Tami

Hi all,

I'm new here. I posted a question a couple of weeks ago, and received wonderful advice.
For the past couple of weeks I've been scanning/reading thru the archives (I'm up to
2335!). I came across the concept of US a year ago and planned on taking that approach
with my children's education. What I wasn't familiar with is the idea of US as a way of life
rather than just an educational approach. Well, I've been spending a lot of time on Sandra
Dodd's site and what I've been reading has really challenged my previously held beliefs.

I think...I have been a VERY controlling mom. I'm still trying to take in and digest all that
I've read, because I've always felt "there HAS to be a better way!" and a lot of the mindful
parenting (or whatever you call it) is REALLY starting to appeal to me. But boy, is it hard to
change! I keep telling myself that this is a journey, not a destination and that I can't expect
myself to change all at once. So, I decided to write down when I've done a good job at
being mindful of my actions/reactions/interactions.

Yesterday....

I let my son wear a dirty shirt! He really, really wanted to wear a shirt his brother had worn
several days before. I tried being calm and explaining to him it was dirty. He wanted me
to wash it right then. I explained that even if I put it in the washer that moment, it would
not be ready before we had to leave. Didn't matter. So, I gave in and said he could wear it
dirty. (This was big for me). But that still wasn't good enough. He wanted to wear it right
that moment and he also wanted it clean that moment. I started to get very frustrated and
was about to yell, because I felt I had been pretty patient. But then I stopped,took the shirt
to the laundry room, Fabreezed it and told him it was now clean enough to wear. That
satisfied him. Why didn't I just do this to begin with? And you know what, wearing a dirty
shirt didn't hurt him or me. Imagine that....!

Also, my 2 yo dd was playing in the sink as I was trying to get us all ready to go. I tried to
make her leave the bathroom, tried to get her interested in other things, tried to keep in
mind all that i've read...but to no avail. Once again, I was getting frustrated and very
tempted to just grab her and carry her out of the bathroom, but for some reason, I just
stopped and stared at the water she was playing in. Then I looked at her and said, "Wow!
Sabrina, that looks like so much fun!" She lifted her head up from the sink and gave me
this huge smile. Her eyes lit up...her whole face lit up...and it was like, "Wow! Mommy
finally got it!" Less than 5 minutes later, she came out and told me she was all done.

Today...

My husbands gone for the evening. The 3 kids and I ate dinner around their "kid" table, in
front of the TV, watching Dumbo. This is HUGE for me, because previously I had limited
TV to roughly one, maybe two, hours per day. I grew up eating dinner in front of the tV
and I said I would NEVER do this with my kids. But...we had a great meal, the kids had fun,
and we didn't miss Daddy quite so much that way. And as I sat there with them, I looked at
them and thought, "I wouldn't trade this for anything". (Also huge for me, because I so
often crave time alone and feel such a need to get away...)

Anyway, I thought I would share this. I've really enjoyed reading the archives and I feel like
I'm learning a lot. I have a looonng way to go, but at least I'm starting to become AWARE,
and i think that's a good starting point...

Thanks to all,
Tami

[email protected]

WooHoo!!
Feels good, don't it?
Elissa Jill
OTN:
silk/wool blend tie front mini sweater
Sparkly dressy scarf

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Joanne

Hi Tami,

I enjoyed your post. Yes, it's a journey, I feel that way also. Keep
reading the older threads and Sandra's site. You should start a blog
and journal your days. :-)


~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (14)
Adopted into our hearts October 2003
************************************
Unschooling Voices ~ Add Your Voice
www.foreverparents.com/UnschoolingVoices.html



--- In [email protected], "Tami " <Tamicamp@...>
wrote:
>
> Hi all,
>
> I'm new here. I posted a question a couple of weeks ago, and
received wonderful advice.
> For the past couple of weeks I've been scanning/reading thru the
archives (I'm up to
> 2335!). I came across the concept of US a year ago and planned on
taking that approach
> with my children's education. What I wasn't familiar with is the
idea of US as a way of life
> rather than just an educational approach. Well, I've been spending
a lot of time on Sandra
> Dodd's site and what I've been reading has really challenged my
previously held beliefs.
>
> I think...I have been a VERY controlling mom. I'm still trying to
take in and digest all that
> I've read, because I've always felt "there HAS to be a better
way!" and a lot of the mindful
> parenting (or whatever you call it) is REALLY starting to appeal
to me. But boy, is it hard to
> change! I keep telling myself that this is a journey, not a
destination and that I can't expect
> myself to change all at once. So, I decided to write down when
I've done a good job at
> being mindful of my actions/reactions/interactions.
>
> Yesterday....
>
> I let my son wear a dirty shirt! He really, really wanted to wear
a shirt his brother had worn
> several days before. I tried being calm and explaining to him it
was dirty. He wanted me
> to wash it right then. I explained that even if I put it in the
washer that moment, it would
> not be ready before we had to leave. Didn't matter. So, I gave
in and said he could wear it
> dirty. (This was big for me). But that still wasn't good enough.
He wanted to wear it right
> that moment and he also wanted it clean that moment. I started to
get very frustrated and
> was about to yell, because I felt I had been pretty patient. But
then I stopped,took the shirt
> to the laundry room, Fabreezed it and told him it was now clean
enough to wear. That
> satisfied him. Why didn't I just do this to begin with? And you
know what, wearing a dirty
> shirt didn't hurt him or me. Imagine that....!
>
> Also, my 2 yo dd was playing in the sink as I was trying to get us
all ready to go. I tried to
> make her leave the bathroom, tried to get her interested in other
things, tried to keep in
> mind all that i've read...but to no avail. Once again, I was
getting frustrated and very
> tempted to just grab her and carry her out of the bathroom, but
for some reason, I just
> stopped and stared at the water she was playing in. Then I looked
at her and said, "Wow!
> Sabrina, that looks like so much fun!" She lifted her head up from
the sink and gave me
> this huge smile. Her eyes lit up...her whole face lit up...and it
was like, "Wow! Mommy
> finally got it!" Less than 5 minutes later, she came out and told
me she was all done.
>
> Today...
>
> My husbands gone for the evening. The 3 kids and I ate dinner
around their "kid" table, in
> front of the TV, watching Dumbo. This is HUGE for me, because
previously I had limited
> TV to roughly one, maybe two, hours per day. I grew up eating
dinner in front of the tV
> and I said I would NEVER do this with my kids. But...we had a
great meal, the kids had fun,
> and we didn't miss Daddy quite so much that way. And as I sat
there with them, I looked at
> them and thought, "I wouldn't trade this for anything". (Also huge
for me, because I so
> often crave time alone and feel such a need to get away...)
>
> Anyway, I thought I would share this. I've really enjoyed reading
the archives and I feel like
> I'm learning a lot. I have a looonng way to go, but at least I'm
starting to become AWARE,
> and i think that's a good starting point...
>
> Thanks to all,
> Tami
>

[email protected]

In a message dated 12/28/2006 10:18:42 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,
Tamicamp@... writes:

Anyway, I thought I would share this. I've really enjoyed reading the
archives and I feel like
I'm learning a lot. I have a looonng way to go, but at least I'm starting to
become AWARE,
and i think that's a good starting point...


_______

Very nice post and that awareness that you're talking about can just grow
and grow. It's an amazing transformation and you'll see more and more of those
smiles on your children's faces. I was also a very controlling mom and what
worked for me is exactly what you are doing. I read and read and as I began
that process of evaluating my parenting, amazing discoveries took place in
all of our lives.

You're in for a great journey.

Gail


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ren Allen

~~But boy, is it hard to
change! I keep telling myself that this is a journey, not a
destination and that I can't expect myself to change all at once.~~

I think it's really great to be ok with where you're at and still be
learning and growing at the same time.:) I know there are a lot of
things I can do better, but it's nice to not beat myself up all the
time too....being ok with not being a fabulous parent every moment has
been very freeing.

I really enjoyed your whole post and the "aha" moments. It's all about
seeing more possibilities, more options than before isn't it? Creative
approaches really assist the mindful parent in this journey. Usually
when I feel stressed I just haven't stopped to look at other options.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com