben, my husband, went to the Citadel,
retired from the Air Force, and is now a LtCol in the Air National
Guard. Talk about controlling! <bwg> He's got it now!
You can ask him to join the dads' yahoogroups:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SSUDs
Subscribe: [email protected]
and
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDads
Subscribe: [email protected]
It's not a very active list, but the guys will answer any question
posed.
I'm guessing you're back in the South? Have you considered the Live and
Learn Unschooling Conference in Asheville, NC this September?
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
A great long weekend where you all can see hundreds and hundreds of
other unschooling families on the journey. The best part is watching,
talking with, and interacting with the teens and young adults---and
seeing that they are whole and respectful and trustworthy! And sooo
flippin' COOL! <g>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free
from AOL at AOL.com.
From: christianadele@...
."Mimi told me that there are snakes and spiders
behind her flower bushes that will eat me!!!" He was truly worried
and rightly so. I asked my step-mom why she said this and was told
because he wouldn't stay from behind them and kept asking why should
I? She got frustrated that he was questioning her so she told him
this story. I explained to ds that he can not go back there bc Mimi
doesn't want him trampling through her garden. "Oh" he said and then
apologized to Mimi for doing it. Yes I did explain to him that
Mimi's story was jut that lol So how do I handle this without
upsetting my parents??? I have learned to stand up to my Dad about
the whole "non traditional" learning we do but I don't want my kids
to be confused by what is going on "discipline" wise. Any
suggestions?????
-=-=--=
YEAH! Tell her NOT to LIE to your children!
-=-=-=-=-=-
Also since dh IS coming home in less than 2 weeks how do him and I
handle (what I know i going to be) a major culture shock for him??
He is very much a "do what I say bc I said so" type of person. He
gets frustrated when the kids would ask "to many questions" and I
used to as well. I've learned that it's a good thing and I encourage
both kids to ask questions all the time. I always tell the kids "If
you are told something or if something doesn't make sense to you then
please ask questions baby." Anyone have to deal with this before?
DH is totally on board with all of this bc he has noticed a
difference in the kids over the phone, for the better, so he
says "you're on to something and I like the were it's going :)" I
jut don't want to make the homecoming adjustment anymore difficult
than it already will be.
-=-==-=-
Well, it sounds as if he's on board philosophically. He just needs to
figure out how to do it practically (which is the harder thing!).
Maybe ask him to take a deep breath before he says anything. Think
*just* a second (during that breath) whether he would speak like that
to you or his best friend or his CO. If not, then it's not the way to
speak to his kids either.
Know that it IS possible! <g> Ben, my husband, went to the Citadel,
retired from the Air Force, and is now a LtCol in the Air National
Guard. Talk about controlling! <bwg> He's got it now!
You can ask him to join the dads' yahoogroups:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SSUDs
Subscribe: [email protected]
and
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDads
Subscribe: [email protected]
It's not a very active list, but the guys will answer any question
posed.
I'm guessing you're back in the South? Have you considered the Live and
Learn Unschooling Conference in Asheville, NC this September?
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
A great long weekend where you all can see hundreds and hundreds of
other unschooling families on the journey. The best part is watching,
talking with, and interacting with the teens and young adults---and
seeing that they are whole and respectful and trustworthy! And sooo
flippin' COOL! <g>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free
from AOL at AOL.com.
Christian
> -=-=--=i did tell her that............dad got mad at me for upsetting
>
> YEAH! Tell her NOT to LIE to your children!
>
> -=-=-=-=-=-
her "we used to do it to you all the time and you've turned out
fine" in fact i've had this discussion several times with the both
of them :( it just doesn't seem to be getting through! i don't want
to cut my parents out especially since we move to the mid-west
sometime this year. but on the upside i have gotten my father to
stop asking every time he sees us "So what REAL school work did y'all
do?"
-=-==-=-
Well, it sounds as if he's on board philosophically.........Think
*just* a second (during that breath) whether he would speak like
that to you or his best friend or his CO. If not, then it's not the
way to speak to his kids either..........the Live and Learn
Unschooling Conference in Asheville, NC this September?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
he is on board but i think he just wants to see it in action per say
lol.............*just* breath that's a great suggestion
thanks :).........i'll check out the conference thank you but that is
right about the time we may be heading to iowa so i don't know. the
funny thing is that my dh and i met a young man (he was 17) and his
sister (14) on black friday at circuit city and they were both
unschooled growing up and dh and i were just thoroughly impressed by
these children. they were so open minded, polite and caring and
bright young people! they were just beaming with pride about their
family and it seemed like their family. i wanted that! dh and i
always said that we wanted better and more loving than our home life
was growing up (oh don't get me wrong mine wasn't that bad). these
kids were so cool and through them i met a local group of unschoolers
and they are ALL amazing people. so i guess what i am getting at is
that conference might be a great thing for us all :D
thank you so much,
christian
Katharine Wise
i did tell her that........ ....dad got mad at me for upsetting
her "we used to do it to you all the time and you've turned out
fine" in fact i've had this discussion several times with the both
of them :( it just doesn't seem to be getting through!
You could try saying something like, "Yeah, I did turn out fine. There are lots of things about your parenting that I really appreciate (specify). At the same time, there are things I'd like to try doing differently. I bet you didn't parent me exactly the way Grandma and Grandpa raised you! I'm looking for the things that help my family to be the best they can be, and I really find that the children are so much more helpful, cooperative, joyful (whatever your dad will most identify with:-) since we've started doing X."
Easier for me to type than to say, I'm sure:-) But also remember, your Dad and Step-mom have 20-40 years more ingrained patterns than you do even. It's a learning curve and they're going to fall back on their old behaviors when they don't know what else to do. Depending on how concerned you are, it may mean not leaving your kids (or at least not more than one at a time) alone with them.
Hope that helps,
Katharine
____________________________________________________________________________________
Be a PS3 game guru.
Get your game face on with the latest PS3 news and previews at Yahoo! Games.
http://videogames.yahoo.com/platform?platform=120121
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
her "we used to do it to you all the time and you've turned out
fine" in fact i've had this discussion several times with the both
of them :( it just doesn't seem to be getting through!
You could try saying something like, "Yeah, I did turn out fine. There are lots of things about your parenting that I really appreciate (specify). At the same time, there are things I'd like to try doing differently. I bet you didn't parent me exactly the way Grandma and Grandpa raised you! I'm looking for the things that help my family to be the best they can be, and I really find that the children are so much more helpful, cooperative, joyful (whatever your dad will most identify with:-) since we've started doing X."
Easier for me to type than to say, I'm sure:-) But also remember, your Dad and Step-mom have 20-40 years more ingrained patterns than you do even. It's a learning curve and they're going to fall back on their old behaviors when they don't know what else to do. Depending on how concerned you are, it may mean not leaving your kids (or at least not more than one at a time) alone with them.
Hope that helps,
Katharine
____________________________________________________________________________________
Be a PS3 game guru.
Get your game face on with the latest PS3 news and previews at Yahoo! Games.
http://videogames.yahoo.com/platform?platform=120121
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: christianadele@...
i did tell her that............dad got mad at me for upsetting
her "we used to do it to you all the time and you've turned out
fine" in fact i've had this discussion several times with the both
of them :( it just doesn't seem to be getting through! i don't want
to cut my parents out especially since we move to the mid-west
sometime this year. but on the upside i have gotten my father to
stop asking every time he sees us "So what REAL school work did y'all
do?"
-=-=-=-=-
My mother told me the same thing about spankings. "You turned out just
fine!"
Crap.
I want my kids to be better than just fine. Lying to them will
encourage their lying to you. What do they suggest you do when the kids
lie back? Beat 'em?
We parent by modelling as much as can. If they see me lie or hit them,
what's stopping them from doing the same? And what good comes out of
it? *WHY* would you *want* to lie to or hit a child???
So, in his opinion, upsetting your mother is a bigger wrong than
upsetting a CHILD?
I'm afraid I'd be upsetting her a LOT then.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free
from AOL at AOL.com.
From: christianadele@...
i did tell her that............dad got mad at me for upsetting
her "we used to do it to you all the time and you've turned out
fine" in fact i've had this discussion several times with the both
of them :( it just doesn't seem to be getting through! i don't want
to cut my parents out especially since we move to the mid-west
sometime this year. but on the upside i have gotten my father to
stop asking every time he sees us "So what REAL school work did y'all
do?"
-=-=-=-=-
My mother told me the same thing about spankings. "You turned out just
fine!"
Crap.
I want my kids to be better than just fine. Lying to them will
encourage their lying to you. What do they suggest you do when the kids
lie back? Beat 'em?
We parent by modelling as much as can. If they see me lie or hit them,
what's stopping them from doing the same? And what good comes out of
it? *WHY* would you *want* to lie to or hit a child???
So, in his opinion, upsetting your mother is a bigger wrong than
upsetting a CHILD?
I'm afraid I'd be upsetting her a LOT then.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free
from AOL at AOL.com.