I get tired of watching their TV
Beth Mouser
I have been lurking here for quite awhile and am so tempted to
unschool, but several things are holding me back.
One thing that I can't come to terms with is the TV and music
issue. I grew up in a trailer and after school I would come home
and be forced to listen to Very Loud music from each end of the
trailer due to my brothers. I think the trailer was actually
shaking to the loud bass of Black Sabbath and such. I just wanted
to play my choir music on the piano (my mom wasn't at home after
school). I felt like I was always subjected to loud music. Also,
my mom would come home from work around dinner and would then watch
her TV shows all evening long and I got so tired of having her TV on
(secretly, I was bored and wished she would do something with me).
I would retreat to my bedroom to just get away from it. I do enjoy
watching TV with them at times, but sometimes I want to hear quiet~
I am afraid my kids would always want to watch TV if I didn't place
any restrictions on it. And I would rather not get them TVs in
their bedrooms. Are there unschoolers here who don't place
restrictions on TV, but tell their kids "I am tired of having that
TV on and listening to it, can we turn it off now?". The living
room is right off of the kitchen so I have to listen while I am
cooking. They always watch cartoons and I am really tired of them.
My boys are 10 and 12. As far as the music, I know they can
listen to their own IPods and such, but I haven't encouraged that
either. We have hearing issues in our family. My grandma has
terrible hearing and I suffer from some hearing loss as well.
Listening to music with something jammed in your ear is not a good
idea. I have looked into it.
Regards,
Beth
unschool, but several things are holding me back.
One thing that I can't come to terms with is the TV and music
issue. I grew up in a trailer and after school I would come home
and be forced to listen to Very Loud music from each end of the
trailer due to my brothers. I think the trailer was actually
shaking to the loud bass of Black Sabbath and such. I just wanted
to play my choir music on the piano (my mom wasn't at home after
school). I felt like I was always subjected to loud music. Also,
my mom would come home from work around dinner and would then watch
her TV shows all evening long and I got so tired of having her TV on
(secretly, I was bored and wished she would do something with me).
I would retreat to my bedroom to just get away from it. I do enjoy
watching TV with them at times, but sometimes I want to hear quiet~
I am afraid my kids would always want to watch TV if I didn't place
any restrictions on it. And I would rather not get them TVs in
their bedrooms. Are there unschoolers here who don't place
restrictions on TV, but tell their kids "I am tired of having that
TV on and listening to it, can we turn it off now?". The living
room is right off of the kitchen so I have to listen while I am
cooking. They always watch cartoons and I am really tired of them.
My boys are 10 and 12. As far as the music, I know they can
listen to their own IPods and such, but I haven't encouraged that
either. We have hearing issues in our family. My grandma has
terrible hearing and I suffer from some hearing loss as well.
Listening to music with something jammed in your ear is not a good
idea. I have looked into it.
Regards,
Beth
Angela S.
I think there is a big difference between an Unschooling household where TV
is just one of many interesting things to do and a home where the children
are left alone after school to fend for themselves. Have you always
unschooled? Do your kids feel they need TV as an escape from something
stressful? Are they still deschooling after being brought out of school
recently? Do you bring neat things into your home to introduce to your
kids? Do you play games with your kids and read to them? Are you providing
a rich environment for them based on their interests?
I too can't stand to be around the constant noise of the TV. We have two
TVs. One is in the basement family room and the other is on the main floor
in the living room where the noise carries all through the house. There is
always one place to escape from the noise of the TV. But my kids still like
me to watch with them (almost 10 and 11.75) and they often will wait for me
to be free to sit and watch TV with them and do something else until I am
ready. The TV noise isn't a distraction for me if I am sitting there
watching it. It's when I am not watching it that it bothers me.
Is there another room in the house where you could put the TV that would put
a door between you and the TV? Could they turn the volume really low and
put the closed captioning on so they won't miss something?
I wouldn't hesitate to let the kids know that I felt I needed some quiet
time if the TV had been on loudly for a LONG period of time. I wouldn't
force the issue, but I have always been respectful of my children when they
need something and so I am confident they would be respectful of my needs
too. They might ask if I minded if they finished a show or turned it down
but they would try to meet my needs too.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
is just one of many interesting things to do and a home where the children
are left alone after school to fend for themselves. Have you always
unschooled? Do your kids feel they need TV as an escape from something
stressful? Are they still deschooling after being brought out of school
recently? Do you bring neat things into your home to introduce to your
kids? Do you play games with your kids and read to them? Are you providing
a rich environment for them based on their interests?
I too can't stand to be around the constant noise of the TV. We have two
TVs. One is in the basement family room and the other is on the main floor
in the living room where the noise carries all through the house. There is
always one place to escape from the noise of the TV. But my kids still like
me to watch with them (almost 10 and 11.75) and they often will wait for me
to be free to sit and watch TV with them and do something else until I am
ready. The TV noise isn't a distraction for me if I am sitting there
watching it. It's when I am not watching it that it bothers me.
Is there another room in the house where you could put the TV that would put
a door between you and the TV? Could they turn the volume really low and
put the closed captioning on so they won't miss something?
I wouldn't hesitate to let the kids know that I felt I needed some quiet
time if the TV had been on loudly for a LONG period of time. I wouldn't
force the issue, but I have always been respectful of my children when they
need something and so I am confident they would be respectful of my needs
too. They might ask if I minded if they finished a show or turned it down
but they would try to meet my needs too.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joanne
--- In [email protected], "Beth Mouser" <mouser4@...>
wrote:
can we turn it off now?".>>>>
Yes. Of course! But I don't "tell", I ask them. It's just like when
we're in the car and I'm BLASTING Metallica (or Sabbath...lol).....they
sometimes ask "Mom, can you lower that?" or "Mom, can we listen to
something else?" It's all about respect....on every side. As far as
TV....I'm bothered by the commercials so I ask that they (including my
husband) mute them and that helps me a lot.
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (13)
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
wrote:
>>>>Are there unschoolers here who don't place restrictions on TV, buttell their kids "I am tired of having that TV on and listening to it,
can we turn it off now?".>>>>
Yes. Of course! But I don't "tell", I ask them. It's just like when
we're in the car and I'm BLASTING Metallica (or Sabbath...lol).....they
sometimes ask "Mom, can you lower that?" or "Mom, can we listen to
something else?" It's all about respect....on every side. As far as
TV....I'm bothered by the commercials so I ask that they (including my
husband) mute them and that helps me a lot.
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (13)
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
Deb
I think part of the situation is that you have lots of
previous "baggage" (though that word does get so overused). Words
like "come to terms", "subjected to", "retreat" pop right out in
that regard.
Do you actually sit and watch them watch? Do you get familiar with
the characters and such? Do you *choose* to spend time with them
doing things they enjoy (which might be TV) rather than
feeling "subjected to" things you have to "come to terms" with?
Would it be an issue for you if you hadn't "been subjected" to loud
music and disengaged parenting?
Part of "coming to terms" with it is dealing with the fact that this
is your issue, not theirs - they don't have that background of
having a mom who prefers TV to them, they don't have a background of
competing stereos, etc. To them, TV is just something fun (and
something to use to decompress from daily stresses if they're still
in school or deschooling). And part of it is getting everyone
together and discussing it and brainstorming ways that mom can get
some quiet occasionally AND they can watch their favorite programs.
For instance, can you record/TiVO their favorite shows so they can
turn the TV off sometimes and watch the show later? Is there a place
where you can go and close the door for 20 minutes of quiet? (at 10
and 12, they can surely be by themselves for 20 minutes). Can they
use closed captioning sometimes? We do that often because of the
trucks going by the house - instead of turning the TV louder, we
turn on closed captioning. It makes us all a bit nuts to go to MIL's
house where they have the TV blasting loud most all the time (of
course, MIL's eyesight is about as bad as her hearing so either way
she misses stuff).
Unschooling is not about turning the house into a free-for-all. It
is all about respect and trust - for everyone in the household, not
just kids, not just adults. By extending that respect, you build a
bank account of respect so that when you request something that you
need, it is there to draw on (poor analogy there really in many
ways). My 8 yr old, never regulated re: TV, DS sometimes wants to
spend time with me on days I'm home from work when I'm not feeling
well. I'm usually sleeping most of the time if I'm home on a sick
day. He turns on the TV in my room BUT first he asks if it's okay
with me. If I say Okay (which I usually do, I can generally sleep
through anything, especially if I've taken some head cold
medication). He then turns it way down low and puts on captioning so
he can watch and be with me and still not bother me. It's just
mutual respect, person for person. How would you approach another
adult about the situation? You likely wouldn't yell at them that
they HAD TO turn it down ...or else.... Nor would you (I hope)
suffer martyr-like in silence and then snipe and put down their TV
watching. Maybe take it totally out of the realm of TV and pick
something else - cooking fish for instance. If you really hated the
smell of fish cooking but your SO really enjoyed baked halibut, what
would you do? You'd probably work out some compromise - your SO
bakes halibut only when you're out visiting friends or you invest in
a really good air freshener/cleaner for those occasions or your SO
chooses to only get baked halibut out at a restaurant so you don't
have to live with the cooking smells or something - you'd
brainstorm ideas. Do the same with the kids over TV.
--Deb
previous "baggage" (though that word does get so overused). Words
like "come to terms", "subjected to", "retreat" pop right out in
that regard.
Do you actually sit and watch them watch? Do you get familiar with
the characters and such? Do you *choose* to spend time with them
doing things they enjoy (which might be TV) rather than
feeling "subjected to" things you have to "come to terms" with?
Would it be an issue for you if you hadn't "been subjected" to loud
music and disengaged parenting?
Part of "coming to terms" with it is dealing with the fact that this
is your issue, not theirs - they don't have that background of
having a mom who prefers TV to them, they don't have a background of
competing stereos, etc. To them, TV is just something fun (and
something to use to decompress from daily stresses if they're still
in school or deschooling). And part of it is getting everyone
together and discussing it and brainstorming ways that mom can get
some quiet occasionally AND they can watch their favorite programs.
For instance, can you record/TiVO their favorite shows so they can
turn the TV off sometimes and watch the show later? Is there a place
where you can go and close the door for 20 minutes of quiet? (at 10
and 12, they can surely be by themselves for 20 minutes). Can they
use closed captioning sometimes? We do that often because of the
trucks going by the house - instead of turning the TV louder, we
turn on closed captioning. It makes us all a bit nuts to go to MIL's
house where they have the TV blasting loud most all the time (of
course, MIL's eyesight is about as bad as her hearing so either way
she misses stuff).
Unschooling is not about turning the house into a free-for-all. It
is all about respect and trust - for everyone in the household, not
just kids, not just adults. By extending that respect, you build a
bank account of respect so that when you request something that you
need, it is there to draw on (poor analogy there really in many
ways). My 8 yr old, never regulated re: TV, DS sometimes wants to
spend time with me on days I'm home from work when I'm not feeling
well. I'm usually sleeping most of the time if I'm home on a sick
day. He turns on the TV in my room BUT first he asks if it's okay
with me. If I say Okay (which I usually do, I can generally sleep
through anything, especially if I've taken some head cold
medication). He then turns it way down low and puts on captioning so
he can watch and be with me and still not bother me. It's just
mutual respect, person for person. How would you approach another
adult about the situation? You likely wouldn't yell at them that
they HAD TO turn it down ...or else.... Nor would you (I hope)
suffer martyr-like in silence and then snipe and put down their TV
watching. Maybe take it totally out of the realm of TV and pick
something else - cooking fish for instance. If you really hated the
smell of fish cooking but your SO really enjoyed baked halibut, what
would you do? You'd probably work out some compromise - your SO
bakes halibut only when you're out visiting friends or you invest in
a really good air freshener/cleaner for those occasions or your SO
chooses to only get baked halibut out at a restaurant so you don't
have to live with the cooking smells or something - you'd
brainstorm ideas. Do the same with the kids over TV.
--Deb