Socialization....Forcing Sports?
Sandy
When I was a Christian, we had socialization coming out the ying yang.
However, for the past two years our friends have waned and I dare say
that we have one good friend that we try and see once a week or at
least 3 times a month and the only reason it is that long in between
is due to the distance.
We are not trying to shelter our children, nor be isolationists but it
sure the hell feels like it lately. Even when we do meet people we
tend to, and I don't know why, draw in fundamentists. It is as though
we are fundy Christian magnets. My dd made a great friend in
gymnastics and when we arranged to get them together outside of that
we find out that her parents are not shy about sharing the gospel and
making God part of every single topic. In order for my dd to be able
to have this one GIRL friend (which is very important to her)I find
myself having to bite my tongue and take everything with a grain
assault (i.e., the world is screwed up because of Eve, husband is the
"head" of household, etc.) I HATE doing that but my dd loves her
friend.
I tried a liberal church in hopes of finding community but it just
didn't fit me. Just too many painful reminders of my 35 years as a
Christian, even though they do not take the bible literally.
My husband is in a rock band but only one has a child and she is like
3 and they live 2 hours away in Alabama. They haven't finished enough
songs yet to make a set in order to get a gig but they are great. Zak
chooses not to participate in anything outside of the home. Even
before homeschooling I decided long ago never to force participation
in sports but now I find myself second-guessing my reasoning. One of
my sons best friends is forced to do sports and although he protests
at the beginning, he finds that he loves it once he gets started and
he has a ton of friends...he's homeschooled. We haven't seen them
though for over 3 months because of games and practices (she said they
never knew when their games were and that is why she never gave us a
schedule so that we could go to games), they are school-at-homers so
their "work" must be completed before friends. If they get "behind"
their mom (whom I love dearly) makes them take entire days to make up
for it. *Sigh* Anyway, I ask him quite frequently if he'd like to do
anything in way of sports or another activity and that he'd probably
make friends but he keeps saying "no".
Both kids are in blended school once a week for six hours but almost
every child in there are children of fundy parents. I have NO problems
being friends with Christians, the ones we run into though are the
kind that who see my Harry Potter books on the shelf and run the other
way. Zak is strongly desiring to have secular friends (or at least
non-bible thumpers)his own age but is unwilling to do anything to try
and make them, I can't understand this. Our one friend is secular and
our children get along great but their son is only 9 and I think Zak
is feeling out of place. The kids in bs are his age but they are
always talking about the bible and out of 30 kids in his class only 3
were allowed to participate in Halloween. Now he is even talking
about quitting blended school because he is sick of being witnessed
too. If he says "Oh my God" he immediately receives stunned looks and
reprimands from other children...I told him that the next time that
happens to point out that god is a "pronoun" and that you didn't say
"YahWeh" which is what the Judeo Christian gods name is!
I must admit that this is starting become quite depressing. It has
been two years now since my deconversion and life seems to be getting
emptier and emptier, I'm trying but am just having no luck. We go
places and do things together but I miss going to peoples homes for
get togethers, I miss having people over for the day and dinner, I
miss my children playing and having fun with other children on a
regular basis, I miss doing things with others...I want them to be
happy but don't know what to do. Lately, it has gotten to the point
where I find myself pondering if they'd be better off in school and it
kills me to even think about it, however, at least in school they'd
have a better chance of making friends of a wider variety.
Sorry if this is coming off as pity me, I'm sincerely asking for
advice though and especially if anyone else has gone through a
similiar situation. If you are, what have you done to bring joy
outside of not having others around?
I had a woman from the area respond to a secular home school group
that I have tried to get going but she stopped corresponding when she
saw that no one had teens (my friend and I).
What, if anything, in the meantime can I do? I don't feel right
forcing Zak to do something but at the same time, maybe he, like his
friend would enjoy it.
~Sandy
However, for the past two years our friends have waned and I dare say
that we have one good friend that we try and see once a week or at
least 3 times a month and the only reason it is that long in between
is due to the distance.
We are not trying to shelter our children, nor be isolationists but it
sure the hell feels like it lately. Even when we do meet people we
tend to, and I don't know why, draw in fundamentists. It is as though
we are fundy Christian magnets. My dd made a great friend in
gymnastics and when we arranged to get them together outside of that
we find out that her parents are not shy about sharing the gospel and
making God part of every single topic. In order for my dd to be able
to have this one GIRL friend (which is very important to her)I find
myself having to bite my tongue and take everything with a grain
assault (i.e., the world is screwed up because of Eve, husband is the
"head" of household, etc.) I HATE doing that but my dd loves her
friend.
I tried a liberal church in hopes of finding community but it just
didn't fit me. Just too many painful reminders of my 35 years as a
Christian, even though they do not take the bible literally.
My husband is in a rock band but only one has a child and she is like
3 and they live 2 hours away in Alabama. They haven't finished enough
songs yet to make a set in order to get a gig but they are great. Zak
chooses not to participate in anything outside of the home. Even
before homeschooling I decided long ago never to force participation
in sports but now I find myself second-guessing my reasoning. One of
my sons best friends is forced to do sports and although he protests
at the beginning, he finds that he loves it once he gets started and
he has a ton of friends...he's homeschooled. We haven't seen them
though for over 3 months because of games and practices (she said they
never knew when their games were and that is why she never gave us a
schedule so that we could go to games), they are school-at-homers so
their "work" must be completed before friends. If they get "behind"
their mom (whom I love dearly) makes them take entire days to make up
for it. *Sigh* Anyway, I ask him quite frequently if he'd like to do
anything in way of sports or another activity and that he'd probably
make friends but he keeps saying "no".
Both kids are in blended school once a week for six hours but almost
every child in there are children of fundy parents. I have NO problems
being friends with Christians, the ones we run into though are the
kind that who see my Harry Potter books on the shelf and run the other
way. Zak is strongly desiring to have secular friends (or at least
non-bible thumpers)his own age but is unwilling to do anything to try
and make them, I can't understand this. Our one friend is secular and
our children get along great but their son is only 9 and I think Zak
is feeling out of place. The kids in bs are his age but they are
always talking about the bible and out of 30 kids in his class only 3
were allowed to participate in Halloween. Now he is even talking
about quitting blended school because he is sick of being witnessed
too. If he says "Oh my God" he immediately receives stunned looks and
reprimands from other children...I told him that the next time that
happens to point out that god is a "pronoun" and that you didn't say
"YahWeh" which is what the Judeo Christian gods name is!
I must admit that this is starting become quite depressing. It has
been two years now since my deconversion and life seems to be getting
emptier and emptier, I'm trying but am just having no luck. We go
places and do things together but I miss going to peoples homes for
get togethers, I miss having people over for the day and dinner, I
miss my children playing and having fun with other children on a
regular basis, I miss doing things with others...I want them to be
happy but don't know what to do. Lately, it has gotten to the point
where I find myself pondering if they'd be better off in school and it
kills me to even think about it, however, at least in school they'd
have a better chance of making friends of a wider variety.
Sorry if this is coming off as pity me, I'm sincerely asking for
advice though and especially if anyone else has gone through a
similiar situation. If you are, what have you done to bring joy
outside of not having others around?
I had a woman from the area respond to a secular home school group
that I have tried to get going but she stopped corresponding when she
saw that no one had teens (my friend and I).
What, if anything, in the meantime can I do? I don't feel right
forcing Zak to do something but at the same time, maybe he, like his
friend would enjoy it.
~Sandy
Michelle Leifur Reid
On 11/26/06, Sandy <sereneaspirations@...> wrote:
to the Unitarian Universalist church? http://www.uua.org The UU
church is a non-credal church. You will find people from all walks of
life there, from atheist/agnostic to Pagan to Jewish to Christian
(including former Christians who don't really know what to call
themselves) to people who "just are." Their belief is that all
religions are valid and they focus more on the rights of *all* people
and social causes. Check out their website. It might be more what
you are looking for. I know that the Unity and United Church of
Christ churches are doing great things, but when you get to the root
of it they are still Christian churches. If this is an issue for you,
you may have to look completely outside what you normally view as a
church. The on in P'cola does have an active youth department and is
quite active in other areas as well (I don't attend there, but know
many people who do).
always suggest something and say, "Why not give it a try. If you get
there and find you don't like it we can leave. If you play today and
decide you don't like it we don't have to go back." I have found that
most coaches that I have met are really good about "come try it out
before you sign up." I don't believe any child should be forced to
participate or continue with something that they don't enjoy. I don't
force that requirement on myself so why would I do that to my child?
And again, you still are new coming back to unschooling. You may find
that he is home for a year (or more) before he has enough trust in
doing something outside the home. I would just let him be. How is
trust going to build if you force him to do something because you
think he *might* get something out of it? You can't guarantee him
that he is going to find friends and enjoy himself in sports. If YOU
want to go play or watch sports, to. Maybe he might tag along
sometime. Go watch a hockey game (the nose bleed seats for the Ice
Pilots are really quite inexpensive and different radio stations are
always giving away seats and there are always promotions like be the
first 200 in and get a free foam finger ROFLOL Can you tell my dad is
on the Ice Pilots' team booster club?) or go see the Pelicans play.
Go out to the University when they have sports stuff going on (they
just had a huge NCAA conference sports event there). Go watch a game
at PJC or any of the community venues for kids' sports. He might go
and decide that he would enjoy that or he might decide he would just
prefer to go home and play Xbox (or whatever).
Exposing our kids to stuff is not bad. Forcing them to participate in
things isn't not bad. :)
Michelle
>Was it a liberal Christian church or did you happen to find your way
> I tried a liberal church in hopes of finding community but it just
> didn't fit me. Just too many painful reminders of my 35 years as a
> Christian, even though they do not take the bible literally.
to the Unitarian Universalist church? http://www.uua.org The UU
church is a non-credal church. You will find people from all walks of
life there, from atheist/agnostic to Pagan to Jewish to Christian
(including former Christians who don't really know what to call
themselves) to people who "just are." Their belief is that all
religions are valid and they focus more on the rights of *all* people
and social causes. Check out their website. It might be more what
you are looking for. I know that the Unity and United Church of
Christ churches are doing great things, but when you get to the root
of it they are still Christian churches. If this is an issue for you,
you may have to look completely outside what you normally view as a
church. The on in P'cola does have an active youth department and is
quite active in other areas as well (I don't attend there, but know
many people who do).
> ZakThere is a difference between encouraging and forcing. You could
> chooses not to participate in anything outside of the home. Even
> before homeschooling I decided long ago never to force participation
> in sports but now I find myself second-guessing my reasoning. One of
> my sons best friends is forced to do sports and although he protests
> at the beginning, he finds that he loves it once he gets started and
> he has a ton of friends...he's homeschooled.
always suggest something and say, "Why not give it a try. If you get
there and find you don't like it we can leave. If you play today and
decide you don't like it we don't have to go back." I have found that
most coaches that I have met are really good about "come try it out
before you sign up." I don't believe any child should be forced to
participate or continue with something that they don't enjoy. I don't
force that requirement on myself so why would I do that to my child?
And again, you still are new coming back to unschooling. You may find
that he is home for a year (or more) before he has enough trust in
doing something outside the home. I would just let him be. How is
trust going to build if you force him to do something because you
think he *might* get something out of it? You can't guarantee him
that he is going to find friends and enjoy himself in sports. If YOU
want to go play or watch sports, to. Maybe he might tag along
sometime. Go watch a hockey game (the nose bleed seats for the Ice
Pilots are really quite inexpensive and different radio stations are
always giving away seats and there are always promotions like be the
first 200 in and get a free foam finger ROFLOL Can you tell my dad is
on the Ice Pilots' team booster club?) or go see the Pelicans play.
Go out to the University when they have sports stuff going on (they
just had a huge NCAA conference sports event there). Go watch a game
at PJC or any of the community venues for kids' sports. He might go
and decide that he would enjoy that or he might decide he would just
prefer to go home and play Xbox (or whatever).
Exposing our kids to stuff is not bad. Forcing them to participate in
things isn't not bad. :)
Michelle