[email protected]

In a message dated 11/20/2006 8:02:44 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

Again, give me a good solution to having your sleep needs met with
three older children that need you and a baby that nurses at night?<<<<<<<<

I have a friend in exactly that same situation. I watch her older children
(8, 6 and 4 year olds) for a period of several hours different days a week.
She has a baby sitter that comes to her house and watches the older children,
her hubby has taken a few days off over the last couple of months etc. All
so she can have time first to just be with the baby, she felt like she was
missing that one on one time, second so she can sleep while the baby is
sleeping and catch up. There are more solutions that just ignoring your need for
sleep. And while this mom has found a solution that works for her there are
other solutions out there as well.

Just one example,
Pam G








[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Michelle Leifur Reid

On 11/20/06, Genant2@... <Genant2@...> wrote:
> There are more solutions that just ignoring your need for
> sleep. And while this mom has found a solution that works for her there are
> other solutions out there as well.
>

Sometimes there just aren't other solutions. When I had Emily, I was
the first one in our group who had a baby, so *all* my friends were
still in the "working stiff" mode. While they were more than willing
to play "auntie and uncle" on the weekends or an ocaissional night,
most of the time they were very busy with work and being in that DINK
mode. We had no family to turn to either and hiring someone to come
in was impossible since we went from two incomes to one and we were
very strapped. THE solution was for me to give up on long periods of
sleep. When we had Mary Elayne and then Keon we were living in a
different area of the country and while we did have more family close
by, most of them were busy with their own lives (work, school, their
own kids) and all our friends were in similar situations as we were.
Single income families with multiple kids. We tried doing a co-op
once where we would each take care of someone else's kids for a few
hours each week in exchange for the same. But, with multiple kids all
coming down with various illnesses, activity schedules, appointments,
as well as our own volunteer work or other activities this too was not
something we could regularly rely on.

I think that your friend has an idyllic situation. Available friends
and family and a partner with a flexible work schedule. Not everyone
is so graced. That's when "giving things up" comes in to play. And I
know that I am not permanently "giving things up" because I know that
my babies are not going to be nursing through the night forever (just
felt like it at the moment) and that not having a dog (which is one of
my desires, but vehemently opposed by my co-parent, so I live
vicariously through a friend's dog) is also not a permanent thing
because I know in another dozen (or fewer years) that I won't be
living with Dan any longer and can have the freedom to have a dog (or
not - who knows by then). I know that my "sacrifices" are only
temporary and I'm patient enough to wait for those changes in my life
to open up more avenues to explore that are momentarily on hold.

I'm at a point now where I can get the sleep that I need. I have my
own room, I have three kids who put themselves to bed when they are
tired, I have a comfortable mattress, and I've "allowed" myself to go
to bed when I'm tired instead of feeling like I needed to wait for
some magical appointed hour or event (such as a spouse arriving home
late from work.) I may not have believed that I would get to this
point just 4 years ago, but voila! Here I am. :) I don't mind
putting my desires on hold when it means peace in my home. Peace is
much more desirable to me than all the other little things like sleep,
pets, chores, and perfectly tidy kitchen counters. :)

Michelle