frozenandcold

<<<<<~~A child who is always told "yes" will eventually think thats
just
the way the world runs. And unfortunately, it doesn't.~~

>>>>

That is what the government would like to make you think!! Kids
that are told yes learn how to figure things out when they come upon
an obstacle. I was told no lots as a kid and all it taught me is
that I am not capable and that there aren't other creative ways to
get what I want and need. It is a HUGE obstacle for me to
constantly overcome as an adult. On the other hand, my kids will
think of creative ways to get what they want and need.

We are tight on money right now and we haven't been in this position
for many years. My kids have always pretty much gotten what they
want and need. Well that isn't the case right now and my son's
computer broke down and we can't replace it and it isn't fixable.
We looked at a few options that he had come up with, including
finding a casing the same as his and switching the inside of his
computer. We couldn't find one cheap enough so he eventually
decided he is going to get a job so he can buy his own. Which
brings us to the other subject of motivation. This is a child who
doesn't have a "normal" schedule, stays up until all hours of the
night and sleeps most of the day, which some have been critical of.
How is he going to learn how to live in the real world and have a
job etc.? When they have something that motivates them they will do
amazing things!


<< I remember one time we were visiting family in Alaska and did a
trip to the grocery store with my sister. As we walked the aisles,
Sierra asked for certain items and we picked up whatever she wanted.
By the third request, my sister says "Sierra, does your mother EVER
tell you 'no'?">>

I'm assuming this was Robin. I hope I didn't make such a stupid
comment! And how funny that I don't think I have ever heard her
tell Rylee no!

sherkinpirate

--- In [email protected], "frozenandcold"
<fivefreebirds@...> wrote:


> We are tight on money right now and we haven't been in this position
> for many years. My kids have always pretty much gotten what they
> want and need. Well that isn't the case right now and my son's
> computer broke down and we can't replace it and it isn't fixable.
> We looked at a few options that he had come up with, including
> finding a casing the same as his and switching the inside of his
> computer. We couldn't find one cheap enough so he eventually
> decided he is going to get a job so he can buy his own. Which
> brings us to the other subject of motivation. This is a child who
> doesn't have a "normal" schedule, stays up until all hours of the
> night and sleeps most of the day, which some have been critical of.
> How is he going to learn how to live in the real world and have a
> job etc.? When they have something that motivates them they will do
> amazing things!

How about getting a computer that some business, school etc. is
throwing away and installing it with free software (Linux, OpenOffice,
etc.)?

** pirateking **

Ren Allen

~~
I'm assuming this was Robin. I hope I didn't make such a stupid
comment! ~~


You know it!!:) I think it was when Rylee was a baby...my how some
things have changed eh?

There was a really great discussion amongst a small group of us at the
Live and Learn conference in Albuquerque last year, in between
activities. Barbara Chase mentioned how saying "yes" to everything
without any thought can be just as mindless as saying "no" without
thought.

The entire point is that we act more MINDFULLY of our actions and
choices, including our interactions with our children. If we really
think about WHY we are answering a certain way, if we really examine
the motivations and such, I think we can find that place where the
answer is done with thoughtfulness.

If we say "yes" with no thought as to WHY we're saying it, or HOW to
meet the request, we may find ourselves at odds with our own world.
The point isn't to ignore our own needs, or ignore natural
limitations, but rather to get outside the box and be creative!!

So many, many things that parents seem to automatically say "no" to
are pretty easy to navigate with some brainstorming and flexibility.
That thought process of "how can we make this work for everyone?" is
SUCH a healthy way to approach challenges rather than a kneejerk
answer. Considering all angles and everyone's needs allows for many
different solutions to surface and encourages children to contribute
without feeling their desires are somehow "wrong" because an adult is
putting a stop to it.

There ARE "no's" in life, but how do we approach them? With an open,
flexible mind or with the idea that life sucks and we need to learn
how to deal with it? Too many of us were taught that attitude and
unschooling gives us an opportunity to heal those attitudes.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Karen

I would like to offer my experience with changing from saying *no* to
*yes*. When I can't give my kids an outright 'yes' due to whatever
circumstances prevent it (ie money, time etc), they have become VERY
creative at negotiating or working out ways to get what they are after via a
different route. It is great to see because I know when I was their age I
would just hear 'no' (often) and stop there. And quite often when they are
trying to work out a solution I have time to *hear* that perhaps the reasons
for my *maybe* are sometimes due to my lack of confidence or hesitancy in a
situation that should be embraced.

Karen

On 07/01/07, frozenandcold <fivefreebirds@...> wrote:
>
> <<<<<~~A child who is always told "yes" will eventually think thats
> just
> the way the world runs. And unfortunately, it doesn't.~~
>
> >>>>
>
> That is what the government would like to make you think!! Kids
> that are told yes learn how to figure things out when they come upon
> an obstacle. I was told no lots as a kid and all it taught me is
> that I am not capable and that there aren't other creative ways to
> get what I want and need. It is a HUGE obstacle for me to
> constantly overcome as an adult. On the other hand, my kids will
> think of creative ways to get what they want and need.
>
>


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