whining after "no"
Ren Allen
"What you were missing was she did not want the item, just your
attention"
I don't think we should assume the toy/item was not important to the
child. We have control over our financial choices (yes, sometimes the
finances don't support the desires, but we're of a developmental stage
that it's easier to understand that) and if we really examine our
choices, there is often an imbalance where children are concerned.
I catch myself sometimes....yeah, I'm going to get that chocolate bar
for myself, but no, we can't buy that toy today. duh.
I think part of my challenge, is having four children. A "treat" for
myself is cheap. A "treat" for one of the kids has to be multiplied by
four ususally! There are times I notice an inconsistency in my
willingness to spend, and I think that's a good thing to examine.
If we really don't have enough money, that's one thing. But sometimes
we value certain items above others and that isn't fair to our child
with the desire.
If your child chooses something you deem "worthy" is it more likely to
get purchased?
I think we need to take our children's desires seriously, while also
modeling thoughtful choices in consumption. In the case we're
discussing, it didn't seem like the mother was saying "no" for any
good reason....I can just about bet that a huge part of the whining
was that child seeing the hypocrisy of the "no".
A child will pick up on an arbitrary "no" in a heartbeat! They're
amazing that way. If you buy yourself a coffee, a magazine then say
"no" to your child's desire for a hot wheels, they're going to whine
because you're a hypocrite!! Good for them.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
attention"
I don't think we should assume the toy/item was not important to the
child. We have control over our financial choices (yes, sometimes the
finances don't support the desires, but we're of a developmental stage
that it's easier to understand that) and if we really examine our
choices, there is often an imbalance where children are concerned.
I catch myself sometimes....yeah, I'm going to get that chocolate bar
for myself, but no, we can't buy that toy today. duh.
I think part of my challenge, is having four children. A "treat" for
myself is cheap. A "treat" for one of the kids has to be multiplied by
four ususally! There are times I notice an inconsistency in my
willingness to spend, and I think that's a good thing to examine.
If we really don't have enough money, that's one thing. But sometimes
we value certain items above others and that isn't fair to our child
with the desire.
If your child chooses something you deem "worthy" is it more likely to
get purchased?
I think we need to take our children's desires seriously, while also
modeling thoughtful choices in consumption. In the case we're
discussing, it didn't seem like the mother was saying "no" for any
good reason....I can just about bet that a huge part of the whining
was that child seeing the hypocrisy of the "no".
A child will pick up on an arbitrary "no" in a heartbeat! They're
amazing that way. If you buy yourself a coffee, a magazine then say
"no" to your child's desire for a hot wheels, they're going to whine
because you're a hypocrite!! Good for them.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Michelle Leifur Reid
On 8/30/06, Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote:
tracks that did fantastic things. We knew they were pieces of crap
from reading reviews on them and from friends' expereiences. To Keon,
though, they were the bomb. He asked for them relentlessly. We tried
to explain that they didn't do like they did on tv. We took him to a
friend's house that we knew had one. The asking didn't stop. Finally
we bought him the one he had been eyeing the most. It failed
miserably and never did preform as shown on tv. He was SO
disappointed. The good thing, though, is that it forced Dan and I to
seek out a Hot Wheel's system that *would* work (as shown on tv) and
we did eventually find two. (BTW, one is a motorized "car shooter"
that whips a car around a loop and runs on 2 batteries and the other
is a model that you hang from your door and sends the cars flying down
a long ramp which can then fly through a hoop of "flames")
--
Michelle
Michelle Leifur Reid
YOUR Pampered Chef Consultant
850-474-0817
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/michellelr
Check out my homeschool cooking classes!
> If your child chooses something you deem "worthy" is it more likely toWe went through that with Keon. He wanted these fancy Hot Wheel
> get purchased?
>
tracks that did fantastic things. We knew they were pieces of crap
from reading reviews on them and from friends' expereiences. To Keon,
though, they were the bomb. He asked for them relentlessly. We tried
to explain that they didn't do like they did on tv. We took him to a
friend's house that we knew had one. The asking didn't stop. Finally
we bought him the one he had been eyeing the most. It failed
miserably and never did preform as shown on tv. He was SO
disappointed. The good thing, though, is that it forced Dan and I to
seek out a Hot Wheel's system that *would* work (as shown on tv) and
we did eventually find two. (BTW, one is a motorized "car shooter"
that whips a car around a loop and runs on 2 batteries and the other
is a model that you hang from your door and sends the cars flying down
a long ramp which can then fly through a hoop of "flames")
--
Michelle
Michelle Leifur Reid
YOUR Pampered Chef Consultant
850-474-0817
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/michellelr
Check out my homeschool cooking classes!
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/30/2006 11:44:19 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,
pamperedmichelle@... writes:
We went through that with Keon. He wanted these fancy Hot Wheel
tracks that did fantastic things. We knew they were pieces of crap
from reading reviews on them and from friends' expereiences. To Keon,
though, they were the bomb. He asked for them relentlessly. We tried
to explain that they didn't do like they did on tv. We took him to a
friend's house that we knew had one. The asking didn't stop. Finally
we bought him the one he had been eyeing the most. It failed
miserably and never did preform as shown on tv. He was SO
disappointed.
**********
That has happened with us, but it has also happened that the kids wanted
something that I just knew was a horrible purchase....and they LOVED it!!
Sometimes they don't always play with them as you think they will.
We try to do plenty of discussion when the desired item is expensive or at
least seems not worth the money. When the kids trust that I have their
interests (and not just "best" interests), they are comfortable with some input
from me.
I learned from another unschooling mom to have lots of casual post-purchase
discussion, like "did you like that toy? did it do what you wanted? what would
you change about it? what is your favorite part? is this something you
would buy a friend?"
This has nothing to do with whining. :)
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pamperedmichelle@... writes:
We went through that with Keon. He wanted these fancy Hot Wheel
tracks that did fantastic things. We knew they were pieces of crap
from reading reviews on them and from friends' expereiences. To Keon,
though, they were the bomb. He asked for them relentlessly. We tried
to explain that they didn't do like they did on tv. We took him to a
friend's house that we knew had one. The asking didn't stop. Finally
we bought him the one he had been eyeing the most. It failed
miserably and never did preform as shown on tv. He was SO
disappointed.
**********
That has happened with us, but it has also happened that the kids wanted
something that I just knew was a horrible purchase....and they LOVED it!!
Sometimes they don't always play with them as you think they will.
We try to do plenty of discussion when the desired item is expensive or at
least seems not worth the money. When the kids trust that I have their
interests (and not just "best" interests), they are comfortable with some input
from me.
I learned from another unschooling mom to have lots of casual post-purchase
discussion, like "did you like that toy? did it do what you wanted? what would
you change about it? what is your favorite part? is this something you
would buy a friend?"
This has nothing to do with whining. :)
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]