Cara

As a family we often go bowling, play pool, shoot hoops, etc. My
oldest daughter is a very intense perfectionist. She only wants to
win and when she doesn't she throws a fit and says she never has any
fun. And she also said, "if I don't win then it's not fun". Even
if hubby and I play badly and let her win she still brings herself
down by saying she didn't get enough points. Hubby is
still 'experimenting' with unschooling as he is very nervous about
the 'outcome'. He takes her competiveness and pouting when she
doesn't win as ungratefulness. I don't see it that way, but it's
harder for him to grasp the unschooling parenting concept - it was
easier to accept the unschooling school part.

Is there a way to support her intense need for competition but still
let her know that it's ok just to have fun and not worry about who
wins or how many points you get? I really want her to enjoy our
time together as a family, but she isn't and then hubby isn't either.

How can I make this a win-win situation for our family? I would
love any ideas or comments, as I'm out of ideas and our family is
very frustrated.

Blessings,
Cara :)

Joanne

Cara,

How old is your daughter? My 8 year old sometimes has a hard time
with losing (or not doing as good as someone else) but my 11 year
old takes it more mature. Maybe it's an age thing?

~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (14)
Adopted into our hearts October 2003
************************************
Unschooling Voices ~ Add Your Voice
www.foreverparents.com/UnschoolingVoices.html



--- In [email protected], "Cara" <casonnier@...>
wrote:
>
> As a family we often go bowling, play pool, shoot hoops, etc. My
> oldest daughter is a very intense perfectionist. She only wants
to
> win and when she doesn't she throws a fit and says she never has
any
> fun. And she also said, "if I don't win then it's not fun". Even
> if hubby and I play badly and let her win she still brings herself
> down by saying she didn't get enough points. Hubby is
> still 'experimenting' with unschooling as he is very nervous about
> the 'outcome'. He takes her competiveness and pouting when she
> doesn't win as ungratefulness. I don't see it that way, but it's
> harder for him to grasp the unschooling parenting concept - it was
> easier to accept the unschooling school part.
>
> Is there a way to support her intense need for competition but
still
> let her know that it's ok just to have fun and not worry about who
> wins or how many points you get? I really want her to enjoy our
> time together as a family, but she isn't and then hubby isn't
either.
>
> How can I make this a win-win situation for our family? I would
> love any ideas or comments, as I'm out of ideas and our family is
> very frustrated.
>
> Blessings,
> Cara :)
>

Cara

> Cara,
>
> How old is your daughter? My 8 year old sometimes has a hard time
> with losing (or not doing as good as someone else) but my 11 year
> old takes it more mature. Maybe it's an age thing?
>

I'm hoping it's an age thing - she will be 8 next month.

Cara :)

Michelle Leifur Reid

On 11/16/06, Cara <casonnier@...> wrote:

> I'm hoping it's an age thing - she will be 8 next month.
>

I think that this is normal for this age. I've seen it in both of my
daughters at that age and by the time they were 10-is to 11-ish they
had pretty much moved beyond that point. One of the things that I do,
though, is to play for fun myself. To show my children that I
*really* don't play to win, but just for fun. Bowling was a big issue
in our house. Mary Elayne never wanted to bowl because she felt she
sucked at it. We started going to a bowling alley that would allow us
to put the bumpers up. She went from the Goddess of the Gutter to
"hey, I *can* play this game." Now, even though she still uses the
bumpers, she really doesn't need them. We also started a "you suck
club." (Please realize that this was something that my kids started
and we do it all in jest and fun - not as a slander - I guess you
would have to be here to see the humor in it.) Only people who bowled
under 75 or went bancrupt at Monopoly or had 8 children in the game of
Life or any numerous other ways was permitted in the "you suck club"
So for a while we were all playing to lose, which was really quite
fun. For a while we were seeing just how many times we could lose big
time at Uno and other games. Once we took the winning factor out of
the equation attitudes about winning changed. Sort of a lightbulb
that was blinking, "Yes you can play just for fun."

Of course it is pretty funny to see us leaving the bowling alley
chanting "We suck we suck we suck" and laughing about it.

Michelle

Joanne

Mine just turned 8 last month...maybe it's an "8" thing. LOL

~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (14)
Adopted into our hearts October 2003
************************************
Unschooling Voices ~ Add Your Voice
www.foreverparents.com/UnschoolingVoices.html





--- In [email protected], "Cara" <casonnier@...>
wrote:
>
> > Cara,
> >
> > How old is your daughter? My 8 year old sometimes has a hard
time
> > with losing (or not doing as good as someone else) but my 11
year
> > old takes it more mature. Maybe it's an age thing?
> >
>
> I'm hoping it's an age thing - she will be 8 next month.
>
> Cara :)
>