Crystal Miller

<<1) how many of your children actually do worksheets or workbooks
because they want to (either by asking for some or just finding them
in the house)>>



Sorscha is still recovering from forced education (by me). She might never touch anything that looks like a 'schooly' worksheet because I blew it for her by requiring them. To add here, Sorscha deciding to do a worksheet now would not make me feel any certain way. I would not value that activity any more than the new World of Warcraft mission she is on. Worksheet / Warcraft...all the same...the life she chooses.



After 15 months of being completely free she has begun printing out little sheets from her favorite sites. For instance, the new Robin Hood movie has a word search, maze, etc. She also has always loved the maps from Story of the World and likes to pull those out and ask me to give her the questions (how odd is that for this mom???). Story of the World was something that Sorscha did not want to purge when we choose to not home school anymore and we together tossed all the home school paraphernalia. I know it is because I never forced that / history. We just read from the book like any other and she enjoyed the maps and the coloring.



My advise would be to not have the attitude of "whoo hooo kiddos your doing worksheets" but just let them be. If they decide to print something out then it is something they want to learn or just check out. It may get printed, looked at and never touched. You need to be okay with that. I would not make worksheets something special or different than anything else your children like doing. I would never print out a worksheet for Sorscha and leave it strategically placed for her to possibly come across. By doing that I would be subconsciously telling her that I valued them possibly over other things she chose to do. It would also imply for her to do them to make me happy. I do not want Sorscha and me to have that sort of relationship.

<<2) if so, Do you ever suggest that they do a page or two, just like
you might suggest they play a game if they ask for help in what to do?
or is their interest completely their own>>



I would never suggest that to Sorscha. It would damage her recovery process and could possibly bring back all the feelings that she had towards me when we home schooled. Notice I said 'we'...we home schooled because I made most of the choices and she did the work. On the funny side, if I were to put out a worksheet out for Sorscha or suggest Sorscha do one...she would totally call me on it. Now that she is treated with dignity and respect and has a voice...she uses it.


<<I'm still trying to get a handle on all this... Though after today, I
know I just have to trust that they are in fact learning more than I
thought through natural means.>>



My advise (totally been there...I'm getting where your coming from) would be to completely quiet it all. Stop expecting, stop looking, stop the voices, stop the questions, and just be with your children. You will eventually come to a point where all the 'stuff' doesn't matter and simply 'being' with them is perfect and wonderful and amazing and simply intoxicating. You'll be honored to be in their presence and that will be enough.



I am sure your thinking (I know I did)...well...when will that be. My answer is that it is different for all of us. We all learn at different paces. For me...it was very quick. I had no choice but to get it and get it right then. I had no choice but to stop it all and shut-up for my daughter. It's been really cool!!!



<<But had I not initiated it, they would have kept
passing it by. Do you all have a general plan in the back of your
head that you are going to rotate books, activities, games, toys to
the forefront at certain times, both for fresh experiences and for
encouraging a variety of interests, or do you leave it totally to the
children to discover what's available? (example - the kinetix in the
closet that has not been touched for 6 months).>>



I used to strategically place things all the time thinking I was accomplishing something. Sorscha is too smart for me. She knows exactly what I'm doing. By placing anything around, yes including games or toys...I am implying that she do something with them. What I do is rearrange things...not in hopes that she begins playing with something but just because the closets gets crazy, dusty, etc. We live in a desert here! heehee We have many toys that are unearthed and then never played with again or played with once per year. It does not matter to me. I did not spend the money on them with some sort of 'play check list' for Sorscha. I purchased them because I love her and she was interested in them at that time.



<<~~Answer: because the
curriculum says they should know what synonyms, antonyms, and homonyms
mean and be able to use them correctly. ~~



then Ren wrote:

*I* don't know how to describe those, yet I am a published writer!!
Why on earth would any child need to know this unless they asked??>>



I thought almost the same thing. I went back to my little phrases like (synonym-same) (antonym-opposite) (homonym-hmmmm, isn't that the one where it sounds the same but written differently???) heehee I memorized those phrases to pass test and they obviously mean nothing to me now.



Okay, yapping too much and Sorscha wants me to call her friend to play...going now...but hope I helped some how. Alison, I've been there so I think I know how you're feeling right now. You could always do what Dave & I did. We made a decision to just do it. We told Sorscha we were sorry and that when she woke up the next morning that she was a FreeChild. It took all the pressure off her and Dave & I just shusssed it all and dealt with all the gunk by keeping our mouths shut. Our minds were going all the time but by keeping our mouths shut Sorscha was able to move forward on her life journey. It's been an awesome ride and I highly recommend it. heehee



Oh and get yourself some local RUing friends. My Albuquerque Tribe has been awesome on my personal journey!



~Crystal~

http://daikinicrossroads.blogspot.com/




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

plaidpanties666

--- In [email protected], "Crystal Miller"
<willowsfortress@...> wrote:
>I would never print out a
>worksheet for Sorscha and leave it strategically placed for her to
>possibly come across. By doing that I would be subconsciously
>telling her that I valued them possibly over other things she chose
>to do. It would also imply for her to do them to make me happy.

I want to point out that there's a difference between "strategically
placing" something with the intent of luring a child into doing it,
vs putting something in a convenient place for a child to find
because you think s/he would enjoy it. I often leave "activity
books" in the car because Morgan enjoys them. OTOH, I've never
pressured her into doing *any* kind of bookwork, so there isn't
any "baggage" there for either one of us.

That baggage is a pretty crucial difference. My stepson's mom
suggested last night that he do some "writing assignments" and his
immediate reaction was to close down. He says he hates reading and
writing. The same boy spent two hours on the computer today,
checking his email, setting up a new blog, sending messages via
Myspace and Runescape. He probably did more reading and writing
today than he would in a day of school - but it wasn't something
anyone "suggested" that he do. All *I* did was say "Hey, I'm done
with the computer, do you want to be online?"

A big part of the baggage is expectations. I don't expect Morgan
to "do" the activity books I leave in the car, even though I've seen
her do them in the past. She might lose interest. She might decide
to tear the pages into confetti or use them for mouse-nesting
material. They are her books, so its her decision.

I don't "expect" Rayan to use the computer for reading and writing,
for that matter. He could play Runescape without doing (very much
of) either one of those things. He could also decide he's over the
computer and wants to spend time watching tv (especially if we get
dish-service - we're talking about that). That doesn't mean he'll
stop learning.

---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)

ethelwynnesquest

--- In [email protected], "plaidpanties666"
<plaidpanties666@...> wrote:
> I've never pressured her into doing *any* kind of bookwork, so there
isn't any "baggage" there for either one of us. That baggage is a
pretty crucial difference.>>

YES, YES, YES...I often wonder what differences there would be in
Sorscha if she had never been subjected to forced education by me.

I often wonder...and shall always. It's a sad momma state but one that
I constantly 'shush' and continue to move forward from. I never would
have imagined that 3 years of homeschooling could alter my child so
much. In thinking I was doing good I was damaging her just as badly,
if truly not worse, than sending her directly to public school.

Yes, strategically placing has very different meanings coming from
these opposite spectrums. Hmmmm, I guess one must seriously realize
why they are strategically placing something. Is it for the sheer
purpose of 'giving' to your child something with nothing attached but
love?
~Crystal~

alisonslp

Thanks everyone...

Your points are well taken. For the record, I took out the magnets
specifically to have them work with it, not for my enjoyment - though
I had a blast because I really get into the hands on science stuff.
Remember, at this point, I'm still wavering back and forth.

BUT I have decided to take the leap and just stop all the work and
expectations (school work only at this point - not sure I can handle
the radical unschooling just yet - though I have relaxed alot on daily
life stuff since joining here). Anyway, it's close to Christmas.
Things are crazy here - with dh opening a new store and relatives
visiting over the holidays. I have alot of things to get done -
baking, decorating the house, etc. I figure this is the perfect time
*free* them (I feel strange saying that). I won't even be thinking
about the possibility of "school" for another month - January - when
everyone else goes back and hopefully by then, I will have worked
things out in my head and can just let it all go. Just relaxing my
expectations over the past week has opened up a new world (for me in
the realization process and for them in their desire increased
interests in other things.

Side note - I'm beginning to understand that with all the work they
have been doing, there isn't much time for them to explore their
intersts (though more time than PS friends). No wonder they haven't
touched certain things in months. They don't even want to go near
anything that might seem remotely educational - though reading is an
exception as they love that...

I will likely go underground for a while - lurking mode. BTW, for the
person who asked (Christine, maybe?) I do have some local US-ers in my
local secular HS-ing group and we have been trying to attend more
activities with the group. I have been emailing one person in
particular and it has helped.

Thanks - Alison

[email protected]

<plaidpanties666@...> wrote:

> A big part of the baggage is expectations. I don't expect Morgan
> to "do" the activity books I leave in the car, even though I've seen
> her do them in the past. She might lose interest. She might decide
> to tear the pages into confetti or use them for mouse-nesting
> material. They are her books, so its her decision.

Jenny was doing just that right now - cutting images out of her activity book. She colored some, and then went on to cutting. Not long time ago I would have stopped that, but, as you said, it's her book, and she really enjoyed it!

Anastasia (Elisabeth,6, Joanna,4)
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