Divorce or separation and unschooling
Ren Allen
"Are there any possibilities for continuing to unschool with
separated/divorced parents? "
Only if the ex agrees with it.
I have not personally seen the courts uphold anyone's right to even
homeschool in a divorce case where one parent disagrees, though I've
heard it's happened rarely.
Just remember, that if there is not abuse happening, then whatever
issues are at play are going to get WORSE by leaving, not better.
When you throw yourself on the court system, you lose rights as a
parent. You lose more than the choice to homeschool...you lose the
right to have your child with you at all times. YOUR idea of splitting
time with the other parent sounds great, but the court may decide (as
they often do now) that you will have him for two weeks and the father
will have him for two. You won't decide that.
I can't imagine a case where divorce is better than staying (with
children involved) unless there are abuse issues at play. I'm not
saying a happy relationship isn't your right, but when children are in
the picture it changes everything in my view. You just lose so much
freedom of choice in a divorce...both parents do.
The only time I've seen it work out ok, is when both parents agree on
the separation/divorce and use an arbitrator rather than the court
system. Not many people are able to put their own personal feelings
aside and simply do what is best for the whole family unit. If you
have a husband that could, then why not put the same energy and money
and emotion in to making it a great relationship?
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
separated/divorced parents? "
Only if the ex agrees with it.
I have not personally seen the courts uphold anyone's right to even
homeschool in a divorce case where one parent disagrees, though I've
heard it's happened rarely.
Just remember, that if there is not abuse happening, then whatever
issues are at play are going to get WORSE by leaving, not better.
When you throw yourself on the court system, you lose rights as a
parent. You lose more than the choice to homeschool...you lose the
right to have your child with you at all times. YOUR idea of splitting
time with the other parent sounds great, but the court may decide (as
they often do now) that you will have him for two weeks and the father
will have him for two. You won't decide that.
I can't imagine a case where divorce is better than staying (with
children involved) unless there are abuse issues at play. I'm not
saying a happy relationship isn't your right, but when children are in
the picture it changes everything in my view. You just lose so much
freedom of choice in a divorce...both parents do.
The only time I've seen it work out ok, is when both parents agree on
the separation/divorce and use an arbitrator rather than the court
system. Not many people are able to put their own personal feelings
aside and simply do what is best for the whole family unit. If you
have a husband that could, then why not put the same energy and money
and emotion in to making it a great relationship?
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
[email protected]
"Are there any possibilities for continuing to unschool with
separated/divorced parents? "
======
Joyce's has given a link to some recent discussions about this that have
been enlightening and a good starting point for reading about both personal
experiences and recommendations.
The one thing that has not been examined in much detail has been the
financial impact of divorce. The impact emotionally on families is huge when
parents divorce or separate. It seems that the financial considerations are often
overlooked.
Divorce or separation can mean two households, child support, medical
insurance issues, both parents having to work, child care expenses, visitation
expenses, as well as the legal costs incurred. All these considerations can
double if you remarry someone with children.
If you do divorce, it would be helpful to have a good plan and skills to
support you and your children AND...you better have learned how to communicate
effectively. You'll need it to work out all the problems you'll face not only
with your children but with your lawyers and your ex-husband. If you
remarry, you'll not only have all the new problems that come with any relationship
but you'll now have to communicate with a new spouse, an ex-wife,
stepchildren , new grandparents for your children, more brothers and sisters-in law and
all their children. I understand completely how there may be circumstances
that make it very difficult, however, learning to communicate and create a
loving relationship with your current spouse makes sense from an emotional and
financial standpoint.
Gail
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
separated/divorced parents? "
======
Joyce's has given a link to some recent discussions about this that have
been enlightening and a good starting point for reading about both personal
experiences and recommendations.
The one thing that has not been examined in much detail has been the
financial impact of divorce. The impact emotionally on families is huge when
parents divorce or separate. It seems that the financial considerations are often
overlooked.
Divorce or separation can mean two households, child support, medical
insurance issues, both parents having to work, child care expenses, visitation
expenses, as well as the legal costs incurred. All these considerations can
double if you remarry someone with children.
If you do divorce, it would be helpful to have a good plan and skills to
support you and your children AND...you better have learned how to communicate
effectively. You'll need it to work out all the problems you'll face not only
with your children but with your lawyers and your ex-husband. If you
remarry, you'll not only have all the new problems that come with any relationship
but you'll now have to communicate with a new spouse, an ex-wife,
stepchildren , new grandparents for your children, more brothers and sisters-in law and
all their children. I understand completely how there may be circumstances
that make it very difficult, however, learning to communicate and create a
loving relationship with your current spouse makes sense from an emotional and
financial standpoint.
Gail
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
"Un/homeschooling can
continue *if* the other parent will still be cooperative. "
YES, for sure.
And I love that some couples find ways to be co-parents without all
the difficulties of typical divorce situations. IF he would agree to
live in the same household and co-parent, that would be ideal.
Here's my story; Dh and I separated when I was 4mos. pregnant with
Jalen (now 5.5). We had the textbook "perfect" separation. I had my
own house, he was planning on buying a house on the same street as
soon as our big house sold. He had the kids every week for at least a
night and day, he ate dinner over at our house occasionally, or came
to watch movies with us. We saw him very regularly as he did all of
our laundry (we joked and called him the "laundry man") and picked it
up every few days. We spent holidays together as a family. We didn't
fight (disagreed yes), we treated each other kindly and respectfully.
Home/unschooling was a non-issue, he was totally supportive. Our
friends were baffled at how we could be such good friends, have fun
together etc...but still not want to be married.:)
In spite of that "perfect" separation, our children suffered. My
oldest especially. If I had a 2.5 y.o., I might feel differently about
moving into separate households, because my younger ones don't
remember it as a stressful time at all...they never displayed the
stress signs my oldest did. IF you can have an amicable/happy
co-parent situation, then two houses CAN work. If there's any way to
keep the family under one roof though, do it. That's just my pov. It's
really hard on kids.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
continue *if* the other parent will still be cooperative. "
YES, for sure.
And I love that some couples find ways to be co-parents without all
the difficulties of typical divorce situations. IF he would agree to
live in the same household and co-parent, that would be ideal.
Here's my story; Dh and I separated when I was 4mos. pregnant with
Jalen (now 5.5). We had the textbook "perfect" separation. I had my
own house, he was planning on buying a house on the same street as
soon as our big house sold. He had the kids every week for at least a
night and day, he ate dinner over at our house occasionally, or came
to watch movies with us. We saw him very regularly as he did all of
our laundry (we joked and called him the "laundry man") and picked it
up every few days. We spent holidays together as a family. We didn't
fight (disagreed yes), we treated each other kindly and respectfully.
Home/unschooling was a non-issue, he was totally supportive. Our
friends were baffled at how we could be such good friends, have fun
together etc...but still not want to be married.:)
In spite of that "perfect" separation, our children suffered. My
oldest especially. If I had a 2.5 y.o., I might feel differently about
moving into separate households, because my younger ones don't
remember it as a stressful time at all...they never displayed the
stress signs my oldest did. IF you can have an amicable/happy
co-parent situation, then two houses CAN work. If there's any way to
keep the family under one roof though, do it. That's just my pov. It's
really hard on kids.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com