games + movies for older kids/adults?
Solé
Hey again...
...and then we have another problem. Of course, she's been playing
computer ALL day long. That's no problem and she needs to catch up. I
really don't mind. BUT I read in unschooling sites that we shouldn't
restrict the *kind* of games either (for instance violent games). Nor
the kind of TV programs even if they are for adults (?) We really
don't know how to handle this because... for instance, we don't have
any violent games and she wouldn't want them now either, but we have
The Sims for instance, a game which I enjoy very much as well. But
there is a thief with a mini-bag who comes and puts extremely big
things in his very small bag. She played that all day long and really
enjoyed it, but now she is afraid that this thief with a small bag
would come. She was even afraid to talk about it loud, because she
thought he could hear us form outside. Now The Sims is rather
harmless! In the game, you can have a an alarm and then the police
automatically comes. Now she said, we didn't even have an alarm. I
don't want to buy an alarm now, this was really somethign we never
wanted because we hate security freaks who close everything 5 times
and everythign, i don't want to imprison myself, and plus, it's
expensive. We do have a little "chain" to double lock the door which
we never use. But yesterday we used it, extra for her. Now I'm
thinking, THe Sims is SO harmless, she cannot even handle that, how
will she handle other more scary games. And with TV, my boyfriend
asked if she could watch everything for adults as well. I said that I
wasn't sure and so on, I guessed yes. We are absolutely SURE that as
soon as her computer catching-up need is over, she will switch to TV
and she WILL stop at (soft)-pornographic programs (which are on
normal TV very late at night) and/or scary movies! Then SHE said, she
"liked" scary movies. Well... maybe she does but she is already
scared of a stupid unrealistic comic style thief with mini bags! I
didn't even know how I could help her with her fear because just
saying "there is no thief" is not helpful at all, and also, the
possibility that a real thief comes is not high, but there is a
chance, so it's a lie anyway. The chain didn't help (and what if he
has something to destroy it?), and that we could call the police
neither (and what if we don't hear him?) and that we didn't have
anyting worth stealing neither (and what if he steals me?) and so
on... How could I explain there are no aliens and all the other
unrealistic scary things there might be??
Thank you
Johanna
(dd 7 yrs)
...and then we have another problem. Of course, she's been playing
computer ALL day long. That's no problem and she needs to catch up. I
really don't mind. BUT I read in unschooling sites that we shouldn't
restrict the *kind* of games either (for instance violent games). Nor
the kind of TV programs even if they are for adults (?) We really
don't know how to handle this because... for instance, we don't have
any violent games and she wouldn't want them now either, but we have
The Sims for instance, a game which I enjoy very much as well. But
there is a thief with a mini-bag who comes and puts extremely big
things in his very small bag. She played that all day long and really
enjoyed it, but now she is afraid that this thief with a small bag
would come. She was even afraid to talk about it loud, because she
thought he could hear us form outside. Now The Sims is rather
harmless! In the game, you can have a an alarm and then the police
automatically comes. Now she said, we didn't even have an alarm. I
don't want to buy an alarm now, this was really somethign we never
wanted because we hate security freaks who close everything 5 times
and everythign, i don't want to imprison myself, and plus, it's
expensive. We do have a little "chain" to double lock the door which
we never use. But yesterday we used it, extra for her. Now I'm
thinking, THe Sims is SO harmless, she cannot even handle that, how
will she handle other more scary games. And with TV, my boyfriend
asked if she could watch everything for adults as well. I said that I
wasn't sure and so on, I guessed yes. We are absolutely SURE that as
soon as her computer catching-up need is over, she will switch to TV
and she WILL stop at (soft)-pornographic programs (which are on
normal TV very late at night) and/or scary movies! Then SHE said, she
"liked" scary movies. Well... maybe she does but she is already
scared of a stupid unrealistic comic style thief with mini bags! I
didn't even know how I could help her with her fear because just
saying "there is no thief" is not helpful at all, and also, the
possibility that a real thief comes is not high, but there is a
chance, so it's a lie anyway. The chain didn't help (and what if he
has something to destroy it?), and that we could call the police
neither (and what if we don't hear him?) and that we didn't have
anyting worth stealing neither (and what if he steals me?) and so
on... How could I explain there are no aliens and all the other
unrealistic scary things there might be??
Thank you
Johanna
(dd 7 yrs)
Angela S.
Sole,
It sounds as if you are reading about Unschooling as if there are some rules
to follow and if you just follow them correctly, you'll get the results you
want and that some of us already have. The problem is, you have to listen
to your child. Your child is telling you (not in words maybe) that the Sims
game bothers her. Can you help her to understand (through regular talking
during other times) that the Sims thief isn't real and that even though
there are some thieves in real life it's unlikely that they'll ever come to
your house. My kids always worked through things that bothered them by play
acting. Maybe you could take turns playing the thief if you think it'll
work for her.
It sounds like she is sort of rebelling against rules you have had and
wanting to do things that were once off limits but not with really making
conscious choices about what she wants to do. If you know scary movies will
bother her, tell her that but not in a way that makes her think you are the
know it all and she doesn't know enough, but in a way that you would a
friend who doesn't like scary movies. My kids, who have been free to watch
as much TV and whatever, since they were maybe 4 and 6 years old (I began by
just saying yes more when they asked to watch and it was Arthur and animal
planet that they liked) have never decided to watch scary movies just
because they could. They have no interest in any movies that are overtly
sexual and they say yuck and close their eyes when people kiss. (They are
almost 10 and 11.75) Despite their freedoms they aren't drawn to porn, soft
or not. (actually they don't know it exists) They aren't drawn to scary
movies and they know that I don't warm them off a show for any other reason
than having their best interests at heart.
I am not sure if you just told your dd that she has no rules now that you
are unschoolers or what but it can be VERY overwhelming for a child with a
lot of rules to all of a sudden have no rules. It works much better if you
just start saying yes more often to things you might have said no to before
without having thought about it. "Can I stay up to finish watching this
show?" YES "Will you stay with me while I go to sleep?" Sure.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
It sounds as if you are reading about Unschooling as if there are some rules
to follow and if you just follow them correctly, you'll get the results you
want and that some of us already have. The problem is, you have to listen
to your child. Your child is telling you (not in words maybe) that the Sims
game bothers her. Can you help her to understand (through regular talking
during other times) that the Sims thief isn't real and that even though
there are some thieves in real life it's unlikely that they'll ever come to
your house. My kids always worked through things that bothered them by play
acting. Maybe you could take turns playing the thief if you think it'll
work for her.
It sounds like she is sort of rebelling against rules you have had and
wanting to do things that were once off limits but not with really making
conscious choices about what she wants to do. If you know scary movies will
bother her, tell her that but not in a way that makes her think you are the
know it all and she doesn't know enough, but in a way that you would a
friend who doesn't like scary movies. My kids, who have been free to watch
as much TV and whatever, since they were maybe 4 and 6 years old (I began by
just saying yes more when they asked to watch and it was Arthur and animal
planet that they liked) have never decided to watch scary movies just
because they could. They have no interest in any movies that are overtly
sexual and they say yuck and close their eyes when people kiss. (They are
almost 10 and 11.75) Despite their freedoms they aren't drawn to porn, soft
or not. (actually they don't know it exists) They aren't drawn to scary
movies and they know that I don't warm them off a show for any other reason
than having their best interests at heart.
I am not sure if you just told your dd that she has no rules now that you
are unschoolers or what but it can be VERY overwhelming for a child with a
lot of rules to all of a sudden have no rules. It works much better if you
just start saying yes more often to things you might have said no to before
without having thought about it. "Can I stay up to finish watching this
show?" YES "Will you stay with me while I go to sleep?" Sure.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Solé
Hello,
(thank you Angela for both of your replies :-))
Am 01.09.2006 um 14:10 schrieb Angela S.:
that we were unschooling now and that there would be no rules. People
told me to just say yes more and to not use arbitrary "nos", and
suggested that only if she asks we should tell her. So I did, and
that was actually also in my mind. But a day after my question in the
list, she actually asked me, wondering "where do you have that all
from?? why am I allowed to do xx and yy?" So I told her that we have
been informing ourselves about new ways of raising our children and
that we wanted our children to grow up in freedom. We talked a bit
about it and although I never said anything about lifting rules, she
kind of derived from our conversation that it would be so. She's very
clever :-) Before yesterday for example, she happily helped us
cleaning the kitchen, drying the dishes. My boyfriend had to suddenly
tak care of ds (1) who needed to be fed and whatever. And so she
said, hey, where is Maurice?? He should be helping us! or something
like that. Then I said, well, he has to take care of ds. And then she
said "nobody HAS to do ANYTHING!!!... (actually my bf and I
afterwards commented that she's been saying that a few times and she
always SHOUTS it out loud, as to tell the WHOLE world, that she is
FREE now :-) Which we kind of like).. then I was like err err..
hum... well yeah.. and I remembered Joyce Fetterols Website where
somewhere it is written that we should be aware of the fact that
actually, we don't HAVE to clean up, etc, we CHOOSE to, because we
don't want the (natural) consequences to happen. So I told her, well
yeah, he doesn't HAVE to but he doesn't want to hear ds whining and
so on. But from then on I understood that she kind of "got" it
already without us saying anything. Maybe I shouldn't have said
anything about "freedom", but I was really unprepared brecause I
didn't expect such a question so quickly. Probably she wondered
instantly because before we had a million rules. *Sigh* what can we
do now?
Now that she has no bedtimes, I have the feeling she won't ever want
to go to bed before us, at least knowing that we will be awake doing
something fun. Buhuhu, I want my own freedom back ;-) But I can never
go back to coercive methods again because now they seem very cruel to
me. And I believe it is the best for my child and how can I just do
something which is not the best, only because I'm too lazy?
Maybe you have suggestions how to clean up what I messed up already...
Johanna
(thank you Angela for both of your replies :-))
Am 01.09.2006 um 14:10 schrieb Angela S.:
> I am not sure if you just told your dd that she has no rules nowYeah, I asked a few days ago here if I should tell her "officially"
> that you
> are unschoolers or what but it can be VERY overwhelming for a child
> with a
> lot of rules to all of a sudden have no rules. It works much better
> if you
> just start saying yes more often to things you might have said no
> to before
> without having thought about it. "Can I stay up to finish watching
> this
> show?" YES "Will you stay with me while I go to sleep?" Sure.
>
> Angela
that we were unschooling now and that there would be no rules. People
told me to just say yes more and to not use arbitrary "nos", and
suggested that only if she asks we should tell her. So I did, and
that was actually also in my mind. But a day after my question in the
list, she actually asked me, wondering "where do you have that all
from?? why am I allowed to do xx and yy?" So I told her that we have
been informing ourselves about new ways of raising our children and
that we wanted our children to grow up in freedom. We talked a bit
about it and although I never said anything about lifting rules, she
kind of derived from our conversation that it would be so. She's very
clever :-) Before yesterday for example, she happily helped us
cleaning the kitchen, drying the dishes. My boyfriend had to suddenly
tak care of ds (1) who needed to be fed and whatever. And so she
said, hey, where is Maurice?? He should be helping us! or something
like that. Then I said, well, he has to take care of ds. And then she
said "nobody HAS to do ANYTHING!!!... (actually my bf and I
afterwards commented that she's been saying that a few times and she
always SHOUTS it out loud, as to tell the WHOLE world, that she is
FREE now :-) Which we kind of like).. then I was like err err..
hum... well yeah.. and I remembered Joyce Fetterols Website where
somewhere it is written that we should be aware of the fact that
actually, we don't HAVE to clean up, etc, we CHOOSE to, because we
don't want the (natural) consequences to happen. So I told her, well
yeah, he doesn't HAVE to but he doesn't want to hear ds whining and
so on. But from then on I understood that she kind of "got" it
already without us saying anything. Maybe I shouldn't have said
anything about "freedom", but I was really unprepared brecause I
didn't expect such a question so quickly. Probably she wondered
instantly because before we had a million rules. *Sigh* what can we
do now?
Now that she has no bedtimes, I have the feeling she won't ever want
to go to bed before us, at least knowing that we will be awake doing
something fun. Buhuhu, I want my own freedom back ;-) But I can never
go back to coercive methods again because now they seem very cruel to
me. And I believe it is the best for my child and how can I just do
something which is not the best, only because I'm too lazy?
Maybe you have suggestions how to clean up what I messed up already...
Johanna
John and Amanda Slater
Now that she has no bedtimes, I have the feeling she won't ever want
to go to bed before us, at least knowing that we will be awake doing
something fun.
Recent Activity
19
New Members
4
New Photos
Visit Your Group
SPONSORED LINKS
Home schooling curriculum
Parenting issue
Home schooling material
Home schooling resource
Home schooling high school
Y! GeoCities
Share More
Create a blog, web
site, and more.
Y! Toolbar
Get it Free!
easy 1-click access
to your groups.
Yahoo! Groups
Start a group
in 3 easy steps.
Connect with others.
.
****Why would you do something she would view as fun after she goes to bed? We plan family activities and include the boys. A movie or a game we would all like. What would she view as fun? The idea of watching boring adult tv will cease to be fun when she is allowed to watch things that interest her. I would try to offer her the same activites during the day or whenever you have more energy. Put on a bathing suit (or not) and get in the tub with her if she wants. Whatever activities she feels like she is missing do with her during the day. When you want to do things with your SO at night, settle her in another room. Listening to music, playing computer, or watching tv. At some point you may have to tell her that you have had enough for today. My boys are 5 and 3, and they know that I sometimes need a break. Sometimes I can just ask them to play for a few minutes alone, but it often goes much better when I help them. Like now when they are watching tv and I am
on the computer. I admit sometimes it goes better than others, and you will have to use different strategies with a 1 yo, but think creatively and solutions will come.
Amanda
---------------------------------
Get your own web address for just $1.99/1st yr. We'll help. Yahoo! Small Business.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
to go to bed before us, at least knowing that we will be awake doing
something fun.
Recent Activity
19
New Members
4
New Photos
Visit Your Group
SPONSORED LINKS
Home schooling curriculum
Parenting issue
Home schooling material
Home schooling resource
Home schooling high school
Y! GeoCities
Share More
Create a blog, web
site, and more.
Y! Toolbar
Get it Free!
easy 1-click access
to your groups.
Yahoo! Groups
Start a group
in 3 easy steps.
Connect with others.
.
****Why would you do something she would view as fun after she goes to bed? We plan family activities and include the boys. A movie or a game we would all like. What would she view as fun? The idea of watching boring adult tv will cease to be fun when she is allowed to watch things that interest her. I would try to offer her the same activites during the day or whenever you have more energy. Put on a bathing suit (or not) and get in the tub with her if she wants. Whatever activities she feels like she is missing do with her during the day. When you want to do things with your SO at night, settle her in another room. Listening to music, playing computer, or watching tv. At some point you may have to tell her that you have had enough for today. My boys are 5 and 3, and they know that I sometimes need a break. Sometimes I can just ask them to play for a few minutes alone, but it often goes much better when I help them. Like now when they are watching tv and I am
on the computer. I admit sometimes it goes better than others, and you will have to use different strategies with a 1 yo, but think creatively and solutions will come.
Amanda
---------------------------------
Get your own web address for just $1.99/1st yr. We'll help. Yahoo! Small Business.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Angela S.
Do you lay with your dd when she goes to sleep or does she go to her own
room? If you sleep with her and if you know she is tired and you go to bed
with her, you could get back up after. If she doesn't think she is missing
anything then maybe it won't matter. You don't have to tell her your
getting back up. But also, maybe once she finds out that she isn't missing
anything that is interesting to her she'll be ok to go to bed while your
still up. (my kids don't want to do that though but I need MORE sleep than
they do so I always go to bed when they do anyway.) could she fall asleep
on the couch while you are watching TV?
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
room? If you sleep with her and if you know she is tired and you go to bed
with her, you could get back up after. If she doesn't think she is missing
anything then maybe it won't matter. You don't have to tell her your
getting back up. But also, maybe once she finds out that she isn't missing
anything that is interesting to her she'll be ok to go to bed while your
still up. (my kids don't want to do that though but I need MORE sleep than
they do so I always go to bed when they do anyway.) could she fall asleep
on the couch while you are watching TV?
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]