Re: [unschoolingbasics]Talking to strangers was I just watched the Dr. Phil show on Unschooling!
Elissa Jill Cleaveland
My kids are only 9 and 5 and are the most outgoing kids I've ever seen. They have their normal hang-ups about walking up to a stranger (say the person behind the counter at the bookstore) to ask them a question, but I make them do it anyway on their own so they know how to speak to adults and ask the questions they need to get through life and everyday activities
*************
My daughter was the same way. She could talk to anyone she knew, confidently with wit and humor. She was VERY uncomfortable going up to a stranger and asking questions. It was my responsibility as the adult and her loving mother to go and ask for her. I don't think that it's helpful to "make them" step out of their comfort zone. I have often watched kids go to a counter and stand there and stand there waiting for the person to pay attention to them, while being ignored. I've seen adults angle themselves so that the counterperson attends to them before the child, I've seen counterpersons be rude to the child. I go with my child, I hold their hand, I say "Excuse me, my child has a question." Their treatment is totally different when I am there to help. Emily is now thirteen years old (tomorrow!!!) and rarely has a problem asking for what she needs in public with strangers. She CAN talk to adults, even strangers, with confidence, wit and humor. And I didn't have to "make her".
Elissa Jill
A Kindersher saychel iz oychet a saychel.
"A Child's wisdom is also wisdom." ~Yiddish Proverb
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
*************
My daughter was the same way. She could talk to anyone she knew, confidently with wit and humor. She was VERY uncomfortable going up to a stranger and asking questions. It was my responsibility as the adult and her loving mother to go and ask for her. I don't think that it's helpful to "make them" step out of their comfort zone. I have often watched kids go to a counter and stand there and stand there waiting for the person to pay attention to them, while being ignored. I've seen adults angle themselves so that the counterperson attends to them before the child, I've seen counterpersons be rude to the child. I go with my child, I hold their hand, I say "Excuse me, my child has a question." Their treatment is totally different when I am there to help. Emily is now thirteen years old (tomorrow!!!) and rarely has a problem asking for what she needs in public with strangers. She CAN talk to adults, even strangers, with confidence, wit and humor. And I didn't have to "make her".
Elissa Jill
A Kindersher saychel iz oychet a saychel.
"A Child's wisdom is also wisdom." ~Yiddish Proverb
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Cookiebaker
I stand with my children or stand behind them/beside them about 2-3 feet away when they have a question. They only time I do this is when ds says to me "I wonder if they have such-and-such book yet?" "Well, I don't know, why don't you go ask the lady at the counter?". He's at the age now (9), that he does this on his own. Dd (5) I still have to go with and stand at a close distance.
To each his own. I'm just stating how I get my kids "out there" in the world without feeling like hermits or turtles inside a shell. My kids, for instance, need that little push to tell them it's ok and that they can do it. Otherwise I'd be doing everything for them in life and where does that lead? IMO that leads to kids who grow up not knowing how to function in society.
Valerie K
To each his own. I'm just stating how I get my kids "out there" in the world without feeling like hermits or turtles inside a shell. My kids, for instance, need that little push to tell them it's ok and that they can do it. Otherwise I'd be doing everything for them in life and where does that lead? IMO that leads to kids who grow up not knowing how to function in society.
Valerie K
----- Original Message -----
From: Elissa Jill Cleaveland
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, November 26, 2006 8:48 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics]Talking to strangers was I just watched the Dr. Phil show on Unschooling!
My kids are only 9 and 5 and are the most outgoing kids I've ever seen. They have their normal hang-ups about walking up to a stranger (say the person behind the counter at the bookstore) to ask them a question, but I make them do it anyway on their own so they know how to speak to adults and ask the questions they need to get through life and everyday activities
*************
My daughter was the same way. She could talk to anyone she knew, confidently with wit and humor. She was VERY uncomfortable going up to a stranger and asking questions. It was my responsibility as the adult and her loving mother to go and ask for her. I don't think that it's helpful to "make them" step out of their comfort zone. I have often watched kids go to a counter and stand there and stand there waiting for the person to pay attention to them, while being ignored. I've seen adults angle themselves so that the counterperson attends to them before the child, I've seen counterpersons be rude to the child. I go with my child, I hold their hand, I say "Excuse me, my child has a question." Their treatment is totally different when I am there to help. Emily is now thirteen years old (tomorrow!!!) and rarely has a problem asking for what she needs in public with strangers. She CAN talk to adults, even strangers, with confidence, wit and humor. And I didn't hav Elissa Jill
A Kindersher saychel iz oychet a saychel.
"A Child's wisdom is also wisdom." ~Yiddish Proverb
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
That's a massive slippery slope you are living on. If you don't get your
kids to go the counter and asks for books from the librarian you will be
doing everything for them in life? Simon and Linnaea have shy days. I have
shy days. Actually, they are both more likely to go to the counter to ask
for help than I am. I am getting better at asking for help by watching them.
But I have never pushed them to ask for help, or made them go talk to a
stranger when they didn't want to. In my experience, letting them decide
when they were ready to do something, and never holding them to that
readiness--so if Linnaea doesn't want to go find something out this time,
well, I'll go do it--means that when they are ready they don't have any
weird feelings associated with something.
See, I hate doing it. And I probably hate doing it because I was forced to
do it. Because if I didn't do it how would I know how to function in
society? It makes me feel stupid and obvious. It makes me feel like everyone
is looking at me. And if I let that feeling build, if it takes me a while to
approach someone for help, than I feel more and more embarrassed and more
like I did when I was little, a big butterfly filled stomach and a slight
echoing sound in my ears. And it doesn't make me feel less like a hermit to
push through that fear and embarrassment. It just makes it feel more so the
next time. But if I don't have to deal with it in that moment of
fearfulness, well, it is so much easier the next time, when I'm not feeling
bad or tired or whatever made me more vulnerable the first time.
I think by pushing your kids to do something that they aren't necessarily
feeling confident about doing on their own, you are putting them in a
fearful situation. And you aren't alleviating that fear. If you demonstrated
that going and asking for help wasn't a big deal and was just some other
thing, you wouldn't need to prod your children to do it. It would just be
some other thing. But, instead, you've made it not only a big deal, but a
ritualized one, where you stand behind the curious child at some distance to
offer moral support. How would you feel (to use a Joyce-esque approach) if
every time you asked your husband a question in a store he sent you to the
counter to find out, standing 2-3 feet behind you to help you feel more
comfortable? If he said "well, I can't do everything for you in life?"
David, my husband, doesn't like to call and order things on the phone. So, I
tend to do that. I don't like to call and arrange for plumbers or roofers or
car mechanics on the phone, so he does that. Not being willing to do
something as a child hasn't meant that I can't function in society. I mean,
except for the not putting my kids into school and not schooling them at
home and living a life that is rich and free, I seem to function really well
in society.
Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com
kids to go the counter and asks for books from the librarian you will be
doing everything for them in life? Simon and Linnaea have shy days. I have
shy days. Actually, they are both more likely to go to the counter to ask
for help than I am. I am getting better at asking for help by watching them.
But I have never pushed them to ask for help, or made them go talk to a
stranger when they didn't want to. In my experience, letting them decide
when they were ready to do something, and never holding them to that
readiness--so if Linnaea doesn't want to go find something out this time,
well, I'll go do it--means that when they are ready they don't have any
weird feelings associated with something.
See, I hate doing it. And I probably hate doing it because I was forced to
do it. Because if I didn't do it how would I know how to function in
society? It makes me feel stupid and obvious. It makes me feel like everyone
is looking at me. And if I let that feeling build, if it takes me a while to
approach someone for help, than I feel more and more embarrassed and more
like I did when I was little, a big butterfly filled stomach and a slight
echoing sound in my ears. And it doesn't make me feel less like a hermit to
push through that fear and embarrassment. It just makes it feel more so the
next time. But if I don't have to deal with it in that moment of
fearfulness, well, it is so much easier the next time, when I'm not feeling
bad or tired or whatever made me more vulnerable the first time.
I think by pushing your kids to do something that they aren't necessarily
feeling confident about doing on their own, you are putting them in a
fearful situation. And you aren't alleviating that fear. If you demonstrated
that going and asking for help wasn't a big deal and was just some other
thing, you wouldn't need to prod your children to do it. It would just be
some other thing. But, instead, you've made it not only a big deal, but a
ritualized one, where you stand behind the curious child at some distance to
offer moral support. How would you feel (to use a Joyce-esque approach) if
every time you asked your husband a question in a store he sent you to the
counter to find out, standing 2-3 feet behind you to help you feel more
comfortable? If he said "well, I can't do everything for you in life?"
David, my husband, doesn't like to call and order things on the phone. So, I
tend to do that. I don't like to call and arrange for plumbers or roofers or
car mechanics on the phone, so he does that. Not being willing to do
something as a child hasn't meant that I can't function in society. I mean,
except for the not putting my kids into school and not schooling them at
home and living a life that is rich and free, I seem to function really well
in society.
Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com
> To each his own. I'm just stating how I get my kids "out there" in the
> world without feeling like hermits or turtles inside a shell. My kids,
> for instance, need that little push to tell them it's ok and that they can
> do it. Otherwise I'd be doing everything for them in life and where does
> that lead? IMO that leads to kids who grow up not knowing how to
> function in society.
Joyce Fetteroll
On Nov 26, 2006, at 6:13 PM, Cookiebaker wrote:
the phone at all. I *can* do it. I can do it when I have to, but I
don't like to.
My husband is awesome in that he's sensitive to that and makes phone
calls for me. It wouldn't improve our relationship if he decided he
needed, for my own good, to make me make phone calls. Even if he did
it "gently" by standing behind me to support me while I made them.
I don't know why we've gotten the idea in this society that children
are some creature other than human. It feels a whole lot better to
have a hug when you're scared than a "It's not so bad. You can do it."
On the other hand, when a child is trying to overcome fear to do
something *they* want to do, we can talk to them to see what kind of
help from us they find most useful and try out different things.
Maybe what they will like is a hug and a "You can do it!" to get them
over the hump.
need to be made to grow up?
Growing up, doing things for ourselves, is hormonal. We need to move
on because we're biochemically designed to leave the nest in late
teens to early twenties. We can, though, interfere with that process
and making the desire to stay home override hormones. One way is by
making the world scarier for kids than it is, by giving them the idea
that what we care about is their actions (asking questions for
themselves) than their feelings.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> My kids, for instance, need that little push to tell them it's okTo expand on part of Schuyler's great post, I don't like talking on
> and that they can do it.
the phone at all. I *can* do it. I can do it when I have to, but I
don't like to.
My husband is awesome in that he's sensitive to that and makes phone
calls for me. It wouldn't improve our relationship if he decided he
needed, for my own good, to make me make phone calls. Even if he did
it "gently" by standing behind me to support me while I made them.
I don't know why we've gotten the idea in this society that children
are some creature other than human. It feels a whole lot better to
have a hug when you're scared than a "It's not so bad. You can do it."
On the other hand, when a child is trying to overcome fear to do
something *they* want to do, we can talk to them to see what kind of
help from us they find most useful and try out different things.
Maybe what they will like is a hug and a "You can do it!" to get them
over the hump.
> Otherwise I'd be doing everything for them in life and where doesWhat experience do you have that makes you confident that children
> that lead?
need to be made to grow up?
Growing up, doing things for ourselves, is hormonal. We need to move
on because we're biochemically designed to leave the nest in late
teens to early twenties. We can, though, interfere with that process
and making the desire to stay home override hormones. One way is by
making the world scarier for kids than it is, by giving them the idea
that what we care about is their actions (asking questions for
themselves) than their feelings.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
~~ My kids, for instance, need that little push to tell them it's ok
and that they can do it.~~
You've decided they "need" the push. Not necessarily true.
~~Otherwise I'd be doing everything for them in life and where does
that lead? IMO that leads to kids who grow up not knowing how to
function in society.~~
That's a big assumption which hasn't been true in our family at all. I
think the prevailing message in society is that you have to "teach"
responsibility, you have to "make" kids do certain things or they'll
just become useless blobs. That's not showing a lot of trust.
I'll tell you where it really leads....it leads to confident, happy
kids that have a very trusting relationship with their parents that
eventually grow into all of these things in their own time.
Learning to converse with total strangers is something that makes a
lot of young children nervous. GOOD! That's a natural way for them to
stay SAFE! Why do parents feel a need to override their natural
instinct for safety?
Eventually they grow older and more confident and they won't think
twice about approaching people at the bookstore or library or
wherever. In the mean time, I view my job as a companion, a
partner....a willing adult that is here to help them get to what they
want and stay in their comfort zone. Even my very loud and intense 5
year old does not like to talk with people he doesn't know. That's
part of his growing and learning...I trust that process.
To me, you can't separate different kinds of learning. Learning is
learning. Learning is best done with an adult that you can trust to
help you get what you want. Learning unfolds best in an atmosphere of
trust and respect. I don't think it's respecful to make my child do
things they aren't comfortable doing.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
and that they can do it.~~
You've decided they "need" the push. Not necessarily true.
~~Otherwise I'd be doing everything for them in life and where does
that lead? IMO that leads to kids who grow up not knowing how to
function in society.~~
That's a big assumption which hasn't been true in our family at all. I
think the prevailing message in society is that you have to "teach"
responsibility, you have to "make" kids do certain things or they'll
just become useless blobs. That's not showing a lot of trust.
I'll tell you where it really leads....it leads to confident, happy
kids that have a very trusting relationship with their parents that
eventually grow into all of these things in their own time.
Learning to converse with total strangers is something that makes a
lot of young children nervous. GOOD! That's a natural way for them to
stay SAFE! Why do parents feel a need to override their natural
instinct for safety?
Eventually they grow older and more confident and they won't think
twice about approaching people at the bookstore or library or
wherever. In the mean time, I view my job as a companion, a
partner....a willing adult that is here to help them get to what they
want and stay in their comfort zone. Even my very loud and intense 5
year old does not like to talk with people he doesn't know. That's
part of his growing and learning...I trust that process.
To me, you can't separate different kinds of learning. Learning is
learning. Learning is best done with an adult that you can trust to
help you get what you want. Learning unfolds best in an atmosphere of
trust and respect. I don't think it's respecful to make my child do
things they aren't comfortable doing.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
plaidpanties666
--- In [email protected], "Cookiebaker"
<vkubat1@...> wrote:
behind me and refuses to acknowledge adults she doesn't know in
places that are unfamiliar to her. I've never pushed or
even "coaxed" her to talk to strange adults. Once she's familiar
with the layout of a store, for example, she's happy to go off on
her own, and she does speak to select store clerks who she's gotten
familiar with, but cautiously.
This same kid, if brought to a play group will hang back for a
while, staying close to me. She watches everything going on, and
then, all of a sudden she's in the middle of it, introducing
herself, chatting, playing with the other kids. In adult social
situations she takes longer, but does essentially the same thing:
she observes from a place of "safety" and then all at once dives
into the scene. We went to a couple parties over T'giving and I
could practically hear jaws dropping all around the room when
the "shy kid" suddenly turned into the life of the party. She just
needed to get comfortable first.
So I'd encourage you to consider the possibility that its not
a "push" your kids need, but some time to take in the environment
and develop a personal understanding of the situation.
I'd also encourage you to compare the way your kids relate to other
kids vs adults, to quiet kids vs boisterous kids, to animals vs
people and see what there is to see. There may be clues there to
their inate abilities and sensitivities that you are missing due
to "pushing".
about the world in their own way? You could be hampering them
from "knowing how to function in society".
Once my dd gets comfortable with a situation she has really amazing
social skills - far better than mine, and noticably better than my
rampant-extrovert stepson. Her "shyness" isn't preventing her from
learning. If anything, I would say it is the process *by which* she
learns. If I had pushed her to "overcome" her "shyness" I would
never have seen that - I would have denied her the time she needed
to learn.
---Meredith (Mo 5, dss Ray 13)
<vkubat1@...> wrote:
> To each his own. I'm just stating how I get my kids "out there"My dd, Morgan, looks like the classic "shy kid". She basically hides
>in the world without feeling like hermits or turtles inside a
>shell. My kids, for instance, need that little push to tell them
>it's ok and that they can do it.
behind me and refuses to acknowledge adults she doesn't know in
places that are unfamiliar to her. I've never pushed or
even "coaxed" her to talk to strange adults. Once she's familiar
with the layout of a store, for example, she's happy to go off on
her own, and she does speak to select store clerks who she's gotten
familiar with, but cautiously.
This same kid, if brought to a play group will hang back for a
while, staying close to me. She watches everything going on, and
then, all of a sudden she's in the middle of it, introducing
herself, chatting, playing with the other kids. In adult social
situations she takes longer, but does essentially the same thing:
she observes from a place of "safety" and then all at once dives
into the scene. We went to a couple parties over T'giving and I
could practically hear jaws dropping all around the room when
the "shy kid" suddenly turned into the life of the party. She just
needed to get comfortable first.
So I'd encourage you to consider the possibility that its not
a "push" your kids need, but some time to take in the environment
and develop a personal understanding of the situation.
I'd also encourage you to compare the way your kids relate to other
kids vs adults, to quiet kids vs boisterous kids, to animals vs
people and see what there is to see. There may be clues there to
their inate abilities and sensitivities that you are missing due
to "pushing".
>Otherwise I'd be doing everything for them in life and where doesWhat if, by "pushing" them you are preventing them from learning
>that lead? IMO that leads to kids who grow up not knowing how to
>function in society.
about the world in their own way? You could be hampering them
from "knowing how to function in society".
Once my dd gets comfortable with a situation she has really amazing
social skills - far better than mine, and noticably better than my
rampant-extrovert stepson. Her "shyness" isn't preventing her from
learning. If anything, I would say it is the process *by which* she
learns. If I had pushed her to "overcome" her "shyness" I would
never have seen that - I would have denied her the time she needed
to learn.
---Meredith (Mo 5, dss Ray 13)
Brian & Alexandra Polikowsky
When i was a little girl I was very shy and my mom and dad respected it. I grew out of it without anyone making me do it.
By the time I was 18 I was the extreme opposite and I am such an extrovert to this day.
I am one of those people that talk to everyone.
No one made me talk to people when I was shy.
Alex
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
By the time I was 18 I was the extreme opposite and I am such an extrovert to this day.
I am one of those people that talk to everyone.
No one made me talk to people when I was shy.
Alex
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
>>Otherwise I'd be doing everything for them in life and where doesThat is a brilliant point! And one that I thought should be pulled out of
>>that lead? IMO that leads to kids who grow up not knowing how to
>>function in society.
>
> What if, by "pushing" them you are preventing them from learning
> about the world in their own way? You could be hampering them
> from "knowing how to function in society".
Meredith's wonderful post. If you are forcing your children's hands, surely
you are limiting their ability to learn how to negotiate relationships on
their own.
Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com
Sandy
--- In [email protected], "Brian & Alexandra
Polikowsky" <polykow@...> wrote:
adults. Would you believe though that Growing Kids God's Way says to
PUNISH children for not saying "hello" to adults? In their opinion
"shyness" is an excuse to be rude to adults and it is seen as
misbehavior; worthy of a swat on the hand and/or taking away a favored
toy...yeah, there is a consipiracy among children to purposely not
speak to adults, why just the other day mine were conspiring online
with hundreds of children to do this very thing!
~Sandy
Polikowsky" <polykow@...> wrote:
>respected it. I grew out of it without anyone making me do it.
>
> When i was a little girl I was very shy and my mom and dad
> By the time I was 18 I was the extreme opposite and I am such anextrovert to this day.
> I am one of those people that talk to everyone.I've never made my kids either and both (8 and 12) are fine with
> No one made me talk to people when I was shy.
> Alex
adults. Would you believe though that Growing Kids God's Way says to
PUNISH children for not saying "hello" to adults? In their opinion
"shyness" is an excuse to be rude to adults and it is seen as
misbehavior; worthy of a swat on the hand and/or taking away a favored
toy...yeah, there is a consipiracy among children to purposely not
speak to adults, why just the other day mine were conspiring online
with hundreds of children to do this very thing!
~Sandy
Laureen
Heya!
I need some help stepping through this one...
I need some help stepping through this one...
On 11/27/06, Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote:
> Learning to converse with total strangers is something that makes a
> lot of young children nervous. GOOD! That's a natural way for them to
> stay SAFE! Why do parents feel a need to override their natural
> instinct for safety?
>
> Eventually they grow older and more confident and they won't think
> twice about approaching people at the bookstore or library or
> wherever.
OK, here's my problem with this. ITA with the first paragraph.. I
remember clearly what it felt like to be told to say hello to someone
who creeped me out when I was little, and I swore before I knew
anything about unschooling, autonomy, etc, that I would sooner gnaw
off my own tongue than force my kid to interact with someone they
didn't want to.
And I do trust that, with time, they'll grow up, grow more confident,
and it'll be a non-issue. It has for me, I can both see and trust that
it will for them. Fine.
Here's the big *but*... according to Gavin De Becker, the average
pedophile starts targetting children at age three. And that is the
point, according to him, that they need to start acquiring the skills
to protect themselves.
NOT that I plan on abandoning them, walking away, leaving them with
strangers... But I know, from personal experience, that an experienced
pedophile can cop a feel while the parent is less than a foot away.
And then there's stuff like totally accidental separation, that kind
of thing.
Children are *not* naturally wired to protect themselves from
predators. Nor should they *have* to be, but I know enough survivors
to know that (brace yourselves, here comes the word) "teaching" them
some basic skills, establishing some basic safety processes, is almost
a requirement for stepping out into human society.
So, I'm heavily conflicted. Thoughts?
--
~~L!
~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~
Writing here:
http://excellentadventure.wordpress.com/
http://elementalmom.blogspot.com/
http://lifewithoutschool.typepad.com/
Publishing here:
http://huntpress.com/
~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: splashing@...
Here's the big *but*... according to Gavin De Becker, the average
pedophile starts targetting children at age three. And that is the
point, according to him, that they need to start acquiring the skills
to protect themselves.
-=-=-=-
The average CHILD at age three is in school. Daycare. Ballet and
soccer.
Relatively speaking, alone. Without mom or dad.
*Targets* for pedophiles.
The average unschooled child is with a parent or trusted friend/family
member almost all the time until six or seven or eight---or older!
-=-=-=-=-=-
NOT that I plan on abandoning them, walking away, leaving them with
strangers... But I know, from personal experience, that an experienced
pedophile can cop a feel while the parent is less than a foot away.
And then there's stuff like totally accidental separation, that kind
of thing.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Pedophiles look for easy targets. I don't think many unschooling
families would make it easy for a pedophile. Schooling families make it
*too* easy: making children "obedient" and always doing what they're
told? A child who is used to being honored and listened to---and who
can say NO!---shouldn't have the problems that obedient schooled kids
have. Plus, they just aren't IN those "alone" situations.
Accidental separations are scary. No matter what!
-=-=-=-=--
Children are *not* naturally wired to protect themselves from
predators. Nor should they *have* to be, but I know enough survivors
to know that (brace yourselves, here comes the word) "teaching" them
some basic skills, establishing some basic safety processes, is almost
a requirement for stepping out into human society.
-=-=-=-
I think children are naturally wired to be wary of strangers or strange
situations. That's why they cling to us and want to be with us.
Both my boys know to scream as loudly as possible if someone's trying
to take them away. We've always done a "Cameron check" and a "Duncan
check" in stores---and even in the yard, if I'm not *right* by their
sides.
They've both seen "stranger danger" ads and cartoons. We've talked
about it. It's no secret!
But they're not going out into "human society" as three year olds! I
mean, they ARE, but not without me *right* there. <g>
~Kelly
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
From: splashing@...
Here's the big *but*... according to Gavin De Becker, the average
pedophile starts targetting children at age three. And that is the
point, according to him, that they need to start acquiring the skills
to protect themselves.
-=-=-=-
The average CHILD at age three is in school. Daycare. Ballet and
soccer.
Relatively speaking, alone. Without mom or dad.
*Targets* for pedophiles.
The average unschooled child is with a parent or trusted friend/family
member almost all the time until six or seven or eight---or older!
-=-=-=-=-=-
NOT that I plan on abandoning them, walking away, leaving them with
strangers... But I know, from personal experience, that an experienced
pedophile can cop a feel while the parent is less than a foot away.
And then there's stuff like totally accidental separation, that kind
of thing.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Pedophiles look for easy targets. I don't think many unschooling
families would make it easy for a pedophile. Schooling families make it
*too* easy: making children "obedient" and always doing what they're
told? A child who is used to being honored and listened to---and who
can say NO!---shouldn't have the problems that obedient schooled kids
have. Plus, they just aren't IN those "alone" situations.
Accidental separations are scary. No matter what!
-=-=-=-=--
Children are *not* naturally wired to protect themselves from
predators. Nor should they *have* to be, but I know enough survivors
to know that (brace yourselves, here comes the word) "teaching" them
some basic skills, establishing some basic safety processes, is almost
a requirement for stepping out into human society.
-=-=-=-
I think children are naturally wired to be wary of strangers or strange
situations. That's why they cling to us and want to be with us.
Both my boys know to scream as loudly as possible if someone's trying
to take them away. We've always done a "Cameron check" and a "Duncan
check" in stores---and even in the yard, if I'm not *right* by their
sides.
They've both seen "stranger danger" ads and cartoons. We've talked
about it. It's no secret!
But they're not going out into "human society" as three year olds! I
mean, they ARE, but not without me *right* there. <g>
~Kelly
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laura g
last summer my son (age 3) slapped my dh's cousin. she is an adult age 50.
she was playing with him and he hit her with a paper towel roll in his
attempt to play with her. she warned him not to and he hit her again so she
took the roll and smashed it flat. (they were in the kitchen i was in the
dining room) he started crying and ran to me and she came out and proudly
told me what she did. i took him out of the room to comfort him and i guess
she thought she looked bad so followed us trying to sweet talk him and kept
saying, "im sorry but i warned you, honey" and getting in his face. So he
reached across and smacked her in the face and knocked of her glasses.
anyway several people saw this but i just took him in the back bed room and
calmed him down. i know my mil and the cousin thought he should be punished
or repremanded but i should have smacked her for him. she absolutely creeps
me out (not just this incedent) and i will never allow my children to stay
out of my site with her again. i think kids often get feelings about people
and should be encouraged to trust them as should we.
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she was playing with him and he hit her with a paper towel roll in his
attempt to play with her. she warned him not to and he hit her again so she
took the roll and smashed it flat. (they were in the kitchen i was in the
dining room) he started crying and ran to me and she came out and proudly
told me what she did. i took him out of the room to comfort him and i guess
she thought she looked bad so followed us trying to sweet talk him and kept
saying, "im sorry but i warned you, honey" and getting in his face. So he
reached across and smacked her in the face and knocked of her glasses.
anyway several people saw this but i just took him in the back bed room and
calmed him down. i know my mil and the cousin thought he should be punished
or repremanded but i should have smacked her for him. she absolutely creeps
me out (not just this incedent) and i will never allow my children to stay
out of my site with her again. i think kids often get feelings about people
and should be encouraged to trust them as should we.
_________________________________________________________________
All-in-one security and maintenance for your PC.� Get a free 90-day trial!
http://clk.atdmt.com/MSN/go/msnnkwlo0050000002msn/direct/01/?href=http://clk.atdmt.com/MSN/go/msnnkwlo0050000001msn/direct/01/?href=http://www.windowsonecare.com/?sc_cid=msn_hotmail