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>>My son just read this post as I type it, and even said that
it sounds like him. I want my nice son back. <<

I think it's possible for kids, when the "rules" are relaxed, to push to see
what will happen. And your description of your trip sounds like he was doing
exactly that. The fact that he looked at what you wrote and felt it was a
fair description of his behavior suggests that he may not be too happy with what
he's doing either. (I also have a teenager with no interest in rebelling or
anything. )

I think you might just want to tell him to cut it out. Tell him that you
want your nice kid back. It's not okay for him to be mean to his family OR
strangers. Probably he doesn't want to be a jerk.

I don't know your husband, but it sounds like he's just frustrated with how
your son is acting, and having fantasies of Military Boarding School. Early on
in unschooling parents often have those "Oh my god! What am I doing to my
kid?! I'm destroying his life!" moments. It helps if you have a policy where
only one parent gets to be crazy at a time, so the other can talk 'em down.

It actually sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with your son
and that his dad is on board. Unschooling, even radical unschooling, doesn't
mean that the principle of your family being a group of people who treat each
other (and other people) well goes out the window. If your son is upset about
something he can talk to you about it, but he doesn't get to treat others
badly. You don't have to get into punishments or anything, and military rules
aren't going to help. Try just talking to him about how it makes you feel when
he acts like that. Tell him that you posted here to get help because you are
so frustrated. Let him know that you know he's not really like this. Ask what
you can do if it comes up again.

I bet he'll respond well.
Kathryn


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Sylvia Toyama

It helps if you have a policy where only one parent gets to be crazy at a time, so the other can talk 'em down.

*****

Kathryn, this is probably the best advice for most things that come up in being parents!

Sylvia




Mom to
Will (almost 22!) Andy (10-1/2) and Dan (almost 6)

Peace is the vibrant space which stimulates the dance of kindness, merriment and freedom. ~ unknown




http://ourhapahome.blogspot.com









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Vickisue Gray

Thanks everyone.
You all gave some good points to look at.
This was a new phase I wasn't expecting.
I think you're right about the, "Oh my God!
What am I doing to my kid?" situation.
I heard my spouse talking to him today and
he was saying just that. My spouse was telling
him that his behavior was saying that unschooling
and the freedom that comes with it, must not be for him.
If he truly wanted to unschool, then he wouldn't be
behaving the way he is currently choosing.

Dad and son had a heart to heart talk.
Both listened to the other.
So maybe all will return to a happy place soon.

Thanks again everyone.
Vicki


KathrynJB@... wrote:
>>My son just read this post as I type it, and even said that
it sounds like him. I want my nice son back. <<

I think it's possible for kids, when the "rules" are relaxed, to push to see
what will happen. And your description of your trip sounds like he was doing
exactly that. The fact that he looked at what you wrote and felt it was a
fair description of his behavior suggests that he may not be too happy with what
he's doing either. (I also have a teenager with no interest in rebelling or
anything. )

I think you might just want to tell him to cut it out. Tell him that you
want your nice kid back. It's not okay for him to be mean to his family OR
strangers. Probably he doesn't want to be a jerk.

I don't know your husband, but it sounds like he's just frustrated with how
your son is acting, and having fantasies of Military Boarding School. Early on
in unschooling parents often have those "Oh my god! What am I doing to my
kid?! I'm destroying his life!" moments. It helps if you have a policy where
only one parent gets to be crazy at a time, so the other can talk 'em down.

It actually sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with your son
and that his dad is on board. Unschooling, even radical unschooling, doesn't
mean that the principle of your family being a group of people who treat each
other (and other people) well goes out the window. If your son is upset about
something he can talk to you about it, but he doesn't get to treat others
badly. You don't have to get into punishments or anything, and military rules
aren't going to help. Try just talking to him about how it makes you feel when
he acts like that. Tell him that you posted here to get help because you are
so frustrated. Let him know that you know he's not really like this. Ask what
you can do if it comes up again.

I bet he'll respond well.
Kathryn

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