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In a message dated 9/21/2006 11:10:54 PM Eastern Standard Time,
casonnier@... writes:
How do you handle situations with people who just don't
get what you are saying?


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We stay away from/avoid people who treat us or our kids poorly. I've found
that its not usually about people "not getting it", its about them not wanting
to get it.

Its hard to deal with one's family. I would address their cruelty and gently
let your in-laws know that what they did is not acceptable. Ever. Name
calling (lazy?) is way out of line. Maybe you could have helped Grandma with the
chair and set your daughter free before the attack began? If you want to
continue to have a relationship with these people who mistreated your child (and
you), it might be a good idea to go over some options on how they can
appropriately handle their anger. "Beat some respect into" your children? That's
beautifully worded. Sometimes it helps just to repeat the exact same words back to
them. "If you don't stop belittling and screaming at my child, I'm going to
beat some respect into you!" One really effective thing I've used (got it
from this list) is that if you wouldn't treat your spouse or another adult in a
certain way, it is not acceptable to do it to a child. Saying those words
usually gets them (cruel adults, that is) thinking.

If my in laws ever tried to punish my kids for not obeying orders by not
allowing them a turn on a tractor, I'd let *everyone* know how wrong that is and
would request "my turn" and take everyone for a ride. If dear grandpy had a
problem with that, he'd have to admit that he wanted to punish me. Then, look
out! We'd be out of there, after we toured the town on the tractor, that is.

These are cruel people. Family or not. I'm sorry for your poor husband. He
had to grow up with that and probably learned to suck it up and obey. How
miserable. Your daughter is blessed to have you.

Wishing you all the best.

Warmly,
Robin in MA, who learned the hard way that we must always defend our precious
children from mean, miserable people. Regardless of who they are.


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