It doesn't work! ... and then it does ::whew::
Laureen
Heya!
I could use some advice on a do-over.
Yesterday, just like every Thursday, we take a family trip to the
Farmer's Market to stock up (organic produce is impossible to find in
my town anywhere else, sigh). Rowan, who is four, is a totally
involved part of this.... helps me clean out the fridge, we talk about
meals, he helps pick out produce when we get there (and chows down on
the samples), and helps pay for things... it's a great time. When
we're done with the shopping, there's a bounce house set up, and he
gets to go rampage around in there.
Enter the difficulty. Bounce house is a ticketed, time-limited event.
He's always understood this, and when the people running it say "time
to come out!", he's always done great.
Not yesterday. Yesterday, he screamed, he railed, he totally flipped
out, and when I tried to talk him down, with explaining the sitch,
statements of understanding, etc, I got "No! Never!", and he hid on
top of the slide inside. Eventually, with the guy running the thing
getting more and more upset, I went in and pulled him out.
Eeeeesh.
We walked back to the car, Rowan sobbing like a hysterical broken
thing the whole way. Got him buckled in, gave him some water and some
time to calm down, I expressed how disappointed I was, that I had
thought he understood that 1) we'd spent all our money, 2) that it was
time for the really small kids to have their turn, that 3) we were all
hungry and needed to go home to eat, and 4) that by doing what he did,
he'd made it tough for us to trust him going in the bounce house
again.
Everyone was quiet for about three minutes. Then Rowan pipes up from
the back seat, "I think that I was tired, and I was hungry, and I
think I need to go home and eat and go to bed, and we'll try again
some other time. "
Woah. How incredibly cool is that?
So, what I need is ideas for how to handle this in the future. Going
in there after him was disrespectful, but hollering at him from
outside would have been too. He'd had snacks before we left, and had
been chowing down on samples, so "hungry" wasn't all that much a
factor, I don't think. Tired, maybe, but I can't move the time of the
farmer's market (we were there around 5 pm), and besides, that's
normal playtime for him anyway. I've explained how things work there,
and it's never been an issue like yesterday. So I guess my toolbox is
totally empty, since being patient, rational, and honest has always
served just fine in the past.
Thoughts? Help? Thanks!
--
~~L!
http://elementalmom.blogspot.com/
I could use some advice on a do-over.
Yesterday, just like every Thursday, we take a family trip to the
Farmer's Market to stock up (organic produce is impossible to find in
my town anywhere else, sigh). Rowan, who is four, is a totally
involved part of this.... helps me clean out the fridge, we talk about
meals, he helps pick out produce when we get there (and chows down on
the samples), and helps pay for things... it's a great time. When
we're done with the shopping, there's a bounce house set up, and he
gets to go rampage around in there.
Enter the difficulty. Bounce house is a ticketed, time-limited event.
He's always understood this, and when the people running it say "time
to come out!", he's always done great.
Not yesterday. Yesterday, he screamed, he railed, he totally flipped
out, and when I tried to talk him down, with explaining the sitch,
statements of understanding, etc, I got "No! Never!", and he hid on
top of the slide inside. Eventually, with the guy running the thing
getting more and more upset, I went in and pulled him out.
Eeeeesh.
We walked back to the car, Rowan sobbing like a hysterical broken
thing the whole way. Got him buckled in, gave him some water and some
time to calm down, I expressed how disappointed I was, that I had
thought he understood that 1) we'd spent all our money, 2) that it was
time for the really small kids to have their turn, that 3) we were all
hungry and needed to go home to eat, and 4) that by doing what he did,
he'd made it tough for us to trust him going in the bounce house
again.
Everyone was quiet for about three minutes. Then Rowan pipes up from
the back seat, "I think that I was tired, and I was hungry, and I
think I need to go home and eat and go to bed, and we'll try again
some other time. "
Woah. How incredibly cool is that?
So, what I need is ideas for how to handle this in the future. Going
in there after him was disrespectful, but hollering at him from
outside would have been too. He'd had snacks before we left, and had
been chowing down on samples, so "hungry" wasn't all that much a
factor, I don't think. Tired, maybe, but I can't move the time of the
farmer's market (we were there around 5 pm), and besides, that's
normal playtime for him anyway. I've explained how things work there,
and it's never been an issue like yesterday. So I guess my toolbox is
totally empty, since being patient, rational, and honest has always
served just fine in the past.
Thoughts? Help? Thanks!
--
~~L!
http://elementalmom.blogspot.com/
Tyra Olufemi
Peace Laureen!
I am sorry to just now respond. I wanted to say that I feel that it was just that day with your son. Age 4 tended to be an easier stage for me and my older son however, he still had his moments. As a matter of fact, I remember there were times when his energy was so intense that he would literally fall on the ground and kick and scream when he had not done that since the twos. I say just go with the flow. I feel confident that he will move past these types of reactions. Continuing with your response will probably provide him with continuity in knowing that you are still committed to peaceful parenting. I never feel that peaceful parenting will render the exact results that I think it should. But continuing the peaceful response will continue providing that example.
Best to you!
Namaste
Tyra
From: Laureen <splashing@...>
Date: 2006/09/01 Fri AM 09:42:45 CDT
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] It doesn't work! ... and then it does ::whew::
Heya!
I could use some advice on a do-over.
I am sorry to just now respond. I wanted to say that I feel that it was just that day with your son. Age 4 tended to be an easier stage for me and my older son however, he still had his moments. As a matter of fact, I remember there were times when his energy was so intense that he would literally fall on the ground and kick and scream when he had not done that since the twos. I say just go with the flow. I feel confident that he will move past these types of reactions. Continuing with your response will probably provide him with continuity in knowing that you are still committed to peaceful parenting. I never feel that peaceful parenting will render the exact results that I think it should. But continuing the peaceful response will continue providing that example.
Best to you!
Namaste
Tyra
From: Laureen <splashing@...>
Date: 2006/09/01 Fri AM 09:42:45 CDT
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] It doesn't work! ... and then it does ::whew::
Heya!
I could use some advice on a do-over.
Michelle Leifur Reid
On 9/1/06, Laureen <splashing@...> wrote:
originally and only noticed it when Tyra posted her response. Perhaps last
week wasn't a "normal" day. Maybe last week he was tired from less sleep,
active play, not enough active play, etc. And wat was he snacking on?
Perhaps he had plenty of carbs (I'm thinking lots of fruits and veggies) but
not enough protein? Perhaps pack some nuts for the trip over or some cheese
or something else with protein. So he may have been honest. He may have
been tired and hungry for something he hadn't had yet. Since he has done
this bounce house in the past without problems, I would chalk it up to an
off day. He's still SO little and still needs SO much from us. Is there
anyway that the bounce house could be something he does in the middle of
your shopping rather than the end or even at the beginning. "Let's go do
the bounce house and then we can do our shopping" or "Let's take a break
from shopping and do the bounce house. We can finish up our shopping when
you are done." Seems like the bounce house equals time to go and he is
having a hard time disconnecting from something so fun for a boring car
trip. :)
I also would consider a better way of dealing with "aftermath" than
expressing disappointment in his actions. Telling a child that you are
disappointed in them and can't trust them is just so negative. While you
may be disappointed (or perhaps embarassed?) about the situation, think of
better ways to talk about it than *your* feelings. What about *his*
feelings? Maybe something like, "You sure seemed to be having fun today.
It must have seemed like time really flew and you weren't ready to leave
when the man said it was time. It would be fun if we could just bound in
that house all day wouldn't it?"
Hope this week went better.
--
Michelle
Michelle Leifur Reid
YOUR Pampered Chef Consultant
850-474-0817
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/michellelr
Check out my homeschool cooking classes!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>Sorry, too, for not answering this earlier. I never saw it come through
> He'd had snacks before we left, and had
> been chowing down on samples, so "hungry" wasn't all that much a
> factor, I don't think. Tired, maybe, but I can't move the time of the
> farmer's market (we were there around 5 pm), and besides, that's
> normal playtime for him anyway.
originally and only noticed it when Tyra posted her response. Perhaps last
week wasn't a "normal" day. Maybe last week he was tired from less sleep,
active play, not enough active play, etc. And wat was he snacking on?
Perhaps he had plenty of carbs (I'm thinking lots of fruits and veggies) but
not enough protein? Perhaps pack some nuts for the trip over or some cheese
or something else with protein. So he may have been honest. He may have
been tired and hungry for something he hadn't had yet. Since he has done
this bounce house in the past without problems, I would chalk it up to an
off day. He's still SO little and still needs SO much from us. Is there
anyway that the bounce house could be something he does in the middle of
your shopping rather than the end or even at the beginning. "Let's go do
the bounce house and then we can do our shopping" or "Let's take a break
from shopping and do the bounce house. We can finish up our shopping when
you are done." Seems like the bounce house equals time to go and he is
having a hard time disconnecting from something so fun for a boring car
trip. :)
I also would consider a better way of dealing with "aftermath" than
expressing disappointment in his actions. Telling a child that you are
disappointed in them and can't trust them is just so negative. While you
may be disappointed (or perhaps embarassed?) about the situation, think of
better ways to talk about it than *your* feelings. What about *his*
feelings? Maybe something like, "You sure seemed to be having fun today.
It must have seemed like time really flew and you weren't ready to leave
when the man said it was time. It would be fun if we could just bound in
that house all day wouldn't it?"
Hope this week went better.
--
Michelle
Michelle Leifur Reid
YOUR Pampered Chef Consultant
850-474-0817
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/michellelr
Check out my homeschool cooking classes!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deb
I think he was probably right - most likely he was munching veggies
and such at the farmer's market, lack of protein possibly. I know
for my DS, even if he's had 85 apples and a dozen tortillas, if he's
had no protein, he's still "hungry" in his body for that protein.
Especially if he's going through a growing time mentally or
phsically. And, too, your DS may have eaten a bunch, but he was also
expending lots of energy at the same time. "tired" is not just a
physical thing sometimes - sometimes it's an accumulation of inputs
over the day. I know sometimes I'm physically rested but my brain is
tired from lots of thinking and planning and absorbing and talking
and all like that.
Maybe sit down and talk together about what would help next time
(debrief the situation with him) - more frequent checking in
to 'remind' him that he needs a bit of protein or a rest break or
something. I'll use water breaks for that with DS if we're someplace
where there's lots going on and he's on the move a bunch. I'll
suggest he stop for a drink of water to stay hydrated (which is
another issue, if he starts dehydrating he's more likely to fall
apart too). 2 minutes for a drink of water and he's hydrated a bit,
he gets to pause and regroup, and often that little pause in the
action alerts him to a need for food, bathroom break, or whatever,
that, if he just kept going he might miss the signals for until it
became a critical issue.
--Deb
and such at the farmer's market, lack of protein possibly. I know
for my DS, even if he's had 85 apples and a dozen tortillas, if he's
had no protein, he's still "hungry" in his body for that protein.
Especially if he's going through a growing time mentally or
phsically. And, too, your DS may have eaten a bunch, but he was also
expending lots of energy at the same time. "tired" is not just a
physical thing sometimes - sometimes it's an accumulation of inputs
over the day. I know sometimes I'm physically rested but my brain is
tired from lots of thinking and planning and absorbing and talking
and all like that.
Maybe sit down and talk together about what would help next time
(debrief the situation with him) - more frequent checking in
to 'remind' him that he needs a bit of protein or a rest break or
something. I'll use water breaks for that with DS if we're someplace
where there's lots going on and he's on the move a bunch. I'll
suggest he stop for a drink of water to stay hydrated (which is
another issue, if he starts dehydrating he's more likely to fall
apart too). 2 minutes for a drink of water and he's hydrated a bit,
he gets to pause and regroup, and often that little pause in the
action alerts him to a need for food, bathroom break, or whatever,
that, if he just kept going he might miss the signals for until it
became a critical issue.
--Deb