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-----Original Message-----
 
I read at Joyce's that you might be willing to answer questions about
kids trying out drugs. I always wonder about this, because I tried
marijuana back then as well and always wondered what I would do about
it since I got a kid. I don't think it's a terrible drug, though. It's
kind of like alcohol and when I was younger, I thought it wasn't even
as damaging as alcohol. More than about these kind of drugs I have
wondered about cigarettes. Funny enough; I always thought it would be
senseless to forbid it, because then they would even more want to try
it! Why didn't I think of applying this thought to everything else?
Duh. 
 
If you are willing and not totally annoyed by me, my question would
be, how you handled this situation. 

-=-=-=-=-

Cigarettes? or drugs?

It really doesn't matter. It's the whole forbidden fruit thing. Forbid
it, and you can rest assured that they will try it.

I've often said that about reading! <g> "How can I get my son to read?"
Forbid it! Ban books in the home! Burn all written materials! Refuse
to sound out or spell *any*thing for him! VERY good chance the child
will be SEEKING books to read---and in private! <g>

Same with drugs, alcohol, tobacco and sex---and any other sticky thing.
Ban it, and you're setting yourself up for failure. *Talk* about it,
make it a regular part of your discussions, and be open and
honest---and not only will your child not *hide* it, he may not try it
at all. Well myabe not the sex part! <g> That's almost guaranteed!

Cameron has never smoked cigarettes. All three of his band-mates and
several of his friends smoke.

He got dangerously drunk one night---his 15th birthday. He's never done
that again. He'll have an occasional beer or glass of wine with us, but
no more bingeing.

He smoked a good bit of pot just after he left school---all his friends
were doing it, etc. I've never smoked marijuana. My husband did. We
were very up-front and honest about our feelings. Oddly, Ben was more
concerned about it than I was. My suggestions were to only smoke GOOD
stuff---to know where it came from---no "I bought it on the street
corner" stuff. Never buy from strangers. Never smoke out in the open.
Never smoke IN my house! Never smoke on front of his little brother. BE
SMART about it. Never, ever, ever drive while under the influence of
drugs or alcohol.

IF he were high or drunk, please call us and we'll pick him up. NEVER
drive!!!!! Never ride with someone who was high/drunk!!! I would drop
what I was doing and come get him (and friends)---NO QUESTIONS ASKED!!!

His safety and freedom were at the center of all this. Of utmost
importance!!! I didn't want him dead or incapacitated or in
jail/prison. NOTHING was worth those options. Nothing!!!

I didn't care why/where/with whom. He could call me day or night. He
could also let me know he was staying over at a friend's house if he
were too wasted to come home.

One day I was letting him off at a concert. I didn't tell him, "Don't
drink or do drugs!"---I said, "If you do, be SMART about it!" He
laughed, knowing how many parents would say the former! <G>

Our relationship is VERY open and honest. We talk a LOT about stuff.
Nothing is taboo. He's comfortable asking me anything---and I'm
comfortable saying exactly how I feel about the topic. That started
when he was very young.

About the pot: I asked him to do a little research on it. My father is
a psychiatrist and was the "authority" on drug usage in the US when I
was a child---flew all over the country advising doctors and such on
drug use and all. I knew all the bad things. I suggested that Cameron
prove my dad wrong. <g> He knew every website about the benefits of
marijuana---AND hemp! <g> We're now big hemp fans! But he did serious
research on marijuana and countered most of what my father had told me
as a child. He became a member of NORML (I suggested that he not sign
anything, however! <g>).

He doesn't smoke any more. He found it made him feel bad. <G> Well, not
as good the *next* day---the initial feeling was still pretty good, he
says. But he's not smoking any more---HIS choice, not mine. I'm now
convinced it ain't bad shit---I still haven't ever smoked though! <bwg>

But forbidding it WON'T stop it. Knowledge of it's benefits AND
hazards. Open, honest communication. Acceptance of his choice---even if
it goes against your views. Oh---and laughter and humor go a long way!

I don't think the goal should be that your child *never* tries
drugs/cigarettes/alcohol, but that he's smart about it and gets his
questions answered.


I hope this helps. I'm going to post it on UB just because it could be
helpful to others too. I'd be happy to answer any more questions you
might have---specific or general---or whatever!

~Kelly
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
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Joanne

Interesting question. I like Kelly's answer and I HOPE I handle it
like that when/if that time ever comes.
The "sex, drugs & rock & roll" lifestyle was something my husband &
I were *heavily* involved in early in our relationship. It's
actually how we met. We've abused more than our fair share of hard
drugs over the years and although that's behind us know, we still
smoke marijuana on occasions when we're away from our kids.
I would be honest with my kids about it, and being we have
experience with it, I would be able to tell them "the good, the bad
and the ugly" of what *we* lived through. I spent two years in drug
rehabilitation when I was younger and although it hasn't come up
yet, I plan on telling them about my experience there because it
made me the person I am today.


~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (13)
Adopted into our hearts October 2003
************************************
Unschooling Voices ~ Add Your Voice
www.foreverparents.com/UnschoolingVoices.html




--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
>  
> I read at Joyce's that you might be willing to answer questions
about
> kids trying out drugs. I always wonder about this, because I tried
> marijuana back then as well and always wondered what I would do
about
> it since I got a kid. I don't think it's a terrible drug, though.
It's
> kind of like alcohol and when I was younger, I thought it wasn't
even
> as damaging as alcohol. More than about these kind of drugs I have
> wondered about cigarettes. Funny enough; I always thought it would
be
> senseless to forbid it, because then they would even more want to
try
> it! Why didn't I think of applying this thought to everything
else?
> Duh. 
>  
> If you are willing and not totally annoyed by me, my question
would
> be, how you handled this situation. 
>
> -=-=-=-=-
>
> Cigarettes? or drugs?
>
> It really doesn't matter. It's the whole forbidden fruit thing.
Forbid
> it, and you can rest assured that they will try it.
>
> I've often said that about reading! <g> "How can I get my son to
read?"
> Forbid it! Ban books in the home! Burn all written materials!
Refuse
> to sound out or spell *any*thing for him! VERY good chance the
child
> will be SEEKING books to read---and in private! <g>
>
> Same with drugs, alcohol, tobacco and sex---and any other sticky
thing.
> Ban it, and you're setting yourself up for failure. *Talk* about
it,
> make it a regular part of your discussions, and be open and
> honest---and not only will your child not *hide* it, he may not
try it
> at all. Well myabe not the sex part! <g> That's almost guaranteed!
>
> Cameron has never smoked cigarettes. All three of his band-mates
and
> several of his friends smoke.
>
> He got dangerously drunk one night---his 15th birthday. He's never
done
> that again. He'll have an occasional beer or glass of wine with
us, but
> no more bingeing.
>
> He smoked a good bit of pot just after he left school---all his
friends
> were doing it, etc. I've never smoked marijuana. My husband did.
We
> were very up-front and honest about our feelings. Oddly, Ben was
more
> concerned about it than I was. My suggestions were to only smoke
GOOD
> stuff---to know where it came from---no "I bought it on the street
> corner" stuff. Never buy from strangers. Never smoke out in the
open.
> Never smoke IN my house! Never smoke on front of his little
brother. BE
> SMART about it. Never, ever, ever drive while under the influence
of
> drugs or alcohol.
>
> IF he were high or drunk, please call us and we'll pick him up.
NEVER
> drive!!!!! Never ride with someone who was high/drunk!!! I would
drop
> what I was doing and come get him (and friends)---NO QUESTIONS
ASKED!!!
>
> His safety and freedom were at the center of all this. Of utmost
> importance!!! I didn't want him dead or incapacitated or in
> jail/prison. NOTHING was worth those options. Nothing!!!
>
> I didn't care why/where/with whom. He could call me day or night.
He
> could also let me know he was staying over at a friend's house if
he
> were too wasted to come home.
>
> One day I was letting him off at a concert. I didn't tell
him, "Don't
> drink or do drugs!"---I said, "If you do, be SMART about it!" He
> laughed, knowing how many parents would say the former! <G>
>
> Our relationship is VERY open and honest. We talk a LOT about
stuff.
> Nothing is taboo. He's comfortable asking me anything---and I'm
> comfortable saying exactly how I feel about the topic. That
started
> when he was very young.
>
> About the pot: I asked him to do a little research on it. My
father is
> a psychiatrist and was the "authority" on drug usage in the US
when I
> was a child---flew all over the country advising doctors and such
on
> drug use and all. I knew all the bad things. I suggested that
Cameron
> prove my dad wrong. <g> He knew every website about the benefits
of
> marijuana---AND hemp! <g> We're now big hemp fans! But he did
serious
> research on marijuana and countered most of what my father had
told me
> as a child. He became a member of NORML (I suggested that he not
sign
> anything, however! <g>).
>
> He doesn't smoke any more. He found it made him feel bad. <G>
Well, not
> as good the *next* day---the initial feeling was still pretty
good, he
> says. But he's not smoking any more---HIS choice, not mine. I'm
now
> convinced it ain't bad shit---I still haven't ever smoked though!
<bwg>
>
> But forbidding it WON'T stop it. Knowledge of it's benefits AND
> hazards. Open, honest communication. Acceptance of his choice---
even if
> it goes against your views. Oh---and laughter and humor go a long
way!
>
> I don't think the goal should be that your child *never* tries
> drugs/cigarettes/alcohol, but that he's smart about it and gets
his
> questions answered.
>
>
> I hope this helps. I'm going to post it on UB just because it
could be
> helpful to others too. I'd be happy to answer any more questions
you
> might have---specific or general---or whatever!
>
> ~Kelly
>
_____________________________________________________________________
___
> Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
> security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos
from
> across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
>

Joanne

>>>>although that's behind us know>>>>

I meant "now"...not "know"

~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (13)
Adopted into our hearts October 2003
************************************
Unschooling Voices ~ Add Your Voice
www.foreverparents.com/UnschoolingVoices.html