How would you feel?
Danielle Pate
I joined this group about a week ago, intending to read only and not post,
but something came accross my mind this morning.
My husband and I were talking about how much we would have loved it if we
had met each other in our teens. (We finally did meet at age 24). We
speculated about how we each were at ages 15-18, and concluded that if we
had met back then, we'd have hit it off just as well as we did at 24.
However, in our society, the expectation is that you wait until you're at
least as old as Methusela until you THINK of finding "the one". Even when
we got married at age 26, people still told us we were too young. The
expectation is that you definitely don't marry the one you date when you are
in your mid to late teens, and if you do, the marriage is doomed for sure.
I looked at zenmomma's pictures from the confrence on her blog, and there's
one pic there where a couple of the teens look like they kind of like each
other. It got me thinking. Unschooling parents are champions at following
their child's lead, treating their opinions with respect, and validating
their kids' experiences. That being said, what if your teen was dating
someone for quite sometime, and then someitme around age 16-19 ish, told you
that this person was "the one"? Both of them were sure of it? Would you
support that, or would you lean towards the societal expectation that teen
relationships can't survive? Unschoolers seem to me like they would mostly
support their child, and believe them when they say that that person is "the
one".
What's your take?
Danielle Souris Pate
"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I�
I took the one less traveled by"
Robert Frost.
_________________________________________________________________
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but something came accross my mind this morning.
My husband and I were talking about how much we would have loved it if we
had met each other in our teens. (We finally did meet at age 24). We
speculated about how we each were at ages 15-18, and concluded that if we
had met back then, we'd have hit it off just as well as we did at 24.
However, in our society, the expectation is that you wait until you're at
least as old as Methusela until you THINK of finding "the one". Even when
we got married at age 26, people still told us we were too young. The
expectation is that you definitely don't marry the one you date when you are
in your mid to late teens, and if you do, the marriage is doomed for sure.
I looked at zenmomma's pictures from the confrence on her blog, and there's
one pic there where a couple of the teens look like they kind of like each
other. It got me thinking. Unschooling parents are champions at following
their child's lead, treating their opinions with respect, and validating
their kids' experiences. That being said, what if your teen was dating
someone for quite sometime, and then someitme around age 16-19 ish, told you
that this person was "the one"? Both of them were sure of it? Would you
support that, or would you lean towards the societal expectation that teen
relationships can't survive? Unschoolers seem to me like they would mostly
support their child, and believe them when they say that that person is "the
one".
What's your take?
Danielle Souris Pate
"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I�
I took the one less traveled by"
Robert Frost.
_________________________________________________________________
Got something to buy, sell or swap? Try Windows Live Expo
ttp://clk.atdmt.com/MSN/go/msnnkwex0010000001msn/direct/01/?href=http://expo.live.com/
Melinda Teal
I agree with you
Chris and I met when I was turning 15 he was 17 we were friends and hit it
off here we are 11 years later been married 7 of those years with 2 great
kids and a life you could not in your wildest dreams hope to find with no
end in sight ever
Chris and I met when I was turning 15 he was 17 we were friends and hit it
off here we are 11 years later been married 7 of those years with 2 great
kids and a life you could not in your wildest dreams hope to find with no
end in sight ever
On 9/14/06, Danielle Pate <DaniellePate@...> wrote:
>
> I joined this group about a week ago, intending to read only and not post,
> but something came accross my mind this morning.
> My husband and I were talking about how much we would have loved it if we
> had met each other in our teens. (We finally did meet at age 24). We
> speculated about how we each were at ages 15-18, and concluded that if we
> had met back then, we'd have hit it off just as well as we did at 24.
> However, in our society, the expectation is that you wait until you're at
> least as old as Methusela until you THINK of finding "the one". Even when
> we got married at age 26, people still told us we were too young. The
> expectation is that you definitely don't marry the one you date when you
> are
> in your mid to late teens, and if you do, the marriage is doomed for sure.
> I looked at zenmomma's pictures from the confrence on her blog, and
> there's
> one pic there where a couple of the teens look like they kind of like each
> other. It got me thinking. Unschooling parents are champions at
> following
> their child's lead, treating their opinions with respect, and validating
> their kids' experiences. That being said, what if your teen was dating
> someone for quite sometime, and then someitme around age 16-19 ish, told
> you
> that this person was "the one"? Both of them were sure of it? Would you
> support that, or would you lean towards the societal expectation that teen
> relationships can't survive? Unschoolers seem to me like they would
> mostly
> support their child, and believe them when they say that that person is
> "the
> one".
> What's your take?
>
>
>
>
> Danielle Souris Pate
> "I shall be telling this with a sigh
> Somewhere ages and ages hence:
> Two roads diverged in a wood, and I�
> I took the one less traveled by"
> Robert Frost.
>
> _________________________________________________________________
> Got something to buy, sell or swap? Try Windows Live Expo
> ttp://clk.atdmt.com/MSN/go/msnnkwex0010000001msn/direct/01/?href=
> http://expo.live.com/
>
>
>
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>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
I would totally support that, but me and my hubby are HS sweethearts (met
at 14 and 15) and we got married when i was 19 he was 20. So i know that it
is possible to find "the one" even at that young of an age. But i did (and
still do) get comments all the time about how amazing it is that we have been
married for 5 years, that is odd to me. My parents were MUCH older when they
got married(40 and 30) and my dad is on his 4th marriage my mom is on her
3rd, so age to me makes no difference in how a relationship will turn out in the
end, it is all about how well the people fit together as a unit and how they
treat each other and if they talk to each other that makes a good marriage
in my opinion, not age.
In a message dated 9/14/2006 11:01:14 A.M. Central Daylight Time,
DaniellePate@... writes:
I joined this group about a week ago, intending to read only and not post,
but something came accross my mind this morning.
My husband and I were talking about how much we would have loved it if we
had met each other in our teens. (We finally did meet at age 24). We
speculated about how we each were at ages 15-18, and concluded that if we
had met back then, we'd have hit it off just as well as we did at 24.
However, in our society, the expectation is that you wait until you're at
least as old as Methusela until you THINK of finding "the one". Even when
we got married at age 26, people still told us we were too young. The
expectation is that you definitely don't marry the one you date when you are
in your mid to late teens, and if you do, the marriage is doomed for sure.
I looked at zenmomma's pictures from the confrence on her blog, and there's
one pic there where a couple of the teens look like they kind of like each
other. It got me thinking. Unschooling parents are champions at following
their child's lead, treating their opinions with respect, and validating
their kids' experiences. That being said, what if your teen was dating
someone for quite sometime, and then someitme around age 16-19 ish, told you
that this person was "the one"? Both of them were sure of it? Would you
support that, or would you lean towards the societal expectation that teen
relationships can't survive? Unschoolers seem to me like they would mostly
support their child, and believe them when they say that that person is "the
one".
What's your take?
~Alyssa in IL
_http://www.d-listproductions.com_ (http://www.d-listproductions.com/)
"Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like you do when nobody's watching."
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
at 14 and 15) and we got married when i was 19 he was 20. So i know that it
is possible to find "the one" even at that young of an age. But i did (and
still do) get comments all the time about how amazing it is that we have been
married for 5 years, that is odd to me. My parents were MUCH older when they
got married(40 and 30) and my dad is on his 4th marriage my mom is on her
3rd, so age to me makes no difference in how a relationship will turn out in the
end, it is all about how well the people fit together as a unit and how they
treat each other and if they talk to each other that makes a good marriage
in my opinion, not age.
In a message dated 9/14/2006 11:01:14 A.M. Central Daylight Time,
DaniellePate@... writes:
I joined this group about a week ago, intending to read only and not post,
but something came accross my mind this morning.
My husband and I were talking about how much we would have loved it if we
had met each other in our teens. (We finally did meet at age 24). We
speculated about how we each were at ages 15-18, and concluded that if we
had met back then, we'd have hit it off just as well as we did at 24.
However, in our society, the expectation is that you wait until you're at
least as old as Methusela until you THINK of finding "the one". Even when
we got married at age 26, people still told us we were too young. The
expectation is that you definitely don't marry the one you date when you are
in your mid to late teens, and if you do, the marriage is doomed for sure.
I looked at zenmomma's pictures from the confrence on her blog, and there's
one pic there where a couple of the teens look like they kind of like each
other. It got me thinking. Unschooling parents are champions at following
their child's lead, treating their opinions with respect, and validating
their kids' experiences. That being said, what if your teen was dating
someone for quite sometime, and then someitme around age 16-19 ish, told you
that this person was "the one"? Both of them were sure of it? Would you
support that, or would you lean towards the societal expectation that teen
relationships can't survive? Unschoolers seem to me like they would mostly
support their child, and believe them when they say that that person is "the
one".
What's your take?
~Alyssa in IL
_http://www.d-listproductions.com_ (http://www.d-listproductions.com/)
"Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like you do when nobody's watching."
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lesa ODaniel
<<Alyssa wrote:
That being said, what if your teen was dating
someone for quite sometime, and then someitme around age 16-19 ish, told
you
that this person was "the one"? Both of them were sure of it? Would you
support that, or would you lean towards the societal expectation that teen
relationships can't survive? Unschoolers seem to me like they would mostly
support their child, and believe them when they say that that person is
"the one".
What's your take?>>
**My husband and I were in college when we met - I was 19 and he was 21. We
married 2 years later without telling anyone (for a few years they just
thought we were living together). This December will be our 13th wedding
anniversary and I feel like we're still going strong...
I think if I were to look at my child when he is older and dating (he's only
2.5 right now) I would look at it from the perspective that I am trying to
develop now. That is, I would trust his feelings and we would talk about
things in depth - including the idea of marriage. My dh and I didn't get
married because we felt it would strengthen our relationship or for
religious reasons or anything like that - we just got married because his
job had very good health benefits and there were no domestic partner
benefits at that time (we were living in Ohio). Therefore, I think I would
bring up all the ideas of marriage in our society and see how he feels about
them - along with the idea that people can be together for many years (even
a lifetime) and never be married. We know several couples like this - gay
and straight.
As far as the idea of "the one", I wouldn't negate his opinion on it because
I've seen that backfire in my own family with my mother trying to control my
and my brothers' relationships during high school. Whenever she started to
deny the feelings we had that a particular person was "the one", it only
brought us closer together with that person and it was harder to determine
for ourselves that maybe this person wasn't "the one" later when the
relationship was rocky. In essence, mom fighting our feelings strengthened
the bond between this person and one of us (me or my brothers) as a united
front against my mother. The relationship ended up lasting far longer than
it probably would have if she hadn't interfered - probably just because we
felt like we needed to prove her wrong.
When looking at a lot of society's ideas of age regarding different
activities (dating, marriage, drinking, driving, voting, having children,
going off to war, etc.), age is so arbitrary. Some "adults" (even the idea
of 18 as when someone becomes an adult) are not ready for many of these
activities well into their adulthood and many teenagers surprise us with
their abilities to handle many of these things very well. As with all things
unschooling (as far as I've come to understand it all), I think it comes
down to knowing your child and what their life experience has helped them
understand - and being there as a parent in case things don't go as they
planned.
Lesa O'Daniel, AAHCC
Instructor, Bradley Method� of Natural Childbirth
323-541-5515
http://www.bradleybirth.com/ndweb.asp?ID=O123&Count=N
Search from any web page with powerful protection. Get the FREE Windows Live
Toolbar Today! http://get.live.com/toolbar/overview
That being said, what if your teen was dating
someone for quite sometime, and then someitme around age 16-19 ish, told
you
that this person was "the one"? Both of them were sure of it? Would you
support that, or would you lean towards the societal expectation that teen
relationships can't survive? Unschoolers seem to me like they would mostly
support their child, and believe them when they say that that person is
"the one".
What's your take?>>
**My husband and I were in college when we met - I was 19 and he was 21. We
married 2 years later without telling anyone (for a few years they just
thought we were living together). This December will be our 13th wedding
anniversary and I feel like we're still going strong...
I think if I were to look at my child when he is older and dating (he's only
2.5 right now) I would look at it from the perspective that I am trying to
develop now. That is, I would trust his feelings and we would talk about
things in depth - including the idea of marriage. My dh and I didn't get
married because we felt it would strengthen our relationship or for
religious reasons or anything like that - we just got married because his
job had very good health benefits and there were no domestic partner
benefits at that time (we were living in Ohio). Therefore, I think I would
bring up all the ideas of marriage in our society and see how he feels about
them - along with the idea that people can be together for many years (even
a lifetime) and never be married. We know several couples like this - gay
and straight.
As far as the idea of "the one", I wouldn't negate his opinion on it because
I've seen that backfire in my own family with my mother trying to control my
and my brothers' relationships during high school. Whenever she started to
deny the feelings we had that a particular person was "the one", it only
brought us closer together with that person and it was harder to determine
for ourselves that maybe this person wasn't "the one" later when the
relationship was rocky. In essence, mom fighting our feelings strengthened
the bond between this person and one of us (me or my brothers) as a united
front against my mother. The relationship ended up lasting far longer than
it probably would have if she hadn't interfered - probably just because we
felt like we needed to prove her wrong.
When looking at a lot of society's ideas of age regarding different
activities (dating, marriage, drinking, driving, voting, having children,
going off to war, etc.), age is so arbitrary. Some "adults" (even the idea
of 18 as when someone becomes an adult) are not ready for many of these
activities well into their adulthood and many teenagers surprise us with
their abilities to handle many of these things very well. As with all things
unschooling (as far as I've come to understand it all), I think it comes
down to knowing your child and what their life experience has helped them
understand - and being there as a parent in case things don't go as they
planned.
Lesa O'Daniel, AAHCC
Instructor, Bradley Method� of Natural Childbirth
323-541-5515
http://www.bradleybirth.com/ndweb.asp?ID=O123&Count=N
>From: SquishyMommy1@..._________________________________________________________________
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] How would you feel?
>Date: Thu, 14 Sep 2006 12:09:26 EDT
>
>
>
>I would totally support that, but me and my hubby are HS sweethearts (met
>at 14 and 15) and we got married when i was 19 he was 20. So i know that
>it
>is possible to find "the one" even at that young of an age. But i did
>(and
>still do) get comments all the time about how amazing it is that we have
>been
>married for 5 years, that is odd to me. My parents were MUCH older when
>they
>got married(40 and 30) and my dad is on his 4th marriage my mom is on her
>3rd, so age to me makes no difference in how a relationship will turn out
>in the
>end, it is all about how well the people fit together as a unit and how
>they
>treat each other and if they talk to each other that makes a good marriage
>in my opinion, not age.
>
>In a message dated 9/14/2006 11:01:14 A.M. Central Daylight Time,
>DaniellePate@... writes:
>
>I joined this group about a week ago, intending to read only and not post,
>but something came accross my mind this morning.
>My husband and I were talking about how much we would have loved it if we
>had met each other in our teens. (We finally did meet at age 24). We
>speculated about how we each were at ages 15-18, and concluded that if we
>had met back then, we'd have hit it off just as well as we did at 24.
>However, in our society, the expectation is that you wait until you're at
>least as old as Methusela until you THINK of finding "the one". Even when
>we got married at age 26, people still told us we were too young. The
>expectation is that you definitely don't marry the one you date when you
>are
>in your mid to late teens, and if you do, the marriage is doomed for sure.
>I looked at zenmomma's pictures from the confrence on her blog, and
>there's
>one pic there where a couple of the teens look like they kind of like each
>other. It got me thinking. Unschooling parents are champions at
>following
>their child's lead, treating their opinions with respect, and validating
>their kids' experiences. That being said, what if your teen was dating
>someone for quite sometime, and then someitme around age 16-19 ish, told
>you
>that this person was "the one"? Both of them were sure of it? Would you
>support that, or would you lean towards the societal expectation that teen
>relationships can't survive? Unschoolers seem to me like they would
>mostly
>support their child, and believe them when they say that that person is
>"the
>
>one".
>What's your take?
>
>
>
>
>~Alyssa in IL
>_http://www.d-listproductions.com_ (http://www.d-listproductions.com/)
>
>
>"Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and
>dance like you do when nobody's watching."
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Search from any web page with powerful protection. Get the FREE Windows Live
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Teresa Bulpin
This is really interesting and something I myself have been thinking about recently. My DS is 12 (almost 13) and his girlfriend (of seven months) is just turning 15. She moved away soon after they met so they don't see each other very often but are always on the phone (we bought an internet phone specifically for that purpose) or on MSN armed with their webcams !
Its really quite sweet but has also given me pause for thought because of their ages, the age difference, geographical distance, etc. DS got really upset when I recently told him that I didn't think I could take him there and back for the weekend (its a two hour journey one-way). I was thinking - its just a teenage crush,etc , can't be serious as they don't actually 'see' each other, are too young, etc.
I remembered that my Mum met my Dad when she was 13 (he was 18) and they've been together ever since (Mum now 56, Dad 61), and also how strong my feelings were for boys when I was younger (in fact I swear the first time i fell 'in love' I was 10, he was 12 !). Plus I tried to see it from an 'unschooling' point of view and figured he was getting a lot from the relationship whatever and decided to support him (instead of belittling the relationship, his feelings, etc - which is effectively what deeming them too young is).
So we've bought him an internet phone (saves our phone bills !), have arranged trips for them to meet up (she's catching a lift to us with friends, we're visiting a conference and dropping him off at her's on the way, etc). We've even had fun together trying to find an original gift he can post her for her birthday !
Don't really think the safe sex thing is an issue yet (though I had to fight him for my friends two month old today !!) but we've always been open and honest with him about such matters and I trust him to take care when the time comes. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it !
Just my opinion
Teresa
(usually lurks-and-learns but had to chip in on this one !)
Newport, UK
Danielle Pate <DaniellePate@...> wrote:
I joined this group about a week ago, intending to read only and not post,
but something came accross my mind this morning.
My husband and I were talking about how much we would have loved it if we
had met each other in our teens. (We finally did meet at age 24). We
speculated about how we each were at ages 15-18, and concluded that if we
had met back then, we'd have hit it off just as well as we did at 24.
However, in our society, the expectation is that you wait until you're at
least as old as Methusela until you THINK of finding "the one". Even when
we got married at age 26, people still told us we were too young. The
expectation is that you definitely don't marry the one you date when you are
in your mid to late teens, and if you do, the marriage is doomed for sure.
I looked at zenmomma's pictures from the confrence on her blog, and there's
one pic there where a couple of the teens look like they kind of like each
other. It got me thinking. Unschooling parents are champions at following
their child's lead, treating their opinions with respect, and validating
their kids' experiences. That being said, what if your teen was dating
someone for quite sometime, and then someitme around age 16-19 ish, told you
that this person was "the one"? Both of them were sure of it? Would you
support that, or would you lean towards the societal expectation that teen
relationships can't survive? Unschoolers seem to me like they would mostly
support their child, and believe them when they say that that person is "the
one".
What's your take?
Danielle Souris Pate
"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by"
Robert Frost.
_________________________________________________________________
Got something to buy, sell or swap? Try Windows Live Expo
ttp://clk.atdmt.com/MSN/go/msnnkwex0010000001msn/direct/01/?href=http://expo.live.com/
Yahoo! Groups Links
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Its really quite sweet but has also given me pause for thought because of their ages, the age difference, geographical distance, etc. DS got really upset when I recently told him that I didn't think I could take him there and back for the weekend (its a two hour journey one-way). I was thinking - its just a teenage crush,etc , can't be serious as they don't actually 'see' each other, are too young, etc.
I remembered that my Mum met my Dad when she was 13 (he was 18) and they've been together ever since (Mum now 56, Dad 61), and also how strong my feelings were for boys when I was younger (in fact I swear the first time i fell 'in love' I was 10, he was 12 !). Plus I tried to see it from an 'unschooling' point of view and figured he was getting a lot from the relationship whatever and decided to support him (instead of belittling the relationship, his feelings, etc - which is effectively what deeming them too young is).
So we've bought him an internet phone (saves our phone bills !), have arranged trips for them to meet up (she's catching a lift to us with friends, we're visiting a conference and dropping him off at her's on the way, etc). We've even had fun together trying to find an original gift he can post her for her birthday !
Don't really think the safe sex thing is an issue yet (though I had to fight him for my friends two month old today !!) but we've always been open and honest with him about such matters and I trust him to take care when the time comes. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it !
Just my opinion
Teresa
(usually lurks-and-learns but had to chip in on this one !)
Newport, UK
Danielle Pate <DaniellePate@...> wrote:
I joined this group about a week ago, intending to read only and not post,
but something came accross my mind this morning.
My husband and I were talking about how much we would have loved it if we
had met each other in our teens. (We finally did meet at age 24). We
speculated about how we each were at ages 15-18, and concluded that if we
had met back then, we'd have hit it off just as well as we did at 24.
However, in our society, the expectation is that you wait until you're at
least as old as Methusela until you THINK of finding "the one". Even when
we got married at age 26, people still told us we were too young. The
expectation is that you definitely don't marry the one you date when you are
in your mid to late teens, and if you do, the marriage is doomed for sure.
I looked at zenmomma's pictures from the confrence on her blog, and there's
one pic there where a couple of the teens look like they kind of like each
other. It got me thinking. Unschooling parents are champions at following
their child's lead, treating their opinions with respect, and validating
their kids' experiences. That being said, what if your teen was dating
someone for quite sometime, and then someitme around age 16-19 ish, told you
that this person was "the one"? Both of them were sure of it? Would you
support that, or would you lean towards the societal expectation that teen
relationships can't survive? Unschoolers seem to me like they would mostly
support their child, and believe them when they say that that person is "the
one".
What's your take?
Danielle Souris Pate
"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by"
Robert Frost.
_________________________________________________________________
Got something to buy, sell or swap? Try Windows Live Expo
ttp://clk.atdmt.com/MSN/go/msnnkwex0010000001msn/direct/01/?href=http://expo.live.com/
Yahoo! Groups Links
---------------------------------
All new Yahoo! Mail "The new Interface is stunning in its simplicity and ease of use." - PC Magazine
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Angela S.
Well, since I've been with my dh since I was 16, (and I'm now almost 39 and
we've been married for 19 years) I'd support them wholeheartedly. Even if it
didn't work out why would you treat them any differently than you would if
you knew they weren't that serious. Guess that's what I don't understand
about your question.
Angela
--
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we've been married for 19 years) I'd support them wholeheartedly. Even if it
didn't work out why would you treat them any differently than you would if
you knew they weren't that serious. Guess that's what I don't understand
about your question.
Angela
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Deb
Hi there - "Methuselah" here LOL - I was 33 when DH and I got
married (okay, technically I was 32 for the first 27 days of our
marriage). He was 25 when we married. So, in some cases, you might
not end up with the same person - I was 2 years out of college when
he graduated high school! It's not that I wasn't looking - I just
didn't find anyone who fit the bill so to speak.
I really don't think the bottom line is about age at all though. I
know 'high school sweethearts' who are still together 60 years
later. I know 'high school sweethearts' who went bust in under 5
years. I know later marrieds who have been together for many years
and later marrieds who are on their 2nd or 3rd spouse. I know folks
who have lived together (gay and straight) for years. I know folks
for whom living together killed the relationship (the toenail
clippings and all that little stuff you don't see much if you aren't
there together 24/7). Most people who know us but met us after we
got married assume that DH is older (that's why I won't "let" him
remove his facial hair - he's still got such a 'baby face' that I'd
get arrested for transporting a minor across state lines...lol).
That was kind of fun when I was 37 and having DS (our one and only)
and they thought I was maybe 23 or 24! I think it runs in my family
maybe - I was 32/33 when I got married and DH is 8 yrs younger; my
brother is 1 1/2 yrs younger than I am and he married at about 32 to
someone a decade younger; my sister is 5 yrs younger than I am and
married at 27 to someone who is slightly older than I am (if you're
following the math, I got married then 7 months later my sister got
married then 1 1/2 years after her my brother got married); my dad
was 29 when he married mom, she was 22. On the other hand, DH's mom
and dad married right after his mom graduated high school, his dad
is about 5 years older I think (he was out of college and in the Air
Force by the time they married so that's probably a pretty close
guess). DH's sister #1 (2 yrs younger than he is) married at 27/28
(not sure how old her hubby is - his DD from a previous marriage was
about 8 at the wedding so he was somewhere upward of 26 at the
time). DH's sister #2 is about 23 now and has had several
relationships that lasted from months to years since she was "high
school age" (MIL homeschooled both #2 and #3 for middle school/high
school). DH's sister #2 is 21 now and has had several relationships
of varying lengths including the one that led to my nephew who just
turned 3 (he was born one month after she turned 18).
If DS found someone who made him content and joyful (happy is a
transient kind of thing) at 18, great. If not, okay. If he never
married/had a long term relationship and was okay with that in
himself, fine (though that would pretty much kill the 'family name'
lol). If he didn't find that person until he was 30, okay.
--Deb
married (okay, technically I was 32 for the first 27 days of our
marriage). He was 25 when we married. So, in some cases, you might
not end up with the same person - I was 2 years out of college when
he graduated high school! It's not that I wasn't looking - I just
didn't find anyone who fit the bill so to speak.
I really don't think the bottom line is about age at all though. I
know 'high school sweethearts' who are still together 60 years
later. I know 'high school sweethearts' who went bust in under 5
years. I know later marrieds who have been together for many years
and later marrieds who are on their 2nd or 3rd spouse. I know folks
who have lived together (gay and straight) for years. I know folks
for whom living together killed the relationship (the toenail
clippings and all that little stuff you don't see much if you aren't
there together 24/7). Most people who know us but met us after we
got married assume that DH is older (that's why I won't "let" him
remove his facial hair - he's still got such a 'baby face' that I'd
get arrested for transporting a minor across state lines...lol).
That was kind of fun when I was 37 and having DS (our one and only)
and they thought I was maybe 23 or 24! I think it runs in my family
maybe - I was 32/33 when I got married and DH is 8 yrs younger; my
brother is 1 1/2 yrs younger than I am and he married at about 32 to
someone a decade younger; my sister is 5 yrs younger than I am and
married at 27 to someone who is slightly older than I am (if you're
following the math, I got married then 7 months later my sister got
married then 1 1/2 years after her my brother got married); my dad
was 29 when he married mom, she was 22. On the other hand, DH's mom
and dad married right after his mom graduated high school, his dad
is about 5 years older I think (he was out of college and in the Air
Force by the time they married so that's probably a pretty close
guess). DH's sister #1 (2 yrs younger than he is) married at 27/28
(not sure how old her hubby is - his DD from a previous marriage was
about 8 at the wedding so he was somewhere upward of 26 at the
time). DH's sister #2 is about 23 now and has had several
relationships that lasted from months to years since she was "high
school age" (MIL homeschooled both #2 and #3 for middle school/high
school). DH's sister #2 is 21 now and has had several relationships
of varying lengths including the one that led to my nephew who just
turned 3 (he was born one month after she turned 18).
If DS found someone who made him content and joyful (happy is a
transient kind of thing) at 18, great. If not, okay. If he never
married/had a long term relationship and was okay with that in
himself, fine (though that would pretty much kill the 'family name'
lol). If he didn't find that person until he was 30, okay.
--Deb
[email protected]
Oh but they can :-) My husband and I met when I was 16 and he was 18. I
moved in with him at 17 and we were married just after I turned 18. We put
ourselves through college and struggled financially until graduation -- we had our
first child at 23 and 25 and now at age 30 we have three children.
I struggle to believe in "the one" and "soul mates" I prefer to think that
certain personalities are more prepared to mesh with another soul but my
husband strongly believes that we are soul mates. (He believes this mainly because
he and my father share the same name and birthdate and because the summation
of our two birth dates equals the date that we conceived our first child.)
So we have been married for twelve years now.
That being said, what if your teen was dating
someone for quite sometime, and then someitme around age 16-19 ish, told
you
that this person was "the one"? Both of them were sure of it? Would you
support that, or would you lean towards the societal expectation that teen
relationships can't survive?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
moved in with him at 17 and we were married just after I turned 18. We put
ourselves through college and struggled financially until graduation -- we had our
first child at 23 and 25 and now at age 30 we have three children.
I struggle to believe in "the one" and "soul mates" I prefer to think that
certain personalities are more prepared to mesh with another soul but my
husband strongly believes that we are soul mates. (He believes this mainly because
he and my father share the same name and birthdate and because the summation
of our two birth dates equals the date that we conceived our first child.)
So we have been married for twelve years now.
That being said, what if your teen was dating
someone for quite sometime, and then someitme around age 16-19 ish, told
you
that this person was "the one"? Both of them were sure of it? Would you
support that, or would you lean towards the societal expectation that teen
relationships can't survive?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Cara
> What's your take?I've stopped caring about what society thinks a long time ago.
I met my hubby right after my 20th birthday and married 2 years
later. We've been married for 9 years. We got all kinds of looks
when I had my first child at age 23.
My daughters are still young (5 & 7) but this is one of reasons I
love unschool. We talk about everything. I believe that this
respect, trust and discussion will continue into the teen years so
they won't feel as I did when my parents dismissed my feelings about
getting married.
Unschooling allows children to find out who they are, probably
earlier than most, so they may be ready to marry at 16 or 19, if
they choose this path. I believe that with all the years of respect,
trust and discussion ahead of us that I will be supportive of any
marriage decision my girls make.
FYI - In ancient times couples would go through a ceremony and live
as legally married for a year and a day. At that time they would
decide if they wanted to continue in the marriage (and have another
ceremony) or go their separate ways without stigma attached (able to
remarry someone else, owning all the property brought to the
marriage, etc).
Blessings,
Cara :)
Solé
I think this "issue" only matters and only would be a problem if you
have a problem with someone marrying more than once, having children
with different fathers/mothers etc. So I think this is only a problem
for maybe religious (or other) people who couldn't accept for
themselves and neither for their children to re-marry whenever they
want. Of course, also non-religious people can have the ideal of
having only one in his/her whole life, but besides from being a bit
disappointed nothing "bad" happens if you don't go with this ideal
and break up. In many religions though it seems to me that it is not
well seen and something "bad" will happen if you don't follow the
rules – I wonder then, if unschooling is possible while being very
religious? Maybe if you are so tolerant that you really - *really* -
don't mind if your child doesn't follow the same religion or with the
same accuracy or... etc.
Otherwise there can't be any problem with an unschooling parent to
"let" their children marry at what age they want, because in case it
doesn't work out, that parent would be there for his/her child, and
NOT saying "well I told you – you see what happens if you marry too
young?? now you clean up your mess alone!" I think it would still be
unschooling if you told your children your opinion if it was wanted,
as long as you aren't trying a tiny little bit to manipulate your
child :-)
The other day, my best friend (unschooling's enemy herself!) asked me
a similar question, what I would do if my daughter wanted to marry at
the age of 18 but a 46 year old rapist who just came out of prison
but who she says she really trusts that he "has changed" and so on
and if I'd still "be there for her" and "support her"... hmmmmmm
Greetings
Johanna
Am 14.09.2006 um 17:32 schrieb Danielle Pate:
have a problem with someone marrying more than once, having children
with different fathers/mothers etc. So I think this is only a problem
for maybe religious (or other) people who couldn't accept for
themselves and neither for their children to re-marry whenever they
want. Of course, also non-religious people can have the ideal of
having only one in his/her whole life, but besides from being a bit
disappointed nothing "bad" happens if you don't go with this ideal
and break up. In many religions though it seems to me that it is not
well seen and something "bad" will happen if you don't follow the
rules – I wonder then, if unschooling is possible while being very
religious? Maybe if you are so tolerant that you really - *really* -
don't mind if your child doesn't follow the same religion or with the
same accuracy or... etc.
Otherwise there can't be any problem with an unschooling parent to
"let" their children marry at what age they want, because in case it
doesn't work out, that parent would be there for his/her child, and
NOT saying "well I told you – you see what happens if you marry too
young?? now you clean up your mess alone!" I think it would still be
unschooling if you told your children your opinion if it was wanted,
as long as you aren't trying a tiny little bit to manipulate your
child :-)
The other day, my best friend (unschooling's enemy herself!) asked me
a similar question, what I would do if my daughter wanted to marry at
the age of 18 but a 46 year old rapist who just came out of prison
but who she says she really trusts that he "has changed" and so on
and if I'd still "be there for her" and "support her"... hmmmmmm
Greetings
Johanna
Am 14.09.2006 um 17:32 schrieb Danielle Pate:
> That being said, what if your teen was dating
> someone for quite sometime, and then someitme around age 16-19 ish,
> told you
> that this person was "the one"? Both of them were sure of it?
> Would you
> support that, or would you lean towards the societal expectation
> that teen
> relationships can't survive? Unschoolers seem to me like they
> would mostly
> support their child, and believe them when they say that that
> person is "the
> one".
> What's your take?
Angela S.
<The other day, my best friend (unschooling's enemy herself!) asked me
a similar question, what I would do if my daughter wanted to marry at
the age of 18 but a 46 year old rapist who just came out of prison
but who she says she really trusts that he "has changed" and so on
and if I'd still "be there for her" and "support her"... hmmmmmm>
Those type of questions piss me off. The person asking such a question is
living life in FEAR in a big way.
Angela
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a similar question, what I would do if my daughter wanted to marry at
the age of 18 but a 46 year old rapist who just came out of prison
but who she says she really trusts that he "has changed" and so on
and if I'd still "be there for her" and "support her"... hmmmmmm>
Those type of questions piss me off. The person asking such a question is
living life in FEAR in a big way.
Angela
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Angela S.
<Those type of questions piss me off. The person asking such a question is
living life in FEAR in a big way.>
Let me elaborate a little more on that. They piss me off because the person
doing the asking has probably already asked a million real questions that
you had a good answer for but in order for them to follow your advice they
would have to give up control and fear.
So then, they move on to questions that you couldn't possibly answer because
if what you are doing (unschooling) works then your kids won't end up 18
years old wanting to marry a convict. But what if they did, would you
support that too? I'd probably just put a bullet in my head for being so
stupid for so long. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
Angela S.
game-enthusiast@...
Life Is Good!
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living life in FEAR in a big way.>
Let me elaborate a little more on that. They piss me off because the person
doing the asking has probably already asked a million real questions that
you had a good answer for but in order for them to follow your advice they
would have to give up control and fear.
So then, they move on to questions that you couldn't possibly answer because
if what you are doing (unschooling) works then your kids won't end up 18
years old wanting to marry a convict. But what if they did, would you
support that too? I'd probably just put a bullet in my head for being so
stupid for so long. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
Angela S.
game-enthusiast@...
Life Is Good!
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Solé
Thank you Angela for this! :-) It is true that she kind of lives in
fear, but she says she's not. Whatever! And of COURSE, she did ask me
a million of real questions to which I could always give a good
answer. And anyway, I didn't advice her, SHE wanted to know what I
was doing ;-)
I also think they wouldn't be as stupid as do t end up wanting to
marry a convict. I didn't know what to answer then, but I love this
answer, because this would probably be what I'd do. I'd be depressed
as hell and think I was really stupid doing this – but then again;
how would I know it was the "unschooling"?
greetings
Johanna
Am 14.09.2006 um 23:29 schrieb Angela S.:
fear, but she says she's not. Whatever! And of COURSE, she did ask me
a million of real questions to which I could always give a good
answer. And anyway, I didn't advice her, SHE wanted to know what I
was doing ;-)
I also think they wouldn't be as stupid as do t end up wanting to
marry a convict. I didn't know what to answer then, but I love this
answer, because this would probably be what I'd do. I'd be depressed
as hell and think I was really stupid doing this – but then again;
how would I know it was the "unschooling"?
greetings
Johanna
Am 14.09.2006 um 23:29 schrieb Angela S.:
> <Those type of questions piss me off. The person asking such a
> question is
> living life in FEAR in a big way.>
>
> Let me elaborate a little more on that. They piss me off because
> the person
> doing the asking has probably already asked a million real
> questions that
> you had a good answer for but in order for them to follow your
> advice they
> would have to give up control and fear.
>
> So then, they move on to questions that you couldn't possibly
> answer because
> if what you are doing (unschooling) works then your kids won't end
> up 18
> years old wanting to marry a convict. But what if they did, would you
> support that too? I'd probably just put a bullet in my head for
> being so
> stupid for so long. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
>
>
>
> Angela S.
> game-enthusiast@...
> Life Is Good!
>
>
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> 9/14/2006
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Angela S.
<I'd be depressed
as hell and think I was really stupid doing this – but then again;
how would I know it was the "unschooling"?>
Well, it wouldn't have anything to do with the educational part of
unschooling anyway. :) But if following radical unschooling in the other
parts of our lives (being kind to our children, loving them unconditionally,
helping them get what they want, etc) makes them lust after a rapist at age
18, then give me the bullet because I certainly couldn't have predicted THAT
would be the outcome of sharing my love and time with them.
Angela S.
game-enthusiast@...
Life Is Good!
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as hell and think I was really stupid doing this – but then again;
how would I know it was the "unschooling"?>
Well, it wouldn't have anything to do with the educational part of
unschooling anyway. :) But if following radical unschooling in the other
parts of our lives (being kind to our children, loving them unconditionally,
helping them get what they want, etc) makes them lust after a rapist at age
18, then give me the bullet because I certainly couldn't have predicted THAT
would be the outcome of sharing my love and time with them.
Angela S.
game-enthusiast@...
Life Is Good!
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Angela S.
<I'd be depressed
as hell and think I was really stupid doing this – but then again;
how would I know it was the "unschooling"?>
Well, it wouldn't have anything to do with the educational part of
unschooling anyway. :) But if following radical unschooling in the other
parts of our lives (being kind to our children, loving them unconditionally,
helping them get what they want, etc) makes them lust after a rapist at age
18, then give me the bullet because I certainly couldn't have predicted THAT
would be the outcome of sharing my love and time with them.
Angela S.
game-enthusiast@...
Life Is Good!
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as hell and think I was really stupid doing this – but then again;
how would I know it was the "unschooling"?>
Well, it wouldn't have anything to do with the educational part of
unschooling anyway. :) But if following radical unschooling in the other
parts of our lives (being kind to our children, loving them unconditionally,
helping them get what they want, etc) makes them lust after a rapist at age
18, then give me the bullet because I certainly couldn't have predicted THAT
would be the outcome of sharing my love and time with them.
Angela S.
game-enthusiast@...
Life Is Good!
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[email protected]
>>what if your teen was dating someone for quite sometime, and then someitme around age 16-19 ish, told you that this person was "the one"? Both of them were sure of it? Would yousupport that, or would you lean towards the societal expectation that teen relationships can't survive? >>
I don't think it's really about what *I* feel in this situation. I can approve or condemn but that's not going to change how *they* feel. Going through the stages of a relationship will do that. Time will tell if they'll grow together or apart. *They* will come to understand each other and themselves with each passing day, month, year.
That doesn't mean I'd sit by mutely and watch my child make HUGE life altering decisions without input from me. But I'd try to keep it respectful of their feelings and intelligence. So far, my kids have been pretty open to listening to my ramblings on relationships, sex, friendships, love, etc.
I recently had such a discussion with an 18 year old unschooler (not mine). He wanted to know if I thought a relationship started at age 15 could be "the one." His girlfriend recently went off to college so they're dealing with separation issues. Since I met my dh at 15 I told him what I've found to be true for us. We did end up being the one for each other, but we needed time apart to discover our own selves as well. I told him it sucked, but it was the best thing we ever did for our longterm relationship. I like to be honest.
--
~Mary
http://zenmommasgarden.blogspot.com/
"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh
-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: "Danielle Pate" <DaniellePate@...>
> I joined this group about a week ago, intending to read only and not post,
> but something came accross my mind this morning.
> My husband and I were talking about how much we would have loved it if we
> had met each other in our teens. (We finally did meet at age 24). We
> speculated about how we each were at ages 15-18, and concluded that if we
> had met back then, we'd have hit it off just as well as we did at 24.
> However, in our society, the expectation is that you wait until you're at
> least as old as Methusela until you THINK of finding "the one". Even when
> we got married at age 26, people still told us we were too young. The
> expectation is that you definitely don't marry the one you date when you are
> in your mid to late teens, and if you do, the marriage is doomed for sure.
> I looked at zenmomma's pictures from the confrence on her blog, and there's
> one pic there where a couple of the teens look like they kind of like each
> other. It got me thinking. Unschooling parents are champions at following
> their child's lead, treating their opinions with respect, and validating
> their kids' experiences. That being said, what if your teen was dating
> someone for quite sometime, and then someitme around age 16-19 ish, told you
> that this person was "the one"? Both of them were sure of it? Would you
> support that, or would you lean towards the societal expectation that teen
> relationships can't survive? Unschoolers seem to me like they would mostly
> support their child, and believe them when they say that that person is "the
> one".
> What's your take?
>
>
>
>
> Danielle Souris Pate
> "I shall be telling this with a sigh
> Somewhere ages and ages hence:
> Two roads diverged in a wood, and I�
> I took the one less traveled by"
> Robert Frost.
>
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[email protected]
>>The other day, my best friend (unschooling's enemy herself!) asked me a similar question, what I would do if my daughter wanted to marry at the age of 18 but a 46 year old rapist who just came out of prison but who she says she really trusts that he "has changed" and so on and if I'd still "be there for her" and "support her"... hmmmmmm>>What a ridiculous question! Did you ask her why she thought so little of your daughter's judgment and your ability to counsel her? And what would be the alternative to being there for her and supporting her, kicking her to the curb?
Jeez. People just don't get it.
--
~Mary
http://zenmommasgarden.blogspot.com/
"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: zenmomma@...
I recently had such a discussion with an 18 year old unschooler (not
mine). He
wanted to know if I thought a relationship started at age 15 could be
"the one."
His girlfriend recently went off to college so they're dealing with
separation
issues. Since I met my dh at 15 I told him what I've found to be true
for us. We
did end up being the one for each other, but we needed time apart to
discover
our own selves as well. I told him it sucked, but it was the best
thing we ever
did for our longterm relationship. I like to be honest.
-=-=-=-
That 18 year old was my Cameron.
We've talked a LOT about this. He and Carly are quite serious: they've
been dating for 3.5 years. People change so much from 18-25. I've
suggested that he give it time. She's not truly on board with
unschooling or our lifestyle (although she LOVES to spend time here and
is always angry with her mom and wishes that RUE was her mother
instead! <G>). She still thinks that children need school. And that
they need rules. But that's how *her* life has been.
She'd rather have had Cam's life, but...
Her father died four years ago, and her parents' marriage was rocky
then at best. Seeing my relationship with Ben has been really good for
her. (So her mom tells me.) She'd never seen spouses really get along.
When they first started dating, her mom didn't like Cam because she
*knew* he'd be worthless and stupid for being UNschooled. He's...
uh...changed her mind a bit! <G> She adores him now! He's respectful
and kind and generous and cares sooo much for Carly. But he has no
problem standing up for himself OR Carly in front of her mother. Kinda
cool. <g>
He's having lunch with her soon, I think, and will give her Rue's book
and tell her that it's NOT too late to repair her relationship with her
daughter. (Yikes! Where'd he get those balls??? <G>)
The big issues *I* see are the strained relationship with her mom, our
unschooling lifestyle, college---it changes people, and distance
(currently she's 1.5 hours away).
Well, that and Ren's desperate need to hook Cameron up with Brenna!
<bwg>
Do I think young relationships can work longterm? You bet. I've seen
it.
Do I think people change a great deal from 18-15? You bet! I've seen
it, and I did!
Do I think relationships can survive long distance? You bet. Ben and I
did it!
I think people with more similar backgrounds may have it easier---and
I guess that's what I'm more concerned about. Our unschooling
background may make it hard to jive with a more conservative,
rule-based background.
I think Cameron and Carly could work this out for the long-term, but I
have suggested that they take their time and not marry right away. They
may or may not take my "sage" advice. <bwg> Either way, I'll stand
behind them. We love Carly and feel she's already part of the family.
We'll see.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org
"It's a small world...but a BIG life!" ~Aaron McGlohn. aged 6
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From: zenmomma@...
I recently had such a discussion with an 18 year old unschooler (not
mine). He
wanted to know if I thought a relationship started at age 15 could be
"the one."
His girlfriend recently went off to college so they're dealing with
separation
issues. Since I met my dh at 15 I told him what I've found to be true
for us. We
did end up being the one for each other, but we needed time apart to
discover
our own selves as well. I told him it sucked, but it was the best
thing we ever
did for our longterm relationship. I like to be honest.
-=-=-=-
That 18 year old was my Cameron.
We've talked a LOT about this. He and Carly are quite serious: they've
been dating for 3.5 years. People change so much from 18-25. I've
suggested that he give it time. She's not truly on board with
unschooling or our lifestyle (although she LOVES to spend time here and
is always angry with her mom and wishes that RUE was her mother
instead! <G>). She still thinks that children need school. And that
they need rules. But that's how *her* life has been.
She'd rather have had Cam's life, but...
Her father died four years ago, and her parents' marriage was rocky
then at best. Seeing my relationship with Ben has been really good for
her. (So her mom tells me.) She'd never seen spouses really get along.
When they first started dating, her mom didn't like Cam because she
*knew* he'd be worthless and stupid for being UNschooled. He's...
uh...changed her mind a bit! <G> She adores him now! He's respectful
and kind and generous and cares sooo much for Carly. But he has no
problem standing up for himself OR Carly in front of her mother. Kinda
cool. <g>
He's having lunch with her soon, I think, and will give her Rue's book
and tell her that it's NOT too late to repair her relationship with her
daughter. (Yikes! Where'd he get those balls??? <G>)
The big issues *I* see are the strained relationship with her mom, our
unschooling lifestyle, college---it changes people, and distance
(currently she's 1.5 hours away).
Well, that and Ren's desperate need to hook Cameron up with Brenna!
<bwg>
Do I think young relationships can work longterm? You bet. I've seen
it.
Do I think people change a great deal from 18-15? You bet! I've seen
it, and I did!
Do I think relationships can survive long distance? You bet. Ben and I
did it!
I think people with more similar backgrounds may have it easier---and
I guess that's what I'm more concerned about. Our unschooling
background may make it hard to jive with a more conservative,
rule-based background.
I think Cameron and Carly could work this out for the long-term, but I
have suggested that they take their time and not marry right away. They
may or may not take my "sage" advice. <bwg> Either way, I'll stand
behind them. We love Carly and feel she's already part of the family.
We'll see.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org
"It's a small world...but a BIG life!" ~Aaron McGlohn. aged 6
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
Ren Allen
"Well, that and Ren's desperate need to hook Cameron up with Brenna!
<bwg>"
Hey, I know soulmates when I see 'em...can't help it!!:) hehe
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
<bwg>"
Hey, I know soulmates when I see 'em...can't help it!!:) hehe
Ren
learninginfreedom.com