Adding a parent to an unschooling family
Malinda Mills
Over the past months I've seen a number of posts concerning adding another child into an unschooling family...be it adoption, custody issues, etc. Do y'all happen to have any advice on bringing in another parent into an unschooling family? I know it may sound a bit odd but...
My husband, Jody, should be returning home in about a week after being away for 16 months. Tristan (DS) and I have been unschooling for a year, starting just a few months after Jody left. Although Jody and I have talked pretty extensively about unschooling -- mainly through email and IM -- living it full time, especially RU, will probably throw him for a loop. It will be a big enough adjustment for the entire family just having us all together again...and then to throw RUing into the mix...
Any suggestions on making this an easier transition for us all?
Malinda
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My husband, Jody, should be returning home in about a week after being away for 16 months. Tristan (DS) and I have been unschooling for a year, starting just a few months after Jody left. Although Jody and I have talked pretty extensively about unschooling -- mainly through email and IM -- living it full time, especially RU, will probably throw him for a loop. It will be a big enough adjustment for the entire family just having us all together again...and then to throw RUing into the mix...
Any suggestions on making this an easier transition for us all?
Malinda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/28/2006 5:30:56 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
saprswife@... writes:
Any suggestions on making this an easier transition for us all?
Malinda
*****
First.....yay!!!! I'm so glad he is finally headed home. I always find the
last few weeks before a reunion to be really hard.
My suggestion would be that you discuss with Jody beforehand (if possible)
that any concerns or questions he has should be when the two of you are in
private. That he shouldn't quiz Tristan, either. He can ask questions like
"what are you into lately?"
I don't think the unschooling part will be hard. It will seem more like he
came home while you are on vacation....that will just continue.
Have a fun reunion. I will be thinking of you.
~Leslie in SC
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saprswife@... writes:
Any suggestions on making this an easier transition for us all?
Malinda
*****
First.....yay!!!! I'm so glad he is finally headed home. I always find the
last few weeks before a reunion to be really hard.
My suggestion would be that you discuss with Jody beforehand (if possible)
that any concerns or questions he has should be when the two of you are in
private. That he shouldn't quiz Tristan, either. He can ask questions like
"what are you into lately?"
I don't think the unschooling part will be hard. It will seem more like he
came home while you are on vacation....that will just continue.
Have a fun reunion. I will be thinking of you.
~Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Michelle Leifur Reid
On 11/28/06, Malinda Mills <saprswife@...> wrote:
go on a vacation (whether really going somewhere or just kicking back
and relaxing) and then just never come back (at least mentally)?
Suggest having a period of "no expectations" No one is expecting
anyone else to do anything. For instance Jody doesn't expect your son
to do schoolwork and at the same time you don't expect Jody to fix the
toilet. :) Have a "get to know daddy" period and ease everyone into
unschooling.
Hope that helps and I'm glad that Jody is on his way home. Wasn't he
due back quite some time ago?
Michelle
> It will be a big enough adjustment for the entire family just having us all together again...and then to throw RUing into the mix...Will Jody have any vacation time when he returns? Could your family
>
> Any suggestions on making this an easier transition for us all?
>
go on a vacation (whether really going somewhere or just kicking back
and relaxing) and then just never come back (at least mentally)?
Suggest having a period of "no expectations" No one is expecting
anyone else to do anything. For instance Jody doesn't expect your son
to do schoolwork and at the same time you don't expect Jody to fix the
toilet. :) Have a "get to know daddy" period and ease everyone into
unschooling.
Hope that helps and I'm glad that Jody is on his way home. Wasn't he
due back quite some time ago?
Michelle
Ren Allen
"Do y'all
happen to have any advice on bringing in another parent into an
unschooling
family?"
Wow...that's exatly what happened in our situation, though the
transition was due to a 6 month separation (we were headed for
divorce, not military). I went to unschooling and was in the process
of transitioning to RU when dh came back into the picture (though he
was never out of it, just not in the daily rhythm).
It was hard. My only advice is be patient if he doesn't get it right
away. Stand your ground while listening to his concerns. Talk about
how happy, bubbly, interesting and interested Tristan is again. SHOW
him all the wonderful changes your child is experiencing.
Pointing out all the wonderful things the kids were learning seemed to
help much more than telling him how great unschooling was. When he had
issues, it was more helpful for me to just calmly get with the kids
and help them, than be confrontational with dh. Our difficulties with
transition hinged around housework. Once he figured out I was not
going to join him in his grumping, it got better.:)
It took some time.....like a couple of YEARS. But he gets it now. We
still don't agree on it all, but he's really laid back and doesn't
grump about the cleaning very often anymore. Everyone has their
difficult areas to let go.
And you might be surprised. Your dh might get home and totally embrace
it all! You never know. I'm glad he's coming home finally. I bet
you're all excited!
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
happen to have any advice on bringing in another parent into an
unschooling
family?"
Wow...that's exatly what happened in our situation, though the
transition was due to a 6 month separation (we were headed for
divorce, not military). I went to unschooling and was in the process
of transitioning to RU when dh came back into the picture (though he
was never out of it, just not in the daily rhythm).
It was hard. My only advice is be patient if he doesn't get it right
away. Stand your ground while listening to his concerns. Talk about
how happy, bubbly, interesting and interested Tristan is again. SHOW
him all the wonderful changes your child is experiencing.
Pointing out all the wonderful things the kids were learning seemed to
help much more than telling him how great unschooling was. When he had
issues, it was more helpful for me to just calmly get with the kids
and help them, than be confrontational with dh. Our difficulties with
transition hinged around housework. Once he figured out I was not
going to join him in his grumping, it got better.:)
It took some time.....like a couple of YEARS. But he gets it now. We
still don't agree on it all, but he's really laid back and doesn't
grump about the cleaning very often anymore. Everyone has their
difficult areas to let go.
And you might be surprised. Your dh might get home and totally embrace
it all! You never know. I'm glad he's coming home finally. I bet
you're all excited!
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Malinda Mills
Michelle wrote:
<<Will Jody have any vacation time when he returns? >>
We'll have two days once he gets back and then will have about 3 weeks of leave/vacation right around Christmas. We were initially planning on somesort of vacation but decided against it due to the fact that we couldn't plan anything real far in advance (in case he was kept in Iraq even longer). We'll just relax at home, go to the movies, out to eat, ski, and just enjoy being together again. :o)
<<Suggest having a period of "no expectations" No one is expecting
anyone else to do anything. >>
Ah, I like that approach. Having those few vacation weeks should really help to ease us all into the groove of RUing as a family.
<<Wasn't he due back quite some time ago?>>
Yes, he was due back this past July. Less than a week before he was to come home his unit was sent to Baghdad for four more months.
Thanks, Michelle!
Malinda
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<<Will Jody have any vacation time when he returns? >>
We'll have two days once he gets back and then will have about 3 weeks of leave/vacation right around Christmas. We were initially planning on somesort of vacation but decided against it due to the fact that we couldn't plan anything real far in advance (in case he was kept in Iraq even longer). We'll just relax at home, go to the movies, out to eat, ski, and just enjoy being together again. :o)
<<Suggest having a period of "no expectations" No one is expecting
anyone else to do anything. >>
Ah, I like that approach. Having those few vacation weeks should really help to ease us all into the groove of RUing as a family.
<<Wasn't he due back quite some time ago?>>
Yes, he was due back this past July. Less than a week before he was to come home his unit was sent to Baghdad for four more months.
Thanks, Michelle!
Malinda
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Malinda Mills
Thanks, Leslie!
I think the reality of Jody coming home finally sank in this morning when I talked to him on the phone, and I'm just giddy with excitement. LOL For the longest while I was just waiting for news to come that they'd be staying even longer...a pessimistic thought to be sure.
I think Jody will be really good when it comes to NOT quizzing Tristan. Jody's incredibly observant and can see Tristan learning new things all the time and in the most unlikely places.
I have a feeling where things might get a tad difficult is the RUing aspect, most notably would be a set bedtime. Before Jody left, we always had a few hours to ourselves in the evenings due to Tristan's bedtime for school. We had that time to talk about our days, watch a movie together, etc. I think that initially will be one of the tensest obstacles where we'll need to find a good solution for everyone.
Malinda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I think the reality of Jody coming home finally sank in this morning when I talked to him on the phone, and I'm just giddy with excitement. LOL For the longest while I was just waiting for news to come that they'd be staying even longer...a pessimistic thought to be sure.
I think Jody will be really good when it comes to NOT quizzing Tristan. Jody's incredibly observant and can see Tristan learning new things all the time and in the most unlikely places.
I have a feeling where things might get a tad difficult is the RUing aspect, most notably would be a set bedtime. Before Jody left, we always had a few hours to ourselves in the evenings due to Tristan's bedtime for school. We had that time to talk about our days, watch a movie together, etc. I think that initially will be one of the tensest obstacles where we'll need to find a good solution for everyone.
Malinda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Malinda Mills
Thanks so much, Ren!
<<It was hard. My only advice is be patient if he doesn't get it right
away. Stand your ground while listening to his concerns. Talk about
how happy, bubbly, interesting and interested Tristan is again. >>
Throughout the year I've been emailing him about what Tristan has been up to, and, although I haven't done anything with it for a few months, I also had a blog set up so he could read/see pictures of our unschooling days. I think that really helped Jody get a taste of what our typical day looks like so hopefully he won't be too shocked when he comes home.
I think the only real obstacle we'll have to overcome is "higher level" math (why, oh why is it always math....), but we will worry about that if/when it becomes an issue. Once Jody is here with us fulltime, he may come to realize it is no longer a concern of his. (That has been his only real hang-up with unschooling.)
<<Our difficulties with transition hinged around housework. >>
I think ours will probably revolve around bedtime, or rather lack thereof. Not that Jody necessarily thinks that Tristan must be in bed by a certain time, but when he had a bedtime it afforded Jody and I time alone. It's nice to have a conversation without a little one popping in every two seconds. ;o) That is just something we will have to adjust to and talk to Tristan about...him having time alone with Dad and then us having time alone as adults.
Thankfully Jody is really laid back so things like definite meal times, TV restrictions, etc. shouldn't be issues.
<<And you might be surprised. Your dh might get home and totally embrace
it all! You never know. I'm glad he's coming home finally. I bet
you're all excited!>>
You know, he probably will! LOL That's how Jody is. He just goes with the flow, and I'm the one that worries about everything. We got a call a few hours ago from him, and it looks like he'll be headed back to the states within 24 hours! We've been singing and dancing all around the house! LOL
Malinda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
<<It was hard. My only advice is be patient if he doesn't get it right
away. Stand your ground while listening to his concerns. Talk about
how happy, bubbly, interesting and interested Tristan is again. >>
Throughout the year I've been emailing him about what Tristan has been up to, and, although I haven't done anything with it for a few months, I also had a blog set up so he could read/see pictures of our unschooling days. I think that really helped Jody get a taste of what our typical day looks like so hopefully he won't be too shocked when he comes home.
I think the only real obstacle we'll have to overcome is "higher level" math (why, oh why is it always math....), but we will worry about that if/when it becomes an issue. Once Jody is here with us fulltime, he may come to realize it is no longer a concern of his. (That has been his only real hang-up with unschooling.)
<<Our difficulties with transition hinged around housework. >>
I think ours will probably revolve around bedtime, or rather lack thereof. Not that Jody necessarily thinks that Tristan must be in bed by a certain time, but when he had a bedtime it afforded Jody and I time alone. It's nice to have a conversation without a little one popping in every two seconds. ;o) That is just something we will have to adjust to and talk to Tristan about...him having time alone with Dad and then us having time alone as adults.
Thankfully Jody is really laid back so things like definite meal times, TV restrictions, etc. shouldn't be issues.
<<And you might be surprised. Your dh might get home and totally embrace
it all! You never know. I'm glad he's coming home finally. I bet
you're all excited!>>
You know, he probably will! LOL That's how Jody is. He just goes with the flow, and I'm the one that worries about everything. We got a call a few hours ago from him, and it looks like he'll be headed back to the states within 24 hours! We've been singing and dancing all around the house! LOL
Malinda
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Schafer Vanessa
Malinda,
I am so glad to see that your hubby is finally coming
home safe and sound. Enjoy !!!!
--- Malinda Mills <saprswife@...> wrote:
____________________________________________________________________________________
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I am so glad to see that your hubby is finally coming
home safe and sound. Enjoy !!!!
--- Malinda Mills <saprswife@...> wrote:
> Thanks, Leslie!Vanessa
>
> I think the reality of Jody coming home finally sank
> in this morning when I talked to him on the phone,
> and I'm just giddy with excitement. LOL For the
> longest while I was just waiting for news to come
> that they'd be staying even longer...a pessimistic
> thought to be sure.
>
> I think Jody will be really good when it comes to
> NOT quizzing Tristan. Jody's incredibly observant
> and can see Tristan learning new things all the time
> and in the most unlikely places.
>
> I have a feeling where things might get a tad
> difficult is the RUing aspect, most notably would be
> a set bedtime. Before Jody left, we always had a
> few hours to ourselves in the evenings due to
> Tristan's bedtime for school. We had that time to
> talk about our days, watch a movie together, etc. I
> think that initially will be one of the tensest
> obstacles where we'll need to find a good solution
> for everyone.
>
> Malinda
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been
> removed]
>
>
____________________________________________________________________________________
Cheap talk?
Check out Yahoo! Messenger's low PC-to-Phone call rates.
http://voice.yahoo.com
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/28/2006 7:10:16 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, s
aprswife@... writes:
I have a feeling where things might get a tad difficult is the RUing aspect,
most notably would be a set bedtime. Before Jody left, we always had a few
hours to ourselves in the evenings due to Tristan's bedtime for school. We had
that time to talk about our days, watch a movie together, etc.
******
Darn bedtime is a huge issue in our home. Unfortunately, I have two night
owl kids and a DH that has to get up very, very early. I always feel caught
in the middle.
I think you said in another post that you had planned on asking Tristan for
adult time. I think that is a great solution. Good luck!
Glad this is almost over. :)
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
aprswife@... writes:
I have a feeling where things might get a tad difficult is the RUing aspect,
most notably would be a set bedtime. Before Jody left, we always had a few
hours to ourselves in the evenings due to Tristan's bedtime for school. We had
that time to talk about our days, watch a movie together, etc.
******
Darn bedtime is a huge issue in our home. Unfortunately, I have two night
owl kids and a DH that has to get up very, very early. I always feel caught
in the middle.
I think you said in another post that you had planned on asking Tristan for
adult time. I think that is a great solution. Good luck!
Glad this is almost over. :)
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Malinda Mills
Leslie wrote:
<<Unfortunately, I have two night
owl kids and a DH that has to get up very, very early. I always feel caught
in the middle.>>
Yes, that is us as well...and another thing that hinges on our bedtime issue. All three of us are night owls by nature, but like your DH Jody has to get up very early as well. I just won't be able to physically accomodate both schedules.
This will be a huge shift for Tristan and I since the two of us are up until the wee hours of the morning most nights and have been living this way for months. Heck, several times over the past few weeks Tristan has been up the entire night reading. The two of us have talked about shifting our schedule somewhat to better fit Jody's. I was hoping to have us on a more "normal" (well, not normal for us) schedule by the time Jody gets home, but that hasn't happened yet.
Well, I better get to that Welcome Home banner that I've been procrasinating on!
Malinda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
<<Unfortunately, I have two night
owl kids and a DH that has to get up very, very early. I always feel caught
in the middle.>>
Yes, that is us as well...and another thing that hinges on our bedtime issue. All three of us are night owls by nature, but like your DH Jody has to get up very early as well. I just won't be able to physically accomodate both schedules.
This will be a huge shift for Tristan and I since the two of us are up until the wee hours of the morning most nights and have been living this way for months. Heck, several times over the past few weeks Tristan has been up the entire night reading. The two of us have talked about shifting our schedule somewhat to better fit Jody's. I was hoping to have us on a more "normal" (well, not normal for us) schedule by the time Jody gets home, but that hasn't happened yet.
Well, I better get to that Welcome Home banner that I've been procrasinating on!
Malinda
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