new and grasping to hold focus
Staci
Pardon me if this is choppy, I'm exhausted but I have been wanting to post
for days now!
Brief intro..
I have a 10 yo DD; 4 yo DS; and 3 yo DD. I have mostly been a SAHM since
motherhood. Always wanted to home school because I thought kids should have
a choice about what they learned about when I was a kid. The opportunity
came when my oldest was in 3rd grade. I had spent a lot of time researching
about it and was SO excited to learn about US! It complemented my spiritual
journey and my search for the meaning of life. :-) Anyhoo, we did
deschooling for a semester but she went back to PS when my husband and I
separated for a year. I became a licensed child care provider while we were
separated since I love kids and I could stay home with mine. I still am and
was planning on doing it in a more US way but now I am starting to think it
will take away more from my family than it will give them. Still in limbo
about that one.
The Challenge
Now my oldest is out of school again (parents back together) and we are
looking at how to implement the US principles in all areas of our lives. We
decided to eliminate bedtimes and our life has been turned upside down; I am
so tired I can't think straight and the house is in disarray. Sometimes
finding clothes to wear is an ordeal. I feel so ignorant. I have read so
much about parenting and been involved in early childhood education and I am
not always sure what feels right anymore! I know there is no right way to do
this, but I do know there is a right way to do it for each of my kids. I
feel lost about everything!! Dang, it was so much easier reading what the
experts had to say and taking what felt right:-) Not that I can't use any of
that info, however, this is absolutely going out on a limb.
Ironically, I feel like I am being a worse parent. Did I initiate too much
all at once for my younger ones? Are they confused without a routine? All
the kids are acting more aggressively because we are all so tired. Thus, I
am not exactly in a state to be much of a role model these days. I'm
practicing compassion for us all at best, and letting the guilt pass through
me at worst. I'm most concerned about my young ones. I need hope and to
focus on what is possible rather than what is in front of me right now. I'd
love to hear about any tips for helping this transition go more smoothly.
Thank you for being there!
Staci
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
for days now!
Brief intro..
I have a 10 yo DD; 4 yo DS; and 3 yo DD. I have mostly been a SAHM since
motherhood. Always wanted to home school because I thought kids should have
a choice about what they learned about when I was a kid. The opportunity
came when my oldest was in 3rd grade. I had spent a lot of time researching
about it and was SO excited to learn about US! It complemented my spiritual
journey and my search for the meaning of life. :-) Anyhoo, we did
deschooling for a semester but she went back to PS when my husband and I
separated for a year. I became a licensed child care provider while we were
separated since I love kids and I could stay home with mine. I still am and
was planning on doing it in a more US way but now I am starting to think it
will take away more from my family than it will give them. Still in limbo
about that one.
The Challenge
Now my oldest is out of school again (parents back together) and we are
looking at how to implement the US principles in all areas of our lives. We
decided to eliminate bedtimes and our life has been turned upside down; I am
so tired I can't think straight and the house is in disarray. Sometimes
finding clothes to wear is an ordeal. I feel so ignorant. I have read so
much about parenting and been involved in early childhood education and I am
not always sure what feels right anymore! I know there is no right way to do
this, but I do know there is a right way to do it for each of my kids. I
feel lost about everything!! Dang, it was so much easier reading what the
experts had to say and taking what felt right:-) Not that I can't use any of
that info, however, this is absolutely going out on a limb.
Ironically, I feel like I am being a worse parent. Did I initiate too much
all at once for my younger ones? Are they confused without a routine? All
the kids are acting more aggressively because we are all so tired. Thus, I
am not exactly in a state to be much of a role model these days. I'm
practicing compassion for us all at best, and letting the guilt pass through
me at worst. I'm most concerned about my young ones. I need hope and to
focus on what is possible rather than what is in front of me right now. I'd
love to hear about any tips for helping this transition go more smoothly.
Thank you for being there!
Staci
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
--- In [email protected], "Staci" <staci444@...>
wrote:
be a transitional period while each child finds his/her own natural
rhythem. With three that's going to be complicated, too, b/c if one
kid is naturally more of a night-owl another kid might want to stay
up, too, even though s/he's tired.
Let house and laundry go in the meantime, or enlist help from a
friend to straighten up once a week. It's *going* to be crazy for
awhile.
Are you talking with the kids about what tired "feels like"? I give
Mo lots of information about that - I'm tired so I'm grumpy, can't
think, don't like loud noises... its only within the last six months
that she's "caught on" and been able to articulate "I'm tired".
Fortunately for *me* she's one of those kids who pretty much just
passes out when she's tired, doesn't try to keep herself up unless
we're at a friend's house or something, so I haven't had to deal
with that issue.
kids *and* parents! Are there times you can get them all to watch a
movie so you can nap? That might not be possible if you are taking
care of others' kids too. Are you still doing that? Can you cut back
or take a few weeks off (maybe for "the holidays")? Can you and dh
stagger your schedules a bit so you can get some sleep when he's
around?
I work part-time from home and I've definately found that cutting
back on my work has helped me be a better mom - my mantra is "the
important part of WAHM is Mom". I also have work that I can juggle
around my kid, most of the time - something that I can see being
more of a challenge with childcare.
Compassion is good - be sure to have some for yourself! This is a
Big Transition. Maybe it was too much at once for the little ones -
but going back might undermine trust. So look for ways to help them
figure out what their needs are. Offer them opportunities to snuggle
or some other quiet activity when you can see they are getting
tired. Notice what they are eating, too - Mo gets "bouncy" about an
hour after having protein, so I don't offer her any later in the
evening.
---Meredith (Mo 5, dss Ray 13)
wrote:
>Wedown; I am
> decided to eliminate bedtimes and our life has been turned upside
> so tired I can't think straight and the house is in disarray.Sometimes
> finding clothes to wear is an ordeal.How long has it been since you let go of bedtimes? There's going to
be a transitional period while each child finds his/her own natural
rhythem. With three that's going to be complicated, too, b/c if one
kid is naturally more of a night-owl another kid might want to stay
up, too, even though s/he's tired.
Let house and laundry go in the meantime, or enlist help from a
friend to straighten up once a week. It's *going* to be crazy for
awhile.
Are you talking with the kids about what tired "feels like"? I give
Mo lots of information about that - I'm tired so I'm grumpy, can't
think, don't like loud noises... its only within the last six months
that she's "caught on" and been able to articulate "I'm tired".
Fortunately for *me* she's one of those kids who pretty much just
passes out when she's tired, doesn't try to keep herself up unless
we're at a friend's house or something, so I haven't had to deal
with that issue.
> Ironically, I feel like I am being a worse parent. Did I initiatetoo much
> all at once for my younger ones? Are they confused without aroutine? All
> the kids are acting more aggressively because we are all so tired.Its hard to be the best you can be when you're tired. That goes for
kids *and* parents! Are there times you can get them all to watch a
movie so you can nap? That might not be possible if you are taking
care of others' kids too. Are you still doing that? Can you cut back
or take a few weeks off (maybe for "the holidays")? Can you and dh
stagger your schedules a bit so you can get some sleep when he's
around?
I work part-time from home and I've definately found that cutting
back on my work has helped me be a better mom - my mantra is "the
important part of WAHM is Mom". I also have work that I can juggle
around my kid, most of the time - something that I can see being
more of a challenge with childcare.
Compassion is good - be sure to have some for yourself! This is a
Big Transition. Maybe it was too much at once for the little ones -
but going back might undermine trust. So look for ways to help them
figure out what their needs are. Offer them opportunities to snuggle
or some other quiet activity when you can see they are getting
tired. Notice what they are eating, too - Mo gets "bouncy" about an
hour after having protein, so I don't offer her any later in the
evening.
---Meredith (Mo 5, dss Ray 13)
Maisha Khalfani
>Wedown; I am
> decided to eliminate bedtimes and our life has been turned upside
> so tired I can't think straight and the house is in disarray.That is a problem for me as well. My children are 17, 8, 7, 3, and 1. My husband works about 12-14 hours a day and is very tired when he comes home. He has requested that the kids have a bedtime because he is exhausted. Right now we are all sleeping in one room at a relative's house so there is no way to really separate everyone. How do I handle this? The children are pretty loud and active in the evening, even after a full day of activities. There is lots of screaming and yelling and such.
What can I do to honor my husband's request for quiet, while honoring my children's needs to follow their own schedules? And how do I get rest myself? Taking a nap with so many young children is nearly not possible (the 17 yr old is my stepdaughter and is in ps).
Namaste
Maisha
http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com
"The period of greatest gain in knowledge and experience is the most difficult period in one's life" ~ The Dalai Lama
---------------------------------
Cheap Talk? Check out Yahoo! Messenger's low PC-to-Phone call rates.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Nov 28, 2006, at 2:09 AM, Staci wrote:
bedtimes all together.
Talk to your kids about what they're feeling. They're undoubtedly
feeling the negative effects too and would like a solution. So talk
about solutions that you could try out. If you involve them, they'll
feel part of the solution rather than part of the problem.
One solution can be a wind-down time and routine to help them
transition to sleep. Baths. Reading in bed. Listening to a story or
music on CD in their rooms.
Talk about things they can do quietly in their rooms or in bed so
they're going *to* something rather than being dragged away from
something fun for something boring like sleep ;-)
Work together to find a solution rather than picking one and imposing
it.
rules at once.
Joyce
Answers to common unschooling questions:
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com
Blog of writing prompts for speculative fiction writers:
http://dragonwritingprompts.blogsome.com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> WeI think it's more helpful to eliminate arbitrary bedtimes than
> decided to eliminate bedtimes and our life has been turned upside down
bedtimes all together.
Talk to your kids about what they're feeling. They're undoubtedly
feeling the negative effects too and would like a solution. So talk
about solutions that you could try out. If you involve them, they'll
feel part of the solution rather than part of the problem.
One solution can be a wind-down time and routine to help them
transition to sleep. Baths. Reading in bed. Listening to a story or
music on CD in their rooms.
Talk about things they can do quietly in their rooms or in bed so
they're going *to* something rather than being dragged away from
something fun for something boring like sleep ;-)
Work together to find a solution rather than picking one and imposing
it.
> Did I initiate too muchAbsolutely. It's better to say yes more than to eliminate all the
> all at once for my younger ones? Are they confused without a routine?
rules at once.
Joyce
Answers to common unschooling questions:
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com
Blog of writing prompts for speculative fiction writers:
http://dragonwritingprompts.blogsome.com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Nov 29, 2006, at 3:06 PM, Maisha Khalfani wrote:
principles and thoughtfulness of others.
Being able to sleep should be a given. Approach it with that attitude
and ask the kids how you can help Dad get that. Talk about what's
preventing him from sleeping. Talk about *why* he needs to sleep for
the younger ones. (While it may be worst case scenario, no sleep can
mean he can't do his job and he'll get fired and that means no money
coming in. I wouldn't use it as a scare tactic to frighten them into
obedience but it *is* reality. It also means he's more likely to be
grumpy and not want to do things with them.)
Talk about their needs too and how the needs are clashing. Than talk
about solutions, especially solutions that help kids deal with the
need to be wound up at night. Don't think in terms of what to do (eg,
what punishment to mete out) when someone is loud. Think in terms of
what everyone can do *before* bed so they don't feel the need to be
loud when it's time to sleep.
Assume the kids are doing the best they can with the understanding
and skills they have. They aren't choosing deliberately to prevent
Dad from sleeping. They just don't know how to deal with all that 's
going on inside them to stop it or prevent it or deal with it before
hand.
If someone is loud, it should be taken for granted, just generally
accepted -- this is a mindset you want to work towards -- that they
need to be quiet. Assume they're just forgetting. Assume they've just
been overwhelmed by something inside that needs to burst out. Talk
about ways to *prevent* the need to be restless. Talk about
techniques on how to handle the feelings or rechannel the feelings
into quiet activities so they don't come bursting out in ways that
will keep Dad from sleeping. If two kids are going at each other it
should be seen as a given that they should move away from each other.
Not as a punishment but because that's one way to help Dad get the
sleep he needs.
Well, I've thrown a bunch of words at it since I'm not confident I'm
explaining that shift in attitude well. Hope some of them help!
Joyce
Answers to common unschooling questions:
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com
Blog of writing prompts for speculative fiction writers:
http://dragonwritingprompts.blogsome.com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> He has requested that the kids have a bedtime because he isRather than looking at it in terms of rules, look at it in terms of
> exhausted. Right now we are all sleeping in one room at a
> relative's house so there is no way to really separate everyone.
> How do I handle this? The children are pretty loud and active in
> the evening, even after a full day of activities. There is lots of
> screaming and yelling and such.
principles and thoughtfulness of others.
Being able to sleep should be a given. Approach it with that attitude
and ask the kids how you can help Dad get that. Talk about what's
preventing him from sleeping. Talk about *why* he needs to sleep for
the younger ones. (While it may be worst case scenario, no sleep can
mean he can't do his job and he'll get fired and that means no money
coming in. I wouldn't use it as a scare tactic to frighten them into
obedience but it *is* reality. It also means he's more likely to be
grumpy and not want to do things with them.)
Talk about their needs too and how the needs are clashing. Than talk
about solutions, especially solutions that help kids deal with the
need to be wound up at night. Don't think in terms of what to do (eg,
what punishment to mete out) when someone is loud. Think in terms of
what everyone can do *before* bed so they don't feel the need to be
loud when it's time to sleep.
Assume the kids are doing the best they can with the understanding
and skills they have. They aren't choosing deliberately to prevent
Dad from sleeping. They just don't know how to deal with all that 's
going on inside them to stop it or prevent it or deal with it before
hand.
If someone is loud, it should be taken for granted, just generally
accepted -- this is a mindset you want to work towards -- that they
need to be quiet. Assume they're just forgetting. Assume they've just
been overwhelmed by something inside that needs to burst out. Talk
about ways to *prevent* the need to be restless. Talk about
techniques on how to handle the feelings or rechannel the feelings
into quiet activities so they don't come bursting out in ways that
will keep Dad from sleeping. If two kids are going at each other it
should be seen as a given that they should move away from each other.
Not as a punishment but because that's one way to help Dad get the
sleep he needs.
Well, I've thrown a bunch of words at it since I'm not confident I'm
explaining that shift in attitude well. Hope some of them help!
Joyce
Answers to common unschooling questions:
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com
Blog of writing prompts for speculative fiction writers:
http://dragonwritingprompts.blogsome.com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Michelle Leifur Reid
On 11/28/06, Staci <staci444@...> wrote:
are you helping them read their body cues so that they can ease into
sleep? You still have two very young children who may not understand
how to realize that they are tired. Do you see their signs of being
tired? If so it is ok to encourage them towards sleep. The same as
if you saw your 3 yo doing the pee-pee dance it is ok to encourage
them towards the bathroom.
I'm not sure how elimination of bedtimes has to do with a house being
in disarray. What are *you* doing all this time? Find what is
important to you and solve that. If it is a laundry thing, find a way
to tackle it. If it is a clutter thing, then eliminate some of those
things that get in your way. Remember that all these things happening
are choices. You choose to do laundry or not. You choose to do
dishes or not.
Michelle
> Now my oldest is out of school again (parents back together) and we areAre you waiting for your children to just drop from pure exhaustion or
> looking at how to implement the US principles in all areas of our lives. We
> decided to eliminate bedtimes and our life has been turned upside down; I am
> so tired I can't think straight and the house is in disarray.
are you helping them read their body cues so that they can ease into
sleep? You still have two very young children who may not understand
how to realize that they are tired. Do you see their signs of being
tired? If so it is ok to encourage them towards sleep. The same as
if you saw your 3 yo doing the pee-pee dance it is ok to encourage
them towards the bathroom.
I'm not sure how elimination of bedtimes has to do with a house being
in disarray. What are *you* doing all this time? Find what is
important to you and solve that. If it is a laundry thing, find a way
to tackle it. If it is a clutter thing, then eliminate some of those
things that get in your way. Remember that all these things happening
are choices. You choose to do laundry or not. You choose to do
dishes or not.
Michelle
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: staci444@...
Ironically, I feel like I am being a worse parent. Did I initiate too
much
all at once for my younger ones?
-=-=-=-=-
Yes.
-=-=-=-=-
Are they confused without a routine?
-=-=-=-
It might not be lack of routine, but a lack of foundation.
They're newly walking---toddlers, in a sense. They are used to walking
on concrete. SUDDENLY, while they were sleeping, you replaced the
concrete with a blow-up mattress---they're bouncing around like CRAZY!
Can't get their footing. Falling every second or third step. Banged
heads and sore knees. It's fun, but it can hurt.
Ideally you put the air mattress on the floor with no air in it. Then
every day add a little more air. In no time, they are bouncing and
almost FLYING! through the air.
You can do it the way you did, with the mattress all blown up, but the
"figure it out time" will be longer, more frustrating, and wrought with
bumps and bruises.
OR you can let the air in a little at a time. Saying "yes" more (not
all at once). Set them up for success, not failure! As they get their
"sea legs," you give them a little more and a little more until it's
natural as---well, walking! <bwg>
~Kelly
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
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From: staci444@...
Ironically, I feel like I am being a worse parent. Did I initiate too
much
all at once for my younger ones?
-=-=-=-=-
Yes.
-=-=-=-=-
Are they confused without a routine?
-=-=-=-
It might not be lack of routine, but a lack of foundation.
They're newly walking---toddlers, in a sense. They are used to walking
on concrete. SUDDENLY, while they were sleeping, you replaced the
concrete with a blow-up mattress---they're bouncing around like CRAZY!
Can't get their footing. Falling every second or third step. Banged
heads and sore knees. It's fun, but it can hurt.
Ideally you put the air mattress on the floor with no air in it. Then
every day add a little more air. In no time, they are bouncing and
almost FLYING! through the air.
You can do it the way you did, with the mattress all blown up, but the
"figure it out time" will be longer, more frustrating, and wrought with
bumps and bruises.
OR you can let the air in a little at a time. Saying "yes" more (not
all at once). Set them up for success, not failure! As they get their
"sea legs," you give them a little more and a little more until it's
natural as---well, walking! <bwg>
~Kelly
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
Staci
Thank you to all who replied to my post. I would have loved to be more
responsive, but our computer crashed so we were offline for awhile.
I had wanted to get some examples of concrete things to do that others had
tried for calming down, perhaps some specific books about sleeping, etc to
recommend . Of course, there is always getting a snack, bath, teeth, and
books. But since they had already come to associate those things with "bed
time," I was looking for neutral activities and well thought out guidelines
so to speak. Now that I'm a bit more rested, it's plain to see that I didn't
do enough research first. I had read Unprocessed Child and went a little
gung ho.
I also didn't paint the whole picture, because there were other factors as
well, of course. My 3 yo would go to bed, although she stayed up longer than
before. But my son (almost 5) did not want to go to bed at all. I was
talking about listening to our bodies and how they tell us when we are
tired. I figured maybe it was because he has had an issue with not being
able to do things his big sister can, and he just wanted to experience the
power of staying up. So I let him experience that but it was taking a toll
on all of us. My oldest (10) is used to time with me after the younger ones
when to sleep, so she was waiting up longer than usual. So I still had to
get up early and the only rested one was my 3 yo. (That's why my house was
messed up, I put all my attention on staying with them to prevent battles
from breaking out.) Then there is my husband. He agrees with me about the
principles and concepts, but hasn't read much about unschooling lifestyle.
And he was baffled and tired. I have to get him credit though, he has been a
trooper considering he knew less of what to expect than I did!
So we did have to tell my son, it is time to go to sleep so we can rest well
and wake up happy. That we needed more sleep and that's why we were cranky,
etc. He has opened up more to reading books; he had just wanted to watch tv.
So we live and learn and are journeying. Thanks for helping us on our
journey!
Staci
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
responsive, but our computer crashed so we were offline for awhile.
I had wanted to get some examples of concrete things to do that others had
tried for calming down, perhaps some specific books about sleeping, etc to
recommend . Of course, there is always getting a snack, bath, teeth, and
books. But since they had already come to associate those things with "bed
time," I was looking for neutral activities and well thought out guidelines
so to speak. Now that I'm a bit more rested, it's plain to see that I didn't
do enough research first. I had read Unprocessed Child and went a little
gung ho.
I also didn't paint the whole picture, because there were other factors as
well, of course. My 3 yo would go to bed, although she stayed up longer than
before. But my son (almost 5) did not want to go to bed at all. I was
talking about listening to our bodies and how they tell us when we are
tired. I figured maybe it was because he has had an issue with not being
able to do things his big sister can, and he just wanted to experience the
power of staying up. So I let him experience that but it was taking a toll
on all of us. My oldest (10) is used to time with me after the younger ones
when to sleep, so she was waiting up longer than usual. So I still had to
get up early and the only rested one was my 3 yo. (That's why my house was
messed up, I put all my attention on staying with them to prevent battles
from breaking out.) Then there is my husband. He agrees with me about the
principles and concepts, but hasn't read much about unschooling lifestyle.
And he was baffled and tired. I have to get him credit though, he has been a
trooper considering he knew less of what to expect than I did!
So we did have to tell my son, it is time to go to sleep so we can rest well
and wake up happy. That we needed more sleep and that's why we were cranky,
etc. He has opened up more to reading books; he had just wanted to watch tv.
So we live and learn and are journeying. Thanks for helping us on our
journey!
Staci
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]