Lorrie

I agree with you. How could anyone throw out precious pictures of their children? Not to mention how can your children not be a priority?

Today I had to endure 4 hours of wondering when the argument would break out. I found that by just going upstairs for a few minutes of quiet time helped me throughout the day.
After driving an hour and 20 minutes round trip to pick my mother up to come have dinner with us, I could see that it wasn't going to be the best of days.
She was fine for about an hour and then Dr. Jekyll kicked in. I said that it was time for her to open her gifts and she gave me a look like she wanted to kill me and rudely said that she didn't want any gifts. My 15 year old daughter handed her a gift and said. "this is from me". She then put it on top of her purse and said she would take it home and maybe open them tomorrow. Her and my son just looked at me and at that point I just walked out and went into the kitchen and started cleaning. After about 15 minutes I could hear that she had opened the kids gifts any way. I went and got the ones I had gotten her and took them into the kitchen and threw them into a bag of stuff that was going back to her house.

After another round trip to take her back home, I saw her calling when I got back. The message from Mr. Hyde was, "thank you for the gifts, I didn't even know I had any." Then she went on about how great it was to be here today.
Before anyone thinks that she has alzheimers or any problem to do with her age, she has been up and down like this my entire life. When I try to suggest that she is bi-polar, or anything that involves finding out about the mood swings she argues with me then hangs up on me. It usually calls for about a 2 or 3 week silent treatment. Anytime things don't go her way, or she disagrees with me, the silent treatments start. It used to bother me when I was younger, but to be honest I feel so much better when she does this and I don't have to deal with her.

Other then that I had a great day with my kids and feel so Blessed to have them.
I hope everyone had a wonderful day!

peace,
lorrie




----- Original Message ----
From: Crystal Miller <willowsfortress@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, December 25, 2006 3:09:41 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] OT-Troubled mother relationships/was Sad situation


> 1b. OT-Troubled mother relationships/ was Sad situation
++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++
Ahhh, but so interesting was not seeing my mother for over 20 years then
trying to help her and my brother out this past year (homeless) and when she
was living in my home she said to me, "Crystal, I did not keep any pictures
of you because I thought that I was never going to see you again." Then she
added, "You just weren't a priority to me."

Not a priority? It was an interesting statement considering my Sorscha is a
huge priority to me and I cannot imagine not seeing her for over 20 years.
The thought of even throwing away one picture of Sorscha flabbergast me...I
even keep the smeary ones. It is important that I chose not to wallow in
my losses (parent, love, childhood) and create what I wanted. I guess that
is why I love RUing. It's about the relationship I create with Sorscha.
~Crystal~
http://daikinicross roads.blogspot. com/

Hey PS...YOU Albuquerque Tribe...Thanks for being there for me this year
when I was going thru that mess! Ya'll are awesome friends!




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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

plaidpanties666

--- In [email protected], Lorrie
<iamhisservant4ever@...> wrote:
>> She was fine for about an hour and then Dr. Jekyll kicked in. I
>said that it was time for her to open her gifts and she gave me a
>look like she wanted to kill me and rudely said that she didn't
>want any gifts. My 15 year old daughter handed her a gift and
>said. "this is from me". She then put it on top of her purse and
>said she would take it home and maybe open them tomorrow.

I know we're talking about an adult here, not a child, but it really
made me think of how some kids have what Danielle calls an "internal
autonomy meter" - and when too much of the world is out of their
control they get overwhelmed. In your mom's case, lets see, it was a
holiday, so her regular routine is gone, she's going to someone
else's house, someone else has to drive her, and then other people
start telling her what to do, and when. Broken down like that, its a
pretty stressful situation. Maybe *she* gets overwhelmed when so
many things are out-of-control, and doesn't have the skills to
express herself gracefully.

Why was it suddenly "time" for her to open her gifts? Why did you
announce it rather than asking if she'd like to open some presents?
If you are talking to your mom this way, I can't help but wonder if
you talk to your kids this way, too. Is it possible that you get
overwhelmed when things don't go your way?

> After another round trip to take her back home, I saw her calling
>when I got back. The message from Mr. Hyde was, "thank you for the
>gifts, I didn't even know I had any." Then she went on about how
>great it was to be here today.

Try looking at this without the lens of resentment. She called to
apologise and thank you. Maybe she didn't say "sorry" but I think it
was implied. If you are in the habit of resenting your mom for not
being the kind of mom you want, how does that impact your own self-
image? How much are your kids learning from you about control and
resentment in relationships?

---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)