> My dd will be 4yo in March. Everything was well till last
February
> - close to her third birthday. Everyday will be lots of
exploring,
> experiments, play pretends, food wasnt a problem (from 18 months
to
> Feb 2006) - I was unschooling. I wanted to see my daughter sleep
> peacefully after the whole day's experiences and I had a peaceful
> sleep. But there were ups and downs during those periods -
> especially separation anxiety - I had no privacy for using the
> restrooms, taking a warm bath, changing clothes, cooking,
cleaning
> - I had to carry her to every single place I was; stop always
meant
> do it again and again - sometimes it took its toll. Close to her
> third birthday everything changed - lot of emotional upsets - I
> didnt know what was happening - any small issue was a huge
> meltdown which had made me cry all the way back home after our
time
> at the park or at the store or from the neighbor's house. My
> pediatrician is very autocratic - Your daughter is wanting
> attention, even negative attention will do for her; you need to
> change your voice and poise. I started having a lot of arguments
> within myself - whether I am able to provide a safe boundary for
> myself and my daughter - after every event I will feel guilty
that
> I had stopped her from doing something that she really wanted to
> try - the reason I stopped was that when there is going to be a
> time to stop she doesnt stop at all and things turn very ginger.
We
> used to have lots of discussions (me and my dd) about many things
> that are happening around us - the pollinators. But I feel less
of
> it happening these days.
>
> This age was when she wanted more interaction with other kids and
> most of them were at school. But even meeting my friends or going
> to playgrounds did not help because she did not see her friends
> consistently as she wanted to continue her previous game. So it
was
> upsetting me and I tried to fill the gap by playing as her pal
> always. The problem now is that she is always wanting me next to
> her doing everything that she does - I have made every
possibility
> of finding help so that I can always be with her but sometimes I
> think the reason she does not do well in a group setting is that
> its us two who always play and I always try to understand and do
> what she says and its not the same outside. So when she goes to
the
> gymnastics class (which she loves) or to swimming (which she
loves)
> she is panic stricken at the site of the teacher (whom she has to
> follow). There are certain things that I can do - but I dont know
> many things - the teachers are very understanding - but at the
> start of the class it was tears and at the end of the class she
> would be very happy. I feel very sad -seeing this - as I feel I
> dont want you to do something you dont like but since you like
this
> I want you to enjoy this with this teacher who can tell you many
> things about it and I can learn something too.
>
> Also giving choices has not worked - it is mostly what she wants
to
> do - clay doesnt go on wall, you can try something as rough as
the
> wall around the house and I try to search with her testing the
> match. The answer is always no and asking me, 'when can I put
clay
> on the wall". All explanations go over her head, can I do it now
is
> where she will come back. The same thing with painting - she has
> the freedom to experiment about paints but when it goes to the
> walls where we cannot fix or not on us, it goes into a meltdown.
> Whichever way I go I am finally getting hit with the emotional
> upheaval. I need lots of suggestions on this. Thanks Malini
>