Brian & Alexandra Polikowsky

Hey Kelly,
Don't forget we will be talking next year at the Conference in NC about it.;)
So you may have two more in your list!!!!!!!!!!

This was something DH and I started thinking about a year or so ago when a couple died around here and left a 2 year old baby.
My mom would be great but she is already 66 so that may not work if she passes away first and that she is not driving as much anymore. My MIL is a great grandmother but would be horrible for the kids to live with her and her new husband. I know how my dh's soul has been crushed by her soft spoke voice, he still thinks he is stupid and dam (sp) for not having an education. ( He did two years of College but says he learned nothing and wanted to be home with his cows farming)
She would be a big NO. My SIL , I love her but NO WAY as a parent. Punishments, punishments, etc You get the picture. I know how she was raised and how she raises her kids.
My sister I love her and bless her heart she tries. When I talk to her about parenting issues she seems to understand and agree but she cannot get it and use it. It took me years talking to her about not spanking and her agreeing now she finally stopped but still there is no way and her DH is a good guy but very mainstream.
I got a cousin that I love in NC that I think she may do good with help from the unschooling community. She has two kids that are living outside her house and a teenager still living with her.
I wish there were more unschooling families around here that I could meet ...
I would rather my kids went to school if the people were gentle parents than stay being homeschooled by authoritarians.
Alex

----- Original Message -----
From: kbcdlovejo@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, December 18, 2006 1:07 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] OT-Appointing Guardians




-----Original Message-----
From: carebear-79@...

Certainly a downer of a topic, but
a necessary one none the less. Have some of you done this? Did you
appoint family?

-=-=-=-

Absolutely not.

We redid our wills the day after Cameron's 18th birthday last year. He
is now listed as Duncan's guardian.

But before that, we'd chosen two childless friends. Patrick is a
sociology prof at the unversity. his wife, Gillian, is the head of a
private school. Back then, if we were both to die, Pat & Gill would get
both boys. One of them would quit teaching to be 100% with the boys.
They are still listed in our wills as guardians for Duncan if something
were to also happen to Cameron. They are also listed as
"helpers/guide/resources" for Cameron if he needed them.

No family members would do. Too strict and schooly---just wouldn't
happen.

-=-=-=-=--

I know blood is thicker than water (or so the saying goes)

-=-=-=-=--

Maybe---but not around here. We have a very tightly-knit group of
freinds who are closer to us than any of our family members (except
maybe my dad---but he's to the *right* of Hitler in some ways! <G> We
don't want the boys with him all the time either!). We figure we've
"made" a family of friends. Very close friends who are in so many ways
closer than family.

So I don't buy that "blood" thingy! <g>

-=-=-=-==-

So how did you guys who have chosen a guardian decide on them?

-=-=-=-=-=-

We put SOOOO much thought into it.

Now, we probbaly have enough unschooling friends we could ask. But at
the time, we had to think of people we KNEW. The unschoolers we knew
*OF* were scattered here and yon---and we didn;t *know* them IRL. Now,
I'd have a dozen families that I would consider a good match for the
boys.

-=-=-=-=-=-

And how did you go about putting your wishes in writing?

-=-=-=-=

Lawyer. Wills.

And we were VERY explicit about our wishes---not just that they'd go to
Patrick and Gillian, but that they would NOT go to any family members.

We also talked with the boys about it. They'd rather stay in this house
with friends they know looking in on them. That's the deal now.

-=-=-=-=-=-

I have heard that something as serious as this should be done by a
lawyer otherwise
it can be contested quite easily.

-=-=-=-=-=-

That was my concern. Ben's family and my parents would desperately want
the boys. NOT a good match. Everyone knows our wishes. We've spelled it
out for all of them. The boys stay here.

I seriously suggest getting to know other unschooling families (very,
very well) and work out things just in case.

I made the offer several years ago that I would be happy to take in
anyone's unschooling child(ren). One family took me up on it, and we
made it official in Albuquerque this past September. She is now
officially our godchild.

The chances are SOOO slim that we would ever have to take her in, but
the peace of mind that comes with such a commitment is amazing.

~Kelly

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[email protected]

In a message dated 12/18/2006 1:43:36 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,
carebear-79@... writes:

Recently i lost a friend. She was a mom of two girls (2 y/o & 8
months). She went on a date with her husband and the kids stayed with
her parents who were in town visiting. She was killed in a car accident
on the way home. She and her husband were in separate cars so he
survived. Just that quick her life was done. It's really made me start
thinking about appointing guardians. Certainly a downer of a topic, but
a necessary one none the less. Have some of you done this? Did you
appoint family? I know blood is thicker than water (or so the saying
goes) but none of our family sees life the same way we do. We have
strong feelings on attachment parenting, veganism, unschooling, etc.
Nobody in either of our families comes close to even sharing any of
these. So how did you guys who have chosen a guardian decide on them?
And how did you go about putting your wishes in writing? I have heard
that something as serious as this should be done by a lawyer otherwise
it can be contested quite easily.

Kendrah



OH BOY OH BOY, Can I truly relate to your fear!!!!! I don't have one single
person in my life (that I'm related to) who would raise my children if
something happened to me in a way that they wish to be raised (as unschoolers) My
sister is a super mother and has homeschooled her children until recently but
she is VERY structured about it, they have tests, spelling assignments, do
standardized evaluations every year, etc... My kids would HATE THAT. My mom
who is 71 would do a great job but can you ask someone of that age to raise
your children? My boyfriend would also do great but how would he support them on
his own like that? I have a DEAR friend who unschools too but she suffers
from health problems that would make it impossible for her to raise her 3 kids
plus my 3. Biological dad isn't an option at all. Its really a MESS. As a
result I am SOOOO careful about everything I do. I used to enjoy riding and
jumping horses but now find myself not even doing that in fear that the kids
could God forbid loose me and then not be raised the same way. It is hard enough
as it is when you are "normal" but when you have an alternative lifestyle
(like ours) it makes things seem impossible. Sorry I don't have help for you -
just sympathy. Also, I am sorry about your friend. That is awful! Right now I
have a girl in my children's choir who lost her mom 3 years ago, and she is
a MESS. Parents were divorced before it happened, mom was an awesome lady,
dad was always cheating and whoring around. For some reason dad ended up with
the daughter and has a different lady at home every 3 weeks. The little girl
is tortured. I would not be surprised if she either ends up on drugs or worse.
She is the most emotionally disturbed little girl I have ever met and the
sadness is so deep and dark within her eyes that you feel like crying just
looking at her. YUCK.

Sorry to be depressing.

Adriana




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

alisonslp

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend.

We debated the guardians for a LONG time and kept putting it off. I
wanted one of my brothers but dh didn't feel comfortable with my SIL.
He wanted his mother, whom I was not comfortable. In the end, we chose
his mother AND his father (they are divorced). It's not the best
situation. Hopefully we never have to worry about it. But the reality
is that both grandparents are very involved in the kids lives. They
have had to deal with the issues of split custody with their own
children, and did it well, and they live fairly close (within an
hour). Neither of them are comfortable with homeschooling, let alone
unschooling but in the event of our passing, I would first and formost
want my children with the people they know and love the most and Who I
know has their best interests at heart. While it may not be the ideal
situation for schooling, at a time like that, I think having the
family connection would be more important. Of course, I would also
hope that the grandparents would abide by our and my children's wishes
to the extent they could.

As for the legal aspect, we finally did ours in a rush (we went away
for the first time since becoming parents 6yrs ago). I typed a legal
sounding document - got ideas from the internet - and we had it
notorized. I'm sure it probably isn't the best way to do it but in our
situation it will be fine. There will be no-one contesting our wishes.

alison

Tricia Mccay

singdoula@... wrote:
>>I don't have one single
>>person in my life (that I'm related to) who >>would raise my children if
>>something happened to me in a way that >>they wish to be raised (as unschoolers)
I can relate to this very well.I have not a single person in mine or my husbands family that I would want my kids to even stay the night with,much less raise my kids.
And I am raising grandkids in bad health.
My 2 older sons (33 and 29) are about as far on the conventional side of parenting as you can get.(spankings,grounding,etc)
My dd (my kids bio mother) has too many mental health issue's which is why we have the kids in the 1st place.
My Dad is 7o yrs old,works 8 hrs a day,6 days a week and still farms,but he couldn't take on the kids.
I am slowly meeting and forming friendships with other unschoolers,trying to take care of myself,and believing that all will work out perfectly!
Peace on earth,
Tricia



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]





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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: carebear-79@...


Certainly a downer of a topic, but
a necessary one none the less. Have some of you done this? Did you
appoint family?

-=-=-=-

Absolutely not.

We redid our wills the day after Cameron's 18th birthday last year. He
is now listed as Duncan's guardian.

But before that, we'd chosen two childless friends. Patrick is a
sociology prof at the unversity. his wife, Gillian, is the head of a
private school. Back then, if we were both to die, Pat & Gill would get
both boys. One of them would quit teaching to be 100% with the boys.
They are still listed in our wills as guardians for Duncan if something
were to also happen to Cameron. They are also listed as
"helpers/guide/resources" for Cameron if he needed them.

No family members would do. Too strict and schooly---just wouldn't
happen.

-=-=-=-=--

I know blood is thicker than water (or so the saying goes)

-=-=-=-=--

Maybe---but not around here. We have a very tightly-knit group of
freinds who are closer to us than any of our family members (except
maybe my dad---but he's to the *right* of Hitler in some ways! <G> We
don't want the boys with him all the time either!). We figure we've
"made" a family of friends. Very close friends who are in so many ways
closer than family.

So I don't buy that "blood" thingy! <g>

-=-=-=-==-

So how did you guys who have chosen a guardian decide on them?

-=-=-=-=-=-

We put SOOOO much thought into it.

Now, we probbaly have enough unschooling friends we could ask. But at
the time, we had to think of people we KNEW. The unschoolers we knew
*OF* were scattered here and yon---and we didn;t *know* them IRL. Now,
I'd have a dozen families that I would consider a good match for the
boys.

-=-=-=-=-=-

And how did you go about putting your wishes in writing?

-=-=-=-=

Lawyer. Wills.

And we were VERY explicit about our wishes---not just that they'd go to
Patrick and Gillian, but that they would NOT go to any family members.

We also talked with the boys about it. They'd rather stay in this house
with friends they know looking in on them. That's the deal now.

-=-=-=-=-=-

I have heard that something as serious as this should be done by a
lawyer otherwise
it can be contested quite easily.

-=-=-=-=-=-

That was my concern. Ben's family and my parents would desperately want
the boys. NOT a good match. Everyone knows our wishes. We've spelled it
out for all of them. The boys stay here.

I seriously suggest getting to know other unschooling families (very,
very well) and work out things just in case.

I made the offer several years ago that I would be happy to take in
anyone's unschooling child(ren). One family took me up on it, and we
made it official in Albuquerque this past September. She is now
officially our godchild.

The chances are SOOO slim that we would ever have to take her in, but
the peace of mind that comes with such a commitment is amazing.

~Kelly

________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
across the web, free AOL Mail and more.

[email protected]

In a message dated 12/18/2006 4:07:44 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
polykow@... writes:

I would rather my kids went to school if the people were gentle parents than
stay being homeschooled by authoritarians.
really cool statement (and I second that!)

Adriana









[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

alisonslp

--- In [email protected], singdoula@... wrote:
> My boyfriend would also do great but how would he support them on
> his own like that?
> Adriana
>


I know finances can be tough sometimes but the above situation is
exactly why having life insurance is SO important. For a few hundred
dollars a year, you can get a lot of insurance. Not enough for you
children to be set for life, but certainly enough for the survivors to
take care of the kids without worrying about having to work for a few
years at least. It's worth looking into. We have to re-evaluate what
we have too. Currently, DH has alot more than I do and it makes no
sense, as neither of us would want to work in the few years following
a death - we would want to spend the time healing as a family.

alison

[email protected]

In a message dated 12/18/2006 5:22:56 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
unskoolerz@... writes:

And I am raising grandkids in bad health.



sending you BIG HUGS tonight and praying that your health is improved!
Adriana




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 12/18/2006 7:57:55 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
alisonslp@... writes:

know finances can be tough sometimes but the above situation is
exactly why having life insurance is SO important. For a few hundred
dollars a year, you can get a lot of insurance. Not enough for you
children to be set for life, but certainly enough for the survivors to
take care of the kids without worrying about having to work for a few
years at least. It's worth looking into. We have to re-evaluate what
we have too. Currently, DH has alot more than I do and it makes no
sense, as neither of us would want to work in the few years following
a death - we would want to spend the time healing as a family.

alison



Dear Alison,
You are SO RIGHT. Unfortunately, no insurance company will give me life
insurance. I had ALL (acute lymphocytic leuk) when I was in my TWENTIES (I am
almost in my 40's now) and they still will not write me a policy! I am so
totally in remission. As a matter of fact, people I know who were never sick are
way more at risk for dropping dead soon than I am being that I care for my body
with such great thought! GRRR. It is such a disappointment :-(

Adriana




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tricia Mccay

Thank You!
Tricia



singdoula@... wrote:


In a message dated 12/18/2006 5:22:56 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
unskoolerz@... writes:

And I am raising grandkids in bad health.

sending you BIG HUGS tonight and praying that your health is improved!
Adriana

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]





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alisonslp

--- In [email protected], singdoula@... wrote:

> Dear Alison,
> You are SO RIGHT. Unfortunately, no insurance company will give me
>life
> insurance. I had ALL (acute lymphocytic leuk) when I was in my
>TWENTIES (I am
> almost in my 40's now) and they still will not write me a policy!

Oh!!!! That is SO frustrating!!!! I have severe rheumatoid arthritis.
My meds cost about $30k a year (they are the biologic injections). I
am basically uninsurable as an individual in the health insurance
industry. Either my dh or I have to keep full time status at jobs so
that I can have insurance (the group plans have to insure me, but
individual plans don't). I had to decrease hours because of my health
and went on COBRA, but that is expiring soon. We are trying hard to
get small group through my dh's business (he owns it but has no
employees, so it's tricky).

My life insurance premiums are very high, but at least they will
insure me. Is there a length of time that you have to be disease
free or will you forever be uninsurable?

alison

[email protected]

In a message dated 12/18/2006 10:22:59 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
alisonslp@... writes:

My life insurance premiums are very high, but at least they will
insure me. Is there a length of time that you have to be disease
free or will you forever be uninsurable?

alison



YUCK!!!!!!!! My best friend (the unschooler I mentioned that wasn't in good
enough health for me to leave my 3 kids with because she already has THREE)
also has RA. She is doing that new very controversial antibiotic therapy, have
you heard of it? So far the results have been promising, but BOY can I
really relate as far as her premiums are concerned. It costs her family $10,000 a
year just for health insurance!

I don't know if there is a period of time I can be in remission for? From
what I remember, as long as I am being "treated" they think of me as sick. The
drag is, I AM kind of being treated still but its for anemia that is a result
of the medication I had to take to get better. So it isn't like I see an
oncologist for anything awful or life threatening, just for the anemia, but I do
see one, every 28 days and do blood work that often as well. Its just their
way of keeping me ok. :-(

Adriana




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]