Lisa Blocker

I have a very high energy 5 yr old boy and 3 older girls... he often shoves, hits, pinches, tackles etc one of especially the oldest two (he tends to give his 11 yr old sister who has autism wider berth! ) When they tell him he hurt them he is always surprised and I think feels sorry because that isn't his intent. He even said recently... which I believe is as early as he has been able to articulate his feelings... that he JUST wanted to them to play with him. It has helped for them to sort this out for themselves because once he was able to give a reason they explained that he could just ask and they would play or let him know why they couldn't. Perhaps your child is doing the same sort of "pay attention" to me behavior towards the other child. He may enjoy the shock of the other child, he may just not know how to ask for the attention he wants from his sibling or it may be his way of "playing". Young children are not capable of really understanding "ouch
you hurt me" because they live in a world where they are the center (which is how it should be!) It's our job to explain not so much that they shouldn't hit because it's just such a gray area but perhaps a better thing to do. Suggest ways to get what you need or want by other means instead of just saying "don't hit it hurts". Now this is not to suggest that we should explain that hitting hurts but it shouldn't be a stand alone reason for not hitting. I think that it's important to explain to children that it's unkind to hurt others physically or with our words but it's a hard concept to grasp when they are so young. As adults we have to be careful not to assign adult intent to childish actions.
Lisa Blocker





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