need info for ex-husband resistant to home/un schooling
ewgott
My daughter is wanting me to homeschool/unschool her. She is currently
a freshman in a public high school, 15 years old. My ex and his partner
are totally against taking her out of school, because they think she
won't do the work (she is a procrastinator, like me), and will end up
having to go back to high school at some point. Then she will flunk out
of life and never amount to anything. (OK, they didn't say that, but
that seems to be what they are thinking,lol.)
I would like some input from those of you with teenagers. Has anyone
started the unschooling process at this late age? My ex seems to think
that our daughter would have done better if we'd started her earlier,
but that it's too late now.
Any help you can offer, I will gratefully appreciate!
Erica
a freshman in a public high school, 15 years old. My ex and his partner
are totally against taking her out of school, because they think she
won't do the work (she is a procrastinator, like me), and will end up
having to go back to high school at some point. Then she will flunk out
of life and never amount to anything. (OK, they didn't say that, but
that seems to be what they are thinking,lol.)
I would like some input from those of you with teenagers. Has anyone
started the unschooling process at this late age? My ex seems to think
that our daughter would have done better if we'd started her earlier,
but that it's too late now.
Any help you can offer, I will gratefully appreciate!
Erica
[email protected]
Erica,
I also have a daughter at the ninth grade level per public education. To make a long story short, she decided on her own not to attend High School, and is now unschooling, so she has been out now since school let out last June. For the naysayers, give them a copy of "The Teenage Liberation Handbook" if they are people who matter (like your ex and his partner) and ignore the rest. I took a highlighter and highlighted the parts in that book that stood out for me/us to make it easier for the naysayers who did not want to go through the whole book to "get it."
As far as schooling, my daughter made up a list of what she wanted to accomplish while out of school. It turned out to be pretty extensive: SCUBA diving, gymnastics, belly dancing, travel. I have yet to faclitate some of that stuff due to the fact that I work full time (hope to quit by the end of the year or get reduced work hours) but so far she is more relaxed, less grumpy and surly, and communicates more. I try and point those things out to the people who say she isnt doing anything. Isnt our relationship and her mental health worth more than schoolwork? I am noticing that gradually she is getting more interested in the world again, and learning naturally, not artificially just by paying attention to life. For example, I was making a dish called Mjeddrah the other night and she asked what it was so I read the description in the cookbook. "Mjeddrah is a very old dish from the Middle East. According to biblical schlars, mjeddrah is the "mess of pottage for which Esau sold his birt
hright to Jacob." I am no Biblical scholar but she spent two years in Christian School so she said. "Oh yeah, i remember that." and went off to pull out her childrens bible and review the story. (we dont id as Christians but I sent her thier because we could afford it and there are no drugs there.) After that it branched off into a discussion about the merits of combining lentils and rice and the protein content of various foods, then on to the merits of vegetarianism for the health of the planet, animal rights, and personal choices as political action. All this came from a simple question "what is mjeddrah?" This kind of discussion would never have happened while she was still in school. While she was in school I would pick her up and she would be depressed and surly, complain about homework, not do it, get stressed out over it, hole up in her room and stay on the computer, or get in arguments that went around and around in circles.
This is getting long and rambling, but now she reads alot of books and has a guitar teacher come in once a week. From the outside looking in she is not doing much, sleeping past noon and staying up way too late watching TV. But even TV is sparking interests and debate. Email offlist if you want.
Kathryn in CA.
-------------- Original message --------------
From: "ewgott" <ewgott@...>
My daughter is wanting me to homeschool/unschool her. She is currently
a freshman in a public high school, 15 years old. My ex and his partner
are totally against taking her out of school, because they think she
won't do the work (she is a procrastinator, like me), and will end up
having to go back to high school at some point. Then she will flunk out
of life and never amount to anything. (OK, they didn't say that, but
that seems to be what they are thinking,lol.)
I would like some input from those of you with teenagers. Has anyone
started the unschooling process at this late age? My ex seems to think
that our daughter would have done better if we'd started her earlier,
but that it's too late now.
Any help you can offer, I will gratefully appreciate!
Erica
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I also have a daughter at the ninth grade level per public education. To make a long story short, she decided on her own not to attend High School, and is now unschooling, so she has been out now since school let out last June. For the naysayers, give them a copy of "The Teenage Liberation Handbook" if they are people who matter (like your ex and his partner) and ignore the rest. I took a highlighter and highlighted the parts in that book that stood out for me/us to make it easier for the naysayers who did not want to go through the whole book to "get it."
As far as schooling, my daughter made up a list of what she wanted to accomplish while out of school. It turned out to be pretty extensive: SCUBA diving, gymnastics, belly dancing, travel. I have yet to faclitate some of that stuff due to the fact that I work full time (hope to quit by the end of the year or get reduced work hours) but so far she is more relaxed, less grumpy and surly, and communicates more. I try and point those things out to the people who say she isnt doing anything. Isnt our relationship and her mental health worth more than schoolwork? I am noticing that gradually she is getting more interested in the world again, and learning naturally, not artificially just by paying attention to life. For example, I was making a dish called Mjeddrah the other night and she asked what it was so I read the description in the cookbook. "Mjeddrah is a very old dish from the Middle East. According to biblical schlars, mjeddrah is the "mess of pottage for which Esau sold his birt
hright to Jacob." I am no Biblical scholar but she spent two years in Christian School so she said. "Oh yeah, i remember that." and went off to pull out her childrens bible and review the story. (we dont id as Christians but I sent her thier because we could afford it and there are no drugs there.) After that it branched off into a discussion about the merits of combining lentils and rice and the protein content of various foods, then on to the merits of vegetarianism for the health of the planet, animal rights, and personal choices as political action. All this came from a simple question "what is mjeddrah?" This kind of discussion would never have happened while she was still in school. While she was in school I would pick her up and she would be depressed and surly, complain about homework, not do it, get stressed out over it, hole up in her room and stay on the computer, or get in arguments that went around and around in circles.
This is getting long and rambling, but now she reads alot of books and has a guitar teacher come in once a week. From the outside looking in she is not doing much, sleeping past noon and staying up way too late watching TV. But even TV is sparking interests and debate. Email offlist if you want.
Kathryn in CA.
-------------- Original message --------------
From: "ewgott" <ewgott@...>
My daughter is wanting me to homeschool/unschool her. She is currently
a freshman in a public high school, 15 years old. My ex and his partner
are totally against taking her out of school, because they think she
won't do the work (she is a procrastinator, like me), and will end up
having to go back to high school at some point. Then she will flunk out
of life and never amount to anything. (OK, they didn't say that, but
that seems to be what they are thinking,lol.)
I would like some input from those of you with teenagers. Has anyone
started the unschooling process at this late age? My ex seems to think
that our daughter would have done better if we'd started her earlier,
but that it's too late now.
Any help you can offer, I will gratefully appreciate!
Erica
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Late, again. Too many irons in the fire, but these posts sit until I
can get to them.
-----Original Message-----
From: ewgott@...
My daughter is wanting me to homeschool/unschool her. She is
currently
a freshman in a public high school, 15 years old. My ex and his partner
are totally against taking her out of school, because they think she
won't do the work (she is a procrastinator, like me), and will end up
having to go back to high school at some point. Then she will flunk out
of life and never amount to anything. (OK, they didn't say that, but
that seems to be what they are thinking,lol.)
I would like some input from those of you with teenagers. Has anyone
started the unschooling process at this late age? My ex seems to think
that our daughter would have done better if we'd started her earlier,
but that it's too late now.
Any help you can offer, I will gratefully appreciate!
-=-=-=-
We pulled Cameron out at the end of sixth grade. He was 13.
I've never heard anyone say they wished they'd started unschooling
*later*---only that they wished they'd started earlier.
But it's never too late! Well, until she's GONE!
If your child were required to swim in quick-sandy-muck until noon, but
you saw her struggling and swallowing muck and breathing muck and about
to sink or suffocate, would you wait until noon to pull her out?
Wouldn't you grab a stick and pull her out---even if it were only 9:30?
Given the choice, you would probably NOT have sent her into the muck at
all, but she's there now. Do you help her out at 11:30? Or just let her
struggle and sink and suffocate?
Mine wouldn't stay in a MINUTE longer than it would take me to find a
stick.
Damage is done, but with a warm bubble bath and some chocolate, she can
start healing.
Would it have been better to treat her that way from the beginning?
Sure, but do you want her to suffer *longer* just because *you* didn't
rescue her soon enough? Wouldn't *ANY* time out of the muck be better
than none?
-=-==-=-=-=-
My ex and his partner
are totally against taking her out of school, because they think she
won't do the work (she is a procrastinator, like me), and will end up
having to go back to high school at some point. Then she will flunk out
of life and never amount to anything.
-=-=-=-=
Who has custody? Clear that up first.
There's no "work" to be done. She needs to *heal* first. She needs to
learn to trust you. She needs respect and patience.
Yes, it'll *look* as if she's procrastinating---but she'll be healing.
WHY would she need to go back to school at some time? Is that the goal?
How do you flunk out of life?
How do you never amount to anything?
If these are the messages she's getting, she needs to get far, far away.
How long will *you* procrastinate before you pull her out of a the
muck? The end of the school year? Christmas break? Thanksgiving break?
TOMORROW???
Drive down toDAY and pull her out of the muck! Go out to lunch to
celebrate your new life, free of muck.
~Kelly
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
can get to them.
-----Original Message-----
From: ewgott@...
My daughter is wanting me to homeschool/unschool her. She is
currently
a freshman in a public high school, 15 years old. My ex and his partner
are totally against taking her out of school, because they think she
won't do the work (she is a procrastinator, like me), and will end up
having to go back to high school at some point. Then she will flunk out
of life and never amount to anything. (OK, they didn't say that, but
that seems to be what they are thinking,lol.)
I would like some input from those of you with teenagers. Has anyone
started the unschooling process at this late age? My ex seems to think
that our daughter would have done better if we'd started her earlier,
but that it's too late now.
Any help you can offer, I will gratefully appreciate!
-=-=-=-
We pulled Cameron out at the end of sixth grade. He was 13.
I've never heard anyone say they wished they'd started unschooling
*later*---only that they wished they'd started earlier.
But it's never too late! Well, until she's GONE!
If your child were required to swim in quick-sandy-muck until noon, but
you saw her struggling and swallowing muck and breathing muck and about
to sink or suffocate, would you wait until noon to pull her out?
Wouldn't you grab a stick and pull her out---even if it were only 9:30?
Given the choice, you would probably NOT have sent her into the muck at
all, but she's there now. Do you help her out at 11:30? Or just let her
struggle and sink and suffocate?
Mine wouldn't stay in a MINUTE longer than it would take me to find a
stick.
Damage is done, but with a warm bubble bath and some chocolate, she can
start healing.
Would it have been better to treat her that way from the beginning?
Sure, but do you want her to suffer *longer* just because *you* didn't
rescue her soon enough? Wouldn't *ANY* time out of the muck be better
than none?
-=-==-=-=-=-
My ex and his partner
are totally against taking her out of school, because they think she
won't do the work (she is a procrastinator, like me), and will end up
having to go back to high school at some point. Then she will flunk out
of life and never amount to anything.
-=-=-=-=
Who has custody? Clear that up first.
There's no "work" to be done. She needs to *heal* first. She needs to
learn to trust you. She needs respect and patience.
Yes, it'll *look* as if she's procrastinating---but she'll be healing.
WHY would she need to go back to school at some time? Is that the goal?
How do you flunk out of life?
How do you never amount to anything?
If these are the messages she's getting, she needs to get far, far away.
How long will *you* procrastinate before you pull her out of a the
muck? The end of the school year? Christmas break? Thanksgiving break?
TOMORROW???
Drive down toDAY and pull her out of the muck! Go out to lunch to
celebrate your new life, free of muck.
~Kelly
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
A Voss Dolce
I too have a resistant ex. It's amazing how similar this is; he said the exact same thing--that my son would not do the work, that he is not self motivated ( he was not).
I do not want fight him over this issue; this would do more damage to my almost 14 year old. I decided to homeschool him at the beginning of 7th grade, as he was drowning in the muck. I have physical custody and we have joint custody.
I can say that, though I was trained as a teacher and worked with at-risk kids, unmotivated kids, damaged by the system kids, this is by far the most difficult thing I have ever done.
The end result though was that my son became HAPPY. So much so that his dad noticed. This has made a difference. The other thing I did was to document what we accomplished and provide dad with a scrap book full of pictures from the field trips we took ( we do many cool things )- with my son's happy face prominent - and the many activities and academic work he accomplished , which, despite the struggles, he was proud of.
It's not too late to start; it just may be hard for a while, so it requires more patience. My son asks me why we did not start earlier ( my husband ), but he sure is glad we are doing it now. He had thought himself a dismal failure because of his schooling experience. The good news is he not only does not feel a failure, he feels there is nothing he can't accomplish... It's really great.
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I do not want fight him over this issue; this would do more damage to my almost 14 year old. I decided to homeschool him at the beginning of 7th grade, as he was drowning in the muck. I have physical custody and we have joint custody.
I can say that, though I was trained as a teacher and worked with at-risk kids, unmotivated kids, damaged by the system kids, this is by far the most difficult thing I have ever done.
The end result though was that my son became HAPPY. So much so that his dad noticed. This has made a difference. The other thing I did was to document what we accomplished and provide dad with a scrap book full of pictures from the field trips we took ( we do many cool things )- with my son's happy face prominent - and the many activities and academic work he accomplished , which, despite the struggles, he was proud of.
It's not too late to start; it just may be hard for a while, so it requires more patience. My son asks me why we did not start earlier ( my husband ), but he sure is glad we are doing it now. He had thought himself a dismal failure because of his schooling experience. The good news is he not only does not feel a failure, he feels there is nothing he can't accomplish... It's really great.
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
ewgott
I'm a little behind in answering posts, but I did read them all, and
I just wanted to say thank you all for responding. I've been reading
and pondering.
My dd was ill this past week (a viral cold, but she milked it for all
it was worth, to keep from having to go back to school), and we spent
a lot of time together. It was great. And as for co-sleeping, she
sleeps with me now when she comes to my house. I'm enjoying it,
except when she crowds me out of the bed!
To answer some questions: we have joint custody, but the kids live
officially with him. I really don't want to ruin the good
relationship we have maintained since the divorce, so I am holding
out for his coming around. DD and I each wrote letters to him, from
the heart, and yesterday dd and I compiled a 'curriculum' of sorts,
of all the subjects she wants to learn about. We listed all the
core/school subjects she'd be learning about under each topic.
Hopefully, my ex (deh? dex? lol) will relax and let us do a trial
run. If he digs in his heels, I'm not certain what I'm going to do.
DD is determined to leave ps by the Thanksgiving break. If he forces
her to go back, I do think it will break her spirit.
Thanks again, for the responses,
Erica
--- In [email protected], "A Voss Dolce" <avd@...>
wrote:
is not self motivated ( he was not).
beginning of 7th grade, as he was drowning in the muck. I have
physical custody and we have joint custody.
by far the most difficult thing I have ever done.
did was to document what we accomplished and provide dad with a scrap
book full of pictures from the field trips we took ( we do many cool
things )- with my son's happy face prominent - and the many
activities and academic work he accomplished , which, despite the
struggles, he was proud of.
( my husband ), but he sure is glad we are doing it now. He had
thought himself a dismal failure because of his schooling
experience. The good news is he not only does not feel a failure, he
feels there is nothing he can't accomplish... It's really great.
I just wanted to say thank you all for responding. I've been reading
and pondering.
My dd was ill this past week (a viral cold, but she milked it for all
it was worth, to keep from having to go back to school), and we spent
a lot of time together. It was great. And as for co-sleeping, she
sleeps with me now when she comes to my house. I'm enjoying it,
except when she crowds me out of the bed!
To answer some questions: we have joint custody, but the kids live
officially with him. I really don't want to ruin the good
relationship we have maintained since the divorce, so I am holding
out for his coming around. DD and I each wrote letters to him, from
the heart, and yesterday dd and I compiled a 'curriculum' of sorts,
of all the subjects she wants to learn about. We listed all the
core/school subjects she'd be learning about under each topic.
Hopefully, my ex (deh? dex? lol) will relax and let us do a trial
run. If he digs in his heels, I'm not certain what I'm going to do.
DD is determined to leave ps by the Thanksgiving break. If he forces
her to go back, I do think it will break her spirit.
Thanks again, for the responses,
Erica
--- In [email protected], "A Voss Dolce" <avd@...>
wrote:
>said the exact same thing--that my son would not do the work, that he
> I too have a resistant ex. It's amazing how similar this is; he
is not self motivated ( he was not).
> I do not want fight him over this issue; this would do more damageto my almost 14 year old. I decided to homeschool him at the
beginning of 7th grade, as he was drowning in the muck. I have
physical custody and we have joint custody.
>at-risk kids, unmotivated kids, damaged by the system kids, this is
> I can say that, though I was trained as a teacher and worked with
by far the most difficult thing I have ever done.
>that his dad noticed. This has made a difference. The other thing I
> The end result though was that my son became HAPPY. So much so
did was to document what we accomplished and provide dad with a scrap
book full of pictures from the field trips we took ( we do many cool
things )- with my son's happy face prominent - and the many
activities and academic work he accomplished , which, despite the
struggles, he was proud of.
>requires more patience. My son asks me why we did not start earlier
> It's not too late to start; it just may be hard for a while, so it
( my husband ), but he sure is glad we are doing it now. He had
thought himself a dismal failure because of his schooling
experience. The good news is he not only does not feel a failure, he
feels there is nothing he can't accomplish... It's really great.
>
> Amy
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
ewgott
Hi everyone. This is an update on my dd and unschooling.
I pulled her out of ps officially, I thought, last week. I was
informed by the asst principal that I did not have the right to do
so, because my ex has the right to determine where she lives, and he
did not agree. I allowed her to stay out of school, anyway.
Today my ex went to court and got an order that says, in effect, that
he has the right to her, and I may only see her with his written
permission, and that she must go back to public school. He refuses to
withdraw her legally, because she has to face the consequences of her
actions. And those are that she has to go to school, because he
totally disagrees with her (and my) choice of education. We didn't
follow the rules and get his agreement, so he went over my head, 'to
stop something really bad' from happening. My ex says Claire is
truant.
Of course, our dd informed him she hated him and would not
participate in school, even if she had to just go and sit in the
chair. She would not cooperate. Period. He was about to let her stay
with me, if I promised she'd go to school tomorrow, and then abruptly
decided she had to come home with him after she told him she would
go, but would not work at her grades. She left, but was furious.
I cautioned her to play his game, and keep her mouth shut. He wasn't
going to agree with her. I doubt she will, tho. She even talked to
him about Dead Poet's Society, wherein the boy kills himself because
his father won't listen to him about his future. Now I'm worried that
my ex will put her in the psych hospital. I don't think she really
would commit suicide, because she knows I'm on her side here.
I'm on a very limited income as a full time student (having trouble
paying bills, and no extra money), and can't afford an atty. I called
legal aid, but they fill up their appts early in the morning for the
next day's appts. I won't get an appt until Thursday at the earliest,
and I want to contest this NOW.
This is a rant, and a plea for any suggestions. I think I was legally
wrong to take her out of school without my ex's agreement: an atty at
my university told me this, and told me to get into mediation
immediately to get custody of dd, so I could make the decision. I was
trying to get with legal aid. I can attend a free clinic, but it'll
be tomorrow night. BTW, I'm in Texas, and we have a joint managing
conservatorship, with my ex having the right to determine her
residence.
Thanks for listening,
Erica
I pulled her out of ps officially, I thought, last week. I was
informed by the asst principal that I did not have the right to do
so, because my ex has the right to determine where she lives, and he
did not agree. I allowed her to stay out of school, anyway.
Today my ex went to court and got an order that says, in effect, that
he has the right to her, and I may only see her with his written
permission, and that she must go back to public school. He refuses to
withdraw her legally, because she has to face the consequences of her
actions. And those are that she has to go to school, because he
totally disagrees with her (and my) choice of education. We didn't
follow the rules and get his agreement, so he went over my head, 'to
stop something really bad' from happening. My ex says Claire is
truant.
Of course, our dd informed him she hated him and would not
participate in school, even if she had to just go and sit in the
chair. She would not cooperate. Period. He was about to let her stay
with me, if I promised she'd go to school tomorrow, and then abruptly
decided she had to come home with him after she told him she would
go, but would not work at her grades. She left, but was furious.
I cautioned her to play his game, and keep her mouth shut. He wasn't
going to agree with her. I doubt she will, tho. She even talked to
him about Dead Poet's Society, wherein the boy kills himself because
his father won't listen to him about his future. Now I'm worried that
my ex will put her in the psych hospital. I don't think she really
would commit suicide, because she knows I'm on her side here.
I'm on a very limited income as a full time student (having trouble
paying bills, and no extra money), and can't afford an atty. I called
legal aid, but they fill up their appts early in the morning for the
next day's appts. I won't get an appt until Thursday at the earliest,
and I want to contest this NOW.
This is a rant, and a plea for any suggestions. I think I was legally
wrong to take her out of school without my ex's agreement: an atty at
my university told me this, and told me to get into mediation
immediately to get custody of dd, so I could make the decision. I was
trying to get with legal aid. I can attend a free clinic, but it'll
be tomorrow night. BTW, I'm in Texas, and we have a joint managing
conservatorship, with my ex having the right to determine her
residence.
Thanks for listening,
Erica
--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
>
>
> Late, again. Too many irons in the fire, but these posts sit until
I
> can get to them.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: ewgott@...
>
> My daughter is wanting me to homeschool/unschool her. She is
> currently
> a freshman in a public high school, 15 years old. My ex and his
partner
> are totally against taking her out of school, because they think she
> won't do the work (she is a procrastinator, like me), and will end
up
> having to go back to high school at some point. Then she will flunk
out
> of life and never amount to anything. (OK, they didn't say that, but
> that seems to be what they are thinking,lol.)
>
> I would like some input from those of you with teenagers. Has anyone
> started the unschooling process at this late age? My ex seems to
think
> that our daughter would have done better if we'd started her
earlier,
> but that it's too late now.
>
> Any help you can offer, I will gratefully appreciate!
>
> -=-=-=-
>
> We pulled Cameron out at the end of sixth grade. He was 13.
>
> I've never heard anyone say they wished they'd started unschooling
> *later*---only that they wished they'd started earlier.
>
> But it's never too late! Well, until she's GONE!
>
> If your child were required to swim in quick-sandy-muck until noon,
but
> you saw her struggling and swallowing muck and breathing muck and
about
> to sink or suffocate, would you wait until noon to pull her out?
> Wouldn't you grab a stick and pull her out---even if it were only
9:30?
> Given the choice, you would probably NOT have sent her into the
muck at
> all, but she's there now. Do you help her out at 11:30? Or just let
her
> struggle and sink and suffocate?
>
> Mine wouldn't stay in a MINUTE longer than it would take me to find
a
> stick.
>
> Damage is done, but with a warm bubble bath and some chocolate, she
can
> start healing.
>
> Would it have been better to treat her that way from the beginning?
> Sure, but do you want her to suffer *longer* just because *you*
didn't
> rescue her soon enough? Wouldn't *ANY* time out of the muck be
better
> than none?
>
> -=-==-=-=-=-
>
> My ex and his partner
> are totally against taking her out of school, because they think she
> won't do the work (she is a procrastinator, like me), and will end
up
> having to go back to high school at some point. Then she will flunk
out
> of life and never amount to anything.
>
> -=-=-=-=
>
> Who has custody? Clear that up first.
>
> There's no "work" to be done. She needs to *heal* first. She needs
to
> learn to trust you. She needs respect and patience.
>
> Yes, it'll *look* as if she's procrastinating---but she'll be
healing.
>
> WHY would she need to go back to school at some time? Is that the
goal?
>
> How do you flunk out of life?
>
> How do you never amount to anything?
>
> If these are the messages she's getting, she needs to get far, far
away.
>
> How long will *you* procrastinate before you pull her out of a the
> muck? The end of the school year? Christmas break? Thanksgiving
break?
> TOMORROW???
>
> Drive down toDAY and pull her out of the muck! Go out to lunch to
> celebrate your new life, free of muck.
>
> ~Kelly
>
>
>
>
>
>
______________________________________________________________________
__
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Ren Allen
~~I think I was legally
wrong to take her out of school without my ex's agreement: an atty at
my university told me this, and told me to get into mediation
immediately to get custody of dd, so I could make the decision. ~~
I hate to be a downer, but unless the ex agrees, you probably don't
have a leg to stand on. And putting all of you into the court system
means that the court has more power to make decisions than either
parent individually.
My advice is to work WITH him as much as possible and foster an
environment in which he will be willing to listen to your dd. Fighting
it in court should be a last resort, as homeschooling just can't hold
up when parents disagree. Even in the case of parents married and
living under the same household you have to have agreement for
homeschooling to happen.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
wrong to take her out of school without my ex's agreement: an atty at
my university told me this, and told me to get into mediation
immediately to get custody of dd, so I could make the decision. ~~
I hate to be a downer, but unless the ex agrees, you probably don't
have a leg to stand on. And putting all of you into the court system
means that the court has more power to make decisions than either
parent individually.
My advice is to work WITH him as much as possible and foster an
environment in which he will be willing to listen to your dd. Fighting
it in court should be a last resort, as homeschooling just can't hold
up when parents disagree. Even in the case of parents married and
living under the same household you have to have agreement for
homeschooling to happen.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Joyce Fetteroll
On Dec 5, 2006, at 3:40 PM, ewgott wrote:
other to do what you want them to do. Do you feel any closer to being
convinced that your husband is right? Why do you think it will
convince him that you're right?
Rather than putting what you want first, put your daughter first. I
know you think it's one and the same but since your husband doesn't
want the same solution you do, you're ending up in a fight over your
solutions rather than either of you helping your daughter.
You might want to look into Non-Violent Communication. Maybe someone
here can provide some links and books if you're interested.
Rather than calling what he's doing "a game" assume he wants the best
for her. That *is* what he's trying to do. And as Ren said, work with
him rather than against him. Talk about your daughter's happiness
rather than the solution you think will achieve that.
Joyce
>You are both using the same techniques (force) to try to get the
> This is a rant, and a plea for any suggestions. I think I was legally
> wrong to take her out of school without my ex's agreement: an atty at
> my university told me this, and told me to get into mediation
> immediately to get custody of dd, so I could make the decision.
other to do what you want them to do. Do you feel any closer to being
convinced that your husband is right? Why do you think it will
convince him that you're right?
Rather than putting what you want first, put your daughter first. I
know you think it's one and the same but since your husband doesn't
want the same solution you do, you're ending up in a fight over your
solutions rather than either of you helping your daughter.
You might want to look into Non-Violent Communication. Maybe someone
here can provide some links and books if you're interested.
Rather than calling what he's doing "a game" assume he wants the best
for her. That *is* what he's trying to do. And as Ren said, work with
him rather than against him. Talk about your daughter's happiness
rather than the solution you think will achieve that.
Joyce
plaidpanties666
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@...> wrote:
One of the things the courts weigh heavily in determining "the best
interests of the child" is school attendance. We didn't even try to
pull my dss out of school until his mom agreed - although we sure
fantsized about it, validated his frustrations and did what we could
to make the experience less stressful for him.
Can you hang out with your dd while she's doing homework and help
her out - tell her answers, read to her, etc? If your ex sees you
are willing to help with school he's more likely to treat you as an
ally rather than an adversary. That's important.
---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
<starsuncloud@...> wrote:
>> I hate to be a downer, but unless the ex agrees, you probablydon't
> have a leg to stand on. And putting all of you into the courtsystem
> means that the court has more power to make decisions than eitherI did some research on this matter recently wrt my own situation.
> parent individually.
One of the things the courts weigh heavily in determining "the best
interests of the child" is school attendance. We didn't even try to
pull my dss out of school until his mom agreed - although we sure
fantsized about it, validated his frustrations and did what we could
to make the experience less stressful for him.
Can you hang out with your dd while she's doing homework and help
her out - tell her answers, read to her, etc? If your ex sees you
are willing to help with school he's more likely to treat you as an
ally rather than an adversary. That's important.
---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
Ren Allen
~~I
know you think it's one and the same but since your husband doesn't
want the same solution you do, you're ending up in a fight over your
solutions rather than either of you helping your daughter.~~
Yes, and the fight between parents is FAR worse than anything
happening in school. I have a worst case scenario unfolding right in
front of me...though things are turning around for the one child.
One of my best friends has been in a legal battle with the ex for 8
years, 2.5 of which are over custody of ONE child (out of four) and
homeschooling. It's torn the family to shreds. Three of her children
will not speak to her or have any contact with her (they hate both of
their parents, it's not a taking sides issue). I've also watched her
life become completely and totally focused on court battles, without
any time or energy for her own interests. It's cost in depression,
stress and a family destroyed. Luckily they're emerging out the other
side we think, but 8 years? Ouch.
It's not worth it. Don't make Dad the bad guy, explain that he
believes he's doing his best and brainstorm ways to enter true
discussions as a family. If you can all put your differences aside, be
willing to give (possibly a lot right now) and show that coming to a
place of support for each other is more important than your own ideas,
you MIGHT have a chance to repair damage and be a parental unit that
puts the child first. That is more important than schooled or
not-schooled in my opinion.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
know you think it's one and the same but since your husband doesn't
want the same solution you do, you're ending up in a fight over your
solutions rather than either of you helping your daughter.~~
Yes, and the fight between parents is FAR worse than anything
happening in school. I have a worst case scenario unfolding right in
front of me...though things are turning around for the one child.
One of my best friends has been in a legal battle with the ex for 8
years, 2.5 of which are over custody of ONE child (out of four) and
homeschooling. It's torn the family to shreds. Three of her children
will not speak to her or have any contact with her (they hate both of
their parents, it's not a taking sides issue). I've also watched her
life become completely and totally focused on court battles, without
any time or energy for her own interests. It's cost in depression,
stress and a family destroyed. Luckily they're emerging out the other
side we think, but 8 years? Ouch.
It's not worth it. Don't make Dad the bad guy, explain that he
believes he's doing his best and brainstorm ways to enter true
discussions as a family. If you can all put your differences aside, be
willing to give (possibly a lot right now) and show that coming to a
place of support for each other is more important than your own ideas,
you MIGHT have a chance to repair damage and be a parental unit that
puts the child first. That is more important than schooled or
not-schooled in my opinion.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com