a toddler question
Ren Allen
"Repetition is the mother of skill....you just keep telling him and
one day he will really get it."
Well yes, and no.
Repetition IS part of parenting. I also think that if we're repeating
ourselves a lot, it might be that we are repeating things to a child
that is NOT developmentally ready to assimilate whatever we're repeating!!
A toddler can't understand WHY we don't hit. So instead of focusing on
how hitting is not ok, just use distraction techniques. Be proactive
and try to head it off at the pass with food, sleep, new game etc...
avoiding whatever triggers the hitting.
We can repeat ourselves until they seem to get it, but probably
they're just hitting a developmental stage where they get new tools.
There is a part of parenting that involves repetition, but sometimes
we might be trying to repeat something uselesss too...I think being
aware of that can help.
Ren
one day he will really get it."
Well yes, and no.
Repetition IS part of parenting. I also think that if we're repeating
ourselves a lot, it might be that we are repeating things to a child
that is NOT developmentally ready to assimilate whatever we're repeating!!
A toddler can't understand WHY we don't hit. So instead of focusing on
how hitting is not ok, just use distraction techniques. Be proactive
and try to head it off at the pass with food, sleep, new game etc...
avoiding whatever triggers the hitting.
We can repeat ourselves until they seem to get it, but probably
they're just hitting a developmental stage where they get new tools.
There is a part of parenting that involves repetition, but sometimes
we might be trying to repeat something uselesss too...I think being
aware of that can help.
Ren
Michelle/Melbrigða
On 8/10/06, Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote:
correct in that over-repeating something can eventually fall on deaf
ears. Consider commercials. The first time or two that you see a
commercial it might interest you. After you have seen that commercial
100 times (in one hour LOL!) it loses its impact and meaning. There
are few unique commercials out there that you actually enjoy watching
(Although we have been known to rewind the DVR to watch the happy cows
"do you want to marry a cow" commercial). Repeated parental messages
are like commercials. Actions speak better than words most of the
time anyway and avoiding hitting is better than dealing with the
aftermath. :)
--
Michelle
aka Melbrigða
http://eventualknitting.blogspot.com
[email protected] - Homeschooling for the Medieval Recreationist
> A toddler can't understand WHY we don't hit. So instead of focusing onI can remember telling my children, "Ow, hititng hurts. But Ren is
> how hitting is not ok, just use distraction techniques. Be proactive
> and try to head it off at the pass with food, sleep, new game etc...
> avoiding whatever triggers the hitting.
>
correct in that over-repeating something can eventually fall on deaf
ears. Consider commercials. The first time or two that you see a
commercial it might interest you. After you have seen that commercial
100 times (in one hour LOL!) it loses its impact and meaning. There
are few unique commercials out there that you actually enjoy watching
(Although we have been known to rewind the DVR to watch the happy cows
"do you want to marry a cow" commercial). Repeated parental messages
are like commercials. Actions speak better than words most of the
time anyway and avoiding hitting is better than dealing with the
aftermath. :)
--
Michelle
aka Melbrigða
http://eventualknitting.blogspot.com
[email protected] - Homeschooling for the Medieval Recreationist
Lotus Unfolding
I agree with you. Because when I think about my children at two it really is more about distraction and at times a passive, "please don't hit." is what would happen. As they get older I may say that hitting hurts if my child is insistent on hitting after distraction does not work.
Yea, I am a distractor more than anything. Even at 3, I still use distraction and avoid saying, "Don't do xyz." because saying don't do something sets my three year old off even more. So when my 6 yr old says that the 3 yr old is hitting him, I will say, "Kamau, will you come in here with Mommy?" or "Kamau, would you like to get something to drink?" I only go into explanation when he is determined to keep hitting and even then I try to keep a very cool approach. I guess I kind of talk him down by saying, "Why do you want to hit your brother? Did he make you angry? Are you frustrated? What can I do for you?" When I articulate what the problem is his insistence on hitting goes away effortlessly. And this is at THREE! So at two it it is even more beneficial to just distract. The mother who started this question, I cannot remember who the child is hitting but I do know that at times we as parents can feel bad for our child hurting another. I never make my children apologize, although they do so on their own often. But, if my child is not yet at the place to apologize or doesn't feel led to, I just apologize for the hurt.
Thanks for the clarification, Ren.
Peace
Tyra
From: "Ren Allen" <starsuncloud@...>
Date: 2006/08/10 Thu AM 08:43:38 CDT
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] a toddler question
"Repetition is the mother of skill....you just keep telling him and
one day he will really get it."
Well yes, and no.
Repetition IS part of parenting. I also think that if we're repeating
ourselves a lot, it might be that we are repeating things to a child
that is NOT developmentally ready to assimilate whatever we're repeating!!
A toddler can't understand WHY we don't hit. So instead of focusing on
how hitting is not ok, just use distraction techniques. Be proactive
and try to head it off at the pass with food, sleep, new game etc...
avoiding whatever triggers the hitting.
We can repeat ourselves until they seem to get it, but probably
they're just hitting a developmental stage where they get new tools.
There is a part of parenting that involves repetition, but sometimes
we might be trying to repeat something uselesss too...I think being
aware of that can help.
Ren
Yea, I am a distractor more than anything. Even at 3, I still use distraction and avoid saying, "Don't do xyz." because saying don't do something sets my three year old off even more. So when my 6 yr old says that the 3 yr old is hitting him, I will say, "Kamau, will you come in here with Mommy?" or "Kamau, would you like to get something to drink?" I only go into explanation when he is determined to keep hitting and even then I try to keep a very cool approach. I guess I kind of talk him down by saying, "Why do you want to hit your brother? Did he make you angry? Are you frustrated? What can I do for you?" When I articulate what the problem is his insistence on hitting goes away effortlessly. And this is at THREE! So at two it it is even more beneficial to just distract. The mother who started this question, I cannot remember who the child is hitting but I do know that at times we as parents can feel bad for our child hurting another. I never make my children apologize, although they do so on their own often. But, if my child is not yet at the place to apologize or doesn't feel led to, I just apologize for the hurt.
Thanks for the clarification, Ren.
Peace
Tyra
From: "Ren Allen" <starsuncloud@...>
Date: 2006/08/10 Thu AM 08:43:38 CDT
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] a toddler question
"Repetition is the mother of skill....you just keep telling him and
one day he will really get it."
Well yes, and no.
Repetition IS part of parenting. I also think that if we're repeating
ourselves a lot, it might be that we are repeating things to a child
that is NOT developmentally ready to assimilate whatever we're repeating!!
A toddler can't understand WHY we don't hit. So instead of focusing on
how hitting is not ok, just use distraction techniques. Be proactive
and try to head it off at the pass with food, sleep, new game etc...
avoiding whatever triggers the hitting.
We can repeat ourselves until they seem to get it, but probably
they're just hitting a developmental stage where they get new tools.
There is a part of parenting that involves repetition, but sometimes
we might be trying to repeat something uselesss too...I think being
aware of that can help.
Ren