Chore wars with DH and I
hilltowner4
We are still not on the same page for prioritizing the chores and the
children. When DH gets home he constantly complains(at least it seems
to be - lol) and criticizes how little housework has been completed
(i.e. usually dishes). I counter with I did do a lot of picking up
(he just doesn't see it), but when the children asked for me, that I
made them the priority (although they here the phrase "Just a minute"
more than I would like, but I feel some guilt that my husband's
cleanliness issues are not being met, so I feel I have to balance the
two). This leaves me feeling like I never clean enough and that I
never spend enough time with the girls.
How do you balance the two? After a few years of unschooling, it is
still the biggest cause of argument between dh and I.
Thanks!
Marla Mom to Amy (7.75 yo.) and Lily (3 yo.)
children. When DH gets home he constantly complains(at least it seems
to be - lol) and criticizes how little housework has been completed
(i.e. usually dishes). I counter with I did do a lot of picking up
(he just doesn't see it), but when the children asked for me, that I
made them the priority (although they here the phrase "Just a minute"
more than I would like, but I feel some guilt that my husband's
cleanliness issues are not being met, so I feel I have to balance the
two). This leaves me feeling like I never clean enough and that I
never spend enough time with the girls.
How do you balance the two? After a few years of unschooling, it is
still the biggest cause of argument between dh and I.
Thanks!
Marla Mom to Amy (7.75 yo.) and Lily (3 yo.)
jlh44music
"hilltowner4" <marla@...> wrote:
(i.e. usually dishes). I counter with I did do a lot of picking up
(he just doesn't see it)....>>
My dh gets annoyed about the house being a mess from time to time
(although it has improved in recent months), the dishes are often
something that bugs him too, and the clutter. I only have one (dd
14) who sleeps past noon, so I have more free time. I find if I at
least get the dishes done and removed clutter, often right before he
comes home, making it appear cleaner and neater there are fewer
comments. It's important for him to feel his "needs" are being met
too!
Jann
>When DH gets home he constantly complains(at least it seemsto be - lol) and criticizes how little housework has been completed
(i.e. usually dishes). I counter with I did do a lot of picking up
(he just doesn't see it)....>>
My dh gets annoyed about the house being a mess from time to time
(although it has improved in recent months), the dishes are often
something that bugs him too, and the clutter. I only have one (dd
14) who sleeps past noon, so I have more free time. I find if I at
least get the dishes done and removed clutter, often right before he
comes home, making it appear cleaner and neater there are fewer
comments. It's important for him to feel his "needs" are being met
too!
Jann
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: marla@...
We are still not on the same page for prioritizing the chores and the
children. When DH gets home he constantly complains(at least it seems
to be - lol) and criticizes how little housework has been completed
(i.e. usually dishes). I counter with I did do a lot of picking up
(he just doesn't see it), but when the children asked for me, that I
made them the priority (although they here the phrase "Just a minute"
more than I would like, but I feel some guilt that my husband's
cleanliness issues are not being met, so I feel I have to balance the
two). This leaves me feeling like I never clean enough and that I
never spend enough time with the girls.
How do you balance the two? After a few years of unschooling, it is
still the biggest cause of argument between dh and I.
-=-=-=-
I've been absent for a while. I figured I'd tackle an easy one first!
<G>
A few things: Everyone thinks Ben has always gotten unschooling. We
were *both* new only six years ago, and Ben had some of these same
issues. We've about worked through them.
If we're HOMEschooling and HOME all day, why isn't the house clean?
Uh...because we're HOME DOing things? And because we're NOT home doing
OTHER things. <bwg>
Days we're home, we're usually doing all sorts of
crafts/cooking/writing/playing/DOing---busybusybusy! The house gets
trashed when we're home. I can't make a mess AND clean at the same
time. How many hours are there in a day?
Sometimes we have days that we're all flying out of the house. We
leave it a wreck, because we can't tackle anything before we leave.
Then we don't get home until *after* Ben gets home---no time to pick up
before supper's due.
One of the big lightbulbs for Ben was learning (really thinking about
the fact) that each of us is responsible for our feelings about mess.
If a clean toilet *matters* to you, go clean the damned toilet. Don't
bitch at someone ELSE to do it. If (in *your* opinion) the dishes
*must* be cleaned, pick up a sponge and get washing! If (*you* feel)
the floor needs vacuuming, well..... The things that bother us should
bother *us* enough to do something about them *ourselves*.
On the *other* hand: I would ask him what TWO things really, really
bother him. What TWO things could *I* do that would make a difference
to him on a daily basis. 1) clean house and 2) clean yard would NOT
qualify! <G> But if having my "piles" picked up or having the beds made
or having the dishes washed or having the den straightened would make
*Ben* happy to walk through the door, I would make sure THOSE TWO
things are done each day. And DON'T do them so he won't yell when he
walks through the door. DO them because it makes him happy! Because it
makes a difference in his life. Change the dynamics in the house!
Something to keep in mind is that we need to treat our husbands as
nicely as we treat our kids. We also need to remember that our husbands
are *ALSO* doing the best they can with the tools that they have right
now! Maybe Ken has very few tools. Help him acquire new ones. Helpful,
useful ones. Yelling ISN'T helpful or useful! <g>
These dads (mostly the dads---Deb R's her family's breadwinner!) are
the ones that make this unschooling lifestyle we love so much even
remotely possible. Without their continued support, we couldn't DO
this! Taking a bit more care to make *his* life as special as you can
will make him feel welcome and special in his own home. I'd put as much
effort into that as possible. Ask the girls for their help too. The
better HE is treated, the better HE will respond. Make him *want* to
come home!
~Kelly
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
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From: marla@...
We are still not on the same page for prioritizing the chores and the
children. When DH gets home he constantly complains(at least it seems
to be - lol) and criticizes how little housework has been completed
(i.e. usually dishes). I counter with I did do a lot of picking up
(he just doesn't see it), but when the children asked for me, that I
made them the priority (although they here the phrase "Just a minute"
more than I would like, but I feel some guilt that my husband's
cleanliness issues are not being met, so I feel I have to balance the
two). This leaves me feeling like I never clean enough and that I
never spend enough time with the girls.
How do you balance the two? After a few years of unschooling, it is
still the biggest cause of argument between dh and I.
-=-=-=-
I've been absent for a while. I figured I'd tackle an easy one first!
<G>
A few things: Everyone thinks Ben has always gotten unschooling. We
were *both* new only six years ago, and Ben had some of these same
issues. We've about worked through them.
If we're HOMEschooling and HOME all day, why isn't the house clean?
Uh...because we're HOME DOing things? And because we're NOT home doing
OTHER things. <bwg>
Days we're home, we're usually doing all sorts of
crafts/cooking/writing/playing/DOing---busybusybusy! The house gets
trashed when we're home. I can't make a mess AND clean at the same
time. How many hours are there in a day?
Sometimes we have days that we're all flying out of the house. We
leave it a wreck, because we can't tackle anything before we leave.
Then we don't get home until *after* Ben gets home---no time to pick up
before supper's due.
One of the big lightbulbs for Ben was learning (really thinking about
the fact) that each of us is responsible for our feelings about mess.
If a clean toilet *matters* to you, go clean the damned toilet. Don't
bitch at someone ELSE to do it. If (in *your* opinion) the dishes
*must* be cleaned, pick up a sponge and get washing! If (*you* feel)
the floor needs vacuuming, well..... The things that bother us should
bother *us* enough to do something about them *ourselves*.
On the *other* hand: I would ask him what TWO things really, really
bother him. What TWO things could *I* do that would make a difference
to him on a daily basis. 1) clean house and 2) clean yard would NOT
qualify! <G> But if having my "piles" picked up or having the beds made
or having the dishes washed or having the den straightened would make
*Ben* happy to walk through the door, I would make sure THOSE TWO
things are done each day. And DON'T do them so he won't yell when he
walks through the door. DO them because it makes him happy! Because it
makes a difference in his life. Change the dynamics in the house!
Something to keep in mind is that we need to treat our husbands as
nicely as we treat our kids. We also need to remember that our husbands
are *ALSO* doing the best they can with the tools that they have right
now! Maybe Ken has very few tools. Help him acquire new ones. Helpful,
useful ones. Yelling ISN'T helpful or useful! <g>
These dads (mostly the dads---Deb R's her family's breadwinner!) are
the ones that make this unschooling lifestyle we love so much even
remotely possible. Without their continued support, we couldn't DO
this! Taking a bit more care to make *his* life as special as you can
will make him feel welcome and special in his own home. I'd put as much
effort into that as possible. Ask the girls for their help too. The
better HE is treated, the better HE will respond. Make him *want* to
come home!
~Kelly
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
Joanne
I don't like to live in clutter and I have allergies so I don't let
it get to dusty. The thing I have found that works *for me* is, to
not let it become a big job. If I keep up with it, more or less as
it's happening it's much less time consuming and causes me a lot
less stress.
Just my two cents,
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (13)
Adopted into our hearts October 2003
************************************
Unschooling Voices ~ Add Your Voice
www.foreverparents.com/UnschoolingVoices.html
--- In [email protected], "hilltowner4" <marla@...>
wrote:
it get to dusty. The thing I have found that works *for me* is, to
not let it become a big job. If I keep up with it, more or less as
it's happening it's much less time consuming and causes me a lot
less stress.
Just my two cents,
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (13)
Adopted into our hearts October 2003
************************************
Unschooling Voices ~ Add Your Voice
www.foreverparents.com/UnschoolingVoices.html
--- In [email protected], "hilltowner4" <marla@...>
wrote:
>the
> We are still not on the same page for prioritizing the chores and
> children. When DH gets home he constantly complains(at least itseems
> to be - lol) and criticizes how little housework has been completedI
> (i.e. usually dishes). I counter with I did do a lot of picking up
> (he just doesn't see it), but when the children asked for me, that
> made them the priority (although they here the phrase "Just aminute"
> more than I would like, but I feel some guilt that my husband'sthe
> cleanliness issues are not being met, so I feel I have to balance
> two). This leaves me feeling like I never clean enough and that Iis
> never spend enough time with the girls.
>
> How do you balance the two? After a few years of unschooling, it
> still the biggest cause of argument between dh and I.
>
>
> Thanks!
>
> Marla Mom to Amy (7.75 yo.) and Lily (3 yo.)
>
Deb Lewis
***but I feel some guilt that my husband's
cleanliness issues are not being met, so I feel I have to balance the
two).***
Is there kid in your neighborhood who can come do dishes for you once a day
in the afternoon in exchange for cash?
Would one of your friends pop over and help you for half an hour?
Can you and the kids use paper plates during the day so there are fewer
dishes left undone?
Can you get a dishwasher? (Second hand or scratch and dent are options if
expense is an issue)
Can you say, sweetly, when your husband gets home, "Now that you're here to
play with the kids I'll just slick up these dishes." ?
You don't have to do them all at once. If you fill the sink with hot water
then every time you have a few minutes you can go wash a couple things while
the rest soak.
Deb Lewis
cleanliness issues are not being met, so I feel I have to balance the
two).***
Is there kid in your neighborhood who can come do dishes for you once a day
in the afternoon in exchange for cash?
Would one of your friends pop over and help you for half an hour?
Can you and the kids use paper plates during the day so there are fewer
dishes left undone?
Can you get a dishwasher? (Second hand or scratch and dent are options if
expense is an issue)
Can you say, sweetly, when your husband gets home, "Now that you're here to
play with the kids I'll just slick up these dishes." ?
You don't have to do them all at once. If you fill the sink with hot water
then every time you have a few minutes you can go wash a couple things while
the rest soak.
Deb Lewis
Kelly Weyd
We are on the paper plate plan over here (paper plates, cups, utensils, etc.). Then all I have to do is run a load of pots and pans through the dishwasher about every other day. My mother is flying out this week to take care of the kids because I am having surgery on both my knees. Right now anything goes in terms of making the household run easier.
Kelly
Deb Lewis <d.lewis@...> wrote:
***but I feel some guilt that my husband's
cleanliness issues are not being met, so I feel I have to balance the
two).***
Is there kid in your neighborhood who can come do dishes for you once a day
in the afternoon in exchange for cash?
Would one of your friends pop over and help you for half an hour?
Can you and the kids use paper plates during the day so there are fewer
dishes left undone?
Can you get a dishwasher? (Second hand or scratch and dent are options if
expense is an issue)
Can you say, sweetly, when your husband gets home, "Now that you're here to
play with the kids I'll just slick up these dishes." ?
You don't have to do them all at once. If you fill the sink with hot water
then every time you have a few minutes you can go wash a couple things while
the rest soak.
Deb Lewis
---------------------------------
Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. Make PC-to-Phone Calls to the US (and 30+ countries) for 2¢/min or less.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelly
Deb Lewis <d.lewis@...> wrote:
***but I feel some guilt that my husband's
cleanliness issues are not being met, so I feel I have to balance the
two).***
Is there kid in your neighborhood who can come do dishes for you once a day
in the afternoon in exchange for cash?
Would one of your friends pop over and help you for half an hour?
Can you and the kids use paper plates during the day so there are fewer
dishes left undone?
Can you get a dishwasher? (Second hand or scratch and dent are options if
expense is an issue)
Can you say, sweetly, when your husband gets home, "Now that you're here to
play with the kids I'll just slick up these dishes." ?
You don't have to do them all at once. If you fill the sink with hot water
then every time you have a few minutes you can go wash a couple things while
the rest soak.
Deb Lewis
---------------------------------
Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. Make PC-to-Phone Calls to the US (and 30+ countries) for 2¢/min or less.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
April Morris
I have to second this suggestion. I am not one who enjoys housework and I'm
not bothered much by mess and clutter. Dh is bothered a lot more. It was a
major source of conflict when the kids were small (this was before we were
unschooling so I can't blame it on that!). Interestingly enough, as I've
embraced unschooling more, I've become more willing to meet him part way on
this. His two things that matter is a made bed and clean socks and underwear
in his drawer. I could care less if my bed is made....but it only takes me 1
minute to make the bed each day. Throwing a load of clothes in the wash also
is quick. If these two things are done, he can tolerate a lot more mess. If
they're not done, everything else seems worse to him. And it's not just
him. My daughter hates a messy kitchen. I'm the one that gets griped at for
not rinsing my dishes or not cleaning up my messes. But because it matters
to her, I try to be a little more attentive to the condition of the kitchen.
She has taken on the kitchen as her job to do and she will give it a good
cleaning every day or two. In spite of my tolerance of mess and clutter, I
really can't stand a dirty bathroom. So I make sure it gets cleaned. I don't
worry about any one else doing it. As we've grown more and more into
unschooling and as the kids have gotten older, we all find our little
things we like to do and together, the house stays reasonably clean. Once dh
stopped getting annoyed with the condition of the house and making it an
issue, I became much more willing to help keep it picked up. The kids are
all very good about helping out and they all keep their rooms cleaner than I
do.
--
~April
Mom to Kate-20, Lisa-17, Karl-15, & Ben-11.
*REACH Homeschool Grp, an inclusive group in Oakland County
http://www.reachhomeschool.com
* Michigan Unschoolers
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/michigan_unschoolers/
*Check out Chuck's art www.artkunst23.com
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
Gandalf the Grey
not bothered much by mess and clutter. Dh is bothered a lot more. It was a
major source of conflict when the kids were small (this was before we were
unschooling so I can't blame it on that!). Interestingly enough, as I've
embraced unschooling more, I've become more willing to meet him part way on
this. His two things that matter is a made bed and clean socks and underwear
in his drawer. I could care less if my bed is made....but it only takes me 1
minute to make the bed each day. Throwing a load of clothes in the wash also
is quick. If these two things are done, he can tolerate a lot more mess. If
they're not done, everything else seems worse to him. And it's not just
him. My daughter hates a messy kitchen. I'm the one that gets griped at for
not rinsing my dishes or not cleaning up my messes. But because it matters
to her, I try to be a little more attentive to the condition of the kitchen.
She has taken on the kitchen as her job to do and she will give it a good
cleaning every day or two. In spite of my tolerance of mess and clutter, I
really can't stand a dirty bathroom. So I make sure it gets cleaned. I don't
worry about any one else doing it. As we've grown more and more into
unschooling and as the kids have gotten older, we all find our little
things we like to do and together, the house stays reasonably clean. Once dh
stopped getting annoyed with the condition of the house and making it an
issue, I became much more willing to help keep it picked up. The kids are
all very good about helping out and they all keep their rooms cleaner than I
do.
--
~April
Mom to Kate-20, Lisa-17, Karl-15, & Ben-11.
*REACH Homeschool Grp, an inclusive group in Oakland County
http://www.reachhomeschool.com
* Michigan Unschoolers
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/michigan_unschoolers/
*Check out Chuck's art www.artkunst23.com
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
Gandalf the Grey
On 10/15/06, kbcdlovejo@... <kbcdlovejo@...> wrote:
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: marla@... <marla%40nycap.rr.com>
>
> We are still not on the same page for prioritizing the chores and the
> children. When DH gets home he constantly complains(at least it seems
> to be - lol) and criticizes how little housework has been completed
> (i.e. usually dishes). I counter with I did do a lot of picking up
> (he just doesn't see it), but when the children asked for me, that I
> made them the priority (although they here the phrase "Just a minute"
> more than I would like, but I feel some guilt that my husband's
> cleanliness issues are not being met, so I feel I have to balance the
> two). This leaves me feeling like I never clean enough and that I
> never spend enough time with the girls.
>
> How do you balance the two? After a few years of unschooling, it is
> still the biggest cause of argument between dh and I.
> -=-=-=-
>
> I've been absent for a while. I figured I'd tackle an easy one first!
> <G>
>
> A few things: Everyone thinks Ben has always gotten unschooling. We
> were *both* new only six years ago, and Ben had some of these same
> issues. We've about worked through them.
>
> If we're HOMEschooling and HOME all day, why isn't the house clean?
>
> Uh...because we're HOME DOing things? And because we're NOT home doing
> OTHER things. <bwg>
>
> Days we're home, we're usually doing all sorts of
> crafts/cooking/writing/playing/DOing---busybusybusy! The house gets
> trashed when we're home. I can't make a mess AND clean at the same
> time. How many hours are there in a day?
>
> Sometimes we have days that we're all flying out of the house. We
> leave it a wreck, because we can't tackle anything before we leave.
> Then we don't get home until *after* Ben gets home---no time to pick up
> before supper's due.
>
> One of the big lightbulbs for Ben was learning (really thinking about
> the fact) that each of us is responsible for our feelings about mess.
> If a clean toilet *matters* to you, go clean the damned toilet. Don't
> bitch at someone ELSE to do it. If (in *your* opinion) the dishes
> *must* be cleaned, pick up a sponge and get washing! If (*you* feel)
> the floor needs vacuuming, well..... The things that bother us should
> bother *us* enough to do something about them *ourselves*.
>
> On the *other* hand: I would ask him what TWO things really, really
> bother him. What TWO things could *I* do that would make a difference
> to him on a daily basis. 1) clean house and 2) clean yard would NOT
> qualify! <G> But if having my "piles" picked up or having the beds made
> or having the dishes washed or having the den straightened would make
> *Ben* happy to walk through the door, I would make sure THOSE TWO
> things are done each day. And DON'T do them so he won't yell when he
> walks through the door. DO them because it makes him happy! Because it
> makes a difference in his life. Change the dynamics in the house!
>
> Something to keep in mind is that we need to treat our husbands as
> nicely as we treat our kids. We also need to remember that our husbands
> are *ALSO* doing the best they can with the tools that they have right
> now! Maybe Ken has very few tools. Help him acquire new ones. Helpful,
> useful ones. Yelling ISN'T helpful or useful! <g>
>
> These dads (mostly the dads---Deb R's her family's breadwinner!) are
> the ones that make this unschooling lifestyle we love so much even
> remotely possible. Without their continued support, we couldn't DO
> this! Taking a bit more care to make *his* life as special as you can
> will make him feel welcome and special in his own home. I'd put as much
> effort into that as possible. Ask the girls for their help too. The
> better HE is treated, the better HE will respond. Make him *want* to
> come home!
>
> ~Kelly
>
> __________________________________________________________
> Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
> security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
> across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/15/2006 5:31:24 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
How do you balance the two? After a few years of unschooling, it is
still the biggest cause of argument between dh and I.<<<<<<<
If it were me, I would sit down with dh and really talk with him and listen
to him. Find out what it is about the cleanliness of the house he likes.
Maybe it makes him feel secure and loved for some reason. I would also explain
that I *do* want him to come home to what he perceives as a loving
environment and if that means that there are certain things he likes especially to
see clean I will make those a priority. Like if he hated seeing dirty dishes
in the sink I might do that rather than change or make the bed, or use more
paper plates so that dirty dishes aren't an issue. If he can prioritize what
it is he likes to see "clean" it might help. What it is that helps him come
home and relax.
Also I would sit down with the children and explain that about 20 minutes
before dad comes home you would like to have that time to just clean those
things that are important to dad. Just as there are certain things that make the
kids or myself feel loved, there are things that make dad feel loved. They
might even be willing to help you with the cleaning, although the 3 year old
might be limited, the almost 8 year old could do more. Not that they have
to, but if they know it will help dad come home and feel at ease and relaxed,
more ready to be present with them, they might be happy to help.
Just a thought,
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
How do you balance the two? After a few years of unschooling, it is
still the biggest cause of argument between dh and I.<<<<<<<
If it were me, I would sit down with dh and really talk with him and listen
to him. Find out what it is about the cleanliness of the house he likes.
Maybe it makes him feel secure and loved for some reason. I would also explain
that I *do* want him to come home to what he perceives as a loving
environment and if that means that there are certain things he likes especially to
see clean I will make those a priority. Like if he hated seeing dirty dishes
in the sink I might do that rather than change or make the bed, or use more
paper plates so that dirty dishes aren't an issue. If he can prioritize what
it is he likes to see "clean" it might help. What it is that helps him come
home and relax.
Also I would sit down with the children and explain that about 20 minutes
before dad comes home you would like to have that time to just clean those
things that are important to dad. Just as there are certain things that make the
kids or myself feel loved, there are things that make dad feel loved. They
might even be willing to help you with the cleaning, although the 3 year old
might be limited, the almost 8 year old could do more. Not that they have
to, but if they know it will help dad come home and feel at ease and relaxed,
more ready to be present with them, they might be happy to help.
Just a thought,
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Melissa
I wanted to second that...we've always had the habit of doing a
little tidy up right before dad gets home. It's not a big deal, I
just say how I like to do a little tidy as a present to dad, who's
worked really hard all day. They usually love to join in, although
lately Emily has gotten grumpy if Josh chooses not to help. We all do
a little at a time, at our house, just putting your dishes in the
dishwasher after a meal makes a big difference, as you can imagine
with nine people that's a lot of dishes to do by yourself AND it's
overwhelming to see in a sink. We also have to be careful because
Avari is so small, so chokehazards can't get left out, but they don't
mind cleaning as a gift to Avari for her freedom. ;-) Otherwise she's
in the sling all the time to keep her off the floor.
Also wanted to say that a supported three year old can do a lot more
than most imagine. Dan loves to wash dishes by hand, and if I draw up
a sink of water, he'll do most of them, fairly well. Even if he gets
bored, as Kelly said, soaking helps it go faster if I get some time
to myself (ha! like that happens). When Josh was very small and I was
pregnant, he wanted to help in the worst way, so he would clean with
baby wipes, and love it. SO all of our kids have joined in cleaning
with wipies, and as they got older begged to use sprayers and towels
rather than wipies. Lots of baskets to put clothes and toys in, every
room in our house has baskets, even though the same stuff is out,
being contained makes a big difference and takes so little of my
time, usually two minutes when I'm on the way to the bathroom or to
get a drink of water.
And now I gotta go. HTH
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (9), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (5), Dan
(3), and Avari Rose
share our lives at
http://360.yahoo.com/multimomma
little tidy up right before dad gets home. It's not a big deal, I
just say how I like to do a little tidy as a present to dad, who's
worked really hard all day. They usually love to join in, although
lately Emily has gotten grumpy if Josh chooses not to help. We all do
a little at a time, at our house, just putting your dishes in the
dishwasher after a meal makes a big difference, as you can imagine
with nine people that's a lot of dishes to do by yourself AND it's
overwhelming to see in a sink. We also have to be careful because
Avari is so small, so chokehazards can't get left out, but they don't
mind cleaning as a gift to Avari for her freedom. ;-) Otherwise she's
in the sling all the time to keep her off the floor.
Also wanted to say that a supported three year old can do a lot more
than most imagine. Dan loves to wash dishes by hand, and if I draw up
a sink of water, he'll do most of them, fairly well. Even if he gets
bored, as Kelly said, soaking helps it go faster if I get some time
to myself (ha! like that happens). When Josh was very small and I was
pregnant, he wanted to help in the worst way, so he would clean with
baby wipes, and love it. SO all of our kids have joined in cleaning
with wipies, and as they got older begged to use sprayers and towels
rather than wipies. Lots of baskets to put clothes and toys in, every
room in our house has baskets, even though the same stuff is out,
being contained makes a big difference and takes so little of my
time, usually two minutes when I'm on the way to the bathroom or to
get a drink of water.
And now I gotta go. HTH
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (9), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (5), Dan
(3), and Avari Rose
share our lives at
http://360.yahoo.com/multimomma
On Oct 15, 2006, at 7:42 PM, Genant2@... wrote:
>
> Also I would sit down with the children and explain that about 20
> minutes
> before dad comes home you would like to have that time to just
> clean those
> things that are important to dad. Just as there are certain things
> that make the
> kids or myself feel loved, there are things that make dad feel
> loved. They
> might even be willing to help you with the cleaning, although the 3
> year old
> might be limited, the almost 8 year old could do more. Not that
> they have
> to, but if they know it will help dad come home and feel at ease
> and relaxed,
> more ready to be present with them, they might be happy to help.
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
hilltowner4
Thanks to everyone for some really helpful suggestions! I admit that
giving the gift of clean dishes and clean underwear makes a lot of
sense and I'll try to work on it. It's hard at the moment with a
demanding 3 yo., but looking at it from a different perspective helps.
Thanks again for everything!
Marla Mom to Amy (7.5 yo.) and Lily (3 yo.)
giving the gift of clean dishes and clean underwear makes a lot of
sense and I'll try to work on it. It's hard at the moment with a
demanding 3 yo., but looking at it from a different perspective helps.
Thanks again for everything!
Marla Mom to Amy (7.5 yo.) and Lily (3 yo.)
Joyce Fetteroll
On Oct 15, 2006, at 1:00 PM, hilltowner4 wrote:
off your priority list. It's gotta sting.
Maybe make a half hour before he gets home "his" time. Tell the kids
you want to give Daddy a gift of a clean sink because it makes him
smile. Ask them to join you but accept no as an answer. It will help
a lot to see it as a gift rather than a chore that he's "making" you
do.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> but when the children asked for me, that IFrom his point of view, he's asked for you and you've dropped him
> made them the priority
off your priority list. It's gotta sting.
Maybe make a half hour before he gets home "his" time. Tell the kids
you want to give Daddy a gift of a clean sink because it makes him
smile. Ask them to join you but accept no as an answer. It will help
a lot to see it as a gift rather than a chore that he's "making" you
do.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
cherylwarnke
--- In [email protected], "hilltowner4" <marla@...>
wrote:
pieces of Art where someone has thrown a mess of paint on a canvas and
then there are those pieces of art whose paintings are quite neat and
you can tell what it is. It is all considered art and beautiful in
many different eyes.
So there are "messy" houses and "neat" houses. They are all a work of
art. It takes time to get them both to where they are, neat or messy.
So just tell your husband that he is coming home to a work of art and
it took a long time to paint it that way. Maybe he sees the other side
of art and that is where you meet in the middle to make a painting the
both of you can call your own and get back to enjoying life and each
other.
Good Luck
Cheryl
wrote:
>Here is how I see it. Houses are likes works of Art. There are those
> Thanks to everyone for some really helpful suggestions! I admit that
> giving the gift of clean dishes and clean underwear makes a lot of
> sense and I'll try to work on it. It's hard at the moment with a
> demanding 3 yo., but looking at it from a different perspective helps.
>
pieces of Art where someone has thrown a mess of paint on a canvas and
then there are those pieces of art whose paintings are quite neat and
you can tell what it is. It is all considered art and beautiful in
many different eyes.
So there are "messy" houses and "neat" houses. They are all a work of
art. It takes time to get them both to where they are, neat or messy.
So just tell your husband that he is coming home to a work of art and
it took a long time to paint it that way. Maybe he sees the other side
of art and that is where you meet in the middle to make a painting the
both of you can call your own and get back to enjoying life and each
other.
Good Luck
Cheryl
Lesa ODaniel
Has anyone seen "Little Miss Sunshine"? I found a lot of it very unschooly
(in a whole-life way but not necessarily an educational way) and it was just
a joy to experience. If you are lucky enough to make it out to a movie
anytime soon I think it will be worth your time. It might even be a good way
to start to influence a reluctant spouse toward the whole life unschooling.
There's a lot in there about letting go of different controls as well as the
"journey" being just as important - if not more important - than the
destination.
Or, maybe it was just the head space I was in when I saw it... you all might
feel differently about it!
Lesa O'Daniel, AAHCC
Instructor, Bradley Method� of Natural Childbirth
323-541-5515
http://www.bradleybirth.com/ndweb.asp?ID=O123&Count=N
_________________________________________________________________
Try Search Survival Kits: Fix up your home and better handle your cash with
Live Search!
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(in a whole-life way but not necessarily an educational way) and it was just
a joy to experience. If you are lucky enough to make it out to a movie
anytime soon I think it will be worth your time. It might even be a good way
to start to influence a reluctant spouse toward the whole life unschooling.
There's a lot in there about letting go of different controls as well as the
"journey" being just as important - if not more important - than the
destination.
Or, maybe it was just the head space I was in when I saw it... you all might
feel differently about it!
Lesa O'Daniel, AAHCC
Instructor, Bradley Method� of Natural Childbirth
323-541-5515
http://www.bradleybirth.com/ndweb.asp?ID=O123&Count=N
_________________________________________________________________
Try Search Survival Kits: Fix up your home and better handle your cash with
Live Search!
http://imagine-windowslive.com/search/kits/default.aspx?kit=improve&locale=en-US&source=hmtagline
[email protected]
>>Has anyone seen "Little Miss Sunshine"? I found a lot of it very unschooly (in a whole-life way but not necessarily an educational way) and it was just a joy to experience.>>I thought the same thing when I saw it. What a great little movie.
--
~Mary
http://zenmommasgarden.blogspot.com/
"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh
Karen Buxcel
I saw -Little Miss Sunshine- too, and loooooved it! I thought the same thing. I appreciated the over-all message of be yourself!
It was great and quirky! Right up my alley!
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
It was great and quirky! Right up my alley!
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]