plaidpanties666

I've been lurking for a little more than a week and thought I'd say
hello - I'm Meredith, unschooling mom to Morgan, 5, who some of you
know from over on Always Unschooled or Consensual Living. My 13yr
old stepson, Rayan, has recently moved in with us - he had been
living with his mom and visiting alternate weekends for the past
five years. He's been asking to move to our house for awhile and his
mom has finally decided to let him, since she "can't control him
anymore". She's Very controlling, and tends to be verbally abusive.
My partner, George, is still fearful of her. She has also had a
couple abusive boyfriends over the years, we have been finding out!

Ray's been in public school. George and I would like to at least
homeschool and at best unschool him, but mom still has a lot to say
about the situation, and the last we've heard is "School". That
could change at any moment - he got suspended at the end of last
week and we've been hoping to use that to help convince mom that
school isn't a good place for him (no news, yet, those of you who've
been following the saga from other boards). She prefers to make last-
second decisions, though, so we won't know if he's going to school
on Monday until Sunday night.

In the meantime, we've been unschooling with Morgan for some time (I
like to think since preschool) and have gotten pretty comfortable
with the way unschooling happens for our family, but now we're faced
with bringing an older kid who has always been schooled into the
mix. Its awkward and challenging. He's not used to having any
autonomy, or having his needs and feelings matter. We're not used to
having two kids! Or helping an older kid figure out what he wants to
do.

He likes skateboarding, but we live waaaaaay out in the country, and
so far we're only getting to the skatepark 1-2times a week - more
than he's used to, though! He enjoys Runescape and Myspace and we've
been giving him lots of time on the computer - pretty much all he
wants. He loves to hang out with his friends, so we've been trying
to facilitate that. But there are still big sections of day when he
says he's bored and doesn't know what to do, and George and I are
still struggling to shift gears and help him out.

I've let him know he's welcome when Mo and I do "experiments" in the
kitchen, which could be cooking or mixing various things together to
see what kind of goo results. Its one of Morgan's passions. He's
still amazed that he "gets to waste food" in such a way and is
always asking "is this okay"? and "can I really"? Day before
yesterday we made cookie-cutouts with holes in the middle that we
filled with crushed candy. Crushing the candy involved a hammer, and
Ray was just beside himself with astonished excitement when I told
him he could be the one to pound the candy. He crushed waaaaaaay
more than we needed! so then he and Mo sucked up the leftovers with
straws (can I Really?). It was very charming and sad all at once.

Anyway, I'm sort of at a loss as to where I "belong" in terms of
talking about Ray, asking for advice, etc. He's not an "always", but
I'm so comfortable on that board they've been hearing a lot about
him. I'd like to at least lurk and get ideas, here - although I've
already posted once, I'm a terrible lurker ;) - and a better
understanding of what deschooling looks like with young teens, even
though we *might* not be "allowed" to fully unschool.

Thanks for letting me ramble, anyway, y'all.

---Meredith (Mo 5, dss Ray 13)

[email protected]

Meredith,

First---welcome! I feel that I know from other boards, so I was
surprised to see you write that you've only been here a short while! <G>

I'd suggest, IF he'll read, to give him a copy of Rue's book. I know
many would say The Teenage Liberation Handbook, but Rue's book was the
first book Cameron read (cover-to-cover by himself) after leaving
school. It's powerful for a child to read it---really! Powerful enough
for an adult, but the teens I've given it to have been slack-jawed! The
TLH is pretty cool, and kids think, "Wow, that's neat."---but they
don't always *get* it enough to follow through. They still think they
need classes or at least a "plan."

Rue's book stops them DEAD in their tracks. Every single one has said,
"I wish Rue were MY mother!" They see how it *could* be instead of how
it actually IS. They see a light. It's not the school/educational
part---it's that an adult can be NICE to kids. It's a revelation.

If he's going to live with you, it might be nice for him to see what
you're striving for. *Why* you're nice and *why* you let him do these
cool things. Plus he'll know that you're not just crazy---some *other*
mom wrote a BOOK about it! <G>

Of course, that might make him more difficult at his mom's house---but,
like many families around here, once the kids get *too* difficult, the
parents just want them GONE! So it might work out best for him in the
long run.

I think the biggest issue is that it might feel as if he's taking
advantage of you. But if he *knows* he can't---that this is the way you
live your lives, that you trust and respect him and why---maybe he'll
settle in quickly. He doesn't seem *angry* yet---so maybe you'll get in
there before he's given up.

Good luck!

~Kelly


-----Original Message-----
From: plaidpanties666@...

I've been lurking for a little more than a week and thought I'd say
hello - I'm Meredith, unschooling mom to Morgan, 5, who some of you
know from over on Always Unschooled or Consensual Living. My 13yr
old stepson, Rayan, has recently moved in with us - he had been
living with his mom and visiting alternate weekends for the past
five years. He's been asking to move to our house for awhile and his
mom has finally decided to let him, since she "can't control him
anymore". She's Very controlling, and tends to be verbally abusive.
My partner, George, is still fearful of her. She has also had a
couple abusive boyfriends over the years, we have been finding out!

Ray's been in public school. George and I would like to at least
homeschool and at best unschool him, but mom still has a lot to say
about the situation, and the last we've heard is "School". That
could change at any moment - he got suspended at the end of last
week and we've been hoping to use that to help convince mom that
school isn't a good place for him (no news, yet, those of you who've
been following the saga from other boards). She prefers to make last-
second decisions, though, so we won't know if he's going to school
on Monday until Sunday night.

In the meantime, we've been unschooling with Morgan for some time (I
like to think since preschool) and have gotten pretty comfortable
with the way unschooling happens for our family, but now we're faced
with bringing an older kid who has always been schooled into the
mix. Its awkward and challenging. He's not used to having any
autonomy, or having his needs and feelings matter. We're not used to
having two kids! Or helping an older kid figure out what he wants to
do.

He likes skateboarding, but we live waaaaaay out in the country, and
so far we're only getting to the skatepark 1-2times a week - more
than he's used to, though! He enjoys Runescape and Myspace and we've
been giving him lots of time on the computer - pretty much all he
wants. He loves to hang out with his friends, so we've been trying
to facilitate that. But there are still big sections of day when he
says he's bored and doesn't know what to do, and George and I are
still struggling to shift gears and help him out.

I've let him know he's welcome when Mo and I do "experiments" in the
kitchen, which could be cooking or mixing various things together to
see what kind of goo results. Its one of Morgan's passions. He's
still amazed that he "gets to waste food" in such a way and is
always asking "is this okay"? and "can I really"? Day before
yesterday we made cookie-cutouts with holes in the middle that we
filled with crushed candy. Crushing the candy involved a hammer, and
Ray was just beside himself with astonished excitement when I told
him he could be the one to pound the candy. He crushed waaaaaaay
more than we needed! so then he and Mo sucked up the leftovers with
straws (can I Really?). It was very charming and sad all at once.

Anyway, I'm sort of at a loss as to where I "belong" in terms of
talking about Ray, asking for advice, etc. He's not an "always", but
I'm so comfortable on that board they've been hearing a lot about
him. I'd like to at least lurk and get ideas, here - although I've
already posted once, I'm a terrible lurker ;) - and a better
understanding of what deschooling looks like with young teens, even
though we *might* not be "allowed" to fully unschool.

Thanks for letting me ramble, anyway, y'all.

________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
across the web, free AOL Mail and more.