Please keep my family in your thoughts *long*
Joanne
We're going through some stressful times here and I would be very
grateful if you could keep us in your thoughts.
As some of you are already aware of, in 2003 my husband & I adopted
three siblings out of foster care. At the time they were 5, 8 & 11.
They're now 8, 11 & 14 and have been unschooled for over 2 years. My
older two suffered severe abuse and extreme neglect while still in
their birth home and emotional trauma in foster care. They both came
to us very angry and hostile children but over time (and with a lot
of help) my middle child has overcome a lot of the obstacles that
stood in her way of having a happy life. My oldest has not and
instead has continued on his downward spiral.
The last few months have been filled with violence, anger and
aggression...mainly towards me. I was prepared for this early in our
adoption....having talked extensively with his caseworkers and
therapists about how *in his mind*, the love from a mother equals
pain and abuse and he will do all he can to push me away to protect
himself from my "love".
He has started getting physical wth me in the last 3 months. (My
son, at 14 years old is 6'1" and I'm 4' 11"). I have had to call
the cops and he has been arrested twice, once for assualt and
battery and another time for assualt with a deadly weapon. I
understand where his anger stems from and I also know that it has
nothing to do with me but I get punished by him every day for things
I didn't do. He takes all his anger out on me...anger that should be
directed at other people...the people that caused him great pain and
suffering. I'm tired of being his emotional punching bag. It's so
very sad because he cannot accept us, or our love. His attachment
therapist (Cimion has reactive attachment disorder) made the comment
that we adopted him as our son, but he has failed to adopt us, as
his parents.
He is currently on probation from his last arrest but has since
violated the conditions and may be facing another arrest. I don't
know what the near future will hold for him. Having him live at home
is becoming a nightmare and he may have to be placed in a
residential facility, at least temporary while he gets some help. At
this point, my head is spinning and I'm trying to keep some of my
sanity for my other two children.
Also, let me be very clear that this has nothing to do with
unschooling. Unschooling is not the reason for this. Unschooling
(more specifically radical unschooling) has being a major force in
the healing journey for my younger two. Cimion has been like this
long before unschooling, long before I even met him.
It's ironic that I'm posting this today. It's the 4th anniversary of
the day that my husband & I met our children for the first time.
Through this all, my mother is in the hospital. We're very close, as
a matter of fact it was her idea to move from New York City to
Florida and we followed her. She now lives next door to us.
I just posted on my blog that Unschooling Voices will be postponed a
month but didn't get into specifics being it's a public blog so I
thought I would explain it here instead.
Thank you if you've read this far. Your thoughts will be greatly
appreciated.
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (14)
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
grateful if you could keep us in your thoughts.
As some of you are already aware of, in 2003 my husband & I adopted
three siblings out of foster care. At the time they were 5, 8 & 11.
They're now 8, 11 & 14 and have been unschooled for over 2 years. My
older two suffered severe abuse and extreme neglect while still in
their birth home and emotional trauma in foster care. They both came
to us very angry and hostile children but over time (and with a lot
of help) my middle child has overcome a lot of the obstacles that
stood in her way of having a happy life. My oldest has not and
instead has continued on his downward spiral.
The last few months have been filled with violence, anger and
aggression...mainly towards me. I was prepared for this early in our
adoption....having talked extensively with his caseworkers and
therapists about how *in his mind*, the love from a mother equals
pain and abuse and he will do all he can to push me away to protect
himself from my "love".
He has started getting physical wth me in the last 3 months. (My
son, at 14 years old is 6'1" and I'm 4' 11"). I have had to call
the cops and he has been arrested twice, once for assualt and
battery and another time for assualt with a deadly weapon. I
understand where his anger stems from and I also know that it has
nothing to do with me but I get punished by him every day for things
I didn't do. He takes all his anger out on me...anger that should be
directed at other people...the people that caused him great pain and
suffering. I'm tired of being his emotional punching bag. It's so
very sad because he cannot accept us, or our love. His attachment
therapist (Cimion has reactive attachment disorder) made the comment
that we adopted him as our son, but he has failed to adopt us, as
his parents.
He is currently on probation from his last arrest but has since
violated the conditions and may be facing another arrest. I don't
know what the near future will hold for him. Having him live at home
is becoming a nightmare and he may have to be placed in a
residential facility, at least temporary while he gets some help. At
this point, my head is spinning and I'm trying to keep some of my
sanity for my other two children.
Also, let me be very clear that this has nothing to do with
unschooling. Unschooling is not the reason for this. Unschooling
(more specifically radical unschooling) has being a major force in
the healing journey for my younger two. Cimion has been like this
long before unschooling, long before I even met him.
It's ironic that I'm posting this today. It's the 4th anniversary of
the day that my husband & I met our children for the first time.
Through this all, my mother is in the hospital. We're very close, as
a matter of fact it was her idea to move from New York City to
Florida and we followed her. She now lives next door to us.
I just posted on my blog that Unschooling Voices will be postponed a
month but didn't get into specifics being it's a public blog so I
thought I would explain it here instead.
Thank you if you've read this far. Your thoughts will be greatly
appreciated.
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (14)
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
[email protected]
Dear Joanne: I am thinking of you and will send along my energy and strength to you and your family. You are taking all very brave steps from the sounds of it. Although our children were adopted at birth, I have struggles with my daughter over attachment issues. Thank you for reaching out, Joanne, for your clarity and strength. I value your voice and journey so much. I send love. Ann.
Sylvia Toyama
Oh {{{{{Joanne}}}}}} I'm sorry to hear things are so hard right now for you and Cimion!
How scary it all must be -- to be at a point where you have no choice but to involved the authorities. I know how much we as Moms want to be able to just love them enough to make everything okay - not just okay but exactly right at all times.
It's just heartbreaking to be reminded how very deeply a child is hurt when the people who bring him into the world mistreat him -- and how lasting that hurt is.
I'll be thinking of you and your family -- keep in touch.
Sylvia
---------------------------------
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How scary it all must be -- to be at a point where you have no choice but to involved the authorities. I know how much we as Moms want to be able to just love them enough to make everything okay - not just okay but exactly right at all times.
It's just heartbreaking to be reminded how very deeply a child is hurt when the people who bring him into the world mistreat him -- and how lasting that hurt is.
I'll be thinking of you and your family -- keep in touch.
Sylvia
---------------------------------
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Andre
Hugs and healing thoughts prayers and energy from our home to yours.. I
am sure you will do what must be done and in the end he WILL understand
and thank you
am sure you will do what must be done and in the end he WILL understand
and thank you
Schafer Vanessa
Joanne,
I am so sorry for what you and your family is going
through. My little brother is kind of going through
the same thing, except there isn't any violence. His
has more to do with his daughter, who he has put in a
half-way home. She seems to be much happier there,
than she is at her own home.
I know how hard this is for you. I pray that you get
what ever answer you are looking for. Please know
that we are thinking of you and your family.
--- Joanne <billyandjoanne@...> wrote:
____________________________________________________________________________________
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I am so sorry for what you and your family is going
through. My little brother is kind of going through
the same thing, except there isn't any violence. His
has more to do with his daughter, who he has put in a
half-way home. She seems to be much happier there,
than she is at her own home.
I know how hard this is for you. I pray that you get
what ever answer you are looking for. Please know
that we are thinking of you and your family.
--- Joanne <billyandjoanne@...> wrote:
> We're going through some stressful times here and IVanessa
> would be very
> grateful if you could keep us in your thoughts.
>
> As some of you are already aware of, in 2003 my
> husband & I adopted
> three siblings out of foster care. At the time they
> were 5, 8 & 11.
> They're now 8, 11 & 14 and have been unschooled for
> over 2 years. My
> older two suffered severe abuse and extreme neglect
> while still in
> their birth home and emotional trauma in foster
> care. They both came
> to us very angry and hostile children but over time
> (and with a lot
> of help) my middle child has overcome a lot of the
> obstacles that
> stood in her way of having a happy life. My oldest
> has not and
> instead has continued on his downward spiral.
>
> The last few months have been filled with violence,
> anger and
> aggression...mainly towards me. I was prepared for
> this early in our
> adoption....having talked extensively with his
> caseworkers and
> therapists about how *in his mind*, the love from a
> mother equals
> pain and abuse and he will do all he can to push me
> away to protect
> himself from my "love".
>
> He has started getting physical wth me in the last 3
> months. (My
> son, at 14 years old is 6'1" and I'm 4' 11"). I
> have had to call
> the cops and he has been arrested twice, once for
> assualt and
> battery and another time for assualt with a deadly
> weapon. I
> understand where his anger stems from and I also
> know that it has
> nothing to do with me but I get punished by him
> every day for things
> I didn't do. He takes all his anger out on
> me...anger that should be
> directed at other people...the people that caused
> him great pain and
> suffering. I'm tired of being his emotional punching
> bag. It's so
> very sad because he cannot accept us, or our love.
> His attachment
> therapist (Cimion has reactive attachment disorder)
> made the comment
> that we adopted him as our son, but he has failed to
> adopt us, as
> his parents.
>
> He is currently on probation from his last arrest
> but has since
> violated the conditions and may be facing another
> arrest. I don't
> know what the near future will hold for him. Having
> him live at home
> is becoming a nightmare and he may have to be placed
> in a
> residential facility, at least temporary while he
> gets some help. At
> this point, my head is spinning and I'm trying to
> keep some of my
> sanity for my other two children.
>
> Also, let me be very clear that this has nothing to
> do with
> unschooling. Unschooling is not the reason for this.
> Unschooling
> (more specifically radical unschooling) has being a
> major force in
> the healing journey for my younger two. Cimion has
> been like this
> long before unschooling, long before I even met him.
>
>
> It's ironic that I'm posting this today. It's the
> 4th anniversary of
> the day that my husband & I met our children for the
> first time.
>
> Through this all, my mother is in the hospital.
> We're very close, as
> a matter of fact it was her idea to move from New
> York City to
> Florida and we followed her. She now lives next door
> to us.
>
> I just posted on my blog that Unschooling Voices
> will be postponed a
> month but didn't get into specifics being it's a
> public blog so I
> thought I would explain it here instead.
>
> Thank you if you've read this far. Your thoughts
> will be greatly
> appreciated.
>
> ~ Joanne ~
> Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (14)
> http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
>
>
>
>
____________________________________________________________________________________
TV dinner still cooling?
Check out "Tonight's Picks" on Yahoo! TV.
http://tv.yahoo.com/
Joanne
Thank you to everyone who replied here, replied on my blog and sent me
a private reply. Your support means a great deal to me at this time.
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (14)
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
a private reply. Your support means a great deal to me at this time.
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (14)
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/