Solé

Hello,

I don't know how to reply to so many replies, I don't want to trash
the mailing list with my personal passions :-D But I still did want
to reply and clarify, but also wanted to thank you again for taking
your time answering my silly questions.

It's way too long so I put headlines, so you can skip things that
don't interest you ;-)

Singing:
For me, singing is not just "itself" fun, most of the time it has to
be in front of an audience (of at least one person) who enjoys what
I'm singing, or else it's not even half the joy. Of course I can sing
in the kitchen and that may relax or feel good in a way, but mostly,
singing without a hearer is not really satisfying. It's like an actor
who acts all alone, or a mirror which nobody sees. It feels incomplete!

Singing lessons:
Singing lessons are extremely good! I have taken some and the voice
really really improves quite quickly if you have a personal coach.
And also, you can ruin your voice if you are singing incorrectly. Now
probably this doesn't apply to me anymore because I have experience,
but it can really happen that if you sing whole heartedly in a wrong
manner, you can ruin your vocal lips (takes a lot of time though).
And singing lessons are fun! And it's great to widen the spectrum of
notes you can reach! And I would recommend it to anybody, even if
they think they can't sing – you can take singing lessons even if you
are not "talented" and get better. I have seen incredible changes in
people's voices while observing my teacher's students. Unfortunately
I cannot take classes at the moment. On my website (where I offer my
language courses), I have offered free spanish lessons or discount
for anyone who could teach me singing in return.

Giving up:
By the time I said that I didn't have any other passions than the
computer, I had already given up that old passion of singing, because
for years it didn't work out for me.

Whining:
I have been whining but not to the list (I thought). It was just
meant as an example of how one cannot always achieve what we want.
It's ok for me if you think this was a good example because I could
have gotten what I wanted if I had only done the right things. I
understand the things you pointed out about how unschooled kids will
always be looking outside the box, whereas I wasn't as much as you
are used to :-)

Doing the right things:
Many of the suggestions you said I didn't come up with back then.
This may be "wrong" but if I don't think of it, i just don't think of
it. I tried everything which was possible for me at the time.

Support of parents:
I don't think I blame my parents so much anymore. Of course I took
(and had to take) all responsibility of my own life (see cleaning
other people's houses, living on my own etc, taking singing lessons
instead of studying music etc.) I know all would have been a lot
easier if they had supported me, but they just didn't, and just
wanted "the best" for me. They didn't mean it in a bad way.

My mother :-)
Actually, we had a big fight a few weeks ago where she did it again
(hurt me and say it's my fault to be hurt) ;-) And this time I chose
exactly what you proposed, not to be around her anymore, because she
obviously won't choose to change her behaviour towards me. I was very
proud on one hand, but on the other, it's not that easy you know...
She's my mother! And I'm the needy child always waiting for her to
finally support me and accept me as I am, remember? I'm what we are
trying to avoid in our children :-) In theory, it looks easy "just
don't be around your mother anymore", but in practise these kind of
advice is not that easy. I still did it though – I dunno what feels
better, being hurt from time to time, or being constantly a little
bit sad that our relationship doesn't work out and probably never
will. Can you all be so radical?!

My children:
Of course, I prefer the little risk of them being disappointed one
day (after all, I'll be there for them) over the high possibility
that they might not even try things for fear or because they can't
think outside the box (and many other negative things). I hope I can
learn it myself so I can model it. Don't be so hard on me, I'm taking
little steps :-)

Equal opportunities:
Here I don't agree at all. Some have way more opportunities, some
have less, some even none. I think it's unfair to say so because
there really are people who don't have the means or possibilities or
the knowledge or the support to do better than they are – though I'm
not one of them. You are right when you say that *I* have quite good
opportunities and that for *me* it's an excuse to say that, but I
don't believe we aaaaaall have equal opportunities around the world
and that it's up to each individual to make his dream come true. I'm
aware that there is a guarantee you won't getting it if you don't
try, that's for sure, but this is not invertable. But this of course,
is highly off-topic, sorry :-)

Time:
When I said that I used all my free time on the computer this didn't
mean I have a lot of time. I have to work and be there for my
daughter who at the time says "Mama?" or "Mama!" almost every 5
minutes (and before unschooling we would argue every five
minutes ;-)). The time I have is just time in between of work,
housework, children. Mostly it's just 10 minutes, then 1 minute ,
then maybe 7 minutes, then 5 minutes... these are perfect times to
hop on the computer and write something, because you can always
finish later if you are interrupted, but horrible times for singing,
composing, recording. And at nights, when there would finally be some
longer time, we are really too exhausted to do anything, we either
sleep or watch something to destress and that's it.
The time I had the most freedom to do this was when after 6 years of
coercion I finally had succeeded to press my daughter into a sleep
schedule each day at 8 pm, and I wasn't pregnant with my second
yet ;-) That lasted like 9 months and then it was over :-D Nowadays
she goes to bed when she wants and the same is to say about my son,
he usually goes at 11pm, when I'm almost ready to go to bed as well.
It didn't occur to me trading babysitting yet, because he is so young
and I dunno! Maybe I'll do that.

Being famous:
I never said I wanted that.

Fears:
I'm afraid of picking up that dream again. I fear that maybe you are
just right – I don't have "enough" passion about it. I dunno if that
passion has died, was never there, was destroyed by non supporting
parents, is there but is too much "in the box". I don't know! I'm
tired. It makes sense when you say it's "not enough" – on the other
hand I can't just say tomorrow I'll sing and not work anymore. Of
course I could "choose", as you say, to just leave the house at 8 in
the morning and sing all day on the streets and come home at 6 pm.
Then we all have nothing to eat, so it's not really a "choice", is it?

Choices:
I'm impressed you all manage to do what you want! It seems I'm not
ready for it yet, for I feel I "have to" do a lot of things, like
working and so on. I've never quite understood your sense of
"choices" anyway. Of course we cann always say "well nobody "forces"
you, you "choose" to work because you don't like the consequences of
not having money" – I dunno, this is pretty much a "have to" for me,
for we cannot live without the money. I have already chosen to do a
job, self employed, teaching languages through singing (Learn Spanish
by Singing) – but it's still a have-to which takes time. And of
course I "choose" to prioritize my children – but it's also a "have-
to", of course I don't want the consequences of letting them alone...
hm I don't quite get it :-)

Since I got to know about unschooling, I got rid of one "have-to"
though: I quit my stupid, horrible, boring studies YAY! With this I
have been struggling soooo long, I've been studying for like 5 years
now (we can stretch it as long as we want/can afford costs of living
(university is free in Germany)) and it's been so slowly because I
didn't like it, but thought I "had to". (Oh, this was the fight with
my mom by the way ;-) She absolutely didn't like the idea and
insulted me big time.) I was so convinced by unschooling that I
started looking at myself and realised I really didn't have to
continue studying. You can't imagine how relieved I was when I made
this decission.

Maybe one day I will be able to re-discover my singing passion again
and look outside the box.

Ok, now it's really really enough.
Good night
Johanna