RE: help letting go (long, sorry)
Krisula Moyer
Just a quick suggestion( ok it got longer as I wrote)to help with each of
the dilemmas you describe. (Food and packing) These are to be taken as two
of *many* options you have, just to get you thinking. You sound "stuck"
like, you don't see any good options from where you are standing. This
happens to me when I'm in the thick of things. Especially if someone is
screaming. ;)
If you can predict early enough that dd isn't eating well. Before she
starts to get grumpy, try putting a few small nutritious things out within
reach. Bring her a sandwich or whatever you think she might like and, with
a smile, say, hi, I though you might like this. And just leave it there.
Or you might just put it down nicely where she is playing and say nothing.
I like to cut up fruit or put cheese and crackers out on the counter and
then just let everyone know they're there. I've provided something nice,
for them, they can choose to eat it or not, but then the chips and candy
aren't more convenient for them than the healthy stuff. Sometimes the kids
will go rooting for candy but most of the time they are looking for
something quick and convenient. Yours will be different but looking for
un-intrusive ways to provide good healthy options for them just before the
need hits may help. Of course you need to be ok with them *not* choosing
what you've provided. They may test you on this a few times before they
believe you aren't just trying to "make" them comply in a disguised form.
Packing: I have one kid who almost always wants to pack for herself. If
yours is not able to do this perfectly yet, let her pack her way and then
put a few options she may want in your own bag. That way when she gets hot
in her Christmas dress and wants to change you can say. "Hey, I have a pair
of shorts and a t-shirt here, would you like them?" If she's not hot and
complaining though, I would just smile and enjoy her quirky choices. Those
on this list who know my Anika (almost 4yo dd), know I am familiar with this
dilemma. Anika wears the most wonderful (some would say appalling) array of
costumes and dress up clothes everywhere we go. I often have a back up in
my bag but she rarely wants to change unless she becomes uncomfortable or
wet and even then...? I only insist that she needs to wear panties or shorts
under dresses - because she spends so much of her time hanging upside down.
If you have the attitude of a cheerful guide, it is fine to point out things
that might truly be helpful for her to know ie: " We'll be gone for 3 days
so you'll need at least 3 pairs of underwear." Or "gosh, that's too much
to fit in your suitcase. Can you try to choose the things you like best and
we'll see if we can get them to fit." Or even "I'm taking my blue
nightgown. Which pajamas are you going to bring?" Maybe let her help you
pack your bag if she will, that will give her some idea of what's involved.
Anyway, there's nothing wrong with letting her discover for herself that her
bag is not quite right when she gets there and nothing wrong with rescuing
but it must be done without an "I told you so" tone in your voice.
Have a good trip,
Krisula
the dilemmas you describe. (Food and packing) These are to be taken as two
of *many* options you have, just to get you thinking. You sound "stuck"
like, you don't see any good options from where you are standing. This
happens to me when I'm in the thick of things. Especially if someone is
screaming. ;)
If you can predict early enough that dd isn't eating well. Before she
starts to get grumpy, try putting a few small nutritious things out within
reach. Bring her a sandwich or whatever you think she might like and, with
a smile, say, hi, I though you might like this. And just leave it there.
Or you might just put it down nicely where she is playing and say nothing.
I like to cut up fruit or put cheese and crackers out on the counter and
then just let everyone know they're there. I've provided something nice,
for them, they can choose to eat it or not, but then the chips and candy
aren't more convenient for them than the healthy stuff. Sometimes the kids
will go rooting for candy but most of the time they are looking for
something quick and convenient. Yours will be different but looking for
un-intrusive ways to provide good healthy options for them just before the
need hits may help. Of course you need to be ok with them *not* choosing
what you've provided. They may test you on this a few times before they
believe you aren't just trying to "make" them comply in a disguised form.
Packing: I have one kid who almost always wants to pack for herself. If
yours is not able to do this perfectly yet, let her pack her way and then
put a few options she may want in your own bag. That way when she gets hot
in her Christmas dress and wants to change you can say. "Hey, I have a pair
of shorts and a t-shirt here, would you like them?" If she's not hot and
complaining though, I would just smile and enjoy her quirky choices. Those
on this list who know my Anika (almost 4yo dd), know I am familiar with this
dilemma. Anika wears the most wonderful (some would say appalling) array of
costumes and dress up clothes everywhere we go. I often have a back up in
my bag but she rarely wants to change unless she becomes uncomfortable or
wet and even then...? I only insist that she needs to wear panties or shorts
under dresses - because she spends so much of her time hanging upside down.
If you have the attitude of a cheerful guide, it is fine to point out things
that might truly be helpful for her to know ie: " We'll be gone for 3 days
so you'll need at least 3 pairs of underwear." Or "gosh, that's too much
to fit in your suitcase. Can you try to choose the things you like best and
we'll see if we can get them to fit." Or even "I'm taking my blue
nightgown. Which pajamas are you going to bring?" Maybe let her help you
pack your bag if she will, that will give her some idea of what's involved.
Anyway, there's nothing wrong with letting her discover for herself that her
bag is not quite right when she gets there and nothing wrong with rescuing
but it must be done without an "I told you so" tone in your voice.
Have a good trip,
Krisula
pam sorooshian
On Jul 16, 2004, at 10:38 AM, Krisula Moyer wrote:
even before they could actually read the list for themselves. They
checked off the list as they packed. When I gave them the list I said,
"Here is the beginning of your list - add what else you want to take."
I'd usually remember something I'd forgotten to put on their list and
I'd just say, "Hey, add your swimsuit to your list." <G> They all make
lists now, for themselves, when they need to pack to go somewhere.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> If you have the attitude of a cheerful guide, it is fine to point outI always just gave the kids a list. They always packed themselves -
> things
> that might truly be helpful for her to know ie: " We'll be gone for 3
> days
> so you'll need at least 3 pairs of underwear."
even before they could actually read the list for themselves. They
checked off the list as they packed. When I gave them the list I said,
"Here is the beginning of your list - add what else you want to take."
I'd usually remember something I'd forgotten to put on their list and
I'd just say, "Hey, add your swimsuit to your list." <G> They all make
lists now, for themselves, when they need to pack to go somewhere.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
Alyce
That's what we do...big with the lists. We all sit down together
before we start packing and work up a list. If we don't, we'll show
up at our destination without toothbrush, underwear, etc.
Something. lol. Jay always adds something - like teddy bear.. Abby
too - usually walkman or books to read or paper and pen.
Alyce
--- In [email protected], pam sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@m...> wrote:
before we start packing and work up a list. If we don't, we'll show
up at our destination without toothbrush, underwear, etc.
Something. lol. Jay always adds something - like teddy bear.. Abby
too - usually walkman or books to read or paper and pen.
Alyce
--- In [email protected], pam sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@m...> wrote:
>point out
> On Jul 16, 2004, at 10:38 AM, Krisula Moyer wrote:
>
> > If you have the attitude of a cheerful guide, it is fine to
> > thingsfor 3
> > that might truly be helpful for her to know ie: " We'll be gone
> > dayssaid,
> > so you'll need at least 3 pairs of underwear."
>
> I always just gave the kids a list. They always packed themselves -
> even before they could actually read the list for themselves. They
> checked off the list as they packed. When I gave them the list I
> "Here is the beginning of your list - add what else you want totake."
> I'd usually remember something I'd forgotten to put on their listand
> I'd just say, "Hey, add your swimsuit to your list." <G> They allmake
> lists now, for themselves, when they need to pack to go somewhere.
>
> -pam
> National Home Education Network
> <www.NHEN.org>
> Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
> through information, networking and public relations.
Sherri-Lee Pressman
Hi Krisula,
Thank you for the suggestions.
I will try the food thing, I know that I did sort of loose it last week, I
saw she wasn't eating the healthy choices, but decided for some reason that
with the "let her eat what she wants" philosophy that I didn't need to put
more effort in that I did. I was wrong. Guess I learned there too huh?
I love her clothes choices normally so will try to just pack some more
appropriate items for her in the future. The other day she went out in her
ballet outfit (with a flounsey skirt) and two different Dora socks and black
hello kitty shoes. People looked and smiled or laughed, she took offense and
I struggled with how to let her know that if you don't want people to notice
you you need to blend in a bit more:-)
Sherri-Lee
_____
From: Krisula Moyer [mailto:krisulam@...]
Sent: Friday, July 16, 2004 10:38 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] RE: help letting go (long, sorry)
Just a quick suggestion( ok it got longer as I wrote)to help with each of
the dilemmas you describe. (Food and packing) These are to be taken as two
of *many* options you have, just to get you thinking. You sound "stuck"
like, you don't see any good options from where you are standing. This
happens to me when I'm in the thick of things. Especially if someone is
screaming. ;)
If you can predict early enough that dd isn't eating well. Before she
starts to get grumpy, try putting a few small nutritious things out within
reach. Bring her a sandwich or whatever you think she might like and, with
a smile, say, hi, I though you might like this. And just leave it there.
Or you might just put it down nicely where she is playing and say nothing.
I like to cut up fruit or put cheese and crackers out on the counter and
then just let everyone know they're there. I've provided something nice,
for them, they can choose to eat it or not, but then the chips and candy
aren't more convenient for them than the healthy stuff. Sometimes the kids
will go rooting for candy but most of the time they are looking for
something quick and convenient. Yours will be different but looking for
un-intrusive ways to provide good healthy options for them just before the
need hits may help. Of course you need to be ok with them *not* choosing
what you've provided. They may test you on this a few times before they
believe you aren't just trying to "make" them comply in a disguised form.
Packing: I have one kid who almost always wants to pack for herself. If
yours is not able to do this perfectly yet, let her pack her way and then
put a few options she may want in your own bag. That way when she gets hot
in her Christmas dress and wants to change you can say. "Hey, I have a pair
of shorts and a t-shirt here, would you like them?" If she's not hot and
complaining though, I would just smile and enjoy her quirky choices. Those
on this list who know my Anika (almost 4yo dd), know I am familiar with this
dilemma. Anika wears the most wonderful (some would say appalling) array of
costumes and dress up clothes everywhere we go. I often have a back up in
my bag but she rarely wants to change unless she becomes uncomfortable or
wet and even then...? I only insist that she needs to wear panties or shorts
under dresses - because she spends so much of her time hanging upside down.
If you have the attitude of a cheerful guide, it is fine to point out things
that might truly be helpful for her to know ie: " We'll be gone for 3 days
so you'll need at least 3 pairs of underwear." Or "gosh, that's too much
to fit in your suitcase. Can you try to choose the things you like best and
we'll see if we can get them to fit." Or even "I'm taking my blue
nightgown. Which pajamas are you going to bring?" Maybe let her help you
pack your bag if she will, that will give her some idea of what's involved.
Anyway, there's nothing wrong with letting her discover for herself that her
bag is not quite right when she gets there and nothing wrong with rescuing
but it must be done without an "I told you so" tone in your voice.
Have a good trip,
Krisula
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Thank you for the suggestions.
I will try the food thing, I know that I did sort of loose it last week, I
saw she wasn't eating the healthy choices, but decided for some reason that
with the "let her eat what she wants" philosophy that I didn't need to put
more effort in that I did. I was wrong. Guess I learned there too huh?
I love her clothes choices normally so will try to just pack some more
appropriate items for her in the future. The other day she went out in her
ballet outfit (with a flounsey skirt) and two different Dora socks and black
hello kitty shoes. People looked and smiled or laughed, she took offense and
I struggled with how to let her know that if you don't want people to notice
you you need to blend in a bit more:-)
Sherri-Lee
_____
From: Krisula Moyer [mailto:krisulam@...]
Sent: Friday, July 16, 2004 10:38 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] RE: help letting go (long, sorry)
Just a quick suggestion( ok it got longer as I wrote)to help with each of
the dilemmas you describe. (Food and packing) These are to be taken as two
of *many* options you have, just to get you thinking. You sound "stuck"
like, you don't see any good options from where you are standing. This
happens to me when I'm in the thick of things. Especially if someone is
screaming. ;)
If you can predict early enough that dd isn't eating well. Before she
starts to get grumpy, try putting a few small nutritious things out within
reach. Bring her a sandwich or whatever you think she might like and, with
a smile, say, hi, I though you might like this. And just leave it there.
Or you might just put it down nicely where she is playing and say nothing.
I like to cut up fruit or put cheese and crackers out on the counter and
then just let everyone know they're there. I've provided something nice,
for them, they can choose to eat it or not, but then the chips and candy
aren't more convenient for them than the healthy stuff. Sometimes the kids
will go rooting for candy but most of the time they are looking for
something quick and convenient. Yours will be different but looking for
un-intrusive ways to provide good healthy options for them just before the
need hits may help. Of course you need to be ok with them *not* choosing
what you've provided. They may test you on this a few times before they
believe you aren't just trying to "make" them comply in a disguised form.
Packing: I have one kid who almost always wants to pack for herself. If
yours is not able to do this perfectly yet, let her pack her way and then
put a few options she may want in your own bag. That way when she gets hot
in her Christmas dress and wants to change you can say. "Hey, I have a pair
of shorts and a t-shirt here, would you like them?" If she's not hot and
complaining though, I would just smile and enjoy her quirky choices. Those
on this list who know my Anika (almost 4yo dd), know I am familiar with this
dilemma. Anika wears the most wonderful (some would say appalling) array of
costumes and dress up clothes everywhere we go. I often have a back up in
my bag but she rarely wants to change unless she becomes uncomfortable or
wet and even then...? I only insist that she needs to wear panties or shorts
under dresses - because she spends so much of her time hanging upside down.
If you have the attitude of a cheerful guide, it is fine to point out things
that might truly be helpful for her to know ie: " We'll be gone for 3 days
so you'll need at least 3 pairs of underwear." Or "gosh, that's too much
to fit in your suitcase. Can you try to choose the things you like best and
we'll see if we can get them to fit." Or even "I'm taking my blue
nightgown. Which pajamas are you going to bring?" Maybe let her help you
pack your bag if she will, that will give her some idea of what's involved.
Anyway, there's nothing wrong with letting her discover for herself that her
bag is not quite right when she gets there and nothing wrong with rescuing
but it must be done without an "I told you so" tone in your voice.
Have a good trip,
Krisula
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