Tina

For those of you that don't know our family's background here's a
quick run down. We have seven children and three grandchildren. We
graduated four out of our local high school. Our youngest, almost
13, has been home most of the time. The next two oldest, 15 and
almost 17, just came home within the last year.

The 17 year old is our youngest daughter. She was in the local
charter school when we were finally able to bring her home. It was
just a year in December. During that time a lot happened. We had
three grandchildren. I helped with two of them full-time. I just
stopped in January.

During this year we have done some interesting things, but time was
limited due to caring for new babies. The kids have done a lot of
deschooling. I was excited about this month and being able to
dedicate my time 100 percent to my children. I spent the first two
weeks sick. So, we're just getting on with our life this week.

It's the wee hours of the morning and I am typing this email because
I got up for the early morning "potty run" and discovered a letter
taped to my door knob from our 17 year old daughter. She wants to go
back to school.

In the letter she is stating social reasons of why she wanted to come
home to begin with. There are many reasons I know of why she should
not return to school. Unschooling is about freedom, and I don't want
to force her to do anything. BUT, I would like her to continue in
freedom and am going to need to be on my toes. My husband is still
warming to the kids' new lifestyle. We are just starting to get into
it.

When she was in PS she should have been going into 11th grade. She
would have failed and stayed in 10th. Really it was 9th/10th. If
she were to go back to school she would only be in 9th grade at
almost 18. It's just not practical. In her letter she states that
she doesn't feel that she can learn what she needs to know at home.
She certainly won't learn it at PS.

I tried reading the Teenage Liberation Handbook with her. She wasn't
into it. Honestly, her friends all go to PS. She has NO HS
friends. In my mind this was the year of opportunity for her. I've
offered community ed classes in things she's interested in. She
turned it down. She really has not set or achieved any goals since
she's been home. I've not seen a dedication to anything. No
passion. It's been concerning to me, but I was looking to provide a
lot of opportunity this year. By this I don't mean educational
looking things. I mean real life opportunities.

In my mind we were just getting ready to get on with life. Any
suggestions as to the direction to go here. What would you do if it
were your child? I know going back to traditional PS is not really a
viable option. There are so many more options available to her. She
could go to college if she wanted.

ALL input welcome and desired. I need a strong back bone here
supported with wisdom. You are all the best back support there is.

Thanks - Tina

plaidpanties666

--- In [email protected], "Tina" <zoocrew@...> wrote:
> It's the wee hours of the morning and I am typing this email
because
> I got up for the early morning "potty run" and discovered a letter
> taped to my door knob from our 17 year old daughter. She wants to
go
> back to school.

She wants to go back right now or at the start of the next school
year? If its *right now* I'd call the school and find out how that
would work - would they have to test her to find out what classes
she could be in? How long would that take? Is she going to have
to "catch up" in those classes? I'd also find out what the school
policy is wrt homework. More and more schools are starting to impose
penalties beyond lowered grades for missed homework, so I'd want to
look into that. Its not a decision that should be made either way
without some research.

What happens - this is another thing to look into - when she does
turn 18? You said she's almost 17, so there's one more year of
compulsory education. What then? Does she just want to "do her time"
and then stop? What's the school's policy on this? Can she start a
new school year if she's Already 18, 18.5, 19? Or does she have to
switch to a different school at that point?

>If
> she were to go back to school she would only be in 9th grade at
> almost 18. It's just not practical.

Does she know this? is she okay with it? What would that look like,
really? She'll be in mixed age classes for electives, anyway. Do
they have specific "remedial" classes? If so, those are probably
mixed-age or mostly older kids. More questions to ask the school.

Not practical in what way? I can see having one kid in school and
the rest not as being disruptive - we dealt with that for almost a
month when my stepson first moved in with us. Dealing with clothes
and homework and getting to and from school etc was a big hassle for
us and definately impacted our whole family. That being said, this
girl may not be feeling all warm-fuzzy about y'alls family right
now, if she feels her needs have been taking a backseat. Obviously
she doesn't feel as though she can communicate with you directly, so
I wonder what else she's feeling constrained about.

>In my mind this was the year of opportunity for her.

It sounds as though in *her* mind she's had a year of being stuck
with no-one to hang out with in a family focussed on the needs of
infants, not teens. She's not in a position to trust that "this
year" will be any better than the last. Show her you're taking her
seriously by finding out what she needs to know about going back to
school. Not in a "look how hard this will be" sort of way!!! If she
feels like she's been sidelined so you can deal with two babies,
she's only going to feel *less* valued if you turn around and
say "No, that's too much trouble" when she wants something.

---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)

[email protected]

If I were you I would immediately look into some community college classes
for her. She could select a class of interest to her without the overwhelming
social pressure of high school. I graduated from a community college with an
associates degree at age 18 so she is definitely not too young.

> It's the wee hours of the morning and I am typing this email
because
> I got up for the early morning "potty run" and discovered a letter
> taped to my door knob from our 17 year old daughter. She wants to
go
> back to school.





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Marieke Willis

--- Tina <zoocrew@...> wrote:
> During that time a lot happened. We had
> three grandchildren. I helped with two of them full-time. I just
> stopped in January.
>
> During this year we have done some interesting things, but time was
> limited due to caring for new babies. The kids have done a lot of
> deschooling. I was excited about this month and being able to
> dedicate my time 100 percent to my children. I spent the first two
> weeks sick. So, we're just getting on with our life this week.

> discovered a letter
> taped to my door knob from our 17 year old daughter. She wants to go
> back to school.

Is it clear to her that you'll have time now to devote to her, or is
she afraid that you'll be sucked into the grandmothering thing again? I
mean, you might have told her that you'll have time now, but does she
trust you on that one?

What *exactly* does she think she'll get out of school? Would doing
school-at-home make her happier than unschooling? Why does she not want
to take some classes at a community college? Is she afraid they'll be
too difficult, or that she'll be too young, or...? You could ask her
whether she wants to try the GED. If she flunks it, it doesn't matter,
and you'd know what her weak points are as far as getting into college
are concerned, and if she doesn't flunk it, it might give her more
confidence and encourage her to try some college courses. They offer
the GED more or less year round, iirc... I took it almost two years ago
in March.

Marieke



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Melissa

Meredith,
I was going to say the exact same thing about the family focus. What I was going to
suggest however, was apologizing for the past year, and asking her if "we" the family
could work on making sure HER needs were met. If you can show her you mean it for six
months, then maybe she'd have some more trust going into this. Let her know that you
understand how serious she is, and that things ARE going to change.

Gotta go, speaking of needs being met
Melissa
--- In [email protected], "plaidpanties666" <plaidpanties666@...>
wrote:
> It sounds as though in *her* mind she's had a year of being stuck
> with no-one to hang out with in a family focussed on the needs of
> infants, not teens. She's not in a position to trust that "this
> year" will be any better than the last. Show her you're taking her
> seriously by finding out what she needs to know about going back to
> school. Not in a "look how hard this will be" sort of way!!! If she
> feels like she's been sidelined so you can deal with two babies,
> she's only going to feel *less* valued if you turn around and
> say "No, that's too much trouble" when she wants something.
>
> ---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
>