New to the group...need a little help.
Dana Ashby
Hi all!
I'm Dana, mom to 3 wonderful children. Katheryn is 4, Shaelyn is 3, and Logan is 13 months. I just found Sandra Dodd's website a few days ago, and think she's just wonderful. I am trying *hard* to use her advice in my own life. I have always wanted to homeschool my kids, even before I got pregnant with Kitty. Up until after Logan was born, I practiced AP. Then about 6 months ago, Sam (my hubby) decided the kids need bedtimes (even though they had always gone to sleep when they were tired) and imposed some rather strict rules.
There's where my problem comes in. My husband thinks I'm nuts. He's one of those "Parents set rules, and children obey" type of people. He feels the need to tell our kids no about almost everything, and to yell at them if they get the least bit loud. "Supposed to" is one of his favorite things to tell my kids. So....what do I do? LOL He admits this way is working (I told him the other day that I'm NOT yelling at my kids anymore), but he adds "for now, but if it changes....we'll have to go back to the other way." I missed this...this closeness and joy that my kids and I can share, but he just thinks I'm crazy, and continues "his way" of doing things. AAH! I'm so frustrated. Can anyone help?
Glad to be here!
Dana
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm Dana, mom to 3 wonderful children. Katheryn is 4, Shaelyn is 3, and Logan is 13 months. I just found Sandra Dodd's website a few days ago, and think she's just wonderful. I am trying *hard* to use her advice in my own life. I have always wanted to homeschool my kids, even before I got pregnant with Kitty. Up until after Logan was born, I practiced AP. Then about 6 months ago, Sam (my hubby) decided the kids need bedtimes (even though they had always gone to sleep when they were tired) and imposed some rather strict rules.
There's where my problem comes in. My husband thinks I'm nuts. He's one of those "Parents set rules, and children obey" type of people. He feels the need to tell our kids no about almost everything, and to yell at them if they get the least bit loud. "Supposed to" is one of his favorite things to tell my kids. So....what do I do? LOL He admits this way is working (I told him the other day that I'm NOT yelling at my kids anymore), but he adds "for now, but if it changes....we'll have to go back to the other way." I missed this...this closeness and joy that my kids and I can share, but he just thinks I'm crazy, and continues "his way" of doing things. AAH! I'm so frustrated. Can anyone help?
Glad to be here!
Dana
---------------------------------
Talk is cheap. Use Yahoo! Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates starting at 1¢/min.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/14/2006 9:45:33 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,
twilightravyn@... writes:
There's where my problem comes in. My husband thinks I'm nuts. He's one of
those "Parents set rules, and children obey" type of people. He feels the need
to tell our kids no about almost everything, and to yell at them if they get
the least bit loud. "Supposed to" is one of his favorite things to tell my
kids. So....what do I do? LOL He admits this way is working (I told him the
other day that I'm NOT yelling at my kids anymore), but he adds "for now, but
if it changes....we'There's where my problem comes in. My husband thinks I'm
nuts. He's one of those "Parents set rules, and children obey" type of people.
He feels the need to tell our kids no about almost everything, and to yell at
them if
Glad to be here!
Dana
*********
Hi Dana, welcome. I'm about to give some advise that I haven't taken
myself. <g> My DH goes through periods of the same thing. Right now, the young
guys that work for him are next to worthless, and when he comes home no one
seems to pay attention to the orders he barks around here. So, he's very
concerned that our kids are going to grow up unable to do anything like the people
that work for him. I've talked until I'm blue in the face and sometimes he
can see that our kids are at least no worse than the others on the block who
are "disciplined". Every once in awhile he can see that our kids actually do
follow more directions than those other kids. An example, we have an empty
lot near us and the owner politely asked that the kids not play there because
of snakes and other hazards. I told my children and only once have they
gone over there again in the last year, but the neighbor children I tell EVERY
DAY and sometimes more than once a day.
Anyway, I am considering purchasing the Unconditional Parenting DVD by Alfie
Kohn. I have the book, and I think it is one that appeals to the dad point
of view. I told my husband that Kohn is not a touchy-feely unschooler, but a
educational reform writer and a business writer. That he can deal with!
The DVD is expensive enough at about thirty dollars to not rush out and get
it (on his website _www.alfiekohn.com_ (http://www.alfiekohn.com) ) but I will
do so if I need to. My DH is in a more positive place right now, so I
haven't gotten it yet.
I've also gotten on the Scott Noelle Daily Groove newsletter and I forward
them to DH. I don't know if he reads them, but he seems to be working at
being a more mindful parent. That is at _www.enjoyingparenting.com_
(http://www.enjoyingparenting.com)
Thanks to whomever recommended that a few weeks ago. I'm enjoying it very
much!
I know how difficult it is Dana, people truly don't understand. Our
marriage counselor recently quit on us because she disagreed with my parenting
style. She thought that the "kids ran the house" and even my husband was saying
"no, I've been in those houses, it's not like that".
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
twilightravyn@... writes:
There's where my problem comes in. My husband thinks I'm nuts. He's one of
those "Parents set rules, and children obey" type of people. He feels the need
to tell our kids no about almost everything, and to yell at them if they get
the least bit loud. "Supposed to" is one of his favorite things to tell my
kids. So....what do I do? LOL He admits this way is working (I told him the
other day that I'm NOT yelling at my kids anymore), but he adds "for now, but
if it changes....we'There's where my problem comes in. My husband thinks I'm
nuts. He's one of those "Parents set rules, and children obey" type of people.
He feels the need to tell our kids no about almost everything, and to yell at
them if
Glad to be here!
Dana
*********
Hi Dana, welcome. I'm about to give some advise that I haven't taken
myself. <g> My DH goes through periods of the same thing. Right now, the young
guys that work for him are next to worthless, and when he comes home no one
seems to pay attention to the orders he barks around here. So, he's very
concerned that our kids are going to grow up unable to do anything like the people
that work for him. I've talked until I'm blue in the face and sometimes he
can see that our kids are at least no worse than the others on the block who
are "disciplined". Every once in awhile he can see that our kids actually do
follow more directions than those other kids. An example, we have an empty
lot near us and the owner politely asked that the kids not play there because
of snakes and other hazards. I told my children and only once have they
gone over there again in the last year, but the neighbor children I tell EVERY
DAY and sometimes more than once a day.
Anyway, I am considering purchasing the Unconditional Parenting DVD by Alfie
Kohn. I have the book, and I think it is one that appeals to the dad point
of view. I told my husband that Kohn is not a touchy-feely unschooler, but a
educational reform writer and a business writer. That he can deal with!
The DVD is expensive enough at about thirty dollars to not rush out and get
it (on his website _www.alfiekohn.com_ (http://www.alfiekohn.com) ) but I will
do so if I need to. My DH is in a more positive place right now, so I
haven't gotten it yet.
I've also gotten on the Scott Noelle Daily Groove newsletter and I forward
them to DH. I don't know if he reads them, but he seems to be working at
being a more mindful parent. That is at _www.enjoyingparenting.com_
(http://www.enjoyingparenting.com)
Thanks to whomever recommended that a few weeks ago. I'm enjoying it very
much!
I know how difficult it is Dana, people truly don't understand. Our
marriage counselor recently quit on us because she disagreed with my parenting
style. She thought that the "kids ran the house" and even my husband was saying
"no, I've been in those houses, it's not like that".
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deb
Maybe check out this article (short, not a whole book)
http://sandradodd.com/benrules - Ben Lovejoy, the author, is an
unschooling dad who has "guy cred" if you want to call it that - a
military guy (Citadel graduate) and in the Air National Guard
currently and all and yet totally unschooling now (wasn't always so).
--Deb
http://sandradodd.com/benrules - Ben Lovejoy, the author, is an
unschooling dad who has "guy cred" if you want to call it that - a
military guy (Citadel graduate) and in the Air National Guard
currently and all and yet totally unschooling now (wasn't always so).
--Deb
[email protected]
>> There's where my problem comes in. My husband thinks I'm nuts. >>We just got back from the Live and Learn Unschooling Conference in Albuquerque. My husband did a fireside chat called "My crazy wife wants to do WHAT with my children?" <g> I hear it was pretty well attended. So you're not alone. :o)
Will your husband read some articles or listen to some talks on the subject? Some experienced dads have been getting pretty vocal in their support of radical unschooling and it seems to mean a lot when it's one guy talking to another.
Sandra Dodd has a webpage just for/about dads: http://sandradodd.com/dads
You could start there.
--
~Mary
http://zenmommasgarden.blogspot.com/
"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh
-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: Dana Ashby <twilightravyn@...>
> Hi all!
> I'm Dana, mom to 3 wonderful children. Katheryn is 4, Shaelyn is 3, and Logan
> is 13 months. I just found Sandra Dodd's website a few days ago, and think she's
> just wonderful. I am trying *hard* to use her advice in my own life. I have
> always wanted to homeschool my kids, even before I got pregnant with Kitty. Up
> until after Logan was born, I practiced AP. Then about 6 months ago, Sam (my
> hubby) decided the kids need bedtimes (even though they had always gone to sleep
> when they were tired) and imposed some rather strict rules.
> There's where my problem comes in. My husband thinks I'm nuts. He's one of
> those "Parents set rules, and children obey" type of people. He feels the need
> to tell our kids no about almost everything, and to yell at them if they get the
> least bit loud. "Supposed to" is one of his favorite things to tell my kids.
> So....what do I do? LOL He admits this way is working (I told him the other day
> that I'm NOT yelling at my kids anymore), but he adds "for now, but if it
> changes....we'll have to go back to the other way." I missed this...this
> closeness and joy that my kids and I can share, but he just thinks I'm crazy,
> and continues "his way" of doing things. AAH! I'm so frustrated. Can anyone
> help?
>
> Glad to be here!
> Dana
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Talk is cheap. Use Yahoo! Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates
> starting at 1�/min.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
Danielle Pate
My husband has always been in agreement with me with "unschooling". He
claims he never knew there was a word for how he felt.
Then, earlier this week a woman came into the shop where he works with her 4
or 5 year old son. (My dh is an auto mechanic). The boy wanted to go into
the garage, right up next to my husband and see everything he was doing.
They could not let him in there- OSHA standards state no customers allowed
in work area. The woman got really uptight and told my husband that they
don't believe in telling their children "no". He then said that she went on
a little about self directed learning, and used some of the words I use
(shows you how much men sometimes listen).
My dh, trying to maintain professionality, claimed "Well, we believe in
sticking to OHSA standards for everyone's safety."
The woman was VERY upset, even long after the child forgot about it. The
two of them spent the rest of the time with pretty much their faces pressed
up against the window trying to see, and my dh said it was wierd.
He came home and wanted to know... "You aren't going to be like THAT are
you?"
lol.
Danielle Souris Pate
"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I�
I took the one less traveled by"
Robert Frost.
Windows Live Spaces is here! It�s easy to create your own personal Web site.
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claims he never knew there was a word for how he felt.
Then, earlier this week a woman came into the shop where he works with her 4
or 5 year old son. (My dh is an auto mechanic). The boy wanted to go into
the garage, right up next to my husband and see everything he was doing.
They could not let him in there- OSHA standards state no customers allowed
in work area. The woman got really uptight and told my husband that they
don't believe in telling their children "no". He then said that she went on
a little about self directed learning, and used some of the words I use
(shows you how much men sometimes listen).
My dh, trying to maintain professionality, claimed "Well, we believe in
sticking to OHSA standards for everyone's safety."
The woman was VERY upset, even long after the child forgot about it. The
two of them spent the rest of the time with pretty much their faces pressed
up against the window trying to see, and my dh said it was wierd.
He came home and wanted to know... "You aren't going to be like THAT are
you?"
lol.
Danielle Souris Pate
"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I�
I took the one less traveled by"
Robert Frost.
>From: zenmomma@..._________________________________________________________________
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] New to the group...need a little help.
>Date: Fri, 15 Sep 2006 20:50:00 +0000
>
> >> There's where my problem comes in. My husband thinks I'm nuts. >>
>
>We just got back from the Live and Learn Unschooling Conference in
>Albuquerque. My husband did a fireside chat called "My crazy wife wants to
>do WHAT with my children?" <g> I hear it was pretty well attended. So
>you're not alone. :o)
>
>Will your husband read some articles or listen to some talks on the
>subject? Some experienced dads have been getting pretty vocal in their
>support of radical unschooling and it seems to mean a lot when it's one guy
>talking to another.
>
>Sandra Dodd has a webpage just for/about dads: http://sandradodd.com/dads
>
>You could start there.
>
>--
>~Mary
>http://zenmommasgarden.blogspot.com/
>
>"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
>green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
>alive."
> ~Thich Nhat Hanh
>
> -------------- Original message ----------------------
>From: Dana Ashby <twilightravyn@...>
> > Hi all!
> > I'm Dana, mom to 3 wonderful children. Katheryn is 4, Shaelyn is 3,
>and Logan
> > is 13 months. I just found Sandra Dodd's website a few days ago, and
>think she's
> > just wonderful. I am trying *hard* to use her advice in my own life. I
>have
> > always wanted to homeschool my kids, even before I got pregnant with
>Kitty. Up
> > until after Logan was born, I practiced AP. Then about 6 months ago, Sam
>(my
> > hubby) decided the kids need bedtimes (even though they had always gone
>to sleep
> > when they were tired) and imposed some rather strict rules.
> > There's where my problem comes in. My husband thinks I'm nuts. He's
>one of
> > those "Parents set rules, and children obey" type of people. He feels
>the need
> > to tell our kids no about almost everything, and to yell at them if they
>get the
> > least bit loud. "Supposed to" is one of his favorite things to tell my
>kids.
> > So....what do I do? LOL He admits this way is working (I told him the
>other day
> > that I'm NOT yelling at my kids anymore), but he adds "for now, but if
>it
> > changes....we'll have to go back to the other way." I missed this...this
> > closeness and joy that my kids and I can share, but he just thinks I'm
>crazy,
> > and continues "his way" of doing things. AAH! I'm so frustrated. Can
>anyone
> > help?
> >
> > Glad to be here!
> > Dana
> >
> >
> > ---------------------------------
> > Talk is cheap. Use Yahoo! Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great
>rates
> > starting at 1�/min.
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>
>
>
>Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Windows Live Spaces is here! It�s easy to create your own personal Web site.
http://spaces.live.com/signup.aspx
Michelle Leifur Reid
On 9/15/06, Danielle Pate <DaniellePate@...> wrote:
where I could watch. Perhaps from the outside or another office
somewhere. :)
--
Michelle
Michelle Leifur Reid
YOUR Pampered Chef Consultant
850-474-0817
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/michellelr
Check out my homeschool cooking classes!
> My dh, trying to maintain professionality, claimed "Well, we believe inAnd as an unschooler I would want to know if there was a better place
> sticking to OHSA standards for everyone's safety."
where I could watch. Perhaps from the outside or another office
somewhere. :)
--
Michelle
Michelle Leifur Reid
YOUR Pampered Chef Consultant
850-474-0817
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/michellelr
Check out my homeschool cooking classes!